Week 14 - classes and passes (of poo)

Our little, or should that be long?!, boy is now 61 cms from his head to his toes. This is just over 2 foot long which seems pretty impressive considering he's only just over 3 months. He is noticeably taller than the 6 month old babies in our baby groups and his limbs just seem to keep stretching. He's our very own stretch armstrong, but much, much cuter. We are having to put clothes aside almost daily now that he has grown out of and are best fitting the 2-4 mth range from our fav shop, H and M. (I have a serious H and M baby section addiction btw. I would buy almost all of it if I wasn't on smp! A browse through the website can satisfy my shopping urges mostly though - and perhaps I may just have treated us to a couple of new outfits for when he is 6 months plus. Perhaps. They really do the cosiest, nicest baby leggings, joggers and jumpers and it's all pretty well priced too.)

As one lovely mum friend pointed out, he is definitely growing well and you can't grow sideways and lengthways at the same rate at the same time can you so though he is lean, he is definitely growing longer - sounds funny to say taller with a baby doesn't it?! 

This is the 14th week that was.

1. Sleep wars. 

I won the big fight against sleep on Friday! All day Pads just wouldn't take a nap but he was clearly exhausted and needed one. I tried all my usual tricks; ssh patting, rocking, singing etc but nothing was working so we went out in the buggy for a walk as a last resort, and because by this point, I really needed to not be in the house with a cranky baby anymore! 

20 minutes of him screaming his head off while I gently pushed and rocked the buggy through clenched teeth followed and I was about to turn back into the house and give up when my stubborn streak rose it's head and went 'no, not yet. You can do this'. So I carried on past the house for another 5 minutes of walking with a screaming baby feeling like I really should've just gone back home as this was no good for either of us and then suddenly silence, eyes shut and one sleeping baby. We did it! I won!  

I then continued to walk up and down the same lane (as we currently live near some very busy and windy country roads so the walk options are limited without getting into the car,  for the best part of an hour not wanting to stop the motion of the buggy for fear of waking him up. I did some more of those buggy squats and leg raises every time I reached one end so it was a workout and a nap routine in one. As I suspected as soon as I did finally stop walking and returned home he did wake up but we'd had a good hour sleep by then so all was good with the world again! Perseverance, and fresh air, are key it seems!

And on Sunday eve, after a really tricky week of sleep, he gave us 8.5 hrs straight at night - smashing his previous record! Good boy. Keep that up and your pocket money allowance will sky rocket little man!

2. Baby sensory class. 

I joined another baby class and was really looking forward to baby sensory, as it is called, as I am so interested in what babies respond to and how you can help them develop as a parent and I had heard nothing but the highest praise about this course from other mums. We arrived nice and early for a breastfeed, which didn't go great, as there was lots of shiny paper and colourful kiddy artwork on the walls that demanded Padsters attention. Then class began while we were still feeding - this is standard practice for us at a baby class now and I expect it, but we were able to join in the first 20 minutes of activity after only a few minutes this time as he was more interested in the singing taking place around him than in my breasts anymore. 

We sang a tune about the sun accompanied with baby sign language which I do not currently know at all so it was all a bit lost on us that one and Pads was again more interested in staring at the baby next to him than watching me attempt to sign at him. Next, we did a song called 'Tommy thumb', about all his fingers, with a glove puppet that was pretty fun and Pads seemed to like that. I couldn't help but snigger at the name of the 4th finger in the song though, Ruby ring. Just me?! 

Then we were swiftly, and I mean swiftly - this class moves at a lightening pace! - onto what the instructor called some 'baby reggae' apparently, but it certainly didn't sound like reggae to me, just music of an ethnic origin would've been a more accurate term, along with some massage moves to apparently make them aware of their body parts so it went like this 'there's your head, lovely head' whilst rubbing their head, 'there's your nose, lovely nose' whilst rubbing their nose and so on. I think you get the picture. I have been doing the classic 'head, shoulders, knees and toes' with him at home which gets a much bigger reaction from him so this new version felt a bit flat. 

We did some tummy time sleep massage techniques with the lights dimmed, which definitely will be useful in the future and were very relaxing for Padster, then it was 'break' time which was where we moved over to a very full and varied play area with lots of playmats, toys, ball pools and Pads fav, a softly inflated air bed covered in brightly coloured satins and silks that I stroked his skin with and dangled in front of him to his absolute glee. This was my favourite part of the class, but I wanted to know why these different things were good for babies to play with and what they helped develop but the instructor was busy chatting to some other mums, so play was then up before we knew it and we were back to another 20 minutes of activity. 

This half was a lot more fun for him, and me. I think he had settled a bit by this part and wasn't as overwhelmed by everything going on around him. We shook shiny and bright Pom poms in front of our babies and gave them a rattle to shake while we sang a high pitched tune and Pads loved this. Shiny is good, and he even shook the rattle himself a few times pretty much on the beat too. 

Row row your boat whilst sitting in my lap was another success with Pads who properly giggled, nay, chuckled with delight at the actions - a new sound for him and such a brilliant one to hear! (more on this later). Then the tutor laid out a colourful parachute and we rolled inflatable beach balls across it. As Pads was facing out to see the balls I couldn't really see his face or how this activity was going down with him but it felt pretty random to me and seemed very fast moving for them to see properly, but I am no expert and it wasn't fully explained. Then it was time for the goodbye song and class was over. It went so quickly and I left a little disappointed if I am honest as I expected more explanation and repetition so we could get a handle on the activities - if you haven't done them before, which was the case for most of us in the class I'd say, by the time you've stumbled through the beginning of a new activity and started to figure out what you are doing, it's over and you are on to the next one. Maybe it's because it was my first week so perhaps things get repeated each week, it just seemed very rushed to me but then again, maybe that's to keep the babies attentions? Pads did seem to really enjoy most of it judging by his lovely smiles and giggles, and was super alert, interested and active throughout (when is he not though?!) so I think he is getting a lot out of the activities which is the whole point. Next week is Halloween themed so am very excited about that as I am a Halloween freak, and we get to dress up - score!

After we left the class, we took a stroll around Tintern Abbey (as part of our Welsh castles and monuments of historical interest challenge! Incidentally we lost our first sock somewhere in the abbey, it's a grey and white striped one if you happen to visit and find it!), and Pads slept really deeply and peacefully for a full 2 and a half hours in the sling without stirring, as I walked around the abbey and the river and had lunch, so clearly the massive amounts of stimulation and sensory overload did the trick! 

3. Size matters. 

We have gone up a nappy size finally and are into Size 2s. This feels like a milestone indeed. They definitely fit him better and seem to be holding the goods in so far. We should probably have sized up earlier. I didn't realise the cross over between the early nappy sizes, the size 1s we have been using are for 4-11lbs but our size 2s are from 9-13lbs so we could've switched earlier if I had known and I don't think he will be in these ones that long as the size 3s are 11-15lbs. So I reckon when we finish these size 2s, we may as well go onto 3s as they will last us longer and the weight category crosses over anyway so they will still fit him. It's a nappy minefield isn't it!

4. Everyone is an expert on your baby.  

When we are out and about we seem to bump into the know-it-all,-poke-their-head-into -the-buggy-uninvited types with alarming frequency, or is it just that having a baby suddenly gives the world and its wife license to pass comment and judgement, especially when your gorgeous little angel is having a freak out/screaming fit and you are clearly stressed and want to get back home/into the car/away from people as quickly as possible?! My favourite helpful comments to get when I pass by someone who clearly won parent of the year every year since it began and must be an expert on baby soothing, when Pads is screaming his head off, are: "Oh he is hungry". Is he now? I fed him 10 minutes ago so bore off. "Oh he's cold". Is he now? In a vest, body suit, duffle and hat?! Bog off! "Oh he's tired". Yes thanks, state the bleeding obvious, that is why I am out walking him to try and get him to sleep!

Just because I have a baby and a buggy does not mean I need/want/appreciate your advice. Just wanted to make that clear. Unless you want to tell me my son is a beautiful baby, he looks just like me, isn't he a good baby?, or that I'm doing a great job. If so, comment away. 

5. The wrong sort of doughnut. 

I ordered a ring doughnut shaped piles cushion and it looks like a giant foam polo. Frequent sitting throughout the day is making my piles worse as it is putting pressure on the little shits. Great. I have to sit frequently throughout the day as I need to breastfeed my son every 2 hours so this is an unavoidable scenario, hence the special cushion.  I really have no dignity anymore! It's too early on to tell if the cushion will make a difference but it is surprisingly comfy and I can still get into position for biological feeding on it. Fingers crossed this helps! You can't say I am not trying my best to get rid of them!

6. Safety first. 

It was the last baby acorns class this week and I will miss it, as it's been invaluable for free information and guidance. There should be more government funded baby groups like this across the country as I found it really informative, great fun and a fab way to meet other mums in my area.  I must give a big shout out to the course leaders, Sue and Amanda too, both were not only lovely and supportive, inclusive and full of information and tips, they clearly have a huge passion and love of babies and this just shone through, making it a really comfortable and enjoyable environment to be in. 

Over the 8 week course, we have covered baby massage - my fav subject! - weaning,  teething, sleep, baby brains and development and this last session was all about safety in the home.  

Apparently, the new guidelines are to fit a fixed safety gate at the top of the stairs, which screws in to the wall, so the whole gate swings open and there isn't a step bar across the bottom, like on the unfixed ones, that can become a trip hazard. They now say to remove the gate when the baby hits 2 years old as they can then climb over it and fall down the stairs, and to instead move it to their bedroom doorway, so if they do get up in the night and climb it, they are only going to fall onto the landing on the other side - by which point you will have woken up from the noise to assist them anyway! I've ordered a set of safety gates that also happened to luckily be in the sale (check out Asda who have a sale on certain baby items at the mo'), ready for when we finally move in to the cottage. 

I can't believe that Paddington will soon be crawling around and getting into cupboards and things, but it won't be long as he is already rolling over with ease and making the first attempts at a crawling motion with his arms, legs and bum, when on his tummy, so it was good to get advice now to think ahead (especially as we are doing our cottage up so we can implement new safety precautions from the off). A great, yet really simple tip, was to move the traditional cleaning cupboard that everyone has under the sink, to a high cupboard, so you don't need to worry about locks or baby getting the bleach out, as they just won't be able to reach the cupboard. Simple. I've started stocking up on some safety corners for the coffee table, electrical socket safety plugs and safety door slam stoppers too so we are fully prepared to baby safe our new home. 

They also told us about nappy bags that come on rolls now (apparently Wilko's are one of the first stores to sell these as mandatory), as nappy bags in the traditional envelope wallet are now being considered unsafe as it's easy for little fingers to pull them out and as the bags obviously have no holes in them, they then become a suffocation risk. With the bags on a roll, they are harder for baby hands to get at, or you can just pop your wad of nappy bags into a sealable Tupperware box which babies can't open either. All useful hints and tips. 

They also mentioned that Canada has now banned baby walkers (apparently Canada are the world leaders when it comes to safety issues and often lead the charge when something needs to be taken off the shelves, I did not know this. Go Canada! - good for you guys Jack and Shakira!), and deemed them unsafe as too many babies have had accidents toppling out of them and some of them can reach speeds of up to 7 miles per hour! I think I'll be following Canada's lead and not bothering with them either. One less piece of bulky plastic baby kit is alright with me too - I feel like we have enough stuff already and we haven't even got into the world of the toddler and their toys yet!

7. 4 days without. 

Pads went 4 whole days this week without doing a number 2 (man he is going to love reading these posts when he's a teenager isn't he?! Sorry son). I was starting to worry that he may have his first bout of constipation but on the 5th day he did a corker of a canary yellow poop, which looked lovely and loose as usual. Apparently as long as he isn't straining or in pain when he does go and the stools aren't hard or out of the ordinary then he should be fine, this is just his digestive system maturing, after all, we adults don't poop every single day do we? 

That same evening I had my first curry since Pads came along, a Thai red curry since you ask, and it may just be a coincidence but boy oh boy did we have a poonami explosion the next morning! His best yet I'd say, as it was also accompanied by 2 live poos during the clean up again and a massive wee whilst I had his legs up in the air to clean his bum so yup, he wee'd all over his chest and face. It was a 10 wipe clean up job with one very soiled sleepy suit that took 15 minutes to scrub the yellow poop off so not to stain it! (I did find myself stood in the bathroom with yellow poo on my fingers, marvelling at the lovely shade and consistency rather than thinking 'eeww I am covered in shit' or 'I should wash this off at once', which are probably the normal responses to a shituation like this.) 

I think I may lay off the curries again for a while whilst I'm breastfeeding to save the little guy a multiple explosive poo session and to save myself the clean up job! (Jon was soundly, blissfully asleep conveniently until I was doing the last bit of wipe up - next time, I'm handing pooey Pads over to him!)

8. Paddington's loves. 

Pads likes lamp to quote Brick Tamland from Anchorman. Well, more specifically, he likes watching ceiling spotlights turn on, warm up and get brighter, and also just likes lamps in general. He can spend a long time, well 10 minutes IS a long time for a baby, just staring at them, laughing, chattering away and getting excited.

He also really loves looking at himself closely in the mirror. He has always been a mirror fan but now I take him right up close to the bathroom mirror before bath time so he can touch the glass if he likes and he gets so excited at his smiling face looking back at him that he wobbles his head and opens his mouth in wonder before turning into my chest smiling, as if being a little coy, then turning back to his image to have a smile and chat. So cute it makes me want to make another Paddington there and then. (Not yet though people, not yet.)

Another love of his, is a black and white bee image on his mobile above his changing table. He gives it a brilliant smile every nappy change and chats away to it like an old friend. It can keep him occupied for at least 15 mins, which is winner as I can get things done around him whilst he is busy with his bee pal. I think the bee needs a name, how about Bee-trice?

9. Rattler. 

I have just bought my little man some hand and foot rattles with little bugs on them that you Velcro to his wrists and ankles to help him recognise his hands and feet. I'm not sure he is fully aware that he is wearing them on his wrists yet but he does look super cute with them on.  The foot rattles however have been a revelation to him.  He has now become completely aware of his feet and loves to stick them up in the air and stare at the rattles on them, kick them about and with a little encouragement, grab onto them.  Totally adorable. 

10. One car family. 

It has been fab to have Jon back this week, though as we are renovating an old cottage, Jon has been working on that iall day everyday, so we haven't had as much time together as we'd like, and he starts his new job next week. Still, it's great to have him home in the evenings and for bath time especially, and it's great to know he is there in the night or early morning should me or Pads need him. 

We only have one car, which was fine when we lived in the big smoke, so we have had to start juggling who gets to have it throughout the week, and I am very grateful that Jon understands my need to go to our baby classes, not just for Paddington's development but also for me, so I have had the car on the days I have groups to go to, which has been 3 this week! 

I do get a lot more out of the classes than just the content. They are important for socialising with other mums and to chat about how things are going and share stories, to make some new friends and have a time to aim for to leave the house and a new experience to enjoy with my baby. I am thankful that my hubby respects and recognises these needs, as he could easily have claimed the car for the week as it would've made things easier for him getting to and from the cottage, without having to wait for me and Pads to be ready to give him a lift - which as anyone with a baby knows, can take a long time! (and to do more tip runs and visits to building merchants etc...) 

It's very different to living in London where I didn't need the car as could tube or train it anywhere, living here in the country, you absolutely have to have a car or you're pretty much stuck! I think a 2nd run around car may be on the cards soon to make our lives a bit easier - Lord knows it's about time we tried to do that! (If anyone is selling a small car let us know!)

I would go a bit stir crazy without my baby groups - they help give a bit of routine and structure to the week and I look forward to the interaction with other adults and babies, and Pads enjoys the experience too, so it's a win win!

11. Challenge update.

We managed to tick off 2 castles/historical monuments this week, Tintern Abbey as mentioned above, and the gorgeous Grosmont Castle, which I heartily recommend for a short but beautiful wintry walk or a summers picnic - could just imagine Padster running around the grounds and playing on the rope swing when he's older.  (Thanks for the suggestion Ella). Nearly went in the local pub for a breastfeed but it was full of working men having a drink around the fire at the end of a long day so somehow didn't feel appropriate - next time!

12. Chuckles. 

Pads did his first proper full on laugh out loud chuckle. Like a proper melt your heart and make your day, your week, your year type of chuckle. It was after a particularly stressful and long car journey at night where he had been upset as he doesn't like the dark and was due a feed, so when we got home I wanted to cheer him up by way of an apology I suppose. As I got him into his sleepy suit before his feed, I kept popping my nose onto his and making hmmm sounds to cause a vibration and then blowing raspberries as I pulled my face away - he loved it and chuckled merrily away. So I continued this over and over to hear that delicious sound again and again. Wow. Total heart breaker and totally made every sleepless night, pooey incident and anything ever, worth it.  That chuckle is my new drug. I want more of it and I'll do anything to get it!

                                                 ***

3.5 months have raced by and our baby is looking more and more like a little boy these days. His hair is getting thicker and fuller but is still so gorgeously soft and strokeable. Although he doesn't quite have that same dreamy newborn scent that I adored, he still has a yummy sweet, pure, and slightly milky, smell that I cannot get enough of. And his new giggles and chuckle sounds are simply adorable and addictive. I would literally do anything to hear him laugh, and often do, and he makes me feel like I am absolutely the funniest person on the planet. (Which I am, right?!) 

Don't grow up too fast now Pads, these days we are sharing together are so precious, I want to make the most of them for the old memory bank!

Week 13 - jabs, jewellery and Jon

Week 13 - jewellery, jabs and Jon

1. Mama's new necklaces - that are made for Paddington too! 

I haven't really been wearing any jewellery other than earrings since Pads came along, as my usual necklaces are very fine with small pendants on them, so I have been worried about him choking on them or/and pulling them off and breaking them, so have only worn them a handful of times. This makes me sad as I love a good necklace. 

However, I just discovered two (pretty similar in style and price to be honest) ranges of breastfeeding and teething jewellery that are actually not only safe and sturdy enough for him to grab, yank and chew on, but that also look really cool and colourful for me to wear, so I treated myself to 1 piece from an Aussie company called Fox and Finn, and another from an American company called Mama and Little. 

They are both made from large BPA free, food grade, silicon beads on thick silk rope that is safety knotted between each bead, so they shouldn't come loose or break off, but if they do it will only be one bead and not the whole lot at once, and you can even wash them in the dishwasher to keep them sanitised and put them in the fridge for when Pads starts properly teething and needs something cool to chew on. How cool is that! It's a gift for both of us! 

You wouldn't even know they were a practical baby friendly item either as the designs are really lovely and chunky, and so far Pads seems to approve, as his roaming fingers now have something safe and fun to grab during a feed or when we are having hugs. And I am getting less chest scratches as a result - boom! I went for a coral and grey large round and geometric beaded double necklace from Fox and Finn (see pic above) and a long mint green, cream and grey number with different sized and shaped beads from Mama and Little. This is mum fashion I totally approve of, and I have already ordered more as gifts for my mum-to-be mates, as I would've loved to receive a useful and gorgeous gift like this for mum, as well as something for the baby. 

* Speaking of jewellery, I won a competition on FB for a super cute Baby J's Baltic Amber anklet! The last thing I won was a Super`Gran VHS - remember that TV series from back in the early 90's? bloody brilliant - so am very excited about this. Amber is supposedly good for teething babies as the heat from the skin releases soothing oils that have a calming effect on them. Or something like that! The anklet is supposed to be worn under clothes, and I know some mums who swear by them and say they really helped with teething, so we will give it a go with Padster and see if it helps soothe him when he starts properly teething. Will report back!

2. Stop sticking pins in my son!

Pads had his 2nd round of jabs on Wednesday and he was not happy about them bless him. He had the 2nd rotavirus oral solution first and had such an unimpressed expression on his face as the lady administered it to him via a mouth dropper. He kept looking at me as if to say 'this is not milk! Why are you giving me this?!', but after a few dribbles over both of us he gave me a big smile though so that was ok. I managed to get the sticky stuff all over my hands however,  in an attempt to wipe it from his chin and stop it running all over his clothes, which was apparently a no-no and I got a ticking off from the health visitor and told to wash my hands immediately or I'd be on the loo all week. Oops. Am so used to getting my hands stuck in to wipe up anything these days - dribble, vom, poop etc.. - I didn't think that I was handling a live vaccine.  * Top tip for babies first jabs that I wish I had done: put a bib on your baby before they get their jabs, then you can take it off when its covered in the sticky vaccine and wash it separately so as not to spread the vaccine around.

Then came the big 5 jab and the meningitis c jab, he cried real tears for both and let out big cries of shock and pain and his little face went the colour of beetroot love him. Not nice for a little baby to go through but that's it for another month now and better to be protected than not. 

Then followed a day of lots of feeds, sleeping on me and extra cwtches. He kept waking up and whimpering for a few seconds, before going back to sleep after I stroked his head and told him everything was OK, possibly because of an upset tummy with all those nasty vaccinations swirling around him and maybe also because his legs were sore from the jabs, and he was a bit fussier/sloppier when feeding too with so much going on in his system, and kept falling asleep easily at the boob. 

I just hugged him all day and wanted to make everything as calm, safe and full of love for him as possible. I definitely felt very 'mama bear' protector towards my little bear cub.  

3. Jon is back for good- farewell London you have served us well. 

So that's it. Jon has finished working in London in the weeks and our little family is finally all back together! Hooray!

He starts his new job in Bristol in a week which will be a bit of a commute still but at least he will be home every evening and with us throughout the nights for moral (albeit snoring and asleep) support! 

It feels very final that our London lives are now over. We had a blast living there for about a decade and there are things I do definitely miss about the great city (eating out and being all over the latest restaurant openings mainly, as well as the flower markets and the London skyline at night and early in the morning, and our fab friends who still live there of course) but there are a lot of things I do not miss as well (the tube, too many people rushing around, the cost of everything, the dirty pigeons and how it always takes an hour to get anywhere!). 

London you were brilliant and we will be back often to visit you and our lovely London based friends, but now we officially begin our new Welsh chapter together with earnest. 

4. Head-holding 'hench'man. 

We did some tummy time at our Daisy Foundation Tinies class this week and Pads aced his head holding skills. He pushed his head and neck up to look around at all the other babies in a sort of mini push-up style, with no problem at all and made me feel very proud, as the other babies were all struggling a bit to raise their heads for more than a second or two at a time. I think the biological feeding position has definitely helped him have to learn to support his own head weight and he has always been very strong in his neck. (I am pretty sure he was also showing off a bit as he was next to a lovely lady baby who he kept staring at in class, so he was probably just showing her how hench he is! ;)

5. Where did all that lovely sleep go!?!! 

We had been enjoying a sort of routine that Pads had slipped into when it came to night time sleep: falling asleep between 8-10pm for a 5-7 hour block then up for a feed around 2-4am, depending on when he had fallen asleep in the first place, and then sometimes, but not always, up again around 5am for another feed. He was sleeping pretty well at night I thought and I was getting used to this as our system and found it very manageable as long as I went to sleep when he did as much as possible. Then suddenly this week it's all gone to pot and he's thrown away his lovely sleep pattern! 

It started with him falling asleep at 5.45pm one day, before I'd had my tea or gone to pick his dad up from working on the cottage so I couldn't go to sleep with him, this then meant he was awake and alert at midnight, so I fed him and he went off for another 50 minutes sleep and then kept waking up and needing a feed or settling back to sleep, for every 50 minutes after that until morning. He wasn't self soothing back to sleep as he has been and feeds weren't making him sleep for long blocks as they usually do. 

Needless to say with this lack of sleep throughout the night, the next day he was super grizzly (as was I, as I am now out of practice for this stop start sleep pattern!), and he was sick a lot after his day feeds during his winding sessions which is not like him, so I do wonder if he was a bit under the weather perhaps or teething, causing the interrupted sleep pattern? (This was all before his jabs so not related to them).

The next night he went to sleep around 8pm so I thought we might be back to our former glory, but then he kept waking again for a total of 4 feeds throughout the night and at 4am he was awake gurgling, playfully shrieking, staring at the ceiling in wonder and stretching, and generally not looking like someone who was going to go back to sleep anytime soon. And he didn't. (Though he kept yawning which was annoying!). I've heard about the 4 month sleep regression but surely not the 3 and a bit month regression?! Keeping me on my toes again Padster.

After his jabs, he was even worse, not sleeping for longer than 2-3 hour blocks at night and then having really long and fussy feeds and needing a LOT more winding afterwards (he is a right little trumpet at the moment too!), and then just being awake and a bit grizzly in the wee small hours.  I am getting to see that 2am -5.30am window far too frequently again, like in the very early days. I miss our sleep - come back!

6. TMI but...Kid and play, remember them? 

You know, the name I gave my little back door buddies as inspired my the lovely Lindsey?!!? (Sorry for those with a delicate disposition but these things need to be talked about!) Well they started to ease up and I thought they were on their way to being gone, then bam! This week the piles are back with a vengeance. This is cruel. It could be down to me having too much fibre, white bread, berries and potatoes in my diet apparently, as this is what I had upped my intake of to help with the situation initially, but now I suspect they may be prolonging the problem. Also it could be due to me still not drinking enough fluids in the day, I am trying to honestly!, and not getting enough exercise.  So now I am going to get physical starting with more buggy workouts on our walks and some baby-wearing yoga at home.  Let's hope these changes will help, as this cannot go on! 

7. The double live poop show! 

I thought last week's live poo incident was funny enough (and a one off!), well this week he upped his game. After generously filling his nappy with poop, I started cleaning him up as usual, only for him to do another live poo onto my waiting water wipe and a couple of cotton pads I had managed to grab as soon as I saw what was happening. I had it all under control and felt very smug to have contained it all without it going everywhere. I turned to pop the soiled bits and pieces in the bin and turned back to find him doing another live poo onto the changing mat (perhaps it's the fresh air and freedom of having his bits out that make him so relaxed?!!) that was beginning to spread out towards his clothes and the towel underneath his torso! I grabbed more cotton pads and tried my best to get what I could on them but this was a big load and it spilled off onto the t-shirt he was wearing and onto the towel. Dammit! Once again Pads had a cheeky look of relief and amusement on his face, as if he had done this on purpose to test my skills of speed and dexterity. We did have to have an outfit change, but all in all, I think I handled a sticky situation very well.  I am pleased that this week's, and last week's, poop shows have happened at home so far though, please don't do this at a baby class Pads!

2 days after his jabs we had the most explosive, and impressive, poo-nami incident yet.  It was around 5am and we had just had our early morning feed and I was stood up winding him in the dark, when he did a loud fart that smelt pretty pongy. I didn't feel any wet come through but thought I'd check his nappy just in case as the smell was something else.  Lucky I did, as I discovered poo all the way up his back as far as his neck of all places - how it can travel that far I do not know! It was all over him and his sleepy suit, and very little actually in the nappy itself! Typical. I did however marvel at the lovely yellow shade of the poo though! I did make me think it may be time to go up a nappy size finally as I don't think the size 1's are containing his loads anymore, though they still fit his waist and thighs!

8. Our Welsh castles challenge.

It came to my attention in the first few weeks of having Paddington that he had experienced a fair few outings at the glorious castles and historical buildings South Wales has to offer within his first fortnight, as I found them pleasant places to take him for some fresh air that weren't too crowded if I needed to breastfeed/he started crying etc (interestingly, he has never cried at a Welsh castle - yet!), so I have decided to set us a random challenge to take him to as many castles in and around our area (so Monmouthshire, Powys and Glamorgan), and the odd other historical building of interest!, as possible before he is 6 months old.  For no real reason other than they are lovely places to visit and I may as well make the most of my mat leave and get further out and about. 

This was inspired by a visit this week to Caldicot castle, a place I spent a lot of time in my youth visiting my Nan (not at the castle, she wasn't a Princess or anything - well, she was to me!), where we had a lovely walk and a couple of feeds in the car overlooking the turrets. 

So far he has been to White Castle, Raglan Castle, Abergavenny Castle, Skenfrith Castle, Caldicot Castle and Llantony Priory. So we need to fit in Cardiff Castle, Usk Castle, Monmouth Castle, Brecon Castle, Tretower Castle, Crickhowell Castle, Caerphilly Castle and Tintern Abbey I reckon to complete our random set! (Have I missed any?!)

Maternity leave is a wonderful thing and feeling like a happy tourist in your own backyard is great fun. I look forward to showing Pads the pics of his early explorations when he is older.

9. Social baby. 

We accompanied Grandma T to the local village hall coffee morning and Pads became the star of the show. As soon as we entered, we had a gaggle of ladies, of a certain age, queuing up to coo and aah over my little boy, and before I knew it, he was being passed around a circle of grandmothers and was giving them all gorgeous wide smiles and little gurgles. He knows how to work a crowd, and he is very good with the ladies already!

It was a full-on experience to meet so many new people at once, even for me!, and to have so many new faces staring into his, but he handled it brilliantly and was such a happy, sociable baby. 

After a good half an hour of being cuddled and cooed at by strangers however, he did let me know he had had enough and went to grizzly town, but only for a couple of minutes before zonking out into a deep, peaceful sleep in my arms for almost 2 hours bless him! Exhausting stuff working a room! I didn't have a carrier or buggy with me as had only planned to pop in with him so say hi, so we ended up going for a fresh, country walk with him all bundled up in his cute new fleecey duffle coat with me carrying him in my arms as I didn't want to wake him. He is heavier than he looks over a long period so I definitely felt the workout in my arms and back the next day - note to self, always take something to carry your baby in if you pop out as carrying him for hours in your arms is hard work! 

10. Mouthing off. 

Pads and I have a new fun game that probably makes me look like I have finally lost it when we do it out in public, but who cares?! He loves to watch my mouth and attempt to imitate, or to just delight in, the funny expressions I'm pulling. He loves a raspberry blown at him (a classic), or when I make fish faces and noises at him, another fav to watch is my vibrating lips, or just general gurning (I am an excellent gurner, even if I do say so myself and wondered when this skill would come in to its own), and his ultimate fav, watching me eat and chew exaggeratedly. It feels great to make him gurgle and smile with glee with such a simple thing as moving my mouth in different ways, and he just loves it. It pays to have a funny face after all!

                                                     ***

Unlucky for some, week 13 has been a good one generally, though I will be very pleased when he has his last jabs for a while in a month's time (after that he doesn't have to have any more until he is a year old, woohoo!), as they really put him out of sorts and mess with our little routine.  

Pads is a real character now; chatty, lively, happy and so much fun to be around, and its so lovely to see him interact happily with other people, am hoping he keeps that up as its a great skill to have.  Paddington, you, my son, are awesome.  Keep up the good work!

Week 12 - no longer a newborn!

Week 12 - no longer a newborn!

12 weeks! 3 months! How is my little baby 3 whole months old?! It's been an incredible journey so far and now my gorgeous little bear is officially no longer a newborn. He is an 'infant' now. Becoming wise to the ways of the world. No longer new at this living life malarky, but nailing it. He has grown in length and weight and size of course, but the best bit is watching him grow mentally, emotionally and developmentally. Being a parent is absolutely the toughest job ever, but it is also the most rewarding role on the planet.

Here's how the 12th week went down.

1. Yellow (and browny yellow) poo continued.       

After our green poo woes recently, I am pleased to announce that we have managed lovely yellow brown poos all week and I have never been prouder. This means that all our hard work in fixing our breastfeeding position and attachment is paying off. In excrement, yes, but that is one heck of a pay off when you're a mum!  We've been increasing the feeds (we are back up to every 2 hours in the day, not 2-3 anymore as we were doing) to try and really get a handle on feeding and help my boy put on more pounds and I believe it is working. Go team!

2. The Jojo Maman Bebe experience. 

I want to give a shout out to the excellent Jojo Maman Bebe policy of allowing any mum to come in to one of their stores and be welcomed to breastfeed and nappy change their little one with no obligation to even browse let alone buy anything. I was in there browsing sheepskin stroller liners (more on that later), when Pads got irritable and I realised we had hit the 2 hour since the last feed mark so he needed another feed pronto. The staff were so lovely and kind, setting me up in an empty changing booth, with an excellent chair for biological breastfeeding might I add. I was in there a good 40 minutes giving my son dinner and a pudding so to speak (both boobs) and happily listening to the 90's tunes playing on the in-store sound system, when he promptly did a stinky poo but all I had to do was carry him across the corridor to a lovely, clean toilet with changing facilities. Sorted.  Definitely worth knowing if you are ever in need of a quiet, calm and comfy place to breastfeed or nappy change when out shopping, head to a Jojo.

3. The best breast pads. 

Breathable, washable and reusable cloth breast pads. I just discovered them and wonder where they have been all my new mum life!  So much better than the sweaty sticky plastic backed disposable ones I had been buying. Comfier, more absorbent and cost wise, as I can wash them again and again and reuse them, I reckon I am going to save some good pennies here over time, plus they must be better for your skin than the disposable ones, not to mention better for the environment. Everyone's a winner.

4. My growing boy. 

So Pads has now outgrown his cutest newborn sleepy grows, some new baby hats, a couple of leggings and some vests. He really is growing up. I have put them away safely as you never know when you'll need them again (!!!! - definitely not anytime soon!) but it feels like a big milestone for my little boy to be in his bigger clothes. He is definitely not a newborn anymore. (wipes a little tear from the eye)

5. 'Smooth transitions' leap. 

Pads has been through another developmental leap, according to The Wonder Weeks book, (the only baby book I now read as I find it fascinating and it doesn't make you feel like a failure!!) and this one is known as smooth transitions, where he gets to grips with new skills he has been learning over the past weeks. It mentions that he is likely to thumb suck more for comfort and to avert crying at this age! Ha! That's a definite. After my post last week on the negative comments I had received out and about about him sucking his thumb, it was great to hear from so many of you that your little ones do or did it too and that it's fine. It's actually a really good thing that they can then self soothe and it looks cute. Thanks for the thumb sucking solidarity ladies! 

The other developments Pads is displaying this week after his leap: he is more content at independent play now, able to amuse himself on his baby gym or cot for a period of time (mainly by thumping his legs down, lifting them up into the air or swiping at toys/mobiles etc...), and our chats have got more frequent with new excited squawks and shouting sounds from him. He has got much louder and more confident with making noises and I love to make them back to him and watch his reaction. He has totally got the rhythm of conversation. He knows to speak after I have spoken and we go back and forth for a while now like this, me repeating his noises back to him and maybe adding a new one for him to experience. He has learnt how to do the most adorable cries of joy when he finds something amusing or fun. He has also started to do attention seeking shrieks, when he has had enough independent play or gets bored or just wants to be cuddled. He gets really excited chatting sometimes too, kicking his legs and flailing his arms about merrily. 

When he is tired he can be a bit shy around other people now and bury his head in my chest.  Oh and apparently boys cry more, sleep worse and take up more of their mum's time than girls! Prove them wrong son. 

6. Sleep update. 

We spoke too soon! On Sunday he had an epic 14.5 hrs sleep from midnight to midnight then the next evening he had one of his most fitful sleeps in ages - just 3 hours in a block, then he was up for feeds pretty much every hour after that. It was like the early days when he was a brand new born.  Just goes to show that anything can change with a baby! 

Towards the end of this week he then surprised us again with a corker of a sleep record, clocking in a mighty 8 hour session one night and a 7 hours 46 minutes block 2 nights later. Awesome. If I knew how to repeat that, I would tell everyone I knew. I don't however, it just happened and I am so grateful for it but aware that it may not happen again! Take the rough with the smooth right?!

I do think in general though, he is sleeping better, and for longer blocks, in his cot (on the sleepyhead still), so am pleased we made that transition early. 

7. Breast feeding clinic round two. 

We went back to see the amazing lactation guru Carol Walton for a progress check on our breastfeeding and it was so busy at the clinic, there weren't even enough seats for all the mums. Carol is clearly in demand and we mums need help from people like her on this breastfeeding journey. There need to be more Carols basically. 

I thought I was going to be waiting to see her for a really long time and wasn't looking forward to waiting it out as I hate hot, cramped and busy rooms at the best of times, more so since having a baby. However, I got lucky. I'll let you into a little secret in case you ever go to see her, she always goes to mother's of babies who are crying first. And Paddington decided to get a bit grizzly on the boob when we had just got there and started crying as I took him off to wind him. Bingo! We got assessed there and then and then were out within the hour. 

Her assessment was that we were doing really well but that there wasn't enough space between my boob and lap still so I need to remember to sit up more 'like a page 3 model'. I tend to slouch into the position so need to work on that. As he is so long, she also suggested we try laying him oblique style across my lap, so he has more space to stretch out. His occasional fussing and closing his latch from wide to just on the nip could also be down to him being too bunched up she said, so I need to sit more on the edge of the chair and lean back once he is on well rather than sit up straight at the back of the chair. She also suggested I can relax my arms a bit now we are getting the gist of the position and instead of holding him with both hands around his middle which can e uncomfortable for me after a while, I can support him with just one hand around his middle and use the other arm to lightly cradle around him. Much comfier for me! If his head lops to one side, as it often does in this position, he can rest on my curved arm a little bit but however tempted I am, I must not try to hold or support his head as he needs that to be free to come off when he is done. All in all though, we have got a hang of the position mostly and will carry on as we are as it seems to be (fingers crossed) working. 

We don't need to go back now unless we feel things slipping again or if I am worried about his feeding at all, so I think I will give us both a break and let it be for a while.  We have both worked really hard at this new technique. Fingers crossed we keep doing good. 

8. Shake, rattle and almost roll. 

When chilling on the baby gym at the clinic, he grabbed the rattle hoop and pulled it off its Velcro tab and held on to it shaking it!  He has not done that at home and was very casual about it! I was elated and looked around the room expecting all the other mums to be as impressed as me but no one even saw it. 

At home I added tissue paper streamers to his gym and he loves yanking at them and grabbing and pulling them with a super strong grip, but he does have to be supervised when playing with them, as he has also taken to putting them in his mouth and little bits of paper then tear off when wet. I found a little bit of yellow paper on the side of his mouth so am pretty sure he must have ingested a little bit when I wasn't looking, so hoping that doesn't come out in his poop! 

He has also started arching his back and leaning his head up and back and then trying to push off with his feet when on his back so he rolls onto his side and then almost on to his tum. I reckon we will have a roller on our hands very soon! Watch out- the days of easy play in one place may be nearing their end with this live wire!

9. The massive live poo!!! 

Pads did an incredible just-about-to-leak poop which I got to cleaning up as usual, and for the first time since his first 2 weeks, he then decided that was the perfect time to push out another massive live runny poo! I was in the line of fire and got my hand covered in the stuff, which made me drop his legs from my usual 'chicken legs' grab in the air to clean his botty easily, yup, straight into the freshly laid poo. I started giggling uncontrollably and he reacted with a massive grin and a shriek of pleasure. It was a right old mess and required a full outfit change for him and a thorough hand and arm wash for me but if you can't laugh at a live poo, what can you do?!

10. Popping to the shops...

Half an hour is not long enough to 'pop into town' with a baby. Actually, scrap that, there is no 'popping into town' with a baby. There is only an expedition into town. And it takes up to 2 hours to leave because they need a nappy change just as you are at the door which then makes them cry so you try settling them with some rocking and playing games which they love so you continue this for a while. Then you realise they want to be fed so you think 'just a quick snack then' which they decide will be the 2 boobs please for at least 15 minutes a piece, then they need winding and another nappy change, then you have a small window to get out. And you must get out now or forever stay inside! I had 4 simple chores to do in town and managed to complete 3 of them, which was no easy feat.  It felt a bit like I had just competed in a gruelling round of the Krypton Factor - I actually jogged with the buggy to make it happen and worked up quite a sweat. Next time, I will be leaving myself double time to get anything done in town with a baby! What was I thinking?!

11. Buggy workout. 

Speaking of jogging with a baby, I took Padster on a lovely riverside walk and suddenly felt the need to work in a little fitness for myself as he was peacefully asleep and snuggly so I jogged with the buggy for 30 second intervals. Anyone that knows me knows that I do not jog so this was quite something to behold. I then started doing squats holding onto the handle, a few calf raises and then some yogic leg raises and stretches. I was having a great time in the fresh air, getting some exercise, just me and my boy. It was at this point I noticed a man and his dog walking parallel to us who was desperately trying not to let on that he had been a) watching and b) most likely sniggering a little at this unco-ordinated woman seemingly dancing with her buggy. Ah well, I lost my dignity during the birth so I just gave him a smile and continued jogging on. On this same day after little man woke up and the jogging was done, he needed a feed - of course! - and as we are in the country, there wasn't a lot of seating options. I found a large rock, nay, a massive boulder and perched on that for the feed and the nappy change that followed - it felt very primal and primitive being on a rock and its definitely the most photogenic place I have done a nappy change so far.

12. The sheepskin.

I bought Paddington something I have wanted to buy for a while now as a treat and as 'Winter is coming' . It's a gorgeously soft, non shred lambs wool stroller rug and it is gorgeous. I want one! It fits in the car seat, buggy carrycot and will fit in the stroller when we convert the buggy in a few months, so it's a versatile bit of kit too (and did I mention how soft and stroke able it is?!).  It makes him look so snuggly and will keep him warm in the Winter and cool in the Summer apparently. We have only had it for 2 days but I have to say he has slept much better and for much longer in the car since and in the buggy so it seems to be working. 

So that's the 3 month mark met. Pads is a quarter of a year old. I hope Paddington has enjoyed this journey so far as much as we have and I know we have all learnt so much together.  And do you know what, not to jinx anything, but it really does get easier, or more manageable perhaps, and it just keeps getting better and better. 

Week 11 - 'boob' is in the heart

Week 11 - 'boob' is in the heart

This week has been all about boobs. Norks, bazookas, breasts, orbs, udders, milky pillows (or more like rocks in my case), you catch my drift.  We have been seriously working on our feeding technique and attachment in a bid to get little mister's weight up and make sure he is getting maximum benefit from my milk. We have had varying degrees of success and we are keeping at it.

We are by no means out of the woods yet but we are getting somewhere and most importantly, his weight has gone up and his health visitor is happy that he isn't dropping further off his percentile curve so that is a massive relief.  Breastfeeding really is the hardest thing I have ever done and we will not be beaten by it, not yet. There is so much help and support out there and we have had some fantastic advice and met some very lovely supportive people this week who are helping us through this bump in the road. Never feel like you are doing this all on your own as there are lots of people who can give you help, willingly and happily, so never be too afraid or too proud to ask for help, whatever the issue.  It just shows that you are a good mum and are doing the best for your baby as you want to improve upon what you are doing and check that everything is ok.

Here's how the 'breast' of this week went. (Sorry, and I cannot promise that this will be the last of the boob puns. In fact, I can promise that it won't be.)


1. On baby time. We missed participating in our Daisy Foundation Tinies class this week as we firstly got stuck behind a tractor in the windy country lanes en route, and there was no way of passing, a hazard of rural living unfortunately.  Pads decided to make the journey even more pleasant by crying almost the whole way, making me pull over twice to check everything was OK - of course it was, he just wanted to see if he could get his mummy to pull over and check on him it seems. (Paddington 1 - me 0). He fell asleep 5 minutes before we arrived at class then. Of course. (Paddington 2 - me 0). So we were already 20 minutes late and now he was having his morning nap. So I just sang along with the other mums and observed as one by one the other babies started either falling asleep or wanting a feed around us until there was just 1 baby left awake and actually joining in the class. 15 minutes later my guy awoke and wanted a feed. Of course. (Paddington 3 - me 0). So another 20 minutes and a good burping/nappy changing later, we were ready to join in at last!  So we got up and started dancing and singing with the other mums whose babies had also now decided they were ready to start the class, and after 3 minutes, that was it. Time was up and the class was over. Of course! Just goes to show with the best will in the world, you cannot plan things with a baby and you are on their time now! Am going to try and fox Paddington next week by going half an hour early so if he needs to sleep/feed/grizzle etc he will hopefully do it before class. Hmmm....watch this space!

2. Breastfeeding - back to basics, biologically speaking. We went along to a breastfeeding clinic with lactation guru Carol Walton all of Monday afternoon. Carol is a legend and I wish I had seen her at the beginning of this parenting journey.  What she doesn't know about breastfeeding, boobs and babies, is not worth knowing. I had heard about this almost mythical sounding creature from my pal Laura who has used her guidance with both her little boys (thank you for putting me in touch with her Laura!), so I was expecting her to be amazing and she really was. There was something about her well spoken matronly demeanour that just made me trust her and she was clear, concise and supportive but not in a brisk or patronising way, in an almost grandmotherly way I suppose. A no nonsense grandmother.

I explained my concerns to Carol about Pads weight, his green poos and that he could often be fussy on the nip or fall asleep so I wasn't sure he was getting thirst quenching fore milk AND rich fatty boom boom hind milk. She agreed that it sounded like he wasn't and that it was likely down to my position when feeding and therefore his attachment. She observed me giving a biological feed and then got to work in giving us her commandments to make it more efficient. Essentially, her mantra is 'Tighter in and lower down is the answer to everything'.  I needed to have a straight tall back, sitting on a good chair that has a firm support but not too high backed - like a plastic garden chair apparently with room to lean back onto cushions once he is latched on right - lay him close to my chest tummy down and not worry about straddling his legs as he is so tall this would make his head too high on my nipple which is exactly what I had been doing. It's then up to Pads to find the nipple (she points out that it's him that is doing the breastfeeding, not me. I am just the milk machine!), I just have to help by making sure his nose is level with the nipple and then he should latch on from a lower than you think position and I need to resist leaning in to help him, which is something I am still working on several days later. It's instinct so hard to break the habit! When I lean in, I am taking the instinct from him and making him too high up and bunched up so not a great position for good feeding.

'Sit up like a page 3 model - boobs up and out' she kept saying, and don't slouch my middle. Both hands need to hold him under his armpits, around his middle, again, lower down that I had been. I had been holding him around his shoulders and neck and pulling him up when he felt like he was slipping but this means he can't get his head far enough back for the latch nor come off freely if he needs to to cough or choke or just when he's had enough. In the new revised position, he does feel really low and tight in, his head is back so we can have lots of lovely eye contact and I can see his round cheeks & hear deep sucks and swallows after about a minute - if sucks aren't deep then I need to take him off & start again. At the end of a feed my nip should be round like a cherry on a bakewell slice, and if he falls asleep during, undo some of his clothing to wake him up. After 48 hrs of feeding like this we should have canary yellow poo again apparently which is what you want. She said to always offer both boobs, it's like dinner and a pudding, just burp and change nappy in-between. Wow. That is a lot to remember right? We sort of got it during our consultation and got given a checklist to go through at home.

Carol was very reassuring and sympathetic to my new mum concerns about his weight and those dam charts and she reckoned he looks healthy & happy so not to worry about that just to work on the position for maximum efficiency and to stop those green poos! Onwards and upwards! We had a good feed under Carole's tutelage then he winded well, I tried to give him the 2nd boob but he was hot and fussy, so Carole suggested he still needed winding. I did and an almighty burp came up. Ah. Then he promptly fell asleep for an hour! She also said we would probably have more green poo while we were mastering our revised position so not to get disheartened and that it would relate back to 1 or 2 feeds ago, so to try and remember what we may have done differently then and focus on the checklist for the next feeds.

Her other words of wisdom: 'Don't over analyse, be instinctive. It's an art and you can't spoil a baby.' She spoke of a trip she had taken a while ago to Peru - where Paddington bear is from funnily enough! -  that inspired her to go on her breastfeeding crusade. There, breastfeeding is the only way of feeding a baby really and it's so prevalent everywhere that everyone does it, sees it happening at a young age and believes they can and will do it when they are mums. She said it's harder over here as its not as accepted publicly, we just don't see it nearly as much as we should and so mums always say ' if I can' or ' I hope I can do this' when talking about breastfeeding and have no confidence as its not out there enough. So let's get these boobs out ladies and make it easier for the next generation!

She is an advocate of the biological breastfeeding position, but she also had some tips for cradle hold if I wanted to mix it up or when out and about sometimes it isn't possible to get the right sort of chair to enable effective biological positioning so cradle may be required. Carol's cradle tips: make sure his belly button is under the other boob, just off centre and he is in a straight line, tummy to mummy. Use the opposite hand to the breast you are on under the baby and the hand nearest the feeding boob underneath the breast, on ribs, supporting and keeping it lifted up. Cradle hold is trickier to master and there is more that can go wrong apparently. Let him touch the nip once or twice first with his nose then he should latch, he won't first off, and the latch should be really wide with more areola visible on top of the nipple than underneath. Again, a lot to look out for! Breastfeeding is no walk in the park that's for sure.

I felt armed with good information and Carol's number to call if we had any problems or further questions, so I left the clinic feeling positive again and much less worried about everything.

3. So how did we get on with breastfeeding at home after the clinic? Well, the first 2 feeds at home were good, I could really see and hear him drinking more with a nice wide latch and loads of gorgeous eye contact. He was a bit distracted by a light, which I turned off, and the wall and ceiling, which I couldn't do much about. He is much more distracted in this position than any other actually, but I think we did good. The next day our first feed didn't go as well, he was super fussy at the nip, coming off - almost slipping like he was too low ironically - every couple of minutes. It was frustrating and we started to lose a bit of confidence so we went along to the local breastfeeding support group for some help but unfortunately, they weren't really that familiar with this biological position so frustratingly they couldn't give me much practical help, though they were lovely and supportive.

I knew we were not quite in the right position and I had been over Carol's checklist again and again but it still didn't feel right and I didn't quite know why. We did 2 feeds at group and neither were good, he was super fussy and distracted (I really don't like the venue as a place for breastfeeding, it's a kid's soft play centre and is just so noisy and busy in terms of colours, and lights and patterns and kids running around, no wonder it's off putting for Pads as I am put off by it and found it hard enough to concentrate so for a baby it would be virtually impossible!).

He couldn't keep the wide latch at all, we did it first off then he would close his mouth so he was just sucking the nipple. I kept taking him off, giving him a burp in case it was that and trying again. Over and over again. He could only keep the wide latch for a matter of seconds sometimes and could only stay on the nip for a couple of minutes before slipping off and desperately trying to get back on. I tried lowering him and pulling him tighter and trying to sit like I thought a page 3 model would, but nothing was falling into place. He was still hungry definitely, not coming off because he was done, as he would start his desperate cries as soon as coming off and try and suck his thumb or fist, so not sated. It was hard not get a bit down about how it was, or rather wasn't, going.

He also did a poo just before I went into the meeting place and it was a green one again. Gutted. My lovely midwife Brydon, who supported us through the end of my pregnancy and first 2 weeks of Pads life, arrived after about an hour and tried to help but he was just super distracted by this point and now over tired by all the effort so he fell asleep. She did tell me not to worry about his weight too much and that green poo isn't always a bad thing and his fussy feeding and slower than average weight gain could well be down to us being v busy lately which can affect feeding, losing the focus a bit and bad attachment can easily happen when out and about as its not as easy to find a suitable place to sit and feed, also baby weight fluctuates, it just does and boys are notoriously harder to breastfeed than girls apparently as they forget quickly and are easily distracted . Yup, sounds like Pads. I left feeling that we had so much work to do and that I didn't know how to get it right.

At home our next feed went just as badly. I tried 3 different chairs: a dining chair - too high and upright, a rocking chair - ok but moves around a lot so hard to maintain a position, and a leather recliner armchair - too deep and soft, to try and get the position better but none of them felt comfy or seemed to be helping.

The next feed did go better however, I sat on the edge of the sofa with more firm cushions behind me than usual which felt a bit better. He latched well and stayed wide, clearly drinking and looking at me. He came off twice, fine, I just popped him back on and we were back in a rhythm. Then suddenly he started whimpering then came off properly crying. I tried burping but nothing came so I popped him back on and after a few sucks he cried again. Too fast a let down or not enough coming out?! No idea! So I removed him again, burped, nothing, then back on. This time, he sucked for a minute then his eyes started shutting and he fell asleep slipping off the nip! Was that why he cried, as he was just too tired to keep feeding? I have no bloody idea! It was a day of battling with knocked confidence, confusion and feeling like none of the feeds had given him what he needed, so the next day I gave Carol a call to get back on track. She boosted our confidence right back up again saying we were so nearly there and doing a fab job and reiterated the points to look out for as well as suggesting we try a few feeds in bed leaning back on some cushions, as if reading a book, to get the knack of the latch again and make it more relaxed, as we were probably trying too hard and making it stiff and uncomfortable for ourselves as a consequence. This was definitely true so once we chilled out a bit, the next few feeds started to go better. We have since mixed it up with some cradle hold feeds when out and about, especially at our baby groups were there are no chairs! But when at home or out with a decent chair available we are sticking to biological feeding as the main position, and it's still a work in progress, but we are both starting to understand it more and, I hope, starting to make it work for us. Breastfeeding is an ever evolving skill and one that needs constant attention and maintenance. 4 days after clinic we achieved nirvana - a nappy full of canary yellow poo. I was over the moon. At poo. Times really have changed. Long may this colour continue!

4. Judgement days. We got judged at the support group by the mother of a new mum - shame on you lady. When we arrived and I took Pads out of the car seat to say hi to everyone, he started sucking his thumb which he has really started to do daily now over this past week as a comfort, when he wakes up to go back to sleep or when he's hungry, and I heard her tut and say 'oh a thumb sucker, that's not good. She should be using a dummy as you can't take away a thumb'. She clearly thought she'd spoken under her breath and that I hadn't heard, but I had, and I was seething inside at her comments and made sure I sat as far away from her with my back to her as I could. How dare she judge me! And when I had just arrived not knowing anyone and on my own. And is a dummy really better than a thumb anyway?! I reckon there are pros and cons to both. I don't have to make sure his thumb is sterilised and it comforts him and personally I do not have a problem with it. Neither thumb sucking nor dummies affect kids teeth until they are 6 years old when their adult ones come in and I plan to wean him off it way before then, if he doesn't stop on his own which a lot of babies do. I have decided not to give a dummy unless it is absolutely necessary, that is just my choice and I do not judge anyone who does differently as every mum and baby is different.

My main beef here is what happened to mum to mum solidarity and support hey lady? He has only really started doing this frequently this week and I don't think it is too big a problem. His dad thumb sucked for 10years and him and his thumbs are just fine! I would never judge another mum for their choices and don't appreciate it from someone who really is old enough to know better.

2 days later I was in a cafe and just finished feeding him and he started to suck his thumb whilst I winded him and it happened again. A lady of a certain age walked past and said to my face this time, 'thumb sucking already, oh dear'. A word that rhymes with duck and the word 'off' sprang to mind. If you have an opinion against what a new mum ,or any mum actually, has chosen to do or not do, or against what a baby does instinctively, keep it to yourself please, unless asked for it. Next time we get a comment like this one, as I am sure there will be a next time, I am going to bite back.

5. The car-seat-cry-stopping-swing. As I left the breastfeeding clinic and popped Padster into his car seat, he started crying as he often does. Carol, in her infinite baby wisdom, showed me a little trick to stop babies crying when you first put them in their car seat. You simply pick up the seat and swing it gently from side to side in the air a few times. And it worked!!

6. Express train(ing). As well as working on our breastfeeding, we also got to grips with expressing. We have been stock-piling a little milk bank for a very important reason - we got tickets to the Wales vs Fiji game of the Rugby World Cup at the Millennium Stadium way back when Pads was just a twinkle in our eyes and we had set ourselves a goal (or should that be a try?!) of making the match our first outing without the little guy. After getting the electric pump I can happily say that I managed to put away enough milk so that we could go to the game with some to spare just in case. I froze most of the milk in various portion sizes and once defrosted, I had 5 bottles of 90mls which is what I had worked out and been advised was the amount Pads would probably take per feed based on his weight and frequency to feed, plus back ups in the freezer should he be extra hungry. This was ample milk as we ended up being away for 7.5 hours from 1pm-8.30pm and I fed him just before we left. He had 3 feeds in that time and fell asleep before his planned 4th feed. Grandma T took on baby sitting duties for the day which we are very grateful for as it was fab to just have Jon and me time for the first time since our little fella came along. However, we missed him like crazy (I started crying as I was missing him just 1 minute down the lane for goodness sake! Don't worry, I relaxed and got on with enjoying our break after I'd let that out of my system within 5 minutes) and at one point in the first half I found myself thinking about how he smelt and sounded and when we were driving home we could not get home quick enough as I was just desperate to see him by this point. He was of course asleep when we got in and didn't miss us one bit as I'd left him lots of yummy mummy milk. (I must confess that I thought about waking him up as I wanted a cuddle so bad and wanted to give him my boob to make sure he still wanted me after a day on the bottle, but I resisted the urge.)

The 4th bottle, I am sad to say, had to be thrown away which was gutting after the work I'd put in getting it out! Mum had taken it out of the fridge to get to room temp then it wasn't used as he was asleep so was out for over 6 hours which is the max apparently. Pouring it down the sink was heartbreaking, but better to be safe than sorry. Bottle number 5 we used in the morning with Jon giving Pads his breakfast as that had remained in the fridge. The key number to remember with expressed milk I learnt is 6. It lasts for 6 hours at room temperature, 6 days in the fridge (though is best up to 3 days), and up to 6 months in a freezer.

We have so far, touch wood, been very lucky with him taking the bottle, after a little persuasion for the first one, then he has always taken me back afterwards most importantly so thank you Paddington!  We have been using Tommee Tippee bottles that have a slow release flow apparently so he doesn't get too much milk at once and they have luckily worked out great so far.

Oh, and the game was fantastic, thanks for asking, as was the pint of cider and pie and cheesy chips I got to enjoy with both hands. It was my first trip to the Millennium stadium and my first time seeing Wales play as well as our first day outing without our son, so a huge day all round. (We found out just before leaving the house that you can now take babies to the rugby World Cup games if you go to the box office and get them a special ticket and carry them in a sling. We ummed and ahhed about whether to take him or not, but in the end we decided to stick to the plan to have a day out to ourselves, especially as I had worked so hard to express enough milk and get all the bottles ready - plus granny was looking forward to a day with her grandson.)

I think we made the right decision for all of us and he can come to the next World Cup when he'll get something out of it too! * A special mention is needed here for how cute babies look in rugby kit sleepy suits and baby grows, I cannot get enough of our Paddington in his Welsh kit!

7. Rugby balls for boobs. A consequence of not feeding my boy from my breast for 7.5 hours straight - the longest stint by a long way so far- was rock hard, mega sore and full to bursting baps. And I mean FULL. They felt like 2 over pumped rugby balls that desperately needed the air taking out of them. I tried to do a cheeky little hand express in the loos at the game at the start of the 2nd half but then I heard cheering and didn't want to miss out so abandoned my mission. By the time we got home I swear I had gone up a couple of cup sizes and was desperate for a release. With my boy fast asleep, I got out the pump pronto and produced my biggest hit yet, 150mls of milky goodness in one hit. That is the definition of sweet sweet relief.

8. A little sleep update. We are blessed, and I hope this doesn't jinx anything, but Pads has started to average between 5-6 hours sleep at night after his last bedtime feed, not always of course but often, which is what 'they' call sleeping through the night. This means I am getting at least a 4 hour block of continuous sleep most nights (though I do have to go to bed with him nice and early around 8-9pm usually, not to miss this gorgeous window of sleep) but it basically means I can function as a normal human being again, and if I manage to get a full 6 hours sleep in one stretch, which has happened a few times now, I feel like super woman. (I can't imagine how strong my super powers would be if I ever get more sleep than that again. I will be unstoppable.) Please keep this up little guy and we will up your pocket money when you are older!

He's also started napping better in the day and has accepted the moses basket (finally!) as an occasional daytime nap area and also started falling asleep in the buggy on walks after around 15-20minutes usually. He has fallen asleep a couple of times on the baby gym after some exuberant play and is generally better at getting himself off to sleep when he is really tired and getting back to sleep when he wakes up in the night mainly, not so much for naps. He is a cat napper definitely in the day, short and sweet! This is all excellent however and we are hoping these all become habits that he will keep up rather than mere coincidences that I will be writing about wishing he still did in a few weeks!

We by no means have a fail safe technique or routine for getting more sleep, but perhaps Pads is just more comfortable with going to sleep now he knows we are always here for him when he wakes and now he is familiar with his surroundings and sleep spaces?  And now I am taking a more relaxed approach to the whole sleep thing! Fingers crossed for better sleep to continue. Forever!

9. Toes in the grass and the best game ever - tissue paper kicking. We've been working on new sensations and leg strength and awareness at home this week in our developmental play time, starting with taking Pads outside without his socks on to 'walk' on the grass. He was picking his legs up and thumping them down in a sort of ministry of funny walks fashion and was very interested in looking down at his feet in the grass.

I have also taken to putting some old sheets of tissue paper at the bottom of his baby gym and he loves kicking at it to make a big crinkling noise with his super strong legs. He has started to twig that it is him making the noise and that the harder he kicks, the more fun it is. He proper stamps his leg down too with some considerable force, perhaps we've got a future fly-kick on our hands!?

His latest leg game is what we like to call 'crab legs'. He has started lying on his back in the baby gym and lifting both legs into the air straight up, then bringing the legs into an upside down crab-like hanging position in the air. He repeats this over and over with such vigour and makes little excited shrieks and coos whilst doing it. He also learnt to kick at one of the toys hanging from the baby gym arch in a very nonchalant, yeah whatever way.  I've now started hanging tissue paper streamers off the baby gym to encourage more intentional kicking at, and grabbing of, objects. It's such a joy to see him learn and develop and he's picking up new skills and advancing in his movement gradually every day now. Games time is probably the highlight of my day, along with cuddle time of course!


It was a week of 'breast intentions' and we got good results with the yellowy nappy and a fridge and freezer full of expressed milk, so we are going to keep working at the biological breastfeeding technique and keep up expressing as much as we can, so we can have other days, and maybe even a night away at some point!, just the two of us, if we can bear being apart from our little bear for that long! (Definitely not ready to do longer than the 7.5 hours we did yet!). I am glad we did have some couples time to ourselves as a little treat for Jon and me, and that it went well, but I am definitely much happier when we are all together now. Life is just better as a trio.