Week 23 and 24 Bumper edition - Paddington's First Christmas and Happy New Year!

Part 1

Week 23  - Paddington's First Christmas

1. Super sounds

My boy is now blowing proper raspberries and practising blowing and breathy sounds with his mouth a lot. He likes a 'ffff' or 'thhh' sound or anything that involves using his tongue. It actually gets very close to sounding like real words at times. I think we may have a chatterbox on our hands soon.

2. Getting too big for biological?!

I hadn't even considered that Pads might be getting a bit on the big, and long!, side for biological feeding soon. I thought it's just something that we would do until we stopped breast feeding but my friend Laura pointed out that there comes a time sadly when they just don't fit and it gets hard to maintain the position, and do you know what, sadly I think we are nearly there. To keep him nice and tight and low as is needed for this position, his legs are now hanging off mine and waggling in the air most of the time. I will be very sad to stop using this, our favourite position - it wasn't always this way, when I think of how I struggled with it when we first started doing it and honestly thought I'd never be able to crack it, I now love it and it got us the results and happy baby, happy mummy that we needed. So, what position to do now?! I feel a call to Carol Walton, lactation guru coming on!

3. Naked pre- xmas Sunday!!! 

As a festive treat, and because we probably don't do it enough, it was nappy off and Xmas nuts out in front of the fire last Sunday. And he absolutely loved it. It seems to unleash Paddington's wild and free side. He was rolling around like mad and doing what looked a lot like mini press ups or downward dogs for any yoga fans, but I think was actually his furtive attempts at trying to crawl or at least push himself forward. He hasn't quite figured out what to do with his arms yet and pushes his head into the ground which isn't exactly working to propel him forward and leaves him with little red marks on his head poor love. I have to hand it to him though, he has incredible determination and does not stop trying. He won't be happy until he has cracked it. I admire his spirit and gusto and he will get there soon I am sure. 

Naked Sunday of course became wee all over the mat Sunday - the only bit I hadn't covered with a towel, why of course! But I don't think I have seen anyone so happy to just be free of nappies and clothes and have their bits out and about so it was worth it.

4. New sleeping challenge.

Sleep goals: anything really...I'll take what I can get.

Sleep reality: under 3 hours in the day, averaging 2-2.5hrs as there's been so much going on these past 2 weeks.
He did a 4hr 45mins sleep treat on Xmas eve but has been averaging 2-2.5 hours on other eves since so definite improvements, but this could be because he has been so over stimulated in the days that it's konked him out?!! Time will tell!

He now doesn't want to settle at night for his bedtime feed or sleep because he either wants to stare at his own hands in wonder or practice rolling and trying to crawl. This then usually gives him the hiccups as he has started doing it mid lying down feed which unsettles him and makes him super wriggly until they go, which can take seemingly forever! Great. A newly mobile baby is quite the challenge to adjust to isn't it?!

We also spent 2 nights in a row in 2 new environments, the first time he has been in a different room, so that in itself was a new challenge. We spent a gorgeous Christmas Eve in our almost renovated cottage and Pads gave us the best Xmas pressie ever - just under 5 hours of straight sleep! Clearly, he likes his soon to be new home! 

The next eve, Christmas Day, we went to his paternal grandparents and they had got Jon's old cot out for him! He took ages to go off to sleep at night which isn't normally him, I think because of the sensory overload and excitement of Xmas day and because when he woke he was more interested in staring at his new surroundings (especially the flecked paint on the ceilings!) than sleeping, then when he did go off he only did 2 hours max in the cot but then went off for another 2.5 hours in the bed with me (we had to kick Jon out to another room as the bed was too small for all 3 of us!). 

He did do pretty well though considering he had to deal with 2 completely new sleeping environments back to back after 2 really big days in terms of activity and exposure to new things and lots of people, so I am proud of how he handled it mostly without any fuss at all.

5. Its nearly time to start weaning!

I am super excited about this milestone and chuffed to have made it this far with exclusive breastfeeding which is also why the weaning milestone will come with a tinge of sadness for me, as up until then it's been just my milk that has made my boy grow and nourished his body and soul, and I kind of liked that badge of honour. I know that the first few weeks of weaning are about tastes rather than filling him up so he will still be reliant on my milk for a while yet but it feels like a really big leap in what has been an incredible mother-son breastfeeding journey so far. I know I am not the only new mum to feel this way either as some of my baby group friends have expressed similar mixed emotions about weaning.  

We are going to go for a mix of baby led weaning and feeding from a spoon so he gets the best of both worlds - chance to play and get messy with food himself and also learning how to use a spoon and actually getting some of it in his mouth - hopefully! Any tips from mums who are already on the weaning journey will be very welcome!


6. The night before Christmas

We decided that even though our cottage renovation isn't complete yet, that we would stay over night on Xmas Eve in the one room that is finished, as a family of three. We haven't been able to have much family time as Jon has been working so hard at his day job and then at the cottage, so it felt like a really special and important way to mark Pads' first Christmas. 

To do this, the room had to be cleaned properly of building dust and dirt first so it was safe for Pads and nice for all of us. We went over with Pads to get started and he just went to grizzle town, basically refusing to be put down on the freshly made bed to play and wanting long feeds. I had to resort to putting him in the sling in order to get anything done and it was hard work cleaning in tight spaces with him attached to me, and of course I couldn't do the dusty dirty work with him in such close proximity to the cleaning so Jon had to do that bit, but Pads did enjoy the motion of being up and down in the sling and all the new things to look at. 

I then put up our tiny little fir tree, complete with Paddington's first glass Christmas bauble that I was looking forward to bringing out year after year to remember his first Chrimbo, and it was looking really lovely and festive in our little room den. Then, I forgot I had Pads on my front for a sec and turned quickly, he was kicking his little legs as usual, and yup. He kicked the tiny tree, it fell and the glass bauble smashed to smithereens all over the floor. And then I lost it.

The tears came thick and fast and heavily, and poor Pads even turned around to see what his mum was doing sobbing pathetically at a fallen Xmas tree and broken bauble. I instantly saw it as a bad omen and all the sleepless nights, general exhaustion and pent up frustration over not being in our own cottage yet when we thought we would've been, coupled with Pads being particularly testing on this day, just spewed out of me in the form of fat salty tears and they just wouldn't stop. Then Pads started crying too so I took him out of the sling and hugged him, both of us a couple of cry babies. 

It felt good to get it out actually and admit that I don't always have it together, mostly yes, but it's also ok to not cope some days and to feel upset and like Christmas/your life is ruined for a bit (it isn't you will realise later). Half an hour and some Jon hugs later, Pads was fed and we had both stopped crying and were back on it with our game faces in place and our heads held up high. 

Parenthood is not easy. Renovating an old cottage is not easy. Moving away from where you have lived for a decade is not easy. Changing jobs (from TV Producer to mum) is not easy. All these things at once is a challenge and one that absolutely has highs, and with that, sometimes lows. Thanks to my fantastic friends and family who pick me up when I've fallen down and it WILL all be worth it in the end I know, it's just hard to remember that sometimes! Bring on 2016! 

7. Paddington's First Christmas

Christmas Eve in the cottage was a roaring success however, almost 5 hours sleep from the little man and Jon and I got to spend some quality time together eating cured meats and cheeses - bliss. And Christmas Day at the in-laws with my mum too, was a really lovely family affair and Pads was the star of the show, bringing such joy to all and he loved opening presents and playing with the wrapping paper!

I bought Pads, sorry Santa brought him, some lovely soft rubber bricks by a company called B for Xmas, and he absolutely loves them! They are chewable, similar in feel to his beloved Sophie la giraffe, nice, bright colours but a bit different to the usual primary shades that most baby toys come in, and most importantly they are soft to land on and fun to feel as they have raised numbers and animals and patterns on them to help him learn later on. I think they are fab and he is already enjoying watching me build the bricks up into towers that he can then knock down.  I will be looking out for more toys from this brand.

What Pads got as presents. 


For such a little person, this is an impressive haul - thank you to all our generous and lovely friends and family, we love all of Pads pressies and he will get a lot of fun and wear out of everything. Here's what our boy was lucky enough to get in his stocking(s) this year (clearly he has been very good!): 

A pirate ship for the bath; a Paddington bear first bowl, plate and mug set; a Gruffalo cuddly toy; stacking cups; corduroy dungarees; a rocking bear; a set of natty t-shirts; a lion romper suit; an 'Elf' the movie Narwhale baby grow; a wooden pull along sheep; a cuddly penguin that jingles; bear slippers; personalised reindeer face sheepskin boots; foam floor squares; plastic stacking rings; wooden toy emergency vehicles; a hand knitted cardigan with teddy bear buttons; a hand knitted dog with a balloon mobile for his cot; a wooden alphabet abacus; a wind-up bath toy; mini boat bath toys; a bath time activity play centre; a set of Paddington bear audio books; a reindeer bib and socks; a Xmas elf sleepsuit; a personalised Santa baby songs cd; a navy jersey cardigan; an electronic nursery rhymes activity book; a set of bird hooks for his nursery; a Snoopy cuddly toy; an inflatable snowman weeble; his name in wooden letters for the nursery door; a crab rattle; a toy mobile phone with sound effects; a toy set of keys with sounds; a plastic flashing toy hammer; leather bear shoes; an Aztec fleece lined woollen zip-up cardigan; 'Guess how much I love you' book; hand knitted baby blue hooded cardigan with anchor buttons and lots of cuddles!  What a fab first Christmas.

8. Frustration at his mobile. 

Now my little one is able to move, see and understand so much more, he gets cross when he can't do something. And I mean really cross. The lovely mobile that has kept him amused over his changing table for these past few months is now a point of massive frustration for him. He can reach the images and has done for ages, and was content with just swiping at them or touching them, however now he grabs them and pulls them down with unbelievable strength for a baby and wants to put them in his mouth but they don't come down that far. Then ensues big shouting and cries out loud and he won't go of the mobile. I have taken to having to sit him up at this point so he can properly grab the mobile, but of course he just wants to put it in to his mouth and I'm not sure it's safe for that so I have had to put it higher up so he can put his efforts back into reaching for it again. So far, it has stopped the crying but it's early days!

All in all, we are finding that he becomes frustrated and cross really easily these days. Usually when playing with a new toy or in a new situation, as if he wants to be able to know what to do with the new thing but isn't quite able to do it straight away, and patience has never been one of his virtues, so it sends him over the edge to not figure something out immediately or be able to put it in his mouth instantly! Bless him. 

His world has become an even bigger place I think now he knows how to roll and shuffle about and has become so good at picking things up, holding them, shaking them etc... Sometimes I think it all just overwhelms him and becomes too much. Boxing Day evening he had a bit of a meltdown  because he had so much fun over Christmas with massive amounts of stimulation and excitement and new sights, sounds, smells, touches and lots of faces to look at and look at him, that he needed to just chill and have some quiet time back in his usual surroundings so we returned home on Boxing Day eve to give him a bit of peace and stillness for a bit after such a brilliant sensory Christmas.

All in all, Pads first Christmas was a great success and lots of fun for all the family - I know his grandparents adored having him to spoil and play with on the big day, as did we. Cannot wait for next Christmas now when he will be more aware that something exciting is happening!


Part 2

Week 24 - Welcome 2016. You are going to be a good 'un I think.

1. The 12 wakes of Christmas... 

The day after Boxing Day (the actual Boxing Day that follows Christmas Day, not the weirdly confusing bank holiday Monday one that we had as well). Perhaps it was too much stimulation over the festive period and having been in 2 new places to sleep the previous evenings, but Paddington had a contender for one of his worst nights sleep ever this week. Oh joy to he world indeed. 

He woke a total of 12 times from going to sleep around 7.30pm to waking for the day around7am. 12 times people. I felt like a human yo-yo and as I had decided to actually try and spend some time with my hubby and attempt to watch a movie downstairs with him while Pads slept upstairs, I ended up traversing those stairs like I was on some weird fitness programme, until finally I just gave up and admitted defeat and went to bed myself leaving Jon to watch the rest of the movie on his own.  

A few times Pads woke and needed a burp/fart then was straight back to sleep, a few times he just wanted me I think and went back off after some singing and rocking, and a few times he just wanted feeding, but it was just awful having to get him back to sleep again and again with very little time in-between. I barely slept a wink that night and the next day felt like I had a hangover through sheer sleep deprivation. Not our finest hour. Please do not repeat this Pads!

2. New Year's Goals. 

I don't usually make resolutions to be honest as I break them before February comes, but this year, I am going to try to crack four seemingly simple goals that will do wonders for me and Paddington's health and general wellbeing - if I can pull them off. Wish me luck!!!

ONE -To get me and my son more, and better sleep. I do not yet know how I am going to achieve this. I just know I must, somehow.

TWO - To eat less scones and cake and do more exercise - this last stone of baby weight is not going to go by itself it seems. Weird that. (note I am not cutting out the good stuff completely, I am realistic about my limitations!)

THREE - To see more of our friends and have more family time. And to finally move into our cottage which we have been renovating for over a year now. These 3 things will hopefully all happen once the Welsh cottage project phase 1 is done (and we are nearly there thanks to LOTS of help from our friends and family) and we can actually live in our home, then Jon will have some free time where he isn't required to re-point, re-plaster or re-build anything and we can thus have more family time and invite friends over - triple whammy! Bring it on. 

FOUR - And lastly, is to go easier on myself. I can't do everything and I am doing my best. I may not always get this parenting lark 'right' or be doing what others expect or what other parents do, but I have a very happy and healthy son so that is enough. We are enough and we are doing great. I need to keep remembering that this year and keep on just being the best mum that I can be and throw doubt and comparisons into the wind.

3. 2015 - my review of the year.

2015 was a year of extreme highs and difficult lows and definitely a massive challenge (moving, having a baby, renovating a cottage, delayed move in dates etc...) but it will always be a very special year as it's the year Paddington was born and tipped our world upside down and made it much better.  

I have learnt so much about myself, about my husband and about becoming and being a parent this year and am so proud of what we have achieved and how well our little boy has grown and developed. He is such a source of joy, it is wonderful to have the privilege of watching him grow and being such an active pivotal part of that growth. I am honoured to be his mum and cannot imagine a life without him anymore - what did I do with all my time before?!!! 

I am not the same person as I was pre-Pads and that is absolutely fine. I am now a mum and have huge responsibilities that I didn't have before. I have a dependant and what I do and how I live my life affects him directly so yes I have changed. For the better. My life is no longer all about me, it's all about him and it feels so much more valuable and worthy because of that.  

We have had a lot of similar comments of late from grandparents, friends and even strangers and that is that Pads just makes you feel joyful when you are around him. He is the bringer of joy and that's spot on. Whatever stress you are under or whatever grump you may have been in, after spending just a short time watching him kick his strong little legs vigorously at the floor or in the air;  or roll around his mat with incredible vim and delight; or laugh and smile with glee; or just look at you with those wonderful big blue inquisitive eyes, you forget anything other than that moment and how happy he is and how happy he then makes you feel. He is an absolute tonic. 

If he can have this effect on us and everyone around him in just over 5 months, imagine what he can achieve in a whole year in 2016.  I am so looking forward to whatever comes next in this topsy turvy, emotional rollercoaster ride of a journey they call parenthood and am so thankful and delighted to be able to call Paddington my son and proudly say that I am his mum. He is one special little guy and I really do love him to the moon - and back! 

4. The 5 most important lessons I have learnt about parenting in my first few months on the job.

One - go easy on yourself. 

You are doing a great job. Stop doubting yourself and comparing yourself to other mums all the time and trust in your own instincts. No one really knows what they are doing when it comes to parenting, or indeed life I reckon, and no one knows your baby as well as you do, so you will know what's best for them. Honest. 

And this includes remembering to take a little time out everyday for yourself. Happy mummy = happy baby, you will keep hearing this phrase, but it is true and everyone needs a little 'me' time, so whether it's getting granny to hold junior for half an hour while you take a bath/shower/lie down in a dark room, or your partner takes the baby downstairs when they first wake up in the morning so you can grab a patch of uninterrupted sleep, or if your friend pops over and watches the baby for a bit whilst you paint your nails and drink a hot cup of tea with 2 hands - don't forget yourself and your needs whilst you look after another's. Your baby come first of course, but you deserve a little break now and then too.

Two - If in doubt or in any worry, please just ask for help. 

It is out there and people want to help, they just don't always know how or that you need it unless you speak up. Never suffer in silence basically. 

Top ways that people can really help you: when friends/family come to visit in those first few frazzled weeks, get then to do your laundry, get some basic shopping in, clean the house and make you lunch/dinner or take the baby for a couple of hours while you nap. 

If you want to breastfeed but are struggling with it, speak to your midwife or health visitor but if you still need support then there are groups out there to help you, your health visitor should know where or check on Facebook, or ask if there are any peer supporters (like me!) in your area. 

And if you have any worries at all about your baby's health or if you have dropped them on their head by mistake (see my earlier blog posts...) then don't delay, go to a and e just to be on the safe side - with a newborn they won't mess about, will see to you quickly and put your mind at rest. You can never be too careful. 

Three - you can't spoil a baby and they really aren't little newborns for long. 

Enjoy and cherish every cuddle and don't let other people's judgements or opinions cloud yours. Let your baby sleep on you as much as you want/they need, let them suck their thumb if that's what they want to do (you will be grateful they can self-soothe soon enough), co-sleep without guilt (but safely of course) if it works for you and your baby, take lots of pictures every day so you can hold on to every moment but not so many as you miss all those little moments as they happen, and fully embrace the baby bubble. 

You are their world and they are yours, enjoy it and welcome the slowing down in pace of your life. So, you spent all day just feeding your baby, napping with them and changing nappies and haven't showered/cleaned/washed up yet etc...never mind. You just made a tiny human and kept them alive and thriving another day so high five to you! Those other things can wait, your baby can't, and no mum said they wish they had spent more time tidying up when their baby was growing up. 

Don't miss out on your time with your baby because you think you should be doing other things, just learn to slow down, do less and expect less, and see point two for help.

Four - what you really need to look after a baby.

You really can't have enough nappies, nappy bags, water wipes, muslins, hand and surface spray sanitiser and long sleeved and short sleeved baby grows, so as lovely as lots of trendy baby clothes and cute cuddly toys are to receive at your baby shower/as gifts from well-meaning friends or family or to buy yourself, when you first have a baby, practical presents and purchases really are the best and the ones you will be most grateful of in the end. So if someone asks, 'do you need anything for the baby?', ask for multi- packs of the essentials. You won't regret it. 

Five - it's ok to cry as much as you need to, in fact, crying is a very good thing. 

It will make you feel better almost immediately after the tears have flowed. They may be tears of actual pain at the start, from the aftermath of childbirth (no one tells you about what happens after: the healing, the scars (both physical and emotional, you have just been through a major trauma however you birth your baby and your body is exhausted!), the heavy period pain symptoms as your uterus contracts, sore nipples and big fit- to-burst feeling milk-filled breasts, piles...!) or the onset of doubt at every thing you do (I mean, how is anyone supposed to know how to look after a baby for the first time?!! But I bet you are doing a fab job without even knowing it. Also: stop googling and reading baby books please! It only makes you worry/doubt even more - I was a serial googler for many weeks at the start and it wasn't good for me or Paddington). 

They could be tears of anger or frustration at not knowing why your baby is crying (your baby may not even know why so what chance do you have really?!) or tears because you feel like a failure if you can't stop them crying (you aren't and sometimes they just won't stop crying no matter what you do). 

They could also be tears of absolute exhaustion and sleep deprivation (which will then make you even more tired...now Alanis Morisette, isn't that 'ironic'?!) or tears of feeling utterly overwhelmed and out of your depth at this whole parent thing (this is absolutely normal and means that you care about doing the best job you can do, so therefore you will) or, they could be tears of joy and overwhelming love fuelled by oxytocin and the look of pure innocence and unbelievable cuteness on your gorgeous baby's face (these are the best kind of tears and make you feel euphoric afterwards). 

Let all these kinds of tears out and the feelings behind them will pass and free you up to get on with just being a good mum/dad. The worst thing you can do is bottle them up, so let those tears run free. 

Oh and lastly, you will hear this a lot from other mums and dads and probably won't believe it at the time, but it really does get easier as you and your baby get more confident and more used to each other. Each difficult phase does pass and you are on to the next one. You will get through it and just take each day as it comes. Just make it to tomorrow, do what you need to do to make it there together and then just focus on getting to the next day, and so on. Baby steps make it all seem much more manageable. 

And do you know what? It is all so worth it in the end. Every sleepless night, every hour spent worrying, every sick stained top, every smear of baby poo on your finger, every meal/cup of tea that went cold and you didn't get to finish, they are all worth it just to see the smile on your baby's face and the twinkle in their eyes, that let you know they are happy and healthy and that that is all down to you. Pour yourself a glass of something wet and delicious to celebrate that I say!

Being a parent is a bloody emotional rollercoaster so strap yourself in, hang on and enjoy the ride! 

Happy New Year everyone, thanks for reading my blog and for all of your support through this first phase of parenthood. May your 2016 be filled with joy and new adventures to share with those you love!

Week 22 - 5 months old and counting!

Week 22 

These have been the absolute best 5 months of my life, hands down. I have a new best friend, who is also my son and my reason for being. 

He has totally completed me and I never knew I would feel this way about such a little dude. I love being a mum, I love being his mum in particular, and I love this journey we are all on. 

Let's celebrate also the fact that we have been able to breastfeed for this long, I feel so happy to have been able to stick at it and get such an immense feeling of pride when I look at my happy, healthy boy and think 'my body did that'. So here's to the amazing little boy that has graced our lives and brought such joy and happiness in just a few short months already.

1. In the face. 

I'm going to start with this week's stand out moment - and there's been a few. It's been a big week. 

We were at our fav baby class and had had a lovely feed and burp, then I popped little mister down on the mat and Pads did his new party trick, rolling onto his tum super quickly, but then stared grizzling. So I scooped him up for a hug but he was still very grizzly, so I did one of our fail safe actions to cheer him up: lifted him high in the air above my head and I started saying our usual 'who's the tallest bear in the room?', which pretty much always gets a smile or chuckle from my main guy. 

I had my mouth wide open in encouragement and he smiled, then promptly projectile vomited all over my face, and yes, into my mouth. That actually happened. I was so shocked by the ferocity of the liquid and what had actually occurred that I did nothing for a few seconds, before realising I should probably wipe my face and mouth now. Luckily, most of the other mums in the class didn't notice as it was natter time, but I have learnt my lesson not to let him on his tum or lift him up too soon after a feed! 

The next day at our Baby Sensory class he managed to vom all over the lovely festive satin scarves in the explorative play area, and I mean ALL over them, so we had to hand them in to the teacher to save the other babies getting a milky surprise. 

He is definitely being sick more often this week and with more force, and this is after I have burped him and kept him upright for a while, so I wonder if he may have a little bug as this isn't like him. He is also waking up after naps or at night after a feed with a pain-sounding scream, and when I pick him up he does an almighty belch and drops off to sleep again so I think we have some trapped wind issues, but I am winding him and getting results after each feed, this just seems to be wind that comes later, so not sure what to do about it really! 

2. Baby Christmas parties.

How cute is playing dress up with babies? It just makes sense. This week he has been a Santa baby and a cute elf for his baby class xmas parties and he did something funny to my ovaries in both those outfits. I literally cannot wait for Christmas eve and Christmas day when we can play dress up again, and get to spend our first Christmas with our little boy.

Thanks to the lovely Claire who runs our Daisy Foundation Tinies class for the gorgeous wooden reindeer decoration with Jack's name on it - it is adorable and we will treasure it always.

3. Swimming success. 

Another week, another great swimming lesson. Pads is absolutely becoming a water baby and long may this continue! He didn't cry once during the lesson and was all smiles, giggles and looks of wonder and excitement. He earnt a new nickname from the teacher, which is 'splash', as he didn't stop splashing from the moment he got in the pool and was happy to splash himself, the teacher, me, the other babies, anyone and anything basically, for his own enjoyment. This time his maternal grandma got to watch him poolside and he put on another super entertaining show. 

4. End of an era.

We had our last baby sensory class and it isn't continuing next year as the teacher is off to have a baby (I know, how selfish!) and our lovely routine of classes is now coming to an end as the year also comes to a close. It feels quite sad actually as I really liked our busy fun weeks and it feels like my maternity leave is slipping away. I don't want it to ever end if I am honest as I love this job more than any I have ever had, though the hours are shocking and the pay is shit! We will just have to find new classes and a new routine for the new year to help my boy develop and grow as well as he has done this year and keep us both active and busy. 

5. We have a real rock and roller now! 

This week my boy has become mobile and boy is he practicing at every opportunity. It really feels like he has spent the last month gearing up towards this and I am hoping that's what has interrupted his sleep and perhaps we will get some now he has achieved his goal?! (Wishful thinking?) 

He put on a sell-out rolling show for all the grandparents at the start of the week, rolling once from his back to his tum then twice more as if to make sure he had it nailed, then he rolled from his tum to his back twice in a row too, all with the utmost determination and concentration. He looked really chuffed, and a bit surprised with himself each time too. Since then, he now rolls over pretty much every time I put him down on his back, several times, again like he is making sure he has this movement down before moving on to his next activity. 

Rolling to the left is his fav but he has also started to do it to the right more often now he knows he can do it. I am encouraging him by getting down low next to him and placing toys just out of his reach on either side. He has learnt really fast and is now staying on his tum and trying to crawl more than ever before which often leaves him really frustrated and shouting or starting to cry bless him, as now he can do a little in terms of movement, he is desperate to do a lot. He can shuffle with his bum up and little legs trying to work together to propel him forward but he doesn't quite know what to do with his arms or his head, so often ends up face planting the floor and getting cross! 

He can pivot around and shuffle forward grabbing the mat or blanket to help him, which after 5 months of having a largely immobile baby is quite a shock. I can no longer just leave him on the middle of the bed or on a small mat when showering as he will move around with alarming speed. A new phase has begun! 

6. My boy is changing before my very eyes. 

He wants to do more and IS doing more everyday. He really wanted to hold and drink from a pint glass when I was, and got cross at me when I tried to take the glass away from him. He knew the motion that he needed to bring the glass up to his mouth and put his hands either side of it to tip it, which was really cute. He must have been watching me all this time. 

He also wants to crawl and roll all the time, as mentioned above. And he gets easily annoyed at his toys when he can't quite do what he wants to do with them. He is even mastering rolling while still holding on to his toys, which can't be easy! 

As he has become this newly mobile, active and wanting-to-explore-the-boundaries-of-his-capabilities baby this week I have had to make him a new play den as we are calling it, as the house is all hard wood floors downstairs. His tiny play mat is no longer enough for him and cannot contain the play he wants to do. His gym is also getting too limited for him now, both in terms of space and interest. As he just wants to roll, he is just rolling onto the raised sides constantly and then getting frustrated as he can't roll off them. 

So instead, I grabbed several soft, thick blankets and have laid them out full size on the floor and topped them off with a fleecey red blanket that is super soft to touch and easy to clean and that is now his area. Paddington's play office if you will.  

It is surrounded by cushions as a sort of border, his toys are strewn across it and there is ample space for several roll overs in any direction. He bloody loves it and its big enough for me to lie on it with him too, for play, or perhaps a little nap time with my boy. Win win. 

7. The battle of the bottle.

I got my hair done! Woohoo - the first cut and colour in well over 7 months, and it has made such a difference! Proper me time, plus my hair seems to be falling out less now and is less tangled after a shower. 

It was only a 3 hour appointment but it felt like a big deal for both of us as we haven't spent any time apart since the rugby back in October basically. I really missed him though it was good to have some time just to myself. I read 3 magazines and had 2 hot pots of tea, but also found myself looking at pictures of him on my phone for the last half hour or so as I was missing him! (I am told by seasoned mum friends that this is completely normal).

His grandma was looking after him and I had got a bottle of expressed milk ready for her to give him, as he doesn't usually go more than 2-3 hours without a feed. I fed him just before I left for the appointment and thought nothing of him taking the bottle with this grandma, as he had last time (although that was over 2 months ago now!). 

Well, it turns out that he just wouldn't take his bottle and reacted like it was horrible, crying and screaming and turning away. I have to admit I was secretly pleased in a way as it means he thinks breast is best, but I also didn't want to let good expressed milk go to waste. 

So, I gave him a breast feed as soon as I got back from my appointment, which he attacked with fervour so he was clearly hungry, then instead of offering up the 2nd boob as usual, I tried him with the bottle, cradled in my arms, and rubbed a bit of my current breast milk on the teat as a temptation. It was the first time I had ever bottle fed him so it did feel a bit weird as I am so used to, and actually really enjoy breastfeeding him, but he took it! He stared at me the whole time he drank from the bottle and was most interested in holding the bottle and tipping it himself which was really cute. He did fuss with the teat a bit, but he drank 30 mls no problem before coming off and starting to grizzle. He was rooting at my boob by this point as if to say 'look I took some of the bottle to please you, now give me my boob pudding!', so I offered up 2nd boob and he took it gladly. I have to say that again I was pleased and felt like I had got one over on the bottle - really weird how I became competitive with a plastic and inanimate object but there you go, breastfeeding is an emotional journey! 

I tried him on the rest of the bottle about an hour later, which he took in 2 slow stages.  He would drink a bit, then play with the teat, then look at the bottle for a bit turning it around in his hands, then go back for a drink and so on, so it was slow progress but he basically finished the remaining 60mls and I was relieved that my milk, and all the work that had gone into expressing it, wasn't wasted.  But I am still very pleased and relieved that he is still most definitely a breast man. 

8. Pardon the expression...

Speaking of expressing, I got back in the game this week and expressed 3 times, basically replenishing what we used above, which is good. It had been probably 2 months since my last expression and I knew I needed to get back into it if I ever want to have anymore me time or for when I go back to work, as I still want Pads to be on breast milk for as long as possible and not use formula if I don't have to, so I need a milk bank. I am still not getting a lot at each session but it's something and it all adds up. I also invested in a pump bra where you fit the breast pump into the bra cup and it keeps it in place so you can pump away hands free, just to make it as easy as possible to do to encourage myself.  It looks bloody ridiculous but if it works then I am all for it! It just needs to become part of my routine again and so far this week it has gone well. 

9. Memories...of not that long ago!

We had a lovely day meeting my friends Jo and Johnny's adorable 4 week old baby, and hanging out as new mums which was really lovely. Meeting a newborn again made me realise how much Pads has grown and that he so isn't a newborn baby anymore. I had already forgotten how small newborn babies are and that they basically sleep or snuggle most of the day, with a few feeds and happy changes in between, and nothing else. Just like Pads used to do I suppose but funny how quickly you forget!

Pads is a proper little boy now and so active, learning and determined all the time. And we spend so much time playing or exploring or practicing new skills.  Its really fun. I could not be prouder of the little dude he is turning out to be and love how we made it through those tough first few weeks and have become such a bonded little team together. He has a sense of humour for sure, is happy and smiley, loves his food and definitely has a cheeky side. I could not love this little person anymore and am so grateful that he came into our lives and is thriving so well. 

10. The sleep diaries.

Sleep goals: 3 hours in the day and anything over 2 hours straight at night!!!

Sleep reality: consistently getting 2.5-3.5 hours throughout the day, usually in several short cat naps but it all counts! Averaging 1 hour 55 minutes at night straight so a slight improvement on last week.  Biggest sleep block at night was 4 hours, but he only did this once and whilst sleeping on me (which was soooo nice, but a little naughty I know!) Actually, no, it isn't naughty (as my pal Laura had to point out to me, its all about survival and we both got sleep this way so actually, if it works for us, its a good thing. 

At last weekend's wedding, we met a couple with 3 kids whose sleep advise was to try putting Jack to bed later so he was really tired and may then sleep through - unintentionally this had happened 3 nights in a row anyway while I was prepping for the wedding, the night of the wedding and the following eve after a baby shower, so we decided to keep it up this week as a trial.  We have also gone back to leaving the the low lamp on in the bedroom at night instead of the night light or just dark to see if that made a difference to his sleep as Jon thinks Pads sleeps better with the light on and doesn't wake up as frightened, so this week has been an experiment. I don't think he has slept any better or worse to be honest, just about the same (the only advantage to him going to bed later has been that I have a little more time in the evenings to actually eat properly and potentially watch a bit of a tv programme if I am lucky so that has been quite nice).  Next week we might try the night light and dark again to see if he sleeps any worse. It's all trial and error isn't it?! Other than that, I have decided to keep muddling by on what sleep we get until he is 6 months old, when I will consider sleep training if I think he's ready for it. 

11. The waiting game.

I co-organised a Baby shower for one of my besties last weekend and it really reminded me of how I felt waiting for Pads to arrive. All that excitement, nervousness and not really knowing what to think or expect. I just remember trying to get everything in order before his arrival so buying clothes and arranging them into boxes of sleep suits, baby grows and cardigans etc..., and organising containers of nappies and baby cleaning wares on his changing table, and painting his cot, changing table and rocking chair with nursery paint - basic nesting behaviour. I had no idea who was growing inside me, what kind of a mum I would be or how we would get on as a duo. I can't believe how far we have come and I can't believe how amazingly lucky we are to have such a gorgeous, healthy, happy, fun, loving and clever son and that I also happened to fall in love with being a parent as well as fall in love with him. I think we have done a great job together so far and do you know what, I think the best is yet to come! 

Merry Christmas everyone - hope Santa brings you everything you wish for and eat (and drink) more than you should! 

Week 21 - 'water' way to have fun

Week 21.

Here's what went down.

Sleep goals: 3 hours in the days, and anything over 3 hours in one block at night

Sleep reality: Around 2- 3 hours consistently in the days (mini high five), and averaging 1 hour 45 minutes at night, however, we did have one night of 4.5 hours this week so mini fist pump for that.

1. Splish splash, Pads was having a laugh! 

We had Padster's most successful swim session ever. And I really didn't think it was going to go that way. He had missed his morning nap so I was hoping he would sleep in the car on the way to make up for it but he decided just to play and grizzle a bit until about 5 mins away when he duly fell asleep. Of course. So when I carefully removed him from the car he awoke groggy and then when I took him into the hot changing room he decided to have a meltdown as well as a massive, go everywhere kind of poo. Fab. After cleaning up a wailing, leg thrashing baby and trying to manoeuvre him into a swim nappy, trunks and a wet suit - not bloody easy at the best of times but especially not when dealing with a very cross and upset wriggler - he had got himself so hysterical he had a bright pink face and was doing those short sharp staccato breaths. I thought about packing the towel in there and then to be honest as I thought if he's like that in here, he is going to hate the pool. But his Grandey was waiting poolside to see his grandson swim so I thought we should at least try now we'd come this far. Off I went with a sniffling baby to the pool and entered the water with a little trepidation. Pads did a complete mood 360. He started smiling and splashing the water with both hands like he does in the bath and looked well up for a laugh. My my. 

The water was a tropical 31 degrees this time so I think he just thought it was a huge bath and he does love bath time. What followed was a lot of smiles when swimming, actual kicking attempts in the swim position, lots of splashing - the teacher, me, himself, and he did 4 underwater swims beautifully with his eyes open in the water and he totally nailed our name, ready, go's, closing his eyes before I splashed water on him each time - again we have been practicing this every bath time to get him comfortable with water and it has paid off. It was such a joy to see him actively enjoying the swimming, it was like he was putting on a show for his Grandey and great that we had my dad there to take lots of pics and prove it happened! 

2. Feet, knee and thigh grabber extraordinaire. 

He discovered his feet a little while ago but this week he has also realised they are attached to knees which bend and help you grab the feet and that there is also a fun, chubby bit on top called a thigh that is really fun to grab at too and help hoist those pins into the air. Every nappy change and most times he is on his back now, he is grabbing those tootsies and legs and pulling them in or moving them about with real joy. It is possibly the cutest thing known to man. Occasionally this natural wind removal pose lives up to its name and there's a parp that goes along with it, which always elicits a lovely smile from my boy. He did look like he was about to grab his junk in the bath too but so far, he hasn't quite figured out what's there...its only a matter of time though I know - like father, like son!

He has also started scratching materials and feeling them with his hands with immense interest this week. He seems to love denim, towels and the sofa's thick cotton material the most and scratches at it like a cat on a scratching post whilst looking in awe or smiling delightedly. Very cute. 

3. Flower helper. 

Doing wedding flowers with a baby to look after/constantly distract all day by yourself is tough. Really tough. And pretty unproductive. The day started off as it carried on really with my flower delivery not arriving on time, then being well over an hour late, then when it did arrive there were a few missing flowers bla bla bla. Once I had called to arrange another order of the missing bits for later that day, Pads and I had a feed and sit down, then he wonderfully fell asleep and let me crucially put him down and stay asleep for 40mins! I managed to get a heck of a lot done in that short time frame and was all set up ready to condition the flowers with clean buckets of water laid out, my work area all organised etc..and I got started merrily, then he woke up. Of course he did. So we had a cuddle and I popped him on the bouncing chair by my side so he could watch me work as I talked him through what I was doing and what the flowers were. This time when I showed him the flowers he just tried to grab them and put them in his mouth or ripped a few petals so I soon learnt to keep them a bit out of reach. He was very excited by the peachy roses and loved it when I waved bunches of eucalyptus about the kitchen. 

However, he soon got bored and kept grizzling and dropping his toys on the floor so I spent a good amount of my prep time, cleaning and picking up his things, soothing and distracting him and not getting a lot done. Finally after a good hour he had had enough of being in his chair which is fair enough so we stopped for a feed and then I tried to pop him on his play mat, nope, then back into the chair, um I don't think so mum. He wasn't having any of it so with a pathetically uncrossed off to do list staring at me and the rapidly diminishing time, I reached for the sling and popped him on facing out. It was quite tricky to actually prep the flowers this way as I had to basically hold them out in front of me so he could see them but so that they were far enough away from him not to touch and not to be anywhere near the scissors I was using. I am sure the health and safety police would have had something to say but I was very slow and careful with what I was doing and he loved being so involved in the process. It was slower progress than I would normally make but it allowed me to get the job done. That took at least double the amount of time it would normally to get all the flowers ready to work with, so I gave us a little feed break (him- milk, me - a scone (still obsessed with them since pregnancy!)), then back to it. 

However, he just really wasn't into sitting in his bouncer or being on his mat and I couldn't have him in the sling to actually make the arrangements as he kept wanting to grab at them and it was just awkward to have to hold them at arms length so I spent an exhausting afternoon with him in his bouncer, trying to make bouquets in-between giving him a cuddle or head stroke, singing Xmas songs at him very animatedly to keep him entertained, wiggling and dancing flowers in front of him and basically trying anything and everything to keep him from, or stop him crying. Needless to say it was pretty tiring trying to concentrate on making good flower arrangements too and I didn't get as much as I had wanted done. 

The next day, and my last chance to get everything finished before the wedding the following day, I brought in back-up in the form of his paternal nanny Sue and she was brilliant at playing with Pads and taking him out for walks so I could get all of the wedding flowers done, with breaks for breast feeds and cuddles every couple of hours of course. It was no mean feat (I did 1 bridal bouquet, 3 bridesmaids bouquets, 2 flower girl posies, 6 aisle posies, 35 table jars, 2 thank you flower pots, 5 buttonholes and 3 corsages plus made a floral garland for an entrance on site on the day so a big order for just little old me) and was pretty exhausting, but I am so glad I got to get stuck back into making flowers which I love, I really enjoyed doing it and I proved to myself that I can still do it and be a mum at the same time as the flowers did turn out really well in the end and most importantly, the bride and groom were very happy. 

We were guests at the wedding too and Pads was an absolute hit and looked so dapper in his baby grow tuxedo shirt, bow tie and velvet dinner trousers. He heard his first ever loud group clapping at the ceremony and was at first a bit scared but by the end of the wedding day, he was totally cool with loud talking, loud music and loud clapping and whooping, taking it all in his stride and even managing two very good naps despite the noise. So proud that he nailed his first wedding and looked so cute doing so.

4. The sleepy day. 

Early on in the week, and not long after me getting over last week's lurgy (plus the final day I was on penicillin), we had a big day out with his maternal grandparents taking in Chepstow castle again and spending some lovely chill time in a local pub, and Pads was a sleep monster! Not sure if it was the fresh air or being out and about again after a week of mainly being cooped up inside but he slept for 2 and a half hours straight in the day which he never does, and this started off in his car seat and he stayed asleep being transferred to his pram and being bundled up in many Winter layers for a walk. It almost got to the point that I wanted to poke him and wake him to make sure he was still breathing and was ok, but luckily I resisted and was content with just listening to his breaths to check that. Then that evening, he did 4 hours in a block over night! That's my boy! (The night after the wedding he also did another 4 hour block of sleep so I don't want to get too excited but am wondering if what D:ream said in the 90's is true,that 'things can only get better'. Here's hoping)

5. Feed and squeeze. 

During feeds he has started grabbing a bit of boob firmly and then squeezing or pinching it in a super strong gripped, sort of pulsing action. Whether this is to try and get more milk out maybe or just a new action he is perfecting I don't know but it I do know that it can hurt! I have a little boob bruise from it and He actually drew blood with his extra strong squeeze the other day when he decided to add digging his ever growing sharp talons in at the same time as squeezing. Ouch. Am trying to stop this new activity before it becomes habit! 

6. The frustration cry. 

We have a new favourite vocal this week. when playing with a toy that he wants to do more with than he knows how yet, or when he is trying to roll but only makes it halfway, or when he is on his tummy but fed up, or in his cot but wanting to be picked up, or in his car seat but wanting to be held or just wanting attention, basically a LOT, Pads is letting out a loud sort of 'urgh!' frustration wail before inevitably ending up grizzling or crying if he doesn't get what he wants. He is really trying to do so many new things and it is making him so cross when he can't quite get there. He has also totally found his volume dial and did the loudest squeal ever this week which I think surprised even him! I love how much he is learning and discovering all the time, it makes it all so worthwhile.

7. Double roller. 

We had a comedy morning trying to get ready whilst chasing a delivery that hadn't turned up and having to answer the door to posties and couriers and kids selling raffle tickets back to back, all whilst Pads was wrapped in his towel waiting for his morning wash. When I was finally able to actually get him washed and dressed for the day, I popped him on the middle of the bed to grab his outfit and he rather casually just rolled from his back to his front and looked positively chuffed with himself. Now this is something he has been practicing really hard and has only managed a couple of times after lots of effort and here he just did it as if it was something he has always done. I got super excited and made a huge fuss which made him smile and chuckle then he just cooly rolled back from his tum to his back to let me dress him. That's my boy. Double roll action- a milestone! No wonder he has been so active lately if that's what he was building up to. I don't think I have ever felt prouder. Now, let's see if he can do that again!

8. Off and on. 

Now Pads is getting older and more aware of everything, he is much More easily distracted when feeding and often stops a feed to have a look at something bright or work out where a noise has come from, or sometimes just to look up at me and make a cute gurgle chatting sound and then back on he goes. He also spent a good few mins half sucking while gazing in absolute intrigue and wonder at his own hand, turning it around just in front  of his face like it was a newly discovered treasure (which I guess to a degree it is).  It does mean that out and about now it is much harder to conceal the breast when feeding as I have to keep popping him back on so we are back to using a trusty blanket when a place is too busy so will just distract him even more or if I think our company would be embarrassed by constant boob flashing, usually I don't much care anymore who sees boobage but am being sensitive to others as part of my breastfeeding crusade. Putting it out there without literally putting it out there if you catch my drift. 

9. Long blonde locks. 

All of a sudden Pads hair has grown thick and luscious and golden blonde. I am pleased he seems to be taking after me in the hair department rather than his dad, as let's just say Pads has waaaay more than his father has on his head already!

                                                      ***

I feel that our son is gearing up for some big movements and developments very soon, with the exuberant rolling and manic kicking, I am expecting some furtive crawling attempts very soon and I definitely have to have eyes in the back of my head now - no more putting him down and him staying there anymore.  My boy is growing up, and I love it.

Week 20 - the lurgy and lack of sleep continued...

Week 20

                                                       

This week was basically cancelled due to my rubbish throat and immune system - no Daisy Foundation class, no Baby Sensory, no swimming and no breastfeeding group. I am sorry Paddington. 

While it's been a pretty dull one in terms of activity and play, it has also been quite lovely to strip our time back to the basics and just enjoy lots of in bed snuggles, side lying feeding throughout the day, day time cat naps together, skin on skin contact and shared baths. Although being ill with a baby is not easy, and there were times when I really wished I could go back to those indulgent and selfish pre mummy days when I could just stay in bed sleeping or watching Netflix all day to get over tonsillitis, I will say that Padster's gorgeous smiles and chuckles and just having him to look after as well as myself, have kept my spirits up and given me more to focus on than just feeling like shit (and thus feeling sorry for myself), so thank you Paddington. You really are the best. 

Here's week 20.

1. His first doctor's appt.  

As I have the lurgy and Pads has been sleeping so badly, as well as being generally crankier and more fractious than his usual self, I took him to get checked out at the doctors too, just to be on the safe side. He was as good as gold during his check up (apart from having just done a stinky poo seconds before we were called in so that smelt really good!). He was just interested in what the doctor was doing and looking around his new surroundings. He had the full-on stethoscope treatment front and back, his temperature taken, his ears inspected and mouth checked for tonsillitis. Thankfully, he got the all-clear on everything so it probably is just 4 month sleep regression, teething and a massive developmental leap causing all the fussiness and wakefulness. Good to know he is fit and well, at least one of us is! 

2. Milky Way. 

I got given a course of penicillin and told to take paracetamol as well and I am pretty sure that they have been affecting my milk. They say only a trace will go into the breast milk and they are fine to take when breast feeding but he has been a bit crankier - if that's possible! - since, definitely windier and finding it harder to burp, less satisfied and often grizzly after a feed and has been sick more than usual, so it seems too much of a coincidence. Luckily it was only a 6 day antibiotics course and it seems to have cleared away my infection (stay away forever please!) so am sorry for any cause I had in your milk being a bit off little guy.

3. Language and play. 

We were invited to a free local playgroup at the end of last week that I didn't get chance to write about on last week's post, run at the Acorn Centre where we had our brilliant Baby Acorns group a while back, and it was great to see the lovely Sue again, who runs this group as well. Pads was the only baby there, the other 2 were toddlers running around very energetically, so I did wonder if Pads would get much out of the group at first. 

We started with some play time for me and Pads in their baby area and he absolutely loved the new toys around him, especially some mirrored jigsaw pieces and a rainmaker that fascinated him. The older kids did some music time, banging drums and throwing bells etc... whilst we had a breastfeed and I was so tired by the lack of sleep the night before that the noise was almost unbearable so I thought about just leaving then. But am glad we stayed, as they next laid out a giant colourful parachute, which was very attractive to Pads and made him voluntarily want to go on his tummy on it to look at the colours, and then they brought out the bubbles. He is a big fan of Bubbles it seems!!! He properly followed them with his eyes as they floated by him and kept trying to grab at them. It was so good to see him so responsive and intrigued by what was happening around him. He also found watching the toddlers stomping about and having tantrums very fascinating and I saw a glimpse into our future! That's a whole new kettle of fish when they can run and snatch toys isn't it?!!! It is brilliant that they run groups like this for free to help mums get out and about and give them ideas for play and I fully support the work that these ladies and the centre do. 

4. Ear defenders rock! 

I have found a great way to get the hoovering done, entertain Pads and also be a bit of a workout for me. Wearing the boy in the carrier whilst vacuuming! You can work up quite a sweat actually.  As its so loud - the day they invent a quiet vacuum, I am first in line - I was worried about his little ears, so popped his brand new ear defenders on and he seemed totally chilled and happy in them. I got a job done easily and it resulted in sleep - for him at least!!! I took him out of the carrier and popped him on his play mat while I put everything away and by the time I came back he was fast asleep, love him, for a good hour. So that's our secret to sleep then is it? Get the Hoover out! 

5. Our boy does have a routine! 

When it comes to bowel movements at least. For the past 2 weeks, he waits until daddy has left for work and he's had his early morning feed, then does a massive poo just for me to clean up! It's been pretty much like clockwork for the past fortnight so I know we will have a poopy nappy between 6-9am everyday. We have also gone up to size 3 nappies now as we ran out of 2's and he will be in the 3's for longer as they bridge a wider weight gap,  so makes sense. I also think they fit better and do a better job of holding things in, as we had started to have a few little pooey leakages again with the number 2's. 

6. The night I tried to get some sleep. 

I basically reached boiling point with not getting any proper sleep last weekend and started to feel unwell, so we decided I would go into the spare room to try and sleep for a few hours while Jon did a night shift with Pads. It didn't really go to plan. 

After a feed, snuggle and Pads falling asleep, I crept out to a lovely big, spacious bed and started to settle down to sleep when he started crying very loudly and wouldn't stop. (Pads this is, not Jon!) So Jon came and got me. Only 8 minutes had passed and I hadn't had that sleep yet. So I settled Pads back down and into his cot, waited for a few minutes then toddled off to that big, comfy bed again with all my fingers crossed. I started to drift off again, when the crying began even louder and more upset than before. I lay there for a minute or 2 willing it to stop and for Jon to sort it out, but it wasn't stopping and only getting worse, and I couldn't lay there listening to my son crying, so back in to the room I came and settled him again. 

Jon felt dejected and in his words, 'useless' at this point as Pads didn't want to settle with him, and settled almost immediately with me. I guess it's because he is used to me and Jon doesn't do the night shifts  so Pads wasn't used to him. I got him down in his cot again and this time, stayed in the room to see what would happen, lamenting the sleep I never got. 

5 minutes passed and he was awake and screaming again. This was awful!! I got up again to settle him and just burst into tears. I was exhausted and feeling crappy with a sore throat and swollen glands and I just needed some sleep but neither my son or my hubby could give me any. Jon tried to take over the comforting of Pads while I cried it out, and then I just admitted defeat and settled down for a lying down feed with Paddington. He fell asleep promptly afterwards and I just stayed with him, not daring to try and move him to his cot again or move myself in case he awoke again. 

I finally got a blissful 1.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep in the spare room where I could fully stretch out and bundle up the duvet without worrying about a little person, such a treat!, at 4.30am when I was certain that Pads was fully asleep and he had had a couple of night feeds to keep him going. I was in a full on dream state when I heard him crying again, and dutifully returned to my post by Padster's side. But that brief sleep was beautiful while it lasted. And I will treasure it forever.

The next day, I had tonsillitis. My old nemesis there you are, snuffling around when I am at my most tired and run down (me and tonsillitis go way back. I don't even have any tonsils anymore as I used to get it several times a year for a couple of weeks straight, so they were taken out in my early '20's, but I still get it. How is that for unfair?!). 

Tonsillitis with a baby doesn't mix, as the only thing that really makes you feel better is sleep. And the only thing not guaranteed, or rather that I am guaranteed not to get with this particular baby, is sleep. The cruel irony of it all.

I would like to announce however that on the Monday eve my little monster gave us 4 hours 20 mins of uninterrupted lovely sleep. When I needed it most. He is a star.

And just to prove that every day changes, the next night we had one of the top 3 worst nights in his history. I saw every hour until 5.30am when he finally decided to sleep for 2.5 hours. I gently sobbed my way through most of that evening wondering why something as natural as sleep was causing so much grief. 

The rest of the week followed this fairly-promising-return-to-good-sleep pattern one night (maximum 4 and a half hours sleep in any of these 'good' nights mind, and there were only 2 of them) and then the next day would be back-to-shitty- hourly-wakings-again pattern.  We really don't know what else to do to get us all more sleep, nor do we have the energy to try anything new at the moment, so are just trying to cope with it as best we can. 

Thanks for all the solidarity and advice on sleep by the way peeps - it is good to know it's not just us!

7. Sleep regression is a good thing. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know 'she's gone doolally through sleep deprivation so has convinced herself of this ridiculous statement to get through it', well maybe, but hear me out. A friend sent me a link to The Sleep Lady's blog and I read the best piece of advice on this whole sleep thievery business that has made me see it in a more positive light (well, during daylight hours anyway, I am less convinced in the middle of the night). 

He is growing both physically, mentally and absolutely in terms of his development and this has all happened over the past few weeks, coincidentally around the same time that sleep went out of the window. He suddenly wanted to try rolling all the time, explore everything with his hands and mouth, engage with the world, is especially drawn to light sources (lamps, screens, phones, windows etc...) and has become really very vocal, practicing new sounds and 'chat' almost daily.  At the same time he also became fussier, started waking throughout the night, napping less and crying more. And according to The Wonder Weeks book and app he has just been through his biggest 'leap' yet. The new things he has been learning have absolutely been causing him to want to be awake more to practice and also to be unable to sleep as well as before, or for as long, while his brain processes the huge leaps he is making in his growth and development. 

The Sleep Lady's simple advice was to just do what you need to do to get through and remember that sleep regression is temporary, and crucially that you won't create any long term bad habits during the first 6 months anyway. Phew! And I believe she is right and am so happy to hear someone say all of those words, as this is a really tough parenting, and babying stage for us right now. 

This week in particular because I haven't been feeling well, to get by, Pads and I have totally been co-sleeping in the day for naps and at night and sodding the cot for now, so I could feed him more easily and respond to him quicker, and it worked for us. We got a bit more sleep than we would've done I believe and I wasn't completely exhausted in trying to get him to sleep in his cot when he was happily sleeping in the bed, nor having middle-of-the-night meltdowns getting him back to sleep. I simply rolled over and fed and soothed him back to sleep, then went back to sleep myself. 

I was worrying that I was 'making a rod for my own back', and maybe he has gotten a bit used to feeding to sleep and sleeping with us this week, but I was simply getting us through this week as best as I could and it needed to be done. And he is only 4.5 months old, so he is still young and sleep training will come. We have been winging it pretty well so far, doing whatever needs to be done to get by and we are doing ok, so we will carry on muddling along a while longer.