Week 25 - highchairs and low sleep

Week 25

1. Sleep. Oh how I miss thee!

Sleep goals: again, just anything at all at night please and still trying for around 3 hours in the day. 

Sleep reality: day time naps are going pretty good with a consistent 2-2.5 hours on average a day and there is a sort of pattern emerging, with him liking a cat nap around 2 hours after he has woken up for the day, of around half an hour to 45 minutes usually and then around lunchtime he tends to go for a longer hour or so nap and then makes the rest up with little bursts of naps throughout the rest of the day. So not too shabby. His favourite places to nap are in the car, the buggy or on me. I tried to get him to fall asleep for a daytime nap in his cot but after an hour of trying, we gave up as it just wasn't happening and he was starting to cry by this point, but he was quite happy in there for most of that time so that's something. 

Sleeping through the night though? That's the same old story, but for 3 nights in a row he didn't sleep longer than 1.5 hour amidst doing really bitty bursts of 20-45 minutes then waking up, so unfortunately and confusingly he has gotten worse this week. And he is refusing to sleep in his cot now as well, waking up almost as soon as he is put down or as soon as he has gone to sleep in it and not being soothed by any means that have worked before, so we have mainly been exclusively co-sleeping every night to at least allow us to rest, if not to sleep any better. 

I don't mind saying that I am absolutely exhausted. My arms are stiff from being tense and rigidly curved in a c around him in the bed to keep him safe, and my eyes feel hot and itchy from lack of proper rest. I feel very fuggy in the head too, and find myself staring a lot and keep forgetting things. I could really do with some sleep basically as my batteries are running pretty low. I'm not sure I can keep going at this pace, and have to keep reminding myself that 'this too will pass'. I hope. Though it doesn't seem to be showing any signs of returning to those glory days of 4-6 hours of regular blocks of sleep at night. We didn't know how lucky we were only a few months ago! 

**However, on Friday night, it's as if he read the above and took pity on me and slept for 4.5 hours straight at the cottage! The bed is bigger and perhaps because it's a newer environment it tires him out more in the day, plus we did a 2.5 hour walk in the bracing cold around our village and along the canal so I am guessing that volume of fresh air and outside stimulation helped too. 

2. Night feeder.

One cool thing about this week's disturbed sleep routine however, has been to do with breastfeeding. We feed lying down in bed throughout the night for comfort and ease, and because it at least lets us both rest. 

As I have been so tired, after he has finished his feed and come off the nip and dropped off to sleep, I haven't bothered to put my boob away and have just fallen asleep au natural shall we say, next to him. I have twice now woken up an hour and a half or so later with him back on the boob feeding, which is quite a beautiful thing as he has found his way back there in the dark and latched on perfectly all my himself. It made me feel very earth mother-esque in a way. I am sure there will be many tutters out there saying that it's me being so close to him at night that is keeping him awake and wanting to feed more, and maybe there is something in that, but it feels so natural and good to be there for him and so wonderful that he can find me in the dark when he wants or needs me, that surely is as nature intended us to be in the first place? 

Whilst we are on the subject of breastfeeding I must give a huge high five to my uni pal Lindsey, who made an incredibly impassioned, eloquent and knowledgeable speech all about the merits of breastfeeding and the importance of her local drop in breastfeeding support centres at a regional council meeting to try and secure the continuation of its funding and stop them from having to close. Her words were so powerful, honest and from the heart/breast that she received a standing ovation from the councillors and has garnered amazing publicity for the cause in the press and media. 

I absolutely take my hat off to you Linds as your speech was spot on. Breastfeeding is amazing for both mother and baby but we need support to breastfeed and local councils and the government at large need to start to realise just how important it is to keep this country breastfeeding and to offer support to mums who want to. The Nhs is stretched beyond its means as it is and midwives and health visitors just don't have the time to give to breastfeeding mums who need help and support, so we need support centres and volunteer groups across the UK to offer the vital breast feeding information, guidance and support that is missing in our current health system. And we need more support centres than we currently have, so we absolutely don't need the ones that are running and proven successful to face closure. Read all about Linds amazing speech here -

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2016/01/08/mum-speech-to-save-breastfeeding-support-service-hampshire_n_8937912.html 

It is quite simply brilliantly said. 

3. Night rider 

Travelling in the car, in the dark with Paddington is becoming quite the challenge. He does not like the dark. And especially not in a car. 

We have a little hedgehog night light which we always put on for him in the back which used to placate him but now it seems that his dislike of night time driving is worse than ever. He screams the car down and gets really worked up with tears flowing and a bright red face, so for the last few evening car journeys I have had to sit in the back with him for a really stressful journey of trying everything to stop him crying - singing, making up stories or rhymes, rattles, head stroking, offering him my finger/hand/arm to chew - nothing works for longer than a few minutes and he is off screaming again. I also start feeling sick pretty fast in the back seat of the car so am basically trying to avoid being in the car with him when it is dark as much as possible. This is proving tricky in the Winter when the light goes around 4.30pm so bring on the Summer I say! 

4. Reflux?!

He is definitely being sick much more frequently than ever before and it seems to have gotten worse over the recent Xmas and new year fortnight. I put it down to me over-indulging in cheese, chocolate, hot chocolate with cream, brandy sauce, and rich food in general, (I basically became a cow's milk and dairy junkie it seems) but it's still happening and I am not eating the same amounts of these foods now. He is being sick at least twice after most feeds now and it's a mix of the really watery, get everything wet sort of sick and the smellier, gooier cottage cheese sick that feels really warm when it lands on your arm. It doesn't seem to bother him at all and he isn't showing any signs of pain when being sick, just frustration perhaps and clearly not loving the taste in his mouth of brought up milk.

I am wondering if it is the dairy, and especially cow's milk, as a I really have eaten a lot of it lately so I am cutting out dairy again for a couple of weeks to see if that helps. It's back to almond milk for a while. 

He has also started gargling with the sick almost every time too as if he really doesn't want to lose the milk, so often after a feed he will be sick a couple of times in a row now and sometimes even up to an hour after feeding, but I actually think it's probably the same sick that he keeps gargling and swallowing and not letting it come out properly the first time. I still sit him upright and burp him as I have always done but it doesn't seem to make any difference at all. He is still sick, the same as if I had just laid him down straight away after a feed. I am having to change his clothes a lot at the moment as he keeps soaking himself with this new watery vom and I really hope it doesn't start affecting his weight gain as I can't see how he is keeping much food in him. 

Another reason for the increased vomming I think, is that he just wants to be moving and on the go all the time now so even though I try and keep him upright after a feed for a good 15-20 minutes, he wriggles around and twists and arches his back to look at things and basically tries to escape on to his tummy or start rolling, so he is jiggling all that lovely milk around more than ever. 

I am hoping this is just a phase linked with his increased movement and maybe me cutting out dairy will help as we are just going through clothes and muslins like there's no tomorrow and my boy is not normally a sick baby. He seems healthy and happy otherwise though so I really don't think he is unwell. He just needs to slow down and stop moving about so vigorously immediately after a feed - which is never going to happen! I have heard other mums talk of reflux so I am wondering if it is that, but I really thought they got less sick as they got older, not more. We have a weigh in next week so I will talk to the health visitor about it to be on the safe side.

5. Chew-bacca. 

He adores his feet. It has gone from being an occasional experiment of movement to put his feet in his mouth to him literally ramming half a foot, sometimes trying to get both in, his mouth at any opportunity. He is fascinated by them and really pleased with himself for being able to chew them. He literally folds himself completely in half, no exaggeration, when lying on his back, to get maximum foot coverage in the mouth and it's pretty impressive. I wish I was still that flexible! He even tried to do it in the swimming pool during our lesson this week when I laid him on his back in the water. The boy has a foot fetish for sure. 

6. Swim firsts. 

Jon has not been able to see Pads swim so far as he works when we have our class, so we went for our first family swim at a nice, tiny pool near our cottage. It was the first time that I had taken him swimming without a class or teacher too so was a big day out for all. And I am very pleased to report that it went swimmingly (ahem!). 

Pads is a natural born water baby, he just loves it. He splashed wildly about even though the pool was a couple of degrees colder than what he is used to, despite us calling ahead to check the temperature first - they said it was 29-30 degrees, more like 26 we reckon!  

He giggled away as we practiced swimming and then I did our first proper solo under water swim and he kicked his legs brilliantly under the water and came up smiling and squealing with joy which was also a first! It could not have been a better show for his daddy and Jon just loved seeing his boy so happy and having fun in the water. Those swim classes may be bloody expensive but they are so worth it to have given him, and me, the confidence and skills in the water. 

Our first Water Babies class back after the Xmas break, we did releases, where we let go of our precious babies for a second or two while they were under the water to get them used to the feeling and build their confidence that they can do it on their own. It was nerve racking to think about letting him go but it really was for no time at all and he was fine about it. 

He once again, loved his swimming lesson and at the end when we sang 'twinkle twinkle' and he lay on his back floating in the water we had the most gorgeous, loving eye contact that nearly made me cry. He was looking at me with an expression that I can only describe as absolute love and almost as if he was saying 'thanks for bringing me to classes and looking after me mum'. It made me feel like a million dollars and son, you are so so welcome. I would do anything for you and love spending time with you. 

7. Ticklish. 

We have figured out Padster's ticklish bits, the inside of his increasingly chunky thighs and his neck.  He loves a good tickle session and gives a good hearty chuckle which is hugely addictive and makes you just want to hear more. I blow on his neck when we cuddle and he thinks it is hilarious, in fact he thinks having raspberries blown on his tum or legs after a nappy change, is absolutely hysterical, and his reaction is pure joy. If I could bottle it, I'd make a fortune. 

8. No go

A small word of warning for any mums of small children with buggies in South Wales - never go to Cwmbran and park in the free multi storey car park. Firstly, the spaces are so small you may not even be able to open your car door let along a boot to get a buggy out or a back door to get a baby out (yup, this happened to me - I parked up and couldn't get out of the car as the doors didn't have enough room to open!) and secondly, there are no ramps or lifts for buggies so you have to somehow navigate yourself, a baby and a buggy down the numerous flights of steep stairs (I didn't get as far as having to do this as was stuck in my car, but my friend Carys, who I was meeting, had to struggle with her son Jude in his buggy and get a kind passer-by to help her get the buggy out of the car park!). Absolutely ridiculous in this day and age to be so non parent and child friendly. That coupled with the awful at-a-stand-still one way traffic to just get into the town centre in the first place has put me right off the whole place. So, just don't go to Cwmbran at all if you have a young child with you would be my advice. 

9. I love his latch. 

Because my boy is growing so fast, right before my very eyes it seems sometimes, I am trying to take in as many of the little details and moments as possible to cherish, as I know they will be gone soon. And something I can't get enough of at the moment, is his latch. It is adorable. I love the way he tilts his head back and latches his mouth wide with such excitement and vigour, and that he knows exactly what to do as he has done it literally hundreds of times before. 

He makes the cutest little first suckling sounds as he latches and works to get the milk flowing and then the satisfied gentle swallows and sucks that follow just make me swell with pride that we have been able to enjoy breast feeding and that he has been able to get everything he needs from my breast milk for coming up to 6 months exclusively very soon. I know that this isn't the case for every mum who wants to breastfeed so I do feel very lucky and privileged to have been able to work at it and get to this point in our feeding when it feels so natural and relaxed for both of us. 

10. The Daisy foundation Wrigglers.

We started a new baby class this week, which is the follow on class from the Daisy Foundation Tinies class we loved so much last year, for older babies who now like to wriggle and roll - definitely mine! Unfortunately the lovely lady who ran our last class wasn't doing this next level up class yet so we had to join a new class with a new teacher in a new area, my old school stomping ground of Monmouth in fact. 

The class was just as fab and the teacher just as lovely which was great and Pads really enjoyed the increased energy and activity that this level offers. We sang lots, moved them around more and got to play with some chiffon scarves which he loves for some sensory time at the end. She also did some listening games to teach babies to focus and concentrate and it was amazing to see them all stop and be mesmerised by her waving bells and rattles about and stopping moving when we sang a song and then said stop. Incredible really how clever and adaptable babies are at this age. I think we are going to get a lot out of this class and it is really nice to be in my old home town and to show Pads around. 

11. Preparing to wean

This is the week before we start weaning so I decided to get organised.  We were amazingly given 2 high chairs, 1 sturdy IKEA easy to wipe clean number with big tray that he can sit comfortably in now, that is on loan from my pal Gemma, as his starter chair, and we were also given 1 very stylish burgundy wooden designer Stokke Tripp Trapp chair from my mum's very generous and kind boss, Heather, that is meant to be used at the dining table for when he is a little older as it doesn't have the baby set needed for him to sit in now, or a tray, and we don't have a dining table at the moment, so that will be his more grown up chair for when he can sit up on his own completely unaided. Thank you to both ladies for saving us a lot of money and hassle in researching and buying high chairs - they are both fab and he already loves sitting in his Ikea chair and playing. 

So, we got the chair(s) and I have been slowly building up a kit of spoons, a bowl, bibs, his first cup and trays and containers for his food whenever there has been a sale on or I've seen a good deal in the supermarkets, so it was time to get a supply of food ready. I decided to use the Ella's Kitchen purple book on weaning as my guide to getting started and take a mixed baby led weaning and purees approach. I thought I'd make a day of it cooking up veg and making purées like a real domestic godmother. With Pads seated in his new high chair watching me and happily playing with a beaker of water I had given him, and with some motivational tunes blaring, I got to peeling and chopping 2 parsnips, 3 carrots, 1 swede and 1 large potato, then slicing 100g green beans, half a head of broccoli and half head of cauliflower. So far so good. 

Pads was actually tipping the beaker into his mouth and getting a few drops of water which gave him a slightly confused expression but then he would tip the beaker for some more so he seemed to enjoy the action and the sensation of his first taste of water. He would then bang the beaker on the high chair tray and tip the cup over the edge for me to dutifully pick up, and for him to dutifully drop on the floor again. And again. And again. You get the idea of this fun game. 

Next, came the veg boiling, 4 pans on at once and by now Pads had had enough of being in his chair and had become super frustrated with the beaker screeching at it and looking upset, so we had hugs then I switched him to his bouncer, which no longer bounces as I keep forgetting to buy, let alone replace the batteries. 

I then thoroughly washed and dried all the containers while the first lot of veg cooked, and by the time I was done the potato was ready to be drained, mashed with a fork and turned into a purée by slowly adding some of the reserved cooking water. It resembled wall paper paste by the time I was done, looking for the consistency of runny honey, and that was the first home made purée to be poured into the awaiting ice tray. I felt like a proper mum at this point and oddly proud of myself for what was essentially just boiling up some veggies. Then it was the fiddly process of washing up the blender and bits and pieces and on to the next cooked veg. 

Pads had now had enough of the bouncer this time so we had more hugs and I popped him on his play area so he could stretch and roll around and I dashed back to the kitchen to drain and blend the broccoli into purée. Thus followed a pretty exhausting hour of washing and drying the blender 6 more times (why are they so fiddly to clean?!), inbetween draining and blitzing veg and transferring to containers then covering to cool, whilst going to check on Pads every minute or so. I was dashing around the hot kitchen like I was on a timed cookery show and did wonder why I decided to cook up 7 vegetable purées in one day rather than just do it gradually over a week or something, but it seemed so simple on paper. 

Before I got to blitzing the parsnips and swede, my final 2 veggies, Pads lost it and went into a crying fit, basically because he was bored and now hungry, so I downed kitchen tools and sat and had a lovely welcome feed with my boy after which he promptly fell asleep for 2 whole hours on me!!! I needed a rest too so put on a crappy film and we cwtched until he woke up, and I was able to finish off my puréeing frenzy. He now has 70 cubes of different foods (apparently each cube is equivalent to 1 meal so this should keep us going for a little while...!).

I really hope he eats at least some of this, or if not then at the very least enjoys playing with it, as I put a lot of effort into making it for him. Bring on the next adventure!

Week 23 and 24 Bumper edition - Paddington's First Christmas and Happy New Year!

Part 1

Week 23  - Paddington's First Christmas

1. Super sounds

My boy is now blowing proper raspberries and practising blowing and breathy sounds with his mouth a lot. He likes a 'ffff' or 'thhh' sound or anything that involves using his tongue. It actually gets very close to sounding like real words at times. I think we may have a chatterbox on our hands soon.

2. Getting too big for biological?!

I hadn't even considered that Pads might be getting a bit on the big, and long!, side for biological feeding soon. I thought it's just something that we would do until we stopped breast feeding but my friend Laura pointed out that there comes a time sadly when they just don't fit and it gets hard to maintain the position, and do you know what, sadly I think we are nearly there. To keep him nice and tight and low as is needed for this position, his legs are now hanging off mine and waggling in the air most of the time. I will be very sad to stop using this, our favourite position - it wasn't always this way, when I think of how I struggled with it when we first started doing it and honestly thought I'd never be able to crack it, I now love it and it got us the results and happy baby, happy mummy that we needed. So, what position to do now?! I feel a call to Carol Walton, lactation guru coming on!

3. Naked pre- xmas Sunday!!! 

As a festive treat, and because we probably don't do it enough, it was nappy off and Xmas nuts out in front of the fire last Sunday. And he absolutely loved it. It seems to unleash Paddington's wild and free side. He was rolling around like mad and doing what looked a lot like mini press ups or downward dogs for any yoga fans, but I think was actually his furtive attempts at trying to crawl or at least push himself forward. He hasn't quite figured out what to do with his arms yet and pushes his head into the ground which isn't exactly working to propel him forward and leaves him with little red marks on his head poor love. I have to hand it to him though, he has incredible determination and does not stop trying. He won't be happy until he has cracked it. I admire his spirit and gusto and he will get there soon I am sure. 

Naked Sunday of course became wee all over the mat Sunday - the only bit I hadn't covered with a towel, why of course! But I don't think I have seen anyone so happy to just be free of nappies and clothes and have their bits out and about so it was worth it.

4. New sleeping challenge.

Sleep goals: anything really...I'll take what I can get.

Sleep reality: under 3 hours in the day, averaging 2-2.5hrs as there's been so much going on these past 2 weeks.
He did a 4hr 45mins sleep treat on Xmas eve but has been averaging 2-2.5 hours on other eves since so definite improvements, but this could be because he has been so over stimulated in the days that it's konked him out?!! Time will tell!

He now doesn't want to settle at night for his bedtime feed or sleep because he either wants to stare at his own hands in wonder or practice rolling and trying to crawl. This then usually gives him the hiccups as he has started doing it mid lying down feed which unsettles him and makes him super wriggly until they go, which can take seemingly forever! Great. A newly mobile baby is quite the challenge to adjust to isn't it?!

We also spent 2 nights in a row in 2 new environments, the first time he has been in a different room, so that in itself was a new challenge. We spent a gorgeous Christmas Eve in our almost renovated cottage and Pads gave us the best Xmas pressie ever - just under 5 hours of straight sleep! Clearly, he likes his soon to be new home! 

The next eve, Christmas Day, we went to his paternal grandparents and they had got Jon's old cot out for him! He took ages to go off to sleep at night which isn't normally him, I think because of the sensory overload and excitement of Xmas day and because when he woke he was more interested in staring at his new surroundings (especially the flecked paint on the ceilings!) than sleeping, then when he did go off he only did 2 hours max in the cot but then went off for another 2.5 hours in the bed with me (we had to kick Jon out to another room as the bed was too small for all 3 of us!). 

He did do pretty well though considering he had to deal with 2 completely new sleeping environments back to back after 2 really big days in terms of activity and exposure to new things and lots of people, so I am proud of how he handled it mostly without any fuss at all.

5. Its nearly time to start weaning!

I am super excited about this milestone and chuffed to have made it this far with exclusive breastfeeding which is also why the weaning milestone will come with a tinge of sadness for me, as up until then it's been just my milk that has made my boy grow and nourished his body and soul, and I kind of liked that badge of honour. I know that the first few weeks of weaning are about tastes rather than filling him up so he will still be reliant on my milk for a while yet but it feels like a really big leap in what has been an incredible mother-son breastfeeding journey so far. I know I am not the only new mum to feel this way either as some of my baby group friends have expressed similar mixed emotions about weaning.  

We are going to go for a mix of baby led weaning and feeding from a spoon so he gets the best of both worlds - chance to play and get messy with food himself and also learning how to use a spoon and actually getting some of it in his mouth - hopefully! Any tips from mums who are already on the weaning journey will be very welcome!


6. The night before Christmas

We decided that even though our cottage renovation isn't complete yet, that we would stay over night on Xmas Eve in the one room that is finished, as a family of three. We haven't been able to have much family time as Jon has been working so hard at his day job and then at the cottage, so it felt like a really special and important way to mark Pads' first Christmas. 

To do this, the room had to be cleaned properly of building dust and dirt first so it was safe for Pads and nice for all of us. We went over with Pads to get started and he just went to grizzle town, basically refusing to be put down on the freshly made bed to play and wanting long feeds. I had to resort to putting him in the sling in order to get anything done and it was hard work cleaning in tight spaces with him attached to me, and of course I couldn't do the dusty dirty work with him in such close proximity to the cleaning so Jon had to do that bit, but Pads did enjoy the motion of being up and down in the sling and all the new things to look at. 

I then put up our tiny little fir tree, complete with Paddington's first glass Christmas bauble that I was looking forward to bringing out year after year to remember his first Chrimbo, and it was looking really lovely and festive in our little room den. Then, I forgot I had Pads on my front for a sec and turned quickly, he was kicking his little legs as usual, and yup. He kicked the tiny tree, it fell and the glass bauble smashed to smithereens all over the floor. And then I lost it.

The tears came thick and fast and heavily, and poor Pads even turned around to see what his mum was doing sobbing pathetically at a fallen Xmas tree and broken bauble. I instantly saw it as a bad omen and all the sleepless nights, general exhaustion and pent up frustration over not being in our own cottage yet when we thought we would've been, coupled with Pads being particularly testing on this day, just spewed out of me in the form of fat salty tears and they just wouldn't stop. Then Pads started crying too so I took him out of the sling and hugged him, both of us a couple of cry babies. 

It felt good to get it out actually and admit that I don't always have it together, mostly yes, but it's also ok to not cope some days and to feel upset and like Christmas/your life is ruined for a bit (it isn't you will realise later). Half an hour and some Jon hugs later, Pads was fed and we had both stopped crying and were back on it with our game faces in place and our heads held up high. 

Parenthood is not easy. Renovating an old cottage is not easy. Moving away from where you have lived for a decade is not easy. Changing jobs (from TV Producer to mum) is not easy. All these things at once is a challenge and one that absolutely has highs, and with that, sometimes lows. Thanks to my fantastic friends and family who pick me up when I've fallen down and it WILL all be worth it in the end I know, it's just hard to remember that sometimes! Bring on 2016! 

7. Paddington's First Christmas

Christmas Eve in the cottage was a roaring success however, almost 5 hours sleep from the little man and Jon and I got to spend some quality time together eating cured meats and cheeses - bliss. And Christmas Day at the in-laws with my mum too, was a really lovely family affair and Pads was the star of the show, bringing such joy to all and he loved opening presents and playing with the wrapping paper!

I bought Pads, sorry Santa brought him, some lovely soft rubber bricks by a company called B for Xmas, and he absolutely loves them! They are chewable, similar in feel to his beloved Sophie la giraffe, nice, bright colours but a bit different to the usual primary shades that most baby toys come in, and most importantly they are soft to land on and fun to feel as they have raised numbers and animals and patterns on them to help him learn later on. I think they are fab and he is already enjoying watching me build the bricks up into towers that he can then knock down.  I will be looking out for more toys from this brand.

What Pads got as presents. 


For such a little person, this is an impressive haul - thank you to all our generous and lovely friends and family, we love all of Pads pressies and he will get a lot of fun and wear out of everything. Here's what our boy was lucky enough to get in his stocking(s) this year (clearly he has been very good!): 

A pirate ship for the bath; a Paddington bear first bowl, plate and mug set; a Gruffalo cuddly toy; stacking cups; corduroy dungarees; a rocking bear; a set of natty t-shirts; a lion romper suit; an 'Elf' the movie Narwhale baby grow; a wooden pull along sheep; a cuddly penguin that jingles; bear slippers; personalised reindeer face sheepskin boots; foam floor squares; plastic stacking rings; wooden toy emergency vehicles; a hand knitted cardigan with teddy bear buttons; a hand knitted dog with a balloon mobile for his cot; a wooden alphabet abacus; a wind-up bath toy; mini boat bath toys; a bath time activity play centre; a set of Paddington bear audio books; a reindeer bib and socks; a Xmas elf sleepsuit; a personalised Santa baby songs cd; a navy jersey cardigan; an electronic nursery rhymes activity book; a set of bird hooks for his nursery; a Snoopy cuddly toy; an inflatable snowman weeble; his name in wooden letters for the nursery door; a crab rattle; a toy mobile phone with sound effects; a toy set of keys with sounds; a plastic flashing toy hammer; leather bear shoes; an Aztec fleece lined woollen zip-up cardigan; 'Guess how much I love you' book; hand knitted baby blue hooded cardigan with anchor buttons and lots of cuddles!  What a fab first Christmas.

8. Frustration at his mobile. 

Now my little one is able to move, see and understand so much more, he gets cross when he can't do something. And I mean really cross. The lovely mobile that has kept him amused over his changing table for these past few months is now a point of massive frustration for him. He can reach the images and has done for ages, and was content with just swiping at them or touching them, however now he grabs them and pulls them down with unbelievable strength for a baby and wants to put them in his mouth but they don't come down that far. Then ensues big shouting and cries out loud and he won't go of the mobile. I have taken to having to sit him up at this point so he can properly grab the mobile, but of course he just wants to put it in to his mouth and I'm not sure it's safe for that so I have had to put it higher up so he can put his efforts back into reaching for it again. So far, it has stopped the crying but it's early days!

All in all, we are finding that he becomes frustrated and cross really easily these days. Usually when playing with a new toy or in a new situation, as if he wants to be able to know what to do with the new thing but isn't quite able to do it straight away, and patience has never been one of his virtues, so it sends him over the edge to not figure something out immediately or be able to put it in his mouth instantly! Bless him. 

His world has become an even bigger place I think now he knows how to roll and shuffle about and has become so good at picking things up, holding them, shaking them etc... Sometimes I think it all just overwhelms him and becomes too much. Boxing Day evening he had a bit of a meltdown  because he had so much fun over Christmas with massive amounts of stimulation and excitement and new sights, sounds, smells, touches and lots of faces to look at and look at him, that he needed to just chill and have some quiet time back in his usual surroundings so we returned home on Boxing Day eve to give him a bit of peace and stillness for a bit after such a brilliant sensory Christmas.

All in all, Pads first Christmas was a great success and lots of fun for all the family - I know his grandparents adored having him to spoil and play with on the big day, as did we. Cannot wait for next Christmas now when he will be more aware that something exciting is happening!


Part 2

Week 24 - Welcome 2016. You are going to be a good 'un I think.

1. The 12 wakes of Christmas... 

The day after Boxing Day (the actual Boxing Day that follows Christmas Day, not the weirdly confusing bank holiday Monday one that we had as well). Perhaps it was too much stimulation over the festive period and having been in 2 new places to sleep the previous evenings, but Paddington had a contender for one of his worst nights sleep ever this week. Oh joy to he world indeed. 

He woke a total of 12 times from going to sleep around 7.30pm to waking for the day around7am. 12 times people. I felt like a human yo-yo and as I had decided to actually try and spend some time with my hubby and attempt to watch a movie downstairs with him while Pads slept upstairs, I ended up traversing those stairs like I was on some weird fitness programme, until finally I just gave up and admitted defeat and went to bed myself leaving Jon to watch the rest of the movie on his own.  

A few times Pads woke and needed a burp/fart then was straight back to sleep, a few times he just wanted me I think and went back off after some singing and rocking, and a few times he just wanted feeding, but it was just awful having to get him back to sleep again and again with very little time in-between. I barely slept a wink that night and the next day felt like I had a hangover through sheer sleep deprivation. Not our finest hour. Please do not repeat this Pads!

2. New Year's Goals. 

I don't usually make resolutions to be honest as I break them before February comes, but this year, I am going to try to crack four seemingly simple goals that will do wonders for me and Paddington's health and general wellbeing - if I can pull them off. Wish me luck!!!

ONE -To get me and my son more, and better sleep. I do not yet know how I am going to achieve this. I just know I must, somehow.

TWO - To eat less scones and cake and do more exercise - this last stone of baby weight is not going to go by itself it seems. Weird that. (note I am not cutting out the good stuff completely, I am realistic about my limitations!)

THREE - To see more of our friends and have more family time. And to finally move into our cottage which we have been renovating for over a year now. These 3 things will hopefully all happen once the Welsh cottage project phase 1 is done (and we are nearly there thanks to LOTS of help from our friends and family) and we can actually live in our home, then Jon will have some free time where he isn't required to re-point, re-plaster or re-build anything and we can thus have more family time and invite friends over - triple whammy! Bring it on. 

FOUR - And lastly, is to go easier on myself. I can't do everything and I am doing my best. I may not always get this parenting lark 'right' or be doing what others expect or what other parents do, but I have a very happy and healthy son so that is enough. We are enough and we are doing great. I need to keep remembering that this year and keep on just being the best mum that I can be and throw doubt and comparisons into the wind.

3. 2015 - my review of the year.

2015 was a year of extreme highs and difficult lows and definitely a massive challenge (moving, having a baby, renovating a cottage, delayed move in dates etc...) but it will always be a very special year as it's the year Paddington was born and tipped our world upside down and made it much better.  

I have learnt so much about myself, about my husband and about becoming and being a parent this year and am so proud of what we have achieved and how well our little boy has grown and developed. He is such a source of joy, it is wonderful to have the privilege of watching him grow and being such an active pivotal part of that growth. I am honoured to be his mum and cannot imagine a life without him anymore - what did I do with all my time before?!!! 

I am not the same person as I was pre-Pads and that is absolutely fine. I am now a mum and have huge responsibilities that I didn't have before. I have a dependant and what I do and how I live my life affects him directly so yes I have changed. For the better. My life is no longer all about me, it's all about him and it feels so much more valuable and worthy because of that.  

We have had a lot of similar comments of late from grandparents, friends and even strangers and that is that Pads just makes you feel joyful when you are around him. He is the bringer of joy and that's spot on. Whatever stress you are under or whatever grump you may have been in, after spending just a short time watching him kick his strong little legs vigorously at the floor or in the air;  or roll around his mat with incredible vim and delight; or laugh and smile with glee; or just look at you with those wonderful big blue inquisitive eyes, you forget anything other than that moment and how happy he is and how happy he then makes you feel. He is an absolute tonic. 

If he can have this effect on us and everyone around him in just over 5 months, imagine what he can achieve in a whole year in 2016.  I am so looking forward to whatever comes next in this topsy turvy, emotional rollercoaster ride of a journey they call parenthood and am so thankful and delighted to be able to call Paddington my son and proudly say that I am his mum. He is one special little guy and I really do love him to the moon - and back! 

4. The 5 most important lessons I have learnt about parenting in my first few months on the job.

One - go easy on yourself. 

You are doing a great job. Stop doubting yourself and comparing yourself to other mums all the time and trust in your own instincts. No one really knows what they are doing when it comes to parenting, or indeed life I reckon, and no one knows your baby as well as you do, so you will know what's best for them. Honest. 

And this includes remembering to take a little time out everyday for yourself. Happy mummy = happy baby, you will keep hearing this phrase, but it is true and everyone needs a little 'me' time, so whether it's getting granny to hold junior for half an hour while you take a bath/shower/lie down in a dark room, or your partner takes the baby downstairs when they first wake up in the morning so you can grab a patch of uninterrupted sleep, or if your friend pops over and watches the baby for a bit whilst you paint your nails and drink a hot cup of tea with 2 hands - don't forget yourself and your needs whilst you look after another's. Your baby come first of course, but you deserve a little break now and then too.

Two - If in doubt or in any worry, please just ask for help. 

It is out there and people want to help, they just don't always know how or that you need it unless you speak up. Never suffer in silence basically. 

Top ways that people can really help you: when friends/family come to visit in those first few frazzled weeks, get then to do your laundry, get some basic shopping in, clean the house and make you lunch/dinner or take the baby for a couple of hours while you nap. 

If you want to breastfeed but are struggling with it, speak to your midwife or health visitor but if you still need support then there are groups out there to help you, your health visitor should know where or check on Facebook, or ask if there are any peer supporters (like me!) in your area. 

And if you have any worries at all about your baby's health or if you have dropped them on their head by mistake (see my earlier blog posts...) then don't delay, go to a and e just to be on the safe side - with a newborn they won't mess about, will see to you quickly and put your mind at rest. You can never be too careful. 

Three - you can't spoil a baby and they really aren't little newborns for long. 

Enjoy and cherish every cuddle and don't let other people's judgements or opinions cloud yours. Let your baby sleep on you as much as you want/they need, let them suck their thumb if that's what they want to do (you will be grateful they can self-soothe soon enough), co-sleep without guilt (but safely of course) if it works for you and your baby, take lots of pictures every day so you can hold on to every moment but not so many as you miss all those little moments as they happen, and fully embrace the baby bubble. 

You are their world and they are yours, enjoy it and welcome the slowing down in pace of your life. So, you spent all day just feeding your baby, napping with them and changing nappies and haven't showered/cleaned/washed up yet etc...never mind. You just made a tiny human and kept them alive and thriving another day so high five to you! Those other things can wait, your baby can't, and no mum said they wish they had spent more time tidying up when their baby was growing up. 

Don't miss out on your time with your baby because you think you should be doing other things, just learn to slow down, do less and expect less, and see point two for help.

Four - what you really need to look after a baby.

You really can't have enough nappies, nappy bags, water wipes, muslins, hand and surface spray sanitiser and long sleeved and short sleeved baby grows, so as lovely as lots of trendy baby clothes and cute cuddly toys are to receive at your baby shower/as gifts from well-meaning friends or family or to buy yourself, when you first have a baby, practical presents and purchases really are the best and the ones you will be most grateful of in the end. So if someone asks, 'do you need anything for the baby?', ask for multi- packs of the essentials. You won't regret it. 

Five - it's ok to cry as much as you need to, in fact, crying is a very good thing. 

It will make you feel better almost immediately after the tears have flowed. They may be tears of actual pain at the start, from the aftermath of childbirth (no one tells you about what happens after: the healing, the scars (both physical and emotional, you have just been through a major trauma however you birth your baby and your body is exhausted!), the heavy period pain symptoms as your uterus contracts, sore nipples and big fit- to-burst feeling milk-filled breasts, piles...!) or the onset of doubt at every thing you do (I mean, how is anyone supposed to know how to look after a baby for the first time?!! But I bet you are doing a fab job without even knowing it. Also: stop googling and reading baby books please! It only makes you worry/doubt even more - I was a serial googler for many weeks at the start and it wasn't good for me or Paddington). 

They could be tears of anger or frustration at not knowing why your baby is crying (your baby may not even know why so what chance do you have really?!) or tears because you feel like a failure if you can't stop them crying (you aren't and sometimes they just won't stop crying no matter what you do). 

They could also be tears of absolute exhaustion and sleep deprivation (which will then make you even more tired...now Alanis Morisette, isn't that 'ironic'?!) or tears of feeling utterly overwhelmed and out of your depth at this whole parent thing (this is absolutely normal and means that you care about doing the best job you can do, so therefore you will) or, they could be tears of joy and overwhelming love fuelled by oxytocin and the look of pure innocence and unbelievable cuteness on your gorgeous baby's face (these are the best kind of tears and make you feel euphoric afterwards). 

Let all these kinds of tears out and the feelings behind them will pass and free you up to get on with just being a good mum/dad. The worst thing you can do is bottle them up, so let those tears run free. 

Oh and lastly, you will hear this a lot from other mums and dads and probably won't believe it at the time, but it really does get easier as you and your baby get more confident and more used to each other. Each difficult phase does pass and you are on to the next one. You will get through it and just take each day as it comes. Just make it to tomorrow, do what you need to do to make it there together and then just focus on getting to the next day, and so on. Baby steps make it all seem much more manageable. 

And do you know what? It is all so worth it in the end. Every sleepless night, every hour spent worrying, every sick stained top, every smear of baby poo on your finger, every meal/cup of tea that went cold and you didn't get to finish, they are all worth it just to see the smile on your baby's face and the twinkle in their eyes, that let you know they are happy and healthy and that that is all down to you. Pour yourself a glass of something wet and delicious to celebrate that I say!

Being a parent is a bloody emotional rollercoaster so strap yourself in, hang on and enjoy the ride! 

Happy New Year everyone, thanks for reading my blog and for all of your support through this first phase of parenthood. May your 2016 be filled with joy and new adventures to share with those you love!