Week 6 - Mums can do anything, but not everything

Week 6

We are already 1.5 months in - where has the time gone? Oh yeah, its gone on night feeds, day feeds, chasing sleep, getting sleep, reading baby books (and too much google still!), gazing at my baby, changing nappies, gazing at my baby some more and just generally learning to be a mum. 

6 weeks is a baby milestone that everyone seems to mention - they say if you can stick with breastfeeding for this long then you'll likely make it all the way (we have breastfed for 6weeks now so yay! to both of us for sticking with it), and when we were told we could start expressing if we wanted as latching should be nailed down by now (think we've got it good fingers crossed so we will be expressing for the first time next week - wish us luck!), and when they are less of a fragile newborn baby and more settled. 

Its also of course the week from when mum and baby can get their post-natal checks so it feels like a huge achievement to have made it this far, all of us in one piece!  

This week has been an emotional one and I have felt a lot of different feelings, and I hate to admit that a lot of them were negative, which is not like me.  I am usually a pretty positive person, but I also usually got 8 hours of sleep a night, did whatever I wanted in my day and only really had myself to think about and be accountable for before.  A lot has changed!

Here's this week's ups and downs and how I've come out the other side still smiling (thanks to those of you that pulled me up when I was falling - you know who you are!)  

1. Its not you, its 'me' time. This week I have mostly been reading 'The Baby Whisperer' by Tracy Hogg - thanks for the lend of the book Carys - where I discovered the eat/awake/sleep/you routine which sounded like a good, simple plan to get into. Tracy advocates a routine of feeding then keeping your baby awake for activity time which includes nappy changes/winding/play etc.. then getting them to sleep which should give you some precious 'you' time to do as you please (sleep surely?!) then repeat the cycle. I was really hoping Tracy could help me out on that front and the lack of daytime naps that Pads has been getting too.  In short, I was secretly hoping that this book would fix us. And therein lies the problem with reading any baby books, they won't fix anything, just give you ideas and options and the rest is up to you.   I could really do with remembering this!

The book did get me thinking, and doubting myself again of course, and I did agree with a lot of what she said and thought mostly, it made sense.  However, as with all books, I didn't agree with all of it and will try and just pick out the bits I think could work for us.  She talks about getting rid of bad habits early on, or what she calls 'accidental parenting', which is a term that really bugged me actually, making it sound like something you had done because you were clumsy or silly rather than because you were just trying your best. 

Eating wise, it made me consider that I do let Pads fall asleep at the nip frequently so I should start weaning him off that in order not to become a human dummy but at night, I may still allow it as its often a good (read: the only way) to get him off to sleep and thus get us all some sleep!! 

Activity/awake time wise, she made me think that maybe I was overstimulating him trying to play a couple of games a day and therefore making him more tired in the day which could be why he's so tricky to go to sleep in the day?!

You/ 'me' time wise, I am certainly not getting any 'me' time currently and haven't for 6 weeks - I just thought that came with the territory though?!!! - so getting some of that sounds like a pretty good idea.  (I don't think you can count a 5 minute shower with the hairdryer blowing loudly whilst Pads is in his moses basket to keep him settled as 'me' time can you?!).

I liked the sound of a cycle of eating, activity, sleep and 'you' time, so decided to give it a go.  Here's what happened.

2. Terror Monday.  The week started off with a low unfortunately.  Pads had a 'terror' day - it was definitely a step up from his standard grizzly behaviour.  He was really really screaming, refusing to settle in his basket, Sleepyhead or on either of us as usual.   My boobs were the only things that worked to calm him down - no change there right, I hear you say - but usually we can get him a little bit calm before he goes on the boob, but not this day.  He got himself all red-faced, screeching loud incessant cries, then did a big old fart which made him scream out loud so we wondered if he was in pain from trapped wind as we'd done all the other checks (nappy, temperature, hunger etc..).  We tried burping him in a variety of different positions whilst talking to him calmly, rocking back and forth and bicycling his legs to get the wind out, but there were no glory burps.  Then we tried a variety of soothing methods, as by this point we reasoned he was also overtired and stressed which wasn't helping anyone, so went through our portfolio of singing, cradling, sshing, patting, the white noise sheep, the hairdryer etc...impossible.  So, boob it was, and that was pretty painful as he was so agitated he sucked like he'd never eaten before.  I do still think it was a wind issue, and then he got overtired and worked up but it was a pretty testing day for us all, so I decided the next day I was going to solve all of our issues and get a routine going. Ha! As if I decide anything anymore!

3. The day I tried to get a routine going with my newborn baby (read as: TOTAL DISASTER TUESDAY)/'we are sailing stormy waters'/the day I felt like I massively failed at everything and sucked as a mum.  Yes, I know, what was I actually thinking trying to get a routine going this early, especially with my little live-wire? And yes I know, I shouldn't have been so hard on myself or him, in trying to implement a structure so early on.  But I did and it was a total disaster.

Inspired by the 'Baby Whisperer', I thought I'd try getting a daytime nap routine started using the e.a.s.y method I mentioned above, and crucially I decided I would also train him to fall asleep and continue to sleep on his own in one of his many 'beds' (moses basket, Sleepyhead or carrycot) rather than on me or next to me on the bed as has been our pattern so far.  I was full of positivity and vigour in the morning and thought we'd nail this. So we finished our morning feed, & burped, had some lovely face time, then when he yawned (check me out, looking for sleep signals! Boom!), I got him into his moses basket & sang our lullaby to him softly. He screamed. I took him out, he was wet, so I changed him, believing that was why he screamed, so tried again with my mission.  

I got him into his baby sleeping bag (for the first time yet - another first for him all in one day - I know, what was I thinking?!!), as I reasoned this would be easier to lay him down in once sleepy rather than try and warm up a blanket and put that on top of him once down.  I continued singing our lullaby and ssh patting him for another 15 minutes then he started to drift off again and this time I decided to try putting him down in his carrycot - my reasoning was, the moses basket is upstairs, the carrycot is downstairs so perhaps in the day he should sleep downstairs so I can get things done and still check on him easily without having to go upstairs all the time.  Fair enough right? I had warmed the carrycot mattress and sheet on the radiator first & made sure it wasn't lying flat but tilted, to help with any reflux/wind issues.  He screamed as soon as I let go of him in the carrycot, so I tried the extended pick up/put down method I'd read about in the 'Baby Whisperer'. I picked him up and spent 25 minutes snuggling, ssh patting, head stroking & gentle rocking, then as he started drifting off I attempted to put him down again in the carrycot.  Screams again as I let go.  So I repeated this pick up/put down soothing routine for another 20 minutes.  And he repeated his screaming when I tried to put him down. Feeling disheartened, but not one to give up on a plan easily, I tried again.  Snuggles, ssh patting & rocking in the rocking chair this time for another 25 minutes. He started drifting off, so I tried putting him back in to the carrycot and there was 30 seconds of hope as he lay there and I thought, man I may just have cracked this, then screams again.  

Desperate for him to nap and stoop screaming, I tried to soothe him in the carrycot but he was really having none of it and the cries went up a level.  I also started weeping gently and feeling myself get upset so I have to confess, I let him cry it out (something I swore I would NEVER do as a parent) for a full 5 minutes, whilst I stepped away and cried it out too.  Wracked with guilt, I then picked him up again and gave another good 20 minutes of trying to soothe him again, apologising to him for letting him 'c.i.o' as well.  All to no avail, the cries were now louder than ever as we had missed the nap window completely and gone to hungry/over-tired town.  This made me upset again and I felt myself on the verge of losing my cool as I just couldn't take the crying anymore so my 'sshs' were getting louder and spittier and then I snapped and shouted 'Please just shut up!'.  There. I confess.  I shouted. At. My. Baby. And this was when I called myself a bad parent and decided I was a complete and utter failure and how did I ever think I could do this?!  Way to go self, to kick myself when I was already down.

I needed another couple of minutes to get myself in check, so I laid him in the carrycot and took myself outside for 2 minutes of fresh air and a stern talking to, then came in, took the bloody sleeping bag off him in case he was now too hot and fed him, as over 2 and a half hours had now passed since I first tried to get him to sleep, 2.5 hours of constant loud crying.  I can see why baby cries are used as a form of U.S Navy training as you need a steely resolve to withstand them for any length of time.  I sobbed quietly at my failure to get him to nap (and for losing my cool) throughout the feed, then dutifully burped and changed him - where he ended up peeing in his own eye for goodness sake - then I put him in the sling as I thought at least he usually sleeps in here so lets give up on trying to get him to sleep on his own for now and lets just get him to sleep.  Oh no.  He was way too over-tired for that and just started screaming again.  Are you kidding me I thought?!  My one sure-fire way to get him to sleep in the day was now also failing me.  I gave him the finger 'nipple' to try and sooth him and it seemed to work, only as soon as I removed my finger he freaked out again so we were back to square one and both at the end of our tethers and both of us having had quite enough of today already thank you.

I turned to my mum's soothing technique and put Rod Stewart's 'We are Sailing' on and sang whilst I rocked him back and forth.  The words were very apt: 'we are sailing, stormy waters'.  It didn't work.  I sat in the rocking chair and sang our lullaby which has been helping him get off to sleep most evenings lately, nope.  I walked around humming, trying to stay calm and he kept looking like he was almost drifting off but actively fighting it.  This whole thing was doomed.  I'd gotten us to a point of no return.  This went on for another 50 minutes of solid crying, then I stood next to the washing machine for 10 minutes where he at least stopped crying for a bit, though he was still wide awake and fractious.  I noticed his nappy was full so I changed him and he had a miraculous 10 mins of calm and 'play' on the change mat, then cried again so I just gave him my boob as another 2.5 hours had somehow passed AGAIN of me trying to soothe him and get him to sleep and him being a cry-baby. 

We were both exhausted and stressed out, I hadn't managed to eat or drink anything in over 5 hours and felt utterly demoralised and broken, and yes, like a big fat parenting failure.  I kept thinking in my head, sleep is such a fundamental thing, why can I not even get that right? And the worst thing of all to think, everyone else's baby seems to nap just fine, so it must be my fault that I can't get mine to do the same.  Oh dear.  

Should I have used a dummy to make him stop crying?  Why did I think it was such a good idea to introduce lots of new things to my tiny baby all at once?!  Not only did I try to introduce a routine, I tried to get him to sleep on his own which he isn't used to, and I put him in his sleeping bag for the first time so the poor little man was being subjected to three massive new things all at once and I wonder why he freaked out?!!!  This was a classic case of trying to do it all at once and why I have now decided not to try so hard and to accept that I am not superwoman, my baby is not doing this to spite me, not napping easily and being so alert and interested in everything in the day is just the way he is, and we need to work out our own way to get some day sleep and not try to fix everything at once.  

4. The pursuit of sleep is losing us sleep now.  As above, in trying to introduce a little order to our days and actively work on getting Pads to sleep, I managed the exact opposite.  I tried to get him to sleep in his moses basket at night on the Monday and Tuesday, when he's been sleeping in his Sleepyhead in bed with us or on one of us just fine every night recently.  He didn't take to the basket at all (he never has), and I just undid all the good soothing and settling down for the night work I'd done and consequentially we had 2 nights of very broken sleep, all because I tried too hard to get him to sleep 'properly'.  I am giving up on the moses basket for a while again now, and he may well outgrow it before he ever sleeps in it at this rate, but do you know what, that's ok.  we tried.  He is just not a basket baby.

I have read so much on getting babies to sleep (from the 'no cry sleep solution', to ' the baby whisperer',  'the baby sleep guide' blog, 'your baby week by week' book, various websites such as baby centre, nhs, and taking on board advice from other mums) that I am now more confused than ever and anything new I do try just seems to go wrong. I think I need to stop trying so hard, for all of our sakes, and step away from all the advice for a bit and just do what I think is best and do what I can to get by again.  This method was working out just fine for us before, so hopefully it will again. 

5.  The return to our 'que sera sera' approach to getting through the day.  The Wednesday following Terror Monday and Total Disaster Tuesday, could not have been more of a contrast.  It was a refreshing, and much needed, day of calm and...successful sleep!  We bossed it, by basically, just doing what we do and not worrying about it.  He had 2 good naps in the car when I was out and about (he doesn't always sleep in the car so this felt like his way of cutting me some slack) and 1 lovely long sleep in the sling on a canal walk in-between feeds. He fed well, and was a happy, relaxed, smiley baby during his awake time, which meant for a happy, relaxed, smiley mummy too!  

The next day, we used the same 'just getting on with it and not over-thinking it' approach and achieved another 2 car naps plus a a nap at the pub while we were having a drink - this is a total first - and then another sling sleep.  The elusive e.a.s.y routine we were chasing 2 days ago?  We achieved it 2 days in a row by just doing what works for us.  Lesson learnt here - don't try too hard, stay calm and it will all work out.  Also, each day with a baby is soooo different.  Don't expect too much of either of you and you'll be ok. 

6. Give yourself a break.  Following on from the above,  I stopped taking my own advice.  I stopped asking for help or saying how I really felt and just told anyone that asked that I was 'good, thanks'.    A blanket, meaningless statement. Really, I have been feeling scared; alone; overwhelmed; insecure; doubtful etc... all quite normal emotions for a new mum with a very active and spirited new baby.  This denial of how I was really coping, led to a mini-meltdown of inconsolable tears and thinking that I was failing our son and just not being up to the job.   

I needed to go down that dark and doubting road to come back again, and I now know that those thoughts are not true.  I am doing my absolute best for my son which is all I can do, and above all, everything I am doing, successful or not, is because I love him and want him to thrive.  So, if you ever feel this way, or for when I will, undoubtedly feel this way again due to lack of sleep, exhaustion, the overwhelming enormity of it all etc...hear this:  Don't keep it all in, speak up about how you feel and let it all out.  Cry, sob, wail, shout, whine, rant, moan, to a friend or family as much as you need to.  You are doing a great job and it is not easy.  Hang in there, but don't hang yourself.  You cannot do everything and don't forget to trust and respect yourself.  Besides, only getting 3-4 hours of broken sleep on average a day will take its toll on anyone. 

7.  Learn to let go. Needing/wanting help is not a weakness & if someone else takes the baby and helps settle them you are not a failure! Don't be jealous if they manage to calm them, be happy your baby is calm & learn to let your baby go for an hour with someone you trust and do something for you other than just pee/shower/clean the bathroom/fold the laundry etc...I am guilty of struggling to let others help me this week as I wanted to prove I could do it all myself.  I can't.  And that's ok.

However, I would say to those offering any help to a new frazzled mum, be mindful of what you say and how you say it, every new mum just needs to hear that they are doing a good job as they are probably doubting themselves several times a day and are likely to be very sensitive to how they are doing.  Be gentle with us new mums, we've been through it and are going it through it daily.  Thank you.

8. Shrinking.  Here's a positive downer now.  I am very grateful for my shrinking uterus (which feels a lot like period pains when it starts shrinking - very peculiar, as I felt it most intensely when breastfeeding.  Like dull abdominal ache)  I am now over 2 stone lighter than when pregnant and almost back to my pre-pregnancy weight.  Admittedly a large portion of that weight came off when Pads came out (and all the fluid, placenta and blood too!), but the rest has come off quicker than I thought - perhaps due to all the breastfeeding?  The last stone however, is proving trickier to budge - perhaps the mint magnum treats and choc orange cookies aren't helping?!!! 

After our all-clear hopefully next week, I'll think about trying to fit in some pilates or yoga again - how exactly?! - until then, we'll just keep up our walks and remind ourselves its only been 6 weeks! ( I am doing my pelvic floor exercises everyday though!)

9. The bond is strong with this one.  I really cannot get over how much I love our little man.  It truly is a love like no other.  I gaze at him all the time in wonder at how amazing he is, how perfect all his tiny features are, how handsome he is (of course!) and how on earth we made something so special and precious.  I would literally die for him and that is a crazy thing to say about a guy I've only just met!  This is real true love at its purest isn't it? Makes it all worth it.

10. My breast feeding buddies.  I was lucky enough to be gifted a lovely red and white striped nursing poncho by my fabulous friend Bridget (and made by her equally fabulous friend Sally - check out Lilly Nutmeg on Facebook) and I have been loving how easy it makes breastfeeding in public or around extended family.  Its such a simple design but not only works to protect my modesty, it also keeps Pads focused, as he's started getting more easily distracted when on the breast this week, especially as we've had a lot of big family days with lots of people buzzing around and lots of noise. 

We've been in other people's houses, at our building-site cottage, out for pub lunches and day trips, so we were both out of our usual breastfeeding environment and comfort zone and I found it really hard to breast feed him as he kept coming off and fussing at the nip because he was being distracted all around, which then made me anxious and a bit hot and clammy, (remember that I am the hottest human on earth) which wasn't great for keeping him focused either.  On one occasion I just had to up and leave to give us some peace and quiet and get us back into the swing of breastfeeding smoothly again, so I now make sure I always have my nursing poncho with me in the changing bag and to feed him, I simply take myself into a quiet room or quieter area if there is one (sometimes that's been going to sit in the car for a bit with the doors open), put the poncho on and hey presto, we are back to good feeding again (and I'm getting less hot! Though I did read that breastfeeding can make you hotter and sweatier than usual - great, like I need that!).  

I also treated myself to a very stylish nursing pillow as I figured its the activity that takes up most of my day (plus Pads has started doing some longer feeds again - up to an hour on occasion) so why shouldn't I be super comfy?  Its from Thruppeny Bits, and you tie it around your waist, then you can lie your baby across the pillow, which you can adjust to be just the right height for his latch, pop him on your boob and you can be hands free whilst breastfeeding. Genius. (plus it comes in gorgeous prints - I have the striped blue cord pillow - and no, I am not affiliated with any company I recommend, I just like to share good and useful products.)

11. First social smile!  Early on in the week, Padster gave a lovely wide smile to his big uncle Dave, who he hasn't met before as he lives in Australia, and then he also gave a succession of gorgeous little smiles and gurgles to the lovely Laura and one of my mum's neighbours who he's never seen before.  He is loving life and starting to respond to people who smile at him in social situations, by smiling at them.  Atta boy!  Its the most gorgeous sight to see my little boy interacting with others and me and his dad are also getting a lot more smiles lately.  Our son is such a good learner and developer already, long may this continue.  

12.  Explosions! You know those laxatives I was given last week to help with my piles situation? Well, they aren't working on me, not one bit, but I'm pretty sure they are working on Pads poor fellow.  Is that even possible?!  I am no medic but how else can I explain the explosive, and I mean explosive, nappies we've had of late?! I've decided to cease taking them just in case as if there's one thing my boy does not need, its laxatives! (I need to thank Lindsey here for introducing me to Tucks Cooling Pads - they have given me relief at last! - if you have piles or have just given birth, get these, you won't regret it) 

13. Grasping.  Pads is properly holding/grabbing my clothes & hair now & he held onto a rattle when we were playing & picked up a muslin cloth & wouldn't let it go during a feed!  Something tells me this kid is going to be into everything very soon...

This has been a real roller coaster of a week - one of the toughest yet, but we made it through and we are thicker and stronger than before.  This is a lifetime job and one I will constantly be working on but if this week has taught me anything, its to not try too hard, give myself a break and remember that we are all doing our best and that's what really matters.

Week 5 - the re-learning week

Week 5

We can't believe how quickly our little boy is growing up.  He is smiling more, mimicking us more and just giving us more and more joy and amazement day by day.  Jon got to experience a smile first-hand this week which was brilliant, as he has had to take my word for it so far.  Its been tough with him away in London in the week, for all of us, and probably more so for him as he feels like he is missing out and he just wants to be with his gorgeous son.  I'm the lucky one, as though the nights are long and the responsibility is huge, I get to be with our little bug all the time so I never miss a moment.  

I have had to learn to re-learn or rather, adjust and take on board different advice for things I thought I had down this week.  This is an ever evolving job, being a parent, and its so worth putting in the hours and trying to be the best parent you can be - but as I have also learnt, try and give yourself a bit of a break and don't expect it all to fall into place immediately, or even for a very very long time (if ever?!!!)

Here's what we learnt in week 5.

1. Sleeping 'through the night'. We have reached the holy grail. Our little bug slept 'through the night' once this week! I don't mention this to be smug as it was just the once and I do not know how to repeat it, but it feels like progress and a turning point in our world of chasing sleep. Now, just to clarify 'sleeping through the night' means sleeping 5 hours straight, so its great of course, but it is a bit disappointing that it isn't a full adult 8hours isn't it?!! It was after a feed & some burping & in his Sleepyhead (*Sleepyhead success rate update for this week: 100% - he has slept in it every single night for a minimum of 3 hours overall, usually longer. Boom!!!) The contributing factors to this gorgeous stretch of sleep, which we all benefitted in were: 

It was nice and dark and quiet in the room; we were both calm and relaxed; the feed was a good length but not too long; we did the side lying breast feeding position which is one of our favs at night or early morning as its chilled and comfy for us both and most conducive to sleep; he burped during winding so his tummy was relieved; I stroked his head after laying him down to make sure he settled and to encourage his eyes to close; and I have stopped changing so many nappies through the night as it just wakes him up and takes us back to square one again so I didn't do my usual nappy change after a feed as I had been doing before (of course I'll change a nappy if it feels very full or if I've heard an 'explosion' if you will, but otherwise, we're leaving them on longer in the night). So have I uncovered the secret formula for my baby's sleep, or was he just tired enough?! Watch this space.  

2. I still have no idea what I am doing. No really. Not a clue. Just when I think I might be getting the hang of one aspect of this baby rearing, Paddington throws me a curve ball or changes what he's been doing previously, throwing me back to the beginning of feeling pretty clueless and out of my depth. 

Case in point: Nappies - I thought I totally had nappy changing nailed down. I am very fast at the changeover now and have a good, organised system going, with everything within easy reach. However, he's started 'surprise weeing' more often during a change & my nappy wee blocker technique is no longer catching the flow, hence we end up with pee all over him and me and his clothes so I have to change his whole outfit which distress him and prolongs the whole process.  

2nd case: Winding. We had a good thing going with the over the shoulder burping technique followed by the tummy down on arm and vigorous rubbing method, the combination of which usually resulted in a nice bass-toned man burp. Now, de nada. Nothing. No burp, when he clearly needs to burp. Just a crying baby.  

3rd case: We had the beginnings of a bed time routine emerging that culminated in a good feed session that made Pads sleepy, so he'd drift off peacefully straight after giving us all some sleep, either where he lay or after half an hour or so when properly asleep, I could get him in the Sleepyhead for a nice snoozing session. However, one particular night this week, he did his usual fall asleep after the feed but only slept for 8mins and was then wide awake and wouldn't be settled by anything other than more boob. We had fed very well throughout the day as usual so there wasn't any obvious reason for the extra hunger (growth spurt perhaps?). 

So yes I have to admit that I still have no clue what I am doing. I am winging this and have done a good job of 'faking' it so far I think but I am about to be exposed as the rookie that I am. 

3. Bed wetting. 2 nights on the trot Paddington wet the bed (or rather his Sleepyhead, then my bed) and was soaked through. Why?!! We are back using the 'good' nappies now and its all been going very well, so I thought. I looked into it and am pretty sure it was my fault and I've had to take myself back to nappy changing school. I had become more about speed and efficiency of nappy changing than accuracy. Here's what I wasn't doing and probably caused the wetting through the night-time nappies, as he is a serious wriggler and kicker so nappies need to be put on absolutely right or there will be problems, as I am now very aware! 

His winky needs to be pointing down in the nappy or when he wees it will fill up the top part of the nappy that isn't as absorbent and then leak. I am guilty of not always checking this. I had been dutifully folding down the waistband, once tightly fastened, to stop up-the-back incidents so I could pat myself on the back for that but I wasn't aware that the 'frills' around the legs needed to be pulled out and not bunched up too to help stop leg leakages. And finally, as he's such an energetic wriggler and kicker when being changed and its quite the challenge to just put a new nappy on, I hadn't been checking that they were pulled up high enough either so often I had put them on too low down, way below the bellybutton, so again, leaving it open season for leakages. I have learnt my lesson now as having to wash the whole Sleepyhead and change my bed back to back was a right palava. 

I now have a 10 step Nappy changing checklist/regime to stick to so I don't get stuck with a wet baby, bed and beyond! 

   1. Put a clean nappy underneath the dirty one before taking off to catch any sly wees or poos during the change as well as the wee blocker on the tum and a cotton wool pad on the winky to soak it up at the source! 

  2. Wipe clean with water wipes front to back then dry with cotton wool pad (as cotton wool ball leaves annoying bits of fluff behind that stick to his privates and are very tricky to pick off a wriggling baby!) 

  3. Apply nappy cream only if skin is red or sore. 

  4. Make sure his winky is pointing down before pulling on the new nappy 

  5. Once cleaned, position nappy nice and high up the waist and back 

  6. Fasten nappy as tightly as possible still giving little one room to breath and not cutting off the circulation of course! 

  7. Fold down the waistband of the nappy neatly 

  8. Pull out the leg frills 

  9. Do final checks: make sure nappy isn't bunched up at the back, fits well all over and is nice and tightly done up.  

  10. Put the dirty nappies and cleaning materials straight into the bin (its easy to forget you've put them to one side and come back later to a not so nice pooey/straw like smell (think this is the chemicals in the nappy, very strange). I am guilty of having done this on a few occasions.  

TOP TIP: we have a Sangenic Tommee Tippee nappy bin and it is brilliant.  We have it right next to the changing table. You just pop the dirty nappy in along with any dirty wipes/cotton wool balls, then twist the lid so it wraps the nappy in a bag that stops it smelling and it can hold a good 25 or so nappies before you need to change the bag.  Highly recommended.)  

4. Weight off my mind. We had our first visit to the Health clinic, as its now been 2 weeks since he was last weighed, and I was keen to check that we were going in the right direction. The waiting room was full of mums and babies - why wouldn't it be?! - and Pads started to get a bit grizzly as we sat and waited which I found a tad stressful, again, fretting that the other mums would think I didn't have it all under control if he was crying when all the other babies around him were either sleeping soundly, playing happily or just being plain quiet. (Why does that keep happening, that mine is the only crying/unsettled baby in the room?!) Just as I was about to get a bit flustered though, I stood up and rocked Pads back and forth whilst sshing and took him over to some old black and white photos of the surgery on the wall which piqued his interest and wonderfully, the crying ceased and I did look like I had it under control. Fake it 'til you make it right?! 

He then proceeded to scream his head off after we were called in by the nurse while I undressed him and during the weighing, but the good news is that my big beautiful boy has put on lovely weight and is exactly where he should be on 'the 'charts'. He's my 8.6lbs bundle of joy now. Excellent - we must be doing something right then!  

5. Dummy debate. We have resisted using a dummy so far as I haven't really found a good enough reason to use one yet thankfully, am not saying I won't and I have no issue with them or anyone who uses them (you have to do what you can to get by I say!), but until its absolutely necessary, I wanted to avoid them. We have had 3 incidents in the car where he was relentlessly crying on the motorway to the point where Jon and I almost joined in it was so upsetting to see him so upset, so I gave him my finger to suck and it totally worked to soothe him and calm him down and after about 10mins of suckling on my finger 'nipple' he went off to sleep, so if that's what a dummy can do, I am impressed. We have a fresh packaged dummy in our emergency basket, ready to go if we do need it (along with those nipple guards I bought last week and some 'just in case' infant calpol ready for after his immunisations in a few weeks). 

6. Moses basket success! I set myself a challenge to get him to sleep in his moses basket in the day. I started by raising the head end of the stand up on 2 hard books (Mary Berry's 'Cook it now, eat it later' and Miles Irving's 'The Forager's Handbook' in case you were wondering) thanks to a suggestion by my ante-natal pal, Bethan. This helps alleviate any reflux or wind apparently as he isn't lying flat and the head is then higher than the feet to try and prevent any semi-digested milk rising up and disturbing him. I then tried to coax him into a sleep after a lovely feed and kept placing him in the basket when he was just about to fall asleep on me. It took a good few attempts of him really looking like he had drifted off in there after some singing and stroking, so I would tip toe away, only for him to start wriggling then telling me he was having none of it a minute later. I was about to throw in the towel, when I remembered a friend's suggestion, so I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around my chest and tummy to warm it with my epic body heat (and for those of you that don't know this, I am actually the hottest human on earth. Fact. So if you want want something warmed up in moments/if the earth ever freezes over and you need a heat source, I'm your gal), then fed him lying down on the bed - the best position to get him sleepy - then let him doze on the bed a bit after he had finished feeding. Once settled, I picked him up, placed the warmed blanket on the moses mattress and sheet then lowered him onto it. He wriggled a bit as I draped another blanket on top of him, made an adorable guinea pig-esque squeak and then slept happily (and snugly no doubt) for 40minutes. He then stirred so I went to his side and observed, practicing the don't-rush-in approach, and he settled himself and went to back to sleep for another 2 hours 15 mins. This is huge progress and a win for the hottest human on earth! (Trademark).

You think I'd be ecstatic that he went to sleep on his own and that I could enjoy some free time with both my hands, but I actually just missed him and wanted to be with him so I found it hard to rest and kept going to check on him regularly. He was absolutely fine each time. I need to work on my separation anxiety, not him, it seems!  

7. Lower your expectations and set smaller goals. I have stopped reading google so much now (still guilty on occasion I'm afraid) but have started reading more select/recommended baby books that friends have found helpful in my thirst for knowledge and quest to understand my baby, and I finally read some reassuring advice. It was in 'Your Baby Week by Week' by Simone Cave & Caroline Fertleman lent to me by my bestie, Bex. It suggests trying to just get your baby to nap for 3hrs in a day as a starting point! Wow. That is much more manegeable than trying to get the 6/7hrs plus that every other source claims every baby must have. It made me remember to scale my expectations down, start small & build from there. (Eventually I want him to be having 3 good length naps a day but we can work towards that). It was such good, simple advice and we are almost getting this quota everyday already so it made me feel like I was actually doing ok. We are both in training and these things, well every thing, is just going to take time.  

 8. Toy story. I stole this idea from the lovely Laura, after changing Pads on her changing mat and marvelling at how calm and happy he was. The reason? She had lined the mat with small toys that he could look at to distract him from the cold air on his skin and the indignity of being naked and wiped. So at home on our changing table, I lined up a host of fun friends for him along one side including his favourite, Peter Rabbit (think its because his features contrast well with his face so its easier for Pads to make him out), and a couple of teething toys and a mirror book along the other side, and he's now, often, not always of course as that would be too easy!, much calmer and happier at the changing table. And the toys have only been peed on a couple of times so far...  

9. Use other mums for sound, tried and tested advice. I also turned to Laura for some advice on breastfeeding as she is 2 kids in on this journey now and has had lots of guidance from a breast feeding counsellor for both babies which she was happy to share and I was grateful to receive. We worked on the biological 'jockey' feeding position and her top tips were to sit in a sturdy, hard chair with supportive cushions behind me and start off at the edge so I had room to lean back once he was latched on properly, then sit Pads down legs either side of my thigh, pulled in nice and tight and to keep my leg stretched out low to ensure Pads was positioned low and would have to reach up to latch on. She then suggested I place a rolled up muslin under the boobaloobs to keep them lifted up and in optimum position for Pads to hang his 'coat on the hook' so to speak (or place his mouth on the nip). These little adjustments made the world of difference, he's feeding much more efficiently in this position now and I can clearly hear his satisfied swallows.  So when in doubt pull him in tighter and position him lower. 

 She also showed me some alternative burping methods which again, were massively helpful as I'd just been relying on the two and now we have more in our repertoire. First was the seated, chin resting on my hand and my other hand rubbing/patting his back technique. This one can also be varied so you do a few pats like this then tip him back gently and then tip him forward again and repeat. The second technique was sitting him in one of my palms with his back pressed up against my chest, facing out and the other hand pressed firmly against his chest. Other mums are the best! Get a mum support and advice network going and you'll soon learn all the best tricks and methods that they really should teach you at ante-natal classes! (Instead of fixating on the birth, why don't they do proper practical parenting lessons at ante-natal classes where you don't just talk about how to do things but actually practice a few times on a doll and get hands-on help at the same time?! I'd vote for the basics that someone should really show you before you go home with an actual baby: how to actually change nappies properly and what to check for; how to actually bathe your baby - the hold you need to secure them and what stuff you need out ready; practical demonstrations of different breast feeding positions and how to burp your baby. I could've benefitted from being shown all of these things and having chance to practice them before Pads came along for sure!) 

Big thanks to all of you who have shared your knowledge so far, you've been my ante-natal teachers, and keep it coming!  

10. Nursing blisters.  I noticed Pads has a little blister on the middle of his top lip, according to google, this means he is feeding well and vigorously and is nothing to be concerned about.  However, when I mentioned it to a friend she had been told by a breastfeeding counsellor that it meant he was feeding too high on the breast so the top of my nip was rubbing against his top lip too much.  Hopefully by working on our positioning as above, this will fix that, but he doesn't seem bothered by the blister and some other sources say it helps stiffen the skin on his lip which then makes it easier to grasp the nip - so who knows?!!  Goes to show that there are no plain and simple answers when it comes to babies!

11. There's an app for that part 3 (and also a very interesting book). I was recommended the 'Wonder weeks' app by one of the ladies at the breastfeeding group and the book was recommended by a friend so I got both. It basically gives insight (refreshingly not advice!), based on 35years worth of scientific research, into the mental/developmental leaps every baby makes, what they learn during these, how this can affect their behaviour i.e make them really fussy/tired/grumpy etc.. and when you can expect these to occur. And do you know what? Its brilliant. Pads has been going through his first leap called 'changing sensations', he's noticing the world around him more more, looking at things for longer and starting to respond more to what he sees, feels, hears and smells and is generally more awake and alert. This is Pads to a tee lately. This is a challenging leap for him as its his first so he's reacting by crying more (tick), being fussier (big tick), feeding more (yup) and wanting more physical contact (yes siree!). He needs me more than ever at the mo', and boy do I need him too. Well buddy I am quite literally all yours and we'll get through this big, scary change together. After all we're a team.  

12. We need to talk about...piles. Ok, this may be t.m.i but this is what they don't tell you about being a new mum. When giving birth, you are very likely to get piles from all the pushing. I got them, they weren't nice but they weren't top of the pain list in the first couple of weeks as there was so much going on, just in the top 3. However, this week I relived the meaning of true tear-inducing, crying out loud, towel rail grabbing pain. Shit, piles are excruciating (and I don't use that word lightly as I've given birth. I know high levels of pain) and why have they suddenly decided to turn the pain factor up to 11 now?!!! The injustice of it all after all my body has been through recently too! I am now on the strongest painkillers, cream and laxatives that I can take whilst breastfeeding and I am praying they take effect soon. I hope that none of you never have to suffer this, its life's cruel joke and it is anything but funny.

On the plus side, the bleeding has stopped this week, so onwards and upwards right?!  

13. Parenthood is the definition of absolute Responsibility. This last thought was pointed out to me by a dad, thanks Rob - its not all about us mums. Don't underestimate the physiological effects of having such a huge responsibility for the rest of your lives when you've only ever had yourselves to look after before and were able to be pretty selfish back then. No longer. Its not about us anymore. We have a life in our actual hands. A tiny person that needs us, looks to us for everything and is being shaped by us and our actions. This is huge. And with great responsibility comes great reward of course but it isn't easy and takes some adjusting and it is now constant, forever, always, that we will be responsible for our little man. It is the greatest honour and also the biggest, scariest job either of us has or will ever have. We're just trying not to screw it (or him) up. 

So 5 weeks have passed and are loving every (well, almost every!) moment.  We also had some great news, that Paddington's dad has got a new job near us and won't need to go down to London in the week anymore very soon, so we will all be together again every day which will make it all the more manageable and enjoyable.  Three is the magic number after all.