Week 29
Or the week my brain turned to actual mush.
1. Sleeping bags.
Our little kicker has been kicking his covers off for some time at night now and I have been dutifully replacing them again and again throughout the night, as he had outgrown his newborn sleeping bag. We just upgraded to 2 new super duper cosy sleeping bags for 6 months plus and I wish I had done it sooner, as problem solved instantly, plus it still gives him the movement to kick, move freely and roll around. Jon calls it his 'little night dress' but I think he looks very cute in it and they are such a good idea for kickers like mine. I can now cross 'being too cold' off the list of possible reasons for night wakings.
2. Sleep sliding.
We have had very disrupted sleep this week after being away at the weekend and frankly, it sucks. The first night back was awful. He just wouldn't settle then awoke in his cot and kept rolling onto his front and doing press ups to look over the bars, then getting upset. I would turn him onto his back again and try and soothe him then step back and he would then clamber on to the side of the Sleepyhead and roll off into the gap between the sleepyhead and the cot bars and get stuck and start crying. This went on for a while and was quite exhausting.
The following evening was just as bitty and crap, with him crying every hour or so for the first half of the night after waking in his cot seemingly restless and agitated, often due to moving around in it and either bashing his head or ending up in a weird diagonal position with his feet in the bottom corner and his face down.
The next day I made sure we got a lot of fresh air in the hope this would help sleep later, and I started his bed time routine earlier so that we were in bed by 7pm, but it was the worst night we have had in ages with less than 2 hours sleep at a time, and he was up from 2-5am refusing to settle at all and being really really cranky, crying wildly and I couldn't comfort him as usual with some hugs and kisses and gentle rocking and sshing. He point blank would not stay in his cot without a screaming fit and got really worked up, and then continued screaming after I had lifted him out for cuddles, which is when he has always stopped before. Jon was away as well so it was all down to me to get him to sleep (not that it isn't when Jon is here as he has to get sleep for work and cottage renovations so is often in the other room anyway, or able to sleep through it, but it's always nice to know I have back up there if needed).
I nearly broke down at one point as I was so tired and couldn't see a way through the night. I just kept saying 'please sleep, I need you to sleep. You need to sleep!' in a desperate whisper. Eventually just after 5am and another bloody night feed, he dropped off until 7am and I didn't bother moving him back to the cot so we could both get some sleep. It was an awful, exhausting night and the next day I felt like a total zombie. Sleep has got worse again, and we were doing so well just last week!
After Pads climbing and rolling off the Sleepyhead shenanigans, I realised it was now time to sadly lose the Sleepyhead in the cot, as he just wants to clamber over it when he wakes and then gets himself into awkward positions between it and the cot bars, which can't be very safe. The Sleepyhead has been an absolute lifesaver, it's the only reason we started getting any sleep in the beginning and enabled us to safely co-sleep when Pads was very small and then enabled an easy transition into his cot, and it will still come in handy when we travel and for daytime naps, but he is so long that he is hanging off the end of it now anyway and is probably getting too big overall for it. It's the end of a sleepy era. Thank you for the sleep dear Sleepyhead, I am forever grateful (and to my dad for buying it for us!).
It's time for Pads to sleep like a big boy just in his cot. we do have a reflux pillow in there to slightly raise his head up, which has been helping reduce nighttime vomiting. It goes under the cot sheet against the mattress so there is still a smooth surface underneath him. It's only downside is, it's something else for him to roll off towards those dastardly cot bars but I think that would happen even if the surface was completely flat and he doesn't sleep as well lying totally flat anyway.
Also, Ewan the (t!$tting) dream sheep ran out of batteries! Already! He has only done 2 weeks work and is already too tired to continue! You try 6.5 months of this Ewan without being able to recharge your batteries! We used him a handful of times only when Pads was a newborn and have only just started using him again this past fortnight so how can he be out of batteries already? I am blaming that sheep for our first crappy night's sleep this week that sent us into a spiral of shit sleep, as when I first put him on to settle Pads it was working but then the sheep cut out and stopped. Consequentially Pads and I were up for 3 hours in the early morning trying to get him to go back to sleep and we tried everything, including a horrible minute of crying it out which was just distressing for us both. As a result we missed our Daisies Wrigglers class as we were so exhausted and Pads decided to finally get some deep unbroken sleep at 8am so I did not want to wake him up for a baby class. Not cool Ewan. I totally blame you.
The other nights of rubbish sleep? I blame Ewan a bit as well, he has had his batteries replaced since and has been ineffective again, not pulling his weight at all. I also blame the weekend where I disrupted his pattern and I blame myself for still not being able to get my son to sleep, and I blame solid foods for making him really windy and giving him tummy pains with all the new digesting going on. He may be a little constipated too I fear as he keeps makes straining noises, especially at night, and goes a bit red in the face, and if I touch his tum or bum during these strains, I can feel them harden and tighten as if he is struggling plus he is doing a lot of stinky farts. (To anyone who said 'oh he will sleep better when he is on solids' - why don't you take him for a night?! That theory is rubbish!)
I blame his crazy development making him want to roll over and try and crawl all the bloody time when he should be sleeping and causes him to move manically in the cot and then of course, lose balance and bop his head on the bars, which is still a big factor for him waking so much. So I also blame the cot for being too big and too hard and very non-baby friendly frankly. And I blame the fact he has outgrown the Sleepyhead, which has always given him comfort and support at night so he is having to get used to sleeping in a big wide cot as well as digest new foods and want to be on the move all the time. All of this equals shitty sleep.
Feels like we took a huge leap forward the past two weeks with our sleep and now we have taken a massive slide back. Averaging less than 2 hours sleep in a block again and over 6 wakings a night, a mixture of wind related and general restless and bopping his head, and he is taking hours to settle back to sleep. It makes me want to cry, and go and book myself into a hotel for the weekend to run away to just to get some/any sleep. Am struggling not to believe the mum mantra of 'this too will pass' on this anymore. We need sleep!
3. Is he left handed?
We are starting to believe so. I know it isn't determined until they are 2 years old or something, but he more often than not grabs the spoon with his left hand first and tries to feed himself with the left hand predominately. He likes to make a fist with the right hand and not use it as much when playing and exploring his movement so watch this space. Possible leftie I reckon.
He is definitely double jointed (are all babies double jointed?!). His big toe folds almost all the way back on itself on both feet and he can twist his knee back and up much further than I have seen anyone do before! He could be a ballerina or gymnast if he keeps up this level of flexibility. I am rather jealous to be honest.
4. Multi vits - necessary or not?
So now Pads is over 6 months old and still breastfed, our HV recommended we use vitamin drops to make sure Pads gets all the extra nutrients he needs to grow up and big and strong. At first I didn't question this as I just want to do what is best for my baby of course and she is the health professional and just following the food standards agency recommendations.
So, I went and bought some well baby infant liquid by vitabiotics, for babies 4 months plus, which sounded like the perfect blend of multivits and prides itself on having more vitamins in it than any other brand bla bla bla. It said to mix it in with his milk, water or food so I stirred the recommended dose into his purée and tried a bit. All I could taste was the sugary herbal tasting orange syrup. Yuck! I then read the packet and it contains a lot of sugar. Is this right? Aren't we told not to give babies sugar and then told to give them sugary vitamin drops?! Confused! I know that baby medicine is full of sugar to get them to take it, but you only give them medicine every once in a while, these drops are supposed to be administered daily. I have since discovered there are drops available that say they don't contain sugar or sweetener so I should have looked out for those.
I gingerly offered him some up as I had already stirred it into his food and he ate it and seemed to really like it actually but it just masked the taste of the yummy veggies I had lovingly prepared for him, and then I got to thinking, 'wait a minute, I don't want to give him sugar or get him used to the taste of this stuff over the taste of food and as breast milk is so nutritious containing great levels of vitamin a especially, and I will be making sure he eats a balanced and varied diet with all the food groups covered to get the rest of the vitamins he requires, does he really actually need food supplements anyway?!' My gut just said no, and with that, I threw the sugary vitamin riddled food away and gave him a fresh bowl of just veggies instead and made sure we had a lovely long walk in the sun afterwards (the best way to get a dose of vitamin d and it's free! Admittedly the sun has been a rarity lately though).
I was feeling a bit cautious about this 'you must give them vitamins' mantra, especially as formula fed babies aren't told to take vitamin drops until much older (because formula contains added vitamins and minerals already I know, but breast milk contains even more good stuffs so isn't that enough?!). It's a confusing message, and surely babies can get iron from meat and leafy green veg and vitamin c from oranges etc...shouldn't the message really be to get parents to give their babies a balanced nutritious diet with lots of fruit, veg, meat and cereals, pulses etc.. to ensure they get all the vitamins they need the way nature intended rather than recommending every baby gets supplements regardless of circumstance or health?
I saw my HV again this week so asked her to clarify what vitamins Pads really needs as a full term, healthy and breast fed baby that he won't be able to get from a good, well balanced diet and she said it is vitamin d that is the important one as we don't get enough sun to be able to have enough sun exposure and of course there are risks involved with keeping a baby out in the sun uncovered too, which is the best way to top up your vit d supplies, so the vitamin d drops help boost this. Fair enough. I accept that. So I will be getting some sugar and sweetener free vitamin d drops now and putting the multi vit supplement to one side (or perhaps even the bin as it has to be used within 3 months of opening!) for now and see if we can't get Pads all his other nutrients through my milk and some nutritious home cooked food.
Has anyone else questioned the need for vitamin drops or decided not to use them? I am not saying that I won't give him multi vits if he needs a boost of iron or vit c or whatever, as I want my baby to be as healthy as possible, I am just not convinced that they are absolutely necessary for every baby (I know some babies and mums are deficient in certain vitamins and not all babies will be given a good, healthy balanced diet so is this just a blanket recommendation to cover all bases when in fact full term, healthy babies who do eat well actually probably don't need supplementing their diet (other than vitamin d)?). I have definitely learnt to read the labels better on anything I give Pads and to keep asking questions!
5. Weaning highlights.
This week we are combining flavours and being more adventurous with new tastes and baby led feeding. The food journey has taken a step up a gear!
We have had butternut squash and swede - a tasty success that saw him eat the whole bowl; strawberry - he delighted in squishing these between his fingers and enjoyed sucking the sweet juices from the strawberry piece I gave him to hold; unsweetened natural yoghurt - provoked the best facial reactions yet and made him do a little leg dance before diving in for some more so I am guessing the sour flavour excited him (similar to breast milk I wonder?!); cucumber batons - he really wasn't sure about these but they were pretty cold straight from the fridge and hard to get much out of without any teeth; raspberry - not an instant hit and made him choke a bit which was quite scary so perhaps he isn't quite ready for something so tart and seedy; and a carrot and cauliflower puree blend - lapped up half a bowl quite happily.
He is so interested in all the food on my plate at meal times too so we will be stepping up the weaning even further next week and perhaps introducing some meat and grains. Exciting foodie times for Pads, and I love that I get to share in his new culinary discoveries and excitement for feeds.
6. Reporting back on air wrap cot bumpers.
So after some consideration, research and advice from friends and fellow mums, thanks to all who commented, we went with the air mesh wraps to put around the cot bars as I just can't use a traditional cot bumper just incase - Not worth the risk or worry - but wanted a solution to him constantly bumping his head, which is a major contributing factor to our crappy sleep this week. The air wraps are definitely breathable which is a must, and they attach with really strong Velcro so I don't think he will be able to rip them off, but as for doing the job of being a bumper - they come up short. As they are so thin in order to be breathable and safe, he is still bopping his head on the side bars as they really provide very little in the way of padding or protection. So, we have the same problem basically but I am now £26 worse off, so thinking these may be going back. I just hope that he learns to stop bashing his head at some point as we could do without another bloody reason for broken sleep and frequent night wakings.
7. Groundhog Day.
The actual Groundhog Day was not our best day this week, in fact this week has been a week of being late for everything and forgetting stuff.
We missed our Tuesday morning baby class after a terrible night's sleep and Pads then deciding to sleep at the time we needed to be getting up. Then another swimming disaster followed that day because he was so tired and cranky.
He cried all the way to the pool, missing out on his usual nap, he cried getting changed and although he did the whole swim session this time and enjoyed some of it, he cried again after one of the underwater swims and before another one so we had to give that a miss, and when he was in the swim position a few times he was not loving it. The teacher was giving her definitive answer on whether we could go to the planned underwater photo shoot this weekend and last week we were all 95% yes, this week she delivered a huge blow to me and Pads after his grizzly behaviour in class and I felt like a big fat parenting failure. She recommended that we didn't do the shoot (all the other babies in our class were given the OK, including one that is grizzly at the start of every session) and postpone it until the end of his next swimming chapter which will be in May when he should be more confident and older and hopefully easier to time everything right before his swim. I was surprised at how gutted I felt to be told we couldn't go, even though we can't afford to buy the extortionately priced photos at the moment anyway and even though I agreed with her.
It felt like I had failed Pads by not getting all of his sleep, naps and feeds accurately timed so he would always be able to enjoy swimming. Silly I know as I can't control how he feels and why he wakes/doesn't nap, how much he eats before class etc...and this week we had fed exactly an hour before class which is usually when he is then at his best. I really have no idea what I am doing is what Pads has reminded me this week and we have been winging it rather well, but this week it feels like the wings have fallen off and I'm being exposed as the clueless, fumbling parent that I really am.
I realise it sounds like I am being pretty negative this week, which is not my style, and like it all went a bit 'toop', but not entirely no.
On Wednesday we again completely missed our baby class as I had written the wrong time in my phone. When I realised we had turned up to class just as it was ending, and I was walking away feeling embarrassed and silly, I had a choice: Let that define and ruin our day and get upset about it which was my first instinct, or, get over it and make the most of the day regardless.
It was a gorgeous sunny Winter's day (rare around these parts at the moment) and we had travelled further afield, to a gorgeous village called Newland especially for the class so were in a new place and also near an old place I knew very well (Monmouth). I chose to get over it thankfully and took us on a little drive around the new area first, after a feed in the car of course, and it was absolutely gorgeous countryside and just what I needed to take my mind off the shitty bitty week so far. Pads had a little nap too so it was win win.
I then decided we would make the day an adventure and the day we did lots of fun stuff rather than the day I cocked up again. So, we went up to the Kymin, a stunning high look out point where you can see all across Monmouth and beyond where I used to go a lot as a youngster, and took a nice walk in the woods there and around the pleasure grounds of the site. Then, we went to Monmouth Castle as part of our ongoing extended Welsh Castles Challenge, and I don't think I ever really went there before despite living in the town for several years. Then we did a big walk around Monmouth itself taking in the old bridge and the cobbled streets, before stopping for a well earned slice of cake and tea with soy milk (me) and a good breastfeed and nap (for Pads). We were in the cafe for 2 hours just chilling and watching ski and snowboard videos that were playing on a loop and it was lovely. So we ended up having a really brilliant day making the most of the sunshine and getting lots of fresh air, and not letting a blunder get us down. That was how we turned a potentially bad day, right back around.
8. My brain has actually turned to mush.
I have found myself making a lot of silly mistakes this week, like getting the time of the baby class wrong, taking the wrong turning in the car and knowing it was wrong but not reacting in time, putting my leftover dinner in the microwave overnight instead of in the fridge which was what I meant to do, writing down the wrong postcode for a location despite being told the right one twice (I am not dyslexic but I had basically gotten all the letters and numbers in the wrong order), and leaving Pads on the changing table for 5 seconds to wash my hands in which time he had managed to flip into his front and whack his cheek on the hard wooden bar on the edge of the table giving him a shock and his first little bruise (I am so sorry little man! I know better than to ever leave you unattended so I don't know what I was thinking - I wasn't and I guess that is the point here).
I feel like I am really scatty, forgetful, disorganised and not exactly functioning properly and I really think that is down to the sleep deprivation. Its been over 6 months now of functioning on little to no sleep 24/7 and it has started to take its toll. I must get more rest in the days and not always pack so much in (its my worst habit I fear, trying to do everything all at once), to give myself a chance to refuel and reboot in place of an actual decent night's sleep which is clearly never going to happen ever again (I know it will, one day, it just feels unbelievable at the moment!), and also Paddington probably needs a few more calm days at home, where we aren't rushing around to get to class or an appointment or to meet someone, so he can get more peace and rest too.
9. Show and tell.
We went along to Ystrad Mynach Hospital at the end of this week to demonstrate and talk about our experiences with biological/laid back feeding as part of a health professionals training day to bring local health visitors up to date with breastfeeding positioning alternatives and the benefits of this particular position above others (increased bonding with easier eye to eye contact, perfect for skin to skin contact feeding, relaxed and natural for baby to be so tight and close to the mother, easier to do once you get the hang of it as less to remember than with cradle and gravity works with mum and the baby for optimum milk flow, better for the baby to digest the milk as it flows down so good for babies with reflux and strengthens babies head and neck muscles as the head is left free from any hold so the baby controls when they come off better too), in the hope that they can encourage mums to keep on boobing for longer!
We had been asked to get involved by the lovely lady who ran our breastfeeding peer support group and you know how passionate I am about boobies and the biological position so of course I said yes.
We arrived late, of course (that is the theme of this week it would seem!), after I took a wrong turn at the start of our car journey and knew I was about to take a wrong turn and yet still did it anyway! Really annoying. Anyway, we arrived only 5 minutes late in the end which I am classing as a success, and located the education centre in what is actually a really lovely, modern hospital. Have never been there before but was impressed.
We walked into the lecture theatre where the training was taking place to find 15 lady health visitors semi-circled around 2 seats, one that was occupied by the course leader and one that was obviously intended for me and Pads. I suddenly felt quite daunted as I was basically on stage and about to 'perform' with my baby in front of actual medically trained professionals, including my very own HV who hadn't hugely helped me with my breastfeeding concerns in the early days to be honest, and I know this is largely to do with the fact that they are soooo busy and have so much to cover in a short time so I have no hard feelings about it, it just goes to show that the matter of breastfeeding is quite a specialist field that requires a lot of time and support to get right, and the role of the HV is a much more general and busier role.
"Oh well, here goes I thought, let's do this together Pads!". It was actually lovely to be able to sit up there and tell my story about how I began, struggled with, reached out for help with and now love breastfeeding. The emphasis was of course on discovering the biological/laid back feeding position and how I got on with it at first (not well) but learned to not overthink it until it has become our natural, default position. Less than a minute into me talking, Pads (who had already melted the crowd with his extreme cuteness - good work buddy!), decided he would like to demo the position immediately.
So there I was with a slightly red flushed face, which I always get when public speaking (and because the room was sooo hot and stuffy! Why are hospitals always so stuffy?!) , a dry mouth, because I had foolishly forgotten/not had time to pack any water for the car journey, getting my boob out in front of 16 intensely concentrating faces. Standard. Pads latched on well and although our positioning wasn't exactly textbook (as I just wanted to get Pads on quickly so I could continue talking and felt quite under pressure with everyone looking intently at me, I didn't sit that upright or check that he was low enough down but I reckon I was doing well enough just being there in the first place) it was still a good representation of biological/laid back feeding and definitely a real mum's interpretation of the position which is important for the health visitors to see.
I told my story rather quickly as I suddenly got a bit nervous and flustered as Pads was fussing a bit on the boob being hot as well in that stuffy room and probably picking up on some of my anxieties, then it was question time, where I moved Pads over to the other boob to try and stop his fussing, which worked for a little bit. I relaxed a bit more now the pressure was off me to just speak and answered all the questions directed me. It was great to hear the ladies so interested in the position and I was quite surprised that none of them really knew very much about it at all and thought it must be harder to do than the cradle position, which actually, it isn't, after a little practice and some confidence of course.
One lovely lady asked me how old I was as she thought it was mainly only youngsters that wanted to try out different feeding positions and when I said I was 34, she was actually genuinely shocked and said 'gosh, well you certainly don't look it. I thought you were much younger''. Thank you lady, I will take that and treasure that comment! Another kind lady said I was very brave for coming to talk to them and breastfeeding at the same time which was also lovely to hear and know my time was appreciated.
After the 'show and tell', the ladies broke for lunch and I joined them in the staff canteen. My HV held Pads while I ate and it was really interesting to hear from the other side as all the health visitors chatted about the ever increasing demands of their role and their frustrations. They said that offering the kind of support I had to seek from Carol the lactation consultant, is why a lot of them got into the job in the first place, however as they are so stretched seeing a wealth of new mums at any one time and also because they all have a disproportionate amount of special cases (mums with serious medical concerns after childbirth such as PND or mums under the watch of social services) assigned to them that sadly have to take priority over really being able to be there for every mum, and these cases come with so much paper work and red tape that they take up the majority of their time meaning they miss out on either spotting or being told about issues like mine and thus being able to help and support non special case mums who deserve help as well. It's a sad state of affairs that those people trained and assigned to help all mums, are actually tied up in other administrative areas and so swamped with special cases that they are unable to do their jobs as effectively as they would like and provide the same level of care and support for all which is what they all want to be able to do.
I was proud to be able to meet with these lovely hard working ladies and give them my point of view and raise more awareness and understanding of biological/laid back feeding within the health profession, so that more new mums may be offered it as an alternative to other positions that may not be working out for them, which could encourage them to keep breastfeeding rather than give up if it isn't working out one way, as is still sadly the case with a lot of cases.
***
This week has been a really busy one, and a challenging one, and I realised that I am perhaps cramming too much into our weeks as we haven't had a down day just chilling at home without having to be somewhere at a certain time for ages. With the lack of sleep and super fun and stimulating activities we do everyday, it's no wonder we are both exhausted and in my case, on the edge of burning out soon I think, so I have decided to reclaim our 'down day' to just try and stay in bed a little longer, have more cuddles and lazy, relaxed feeds and skin to skin and watch a little crap on the tv. I think it will be good for both of us as we are alway on the go!
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