Week 10 - green poo and percentile panic

Week 10 - green poo and percentile panic

The 'old' not a mum me seems like a distant memory now. I can barely remember what it felt like pre Pads and wonder at how I managed to fit so much into my days, and nights. I have become completely accustomed to my new routine and way of life now where my days revolve around 3 main jobs: breastfeeding, changing nappies and getting some sleep (both for me and Pads), along with a few other tasks: sterilising, expressing, playing developmental games and just trying to keep us all alive and thriving. I am constantly surprised how this seemingly short 'to do' list takes up the entire day - and night - leaving me with no time for anything else and sometimes struggling to just fit those things in.  It's a juggling act for sure and everything always takes twice, nay, three times as long with a baby in tow.

I wouldn't swap this new life for the old one though, even in the darkest moments, as at the end of the day, I have a gorgeous, happy son who makes my heart do funny things and makes my face ache with smiling. My life is all the more richer and full of purpose because of him. I guess you could say that I am head over heels for my boy and love being his mum.

This week has been varied and full, and here's what we learnt from it.

1. Lazy lady. I started wondering if I was becoming 'lazy' mum with my breastfeeding pillow, my nursing poncho, side lying breastfeeding at night, electric pump etc...then my friend Gemma snapped me out of my guilt trap with the sage words 'you just have to do whatever makes your life easier when it comes to having kids' and she is so right. All of the above still mean that I provide my son with nourishing breast milk, in fact they have been helping that to happen and allow me to always be able to feed comfortably and frequently no matter how tired/out of sorts or out of our routine we are, so don't feel guilty for finding things that make being a parent easier - cherish them, share them with others and rejoice that you have them in your life.

2. The Abergavenny Food 'Breast'ival. We are big fans of food and big fans of the Abergavenny food festival and have been going for years.  This year was obviously different with our little one by our side and I ended up breastfeeding Pads in the grounds of Abergavenny castle sat on a narrow bench next to award winning chef (of The Hardwick restaurant), Stephen Terry (who was also a former guest of mine on several shows in my former life as a food tv producer) and his family, with my boob basically right out there on show as I had forgotten to pack my nursing poncho for the first time since getting it. It didn't really bother me, or him thankfully, as I need to feed my son first and foremost so I am not going to be shy about it, but it did get me thinking that there really should be more dedicated breastfeeding areas at events like this, whether it be a food or music festival. A small tent or cordoned off zone with seats, free water on tap (and perhaps a biscuit or two?!) for breastfeeding, or bottle feeding, mums to pop in and feed in comfort and out of the glare of the crowds should they so wish.  I may make this my mission for next year's festival and bring it up with the organisers, who's with me?!!

3. Voyage of discovery. This week little man definitely discovered his legs - it started with a staring session at his own knee then he outstretched the whole leg and was mesmerised by the movement of stretching the leg out then bringing the knee back in. He has also started splashing in the bath by kicking his legs out wildly and we have been reacting by laughing and making a big fuss at how much fun it is, which made him then grin and do his almost-laugh, and kick again to get another reaction from us. Each time he kicked, he looked at us and we gave a big encouraging, excited reaction. Bloody brilliant. That's up there with one of the best parenting moments we've had yet.

4. 9th percentile panic. If this had happened to someone else I would know exactly what to say and mean it too: 'do not worry, every baby is different', 'as long as he is still gaining weight, happy and is doing plenty of poos and wees he will be fine', 'those charts are a guide - somebody has to be in the 9th percentile and you just have a small baby' etc etc...However, when we got Pads weighed this week and he had only put on 13lbs in 20 days and dropped a percentile I went into panic mode quickly followed by bursting into tears mode and blaming myself and my milk supply mode. I then wondered if my attempts at trying to express and build up a milk bank had meant that he wasn't getting those extra potential 'feeds' but I thought expressing was supposed to increase your milk supply so surely this shouldn't be a problem, right?! We breastfeed every 2-3 hrs in the day, sometimes just 1 breast and sometimes 2. I take the cue from him whether to offer up the 2nd boob and I think/thought/don't know anymore, that we were doing fine. We had found our rhythm, I thought, and I wasn't worried about breastfeeding - I thought we had that bit down. Now, I am not so sure. I am not even sure if I should be unsure. It's such an emotional, massive part of being a new mum this feeding your baby malarkey and you just want to get it right and nourish your baby so that he grows up big and strong and when you think you aren't doing that it's like someone has just kicked you in the gut and you feel like you've failed. And you blame yourself and your milk supply first, always.

I asked the health visitor what I could do as I think our feeding frequency is fine and she suggested I make sure I drink more fluids (I could be guilty of not always drinking enough actually), eat well (I am pretty sure I do this already) and get more rest (ha! As if!), so I am now sitting here (resting), having just had some blueberries (eating well) and have 3 glasses of water all lined up in front of me whilst I breastfeed. I really hope this makes a difference as we have to go and get weighed again next week now to check that he isn't dropping off the chart anymore.  Could it not be that it is still good that he is gaining weight and is just going to be slight or that because he is so tall, he takes longer to fill?!! He is also in the 9th percentile for height, meaning that he is tall for his age so surely this has to be taken into account. Thanks to Laura again for sharing your growth chart woes with me and reminding me not to get too het up on them, as long as he is happy, healthy and filling his nappies with frequency, then we are doing ok. (My hubby Jon also pointed out that it could be that the charts are based on averages of a population which is actually fairly obese so as he is clearly not going to be an obese baby or adult, he doesn't fit the averages or the chart which might not be such a bad thing anyway. Just a theory but could be some truth in it.


5. New poo. We have had a brand new nappy filling this week, and it was green tinged, stringy and mucusy.  We checked with the health visitor who said it was probably caused by him being extra drooly and not digesting his saliva so it shows up in his poop. So apparently nothing to worry about. However, then he did a full on dark green poo a few days later that smelt awful. Like poo on acid, literally. This is not such a good sign as I'll explain below, it either indicates poor breastfeeding or an infection. Not a colour of poop that you want to see.

6. Breastfeeding - on and off again. Shortly after writing point 1, our breastfeeding, which had been going well I thought, took a nose dive. Pads didn't do any poos in a whole day, just wees, and then the next morning he did a big explosive very green acidic smelling poo that did not look right, as I mentioned above. I googled what this could mean (I know!, but I needed a quick answer) and read on numerous reputable sites, i.e babycentre.co.uk and Nhs.co.uk that this could be a sign that breastfeeding isn't going well, or if it lasts over 24hours, possible infection.

Now, the fact that Pads isn't gaining as much weight as the health visitor would expect and he has been a bit fussier and grizzlier the past 2 days would seem to indicate to me that the green poop incident is his way of telling me that we have forgotten how to breastfeed again and that he isn't latching properly or getting all that yummy rich, fatty hind milk. Crap. There's a kick in the teeth. I really thought we'd got good at breastfeeding. I felt comfortable with how we were doing it and thought he was happy and healthy as he was doing 6-8 nappies a day, a mix of wet and poopy. Now, it seems something has changed so we need to go back to breastfeeding school.

No need to panic, just time to get pro active, so I called the National Breastfeeding Helpline as I wanted a second opinion on the green poo and to talk through our breastfeeding ritual and we agreed that it sounded like he was just getting the sugary watery fore milk which can lead to green nappies and poor weight gain, and that this was probably because the latch wasn't' right. So she talked me through the latch again and holding him with my forearm along his back, hand holding his shoulders and neck - I have been doing more of a cradle hold which could be causing his head to tuck too far in rather than allowing it the freedom to tip back or when doing the forearm hold I had then been supporting his head rather than his shoulders, again restricting his important head movement. It felt really uncomfortable with the adjusted arm hold and he started fussing a lot at the nipple, perhaps because I was anxious and feeling a bit upset about not having a grip on the one thing I thought we had a grip on. She also suggested compressing the breast when his rhythm starts to slow down as he has started getting sleepier and lazier on the boob this past week so again, perhaps not getting to the really good stuff milk wise, so I tried this and it did start him sucking more rhythmically again but it is making my boobs sore again (memories of week 1 and 2 come flooding back).

 I then asked her about expressing as I was hoping this would increase my milk flow but it doesn't seem to have so far and we are over 2 weeks in. She asked how I was doing it and I said after feeding him I would then express off the alternate breast, then the next breast. She suggested I first express off the breast he has just finished to try and encourage more of the fatty hind milk out and make the breast work harder, then do a little of the second breast but not to drain it as Pads may want it sooner than it can refill and to try and do this a couple of times a day if poss. Minor adjustments that we can definitely start making.

The gutting thing about all of this is we now have to work at each feed again like at the beginning and I need to watch out for the all the things I thought we were doing but clearly aren't anymore: wide latch, head back and able to move freely, rounded cheeks, swallowing, good sucking rhythm, 'ka' sounds meaning that he is taking in and swallowing milk and trying breast compression or if that doesn't work then taking him off and latching him on again when he gets fussy (also winding at this point as fussiness is often him needing to burp whilst still feeding) or starts falling asleep/suckling but not swallowing. I feel sad that we are having to basically go back to basics with our breastfeeding, but very grateful I could call a helpline to get advice and start working on a solution straight away. I also spoke with my health visitor who agreed that it sounded like he wasn't feeding efficiently and suggested we talk it over and see where he is at during our weigh in next week. I have also arranged to drop into the South Wales breastfeeding guru Carole Walton's clinic next week (if you are a breastfeeding mum in this neck of the woods, you will have heard of Carole and her amazing ways of getting ladies to crack biological breastfeeding) to get our latch checked and get some more guidance as to how we can 'fix' this problem and start putting better weight on and feeding more efficiently and properly. Me and my little man are going to get this right, it's a bit of a blow but I'm not going to beat myself up over it, it's a blip yes, but we are just being pro-active in setting it right again and we can do this. We just have some more work to do to get back to being 'breast' friends again.

7. The Daisy Foundation. I started a new mother and baby course to continue getting us out of the house, help develop the little man's learning, and to meet other new mums and babies, that combines baby massage, baby yoga and developmental games and it was really lovely.  It's run by the Daisy Foundation and we are doing the Tinies class designed for little babbas and the nice thing is that it's a small class of only 6 other mums and babies and they were all around the same age give or take a week or two.

Pads was a bit grizzly at the start of the first class as it was another new environment and they had laid out cushions for the babies to rest their heads on when lying on the big mat which he was not a fan of, so he was a cry-baby for the first 20 minutes and we had to sit out the start of the massage section. Once we had had a feed and a nappy change and some cuddles, we were able to join in however, and learnt new relaxing massage techniques, with coconut oil, to help relieve colic and reflux. I have since practiced these techniques when we are doing nappy changes at home, just a few gentle massage movements on his tummy and I'd say they have made a difference to help him expel his wind better and making him cry less in the long run.

We also sang some good old baby songs including the all time classic 'wheels on the bus' and a new one for me, 'hello sunshine', incorporating moves whilst holding our babies which was a good way to keep Pads interested and engaged and to make him aware of his movement and rhythm. There was a cute game next designed to help babies recognise their own name, so will let you know if that proves effective in a few weeks. I have been keeping it up at home too so hopefully he will know who he is soon enough! Then we did some stretching moves whilst holding our babies, the 'yoga' portion though it wasn't yoga as I know it, that helps settle them and gives mum some exercise, basically some gentle squats and side to side hip moves and there was even time for a refreshment break and a chat for us mums. I really enjoyed the variety of activities and the thinking behind them and meeting mums with babies around the same age as Pads so am looking forward to the rest of the course. I find it fascinating to discover what babies respond to and why, and what games and activities can help them grow and develop, it's my new area of interest and one that I am keen to delve more into.

8. I don't see nothing wrong, with a little 'pump, and grind. We had a couple of days of it being just me and the little man all day and all of the night whilst Jon was working in London and my mum was away, which is nothing new as we have done this a few times already now, and whilst the first time you are completely alone for more than a day on your own with a baby is scary, it is also reassuring when you get through it and can prove to yourself that you can keep both of you fed, clean and alive on your own. Anyway, I had tried to express a couple of times but Pads would then start crying and need attention or someone would come to the door etc as soon as I was sterilised and set up ready to go, so I kept having to abort my milky mission. I let two days slip without expressing anything as I kept having to tend to Pads instead, but on the 3rd day I was determined not to miss my window again but as usual life, and my baby, continued to make it tricky to find dedicated pump time, so I decided to (wo)man up and multi-task: Baby on one boob, pump on the other. My full Dairy cow transformation is now complete. It was a dexterity test for sure, especially when Pads got all wriggly as usual, with one hand clamping a plastic funnel to my right orb and the other trying to contain a tiny human in the throes of a food 'gasm on the other. No mean feat. I think it should be an Olympic sport as it definitely requires skill, agility and tactical thinking. I hopefully won't have to repeat this double whammy technique too often but where needs must, I now have a solution.

9. I'm spinning around. He did a 180 degree spin around on his baby gym in well under a minute. I had laid him down with his head at the top and went to grab a glass of water, when I turned back around, his feet were where his head had been and he had a smile on his face like he knew he had mastered a new fun skill.  This guy is going to keep me on my toes for sure!

10. Massive sleep milestone. He slept in his cot for the first time!!!!!! We only just put it together this week as had expected the Moses basket to be his first bed, but we decided to put the cot up and re-arrange our room to make it fit after finally giving up on the basket as an evening sleeping place and moving it out of our room downstairs into the lounge, where it is now having greater success as an occasional daytime nap bed. (He slept in it for over an hour on Weds - huge news!). Anyway, back to the cot. Jon did his dad duty of putting the cot together (I had already done my pregnant mum duty of painting it a light grey with nursery paint when I was waiting around for Paddington to come out at the end of my pregnancy and I did a pretty good job though patchy in places! Cots are not fun things to paint, all those bloomin' spindles!, as anyone who has had a go will concur!) and placing it next to my side of the bed within arm's reach, then I layered it with the gorgeous blanket my lovely pal Bex made for Pads, lined a few cuddly toys around the sides and his very own Paddington bear standing guard at the foot of the cot, then I put the Sleepyhead in the middle and marvelled at how very grown up the cot looked. I didn't expect anything of it and was just happy to see it up. It felt like a proper nursery now!

We did our usual bedtime routine: bath, little massage, into sleepy suit, side lying feed in bed and he fell asleep next to me. I gave him 10 minutes to make sure he was properly asleep and not in the light r.e.m phase where he easily wakes up if moved, then gently scooped him up and transferred him into his familiar sleepyhead in the cot. He re-adjusted his position as I nervously awaited him awakening. But he didn't! He slept for just over 3 hours straight before waking for his night feed and some cuddles as per usual, then easily went back into the cot for another 3 hour stretch. Amazing. I am proud to say that he has continued to sleep on the sleepyhead in the cot for the rest of the week too, managing over 5 hours straight the 2nd night and a consistent 3.5-4 hours straight on the other nights before wanting a feed, which is exactly as he was doing in the bed with us, if not a little better. Then he has been going back into the cot without any problem for another 1.5-2 hours straight on average. Boom town!

We now have space to sleep and stretch out properly again in our bed without being curled around the edge of his sleepyhead hanging off the edge of the bed, so our sleep is better too.  We still do our night feeds lying in bed then it's not far to carry him to the cot, it just has to be done very gently, and after 5am in the morning if he wakes then I'll probably bring him into the bed to try and sleep with me for another hour or so before our morning begins and he wants to be awake, as it's easier than making another transfer to the cot. All round though I am surprised at how readily he has accepted the cot so far, and hoping that it lasts!

 I would definitely say that the sleepyhead has made the transition smoother as he is already familiar sleeping in that so for him it isn't a new space we have put him in, it's his usual bed, that smells and feels the same.  He can also see me, and I can see him, clearly through the bars and I am right next to him to respond to him as quick as before when he needs me so really, for him, nothing has changed which is why he has taken to it so well so far, but for us, everything has changed as our gorgeous little man is now in his grown up cot, and he looks so tiny and well, like a baby in it love him.


It's been a week of huge highs - sleep, glorious sleep!, big bath time fun - and lousy lows - green poo, dropping off his weight gain chart and breastfeeding worries, but no one ever said parenting was easy and we are not going to get down in the dumps about the lows, we are going to get pro active. Help is always at hand, you may just have to ask for it or seek it out. Next week is going to be all about the breast as we are determined to get our groove back, get his weight up and get those poos back to yellowy brown!  (Things I never knew would one day be so important!). Check back next week to see how we got on.

Week 9 - pins and needles

I am pretty sure our little love bug has grown a lot this week, and his daddy confirmed this when he came back from London after 4 days apart from us. He is quite possibly the cutest he has ever been too. His head seems larger and his gorgeous baby blue eyes are wide and brighter than ever and he is definitely way longer! It seems that mother's milk is agreeing with him good boy. 

This week was huge for Paddington as he had his first vaccinations which were a lot for him to process both in body and in mind but he was a trooper. He's growing up and learning to deal with whatever life throws at him with our support and love. I bloody love being a mum to my boy, he is such a joy and totally has my heart.

Here's how this week happened.

1. Baby led parenting. From 2mths on babies are more able to learn a routine apparently, though I am more often being told that there's no point really worrying about a 'routine' until around 4 mths when they are more developed - why didn't I know this was the earliest to bother trying to implement a routine before?! Could've saved us both some grief there! 

It seems I have been taking a baby-led or attachment parenting style approach so far, mainly based around his on-demand feeding. This wasn't a planned approach just what felt natural.  It doesnt leave a lot - if any - room for 'me' or 'us' time so we are thinking about making a compromise to a slightly more parent-led approach from now on to give us a bit of time back. On Monday we went back to trying to get him to nap in the basket as he's getting clingier in the day time, meaning he sleeps on me more again so I can't do anything else but be a baby bed. I tried this over 3 days and only gave it 3 goes in a row at any one time before we aborted so as not to overtire him. (We learnt our lesson on Total disaster Tuesday a few weeks ago not to try too hard or flog a dead horse so to speak!) The success rate wasn't high but it wasn't a failure either.

Day 1: 2 minutes total sleep in the basket alone after being put down already asleep

Day 2: half an hour total sleep in the basket after being put down already asleep

Day 3: 5 minutes total sleep in the basket after being put down awake but very sleepy.

Its a start anyway and we will keep this up each week until he hopefully sees the basket as a comfy, safe and familiar place to nap. He can already spend longer in there without crying than previously so it is becoming more familiar to him already. As my pal Laura once advised me 'be persistent and consistent'!

2. 'Watch out for the nurse with the needle!' Wednesday was such a big bad day for our little bear. Immunisations day. He had not one, but 3 jabs today as he was one of the first babies to have the meningitis B jab on top of the other 2 in our area. First he had the rotovirus vaccine through an oral sucrose solution via a dropper in his mouth which he was really not sure about so he spat a bit of it out, but then gave the health visitor a little smile once he'd tasted a bit and realised it was ok. Must be strange to taste something other than breast milk for the first time! Then came the jabs which I was dreading, as until my pregnancy really, I've had a phobia of needles. The amount of blood tests you get during pregnancy soon cured me though and once you've had an injection in your nether regions, an arm or leg jab seems like absolutely nothing! He was so brave when the first needle went in love him but did cry real tears over the shock and went as red as a beetroot in the face. I chose to cradle him and hold him for his jabs as I figured he needed his mum most at this moment even though grandma T came with us to take over if necessary. I had to hold his little hands together and push on his knee to keep his leg from kicking up & just tried to stay calm and tell him he was ok and very brave. It was tough to see him so distressed and not understanding why but I reason that a few moments of pain and a possible fever/sickness for a few days compared to years of protection against horrid diseases is definitely the right choice. 

We gave him liquid paracetamol straight after the jabs with a mouth syringe which he did not love as we had to do it in the waiting room in front of all the staring patients. I couldn't wait to just get him home and snuggle him.  I sat in the back with him whilst grandma drove and he stared at me with eyes that said 'wtf was that mum?!' so I spoke to him the whole way to reassure him that everything was fine, that I was so proud of him for being so brave and that the ordeal was over now and for his own good. We had a feed at home immediately to keep him calm and then he fell asleep in my arms as we cuddled for 2.5 hours, then he woke up to 2 bouts of the runs and a nasty sick when I was changing him. I then had to give him his 2nd liquid paracetamol dose via mouth dropper which got him distressed again so after I made sure it had gone down and we had some cuddles, we had another calming 'reward' feed and the same with his 3rd and final dose. It was basically a day of Calpol (other brands are available!), cuddles and cluster feeds but he got through it and apart from an upset tummy, some VERY poop-everywhere-explosive nappies and being a bit groggier, I think we got off lightly as he thankfully didn't get a fever and it didn't interfere with his sleep. 

3. Our first post Pads date night. We went for our first drink out in the eve without Pads. We were gone 1 hour 12 mins in total including the walk to the pub and back! It felt like we were gone a lot longer and I really missed the little guy. We are taking Baby steps to being able to leave him for any length of time so it was a good start. He slept the entire time we were out as we'd bathed, massaged and changed him into his sleepysuit and given him a feed just before we left, so it made no difference to him! Thanks grandma T for looking after our little bear so we could have some 'us' time.

4. Screaming the car down! On Sunday eve we had to drop Jon off for the train to London - boo! (But only for 4 more weeks until he's back with us for good, hooray!) As soon as I pulled out of the station he started screaming.  And he screamed hard ALL the way home in the car.  For 40 full on minutes. So stressful. I had to pull over to calm him down in a lay by and as soon as I took him out of his seat for a cuddle he gave me a big grin and stopped crying. Typical mummy's boy! So I strapped him back in and he seemed fine right up until the very moment I pulled back onto the road when the screaming picked up again to an even louder volume. Its so hard trying to concentrate on driving when the cries are so loud and you just want to help them calm down but can't pull over safely.  I think its cos he didn't want his daddy to leave as he's been ok in the car for the rest of the week give or take a few small cry sessions. I found myself turning the music up a little to make the cries a little easier to near and make it possible to keep driving on, that's ok right?! 

5. It never ends. You never stop worrying or doubting as a parent do you? I was supposed to go on a shopping trip this week but the weather was awful and it was torrential rain so I just couldn't let myself take him out in it as I was worried he'd get soaked even with the waterproof cover on his buggy and worried he'd get a cold so I cancelled. Then followed a real doubting-down-day where I couldn't decide if I was just doing my best but feeling down because I still couldn't get him to sleep on his own or in his basket and worrying he wasn't gaining enough weight and when was I going to fit in expressing regularly etc.. to feeling like I had given him bad habits by letting him co-sleep and not being tougher to make him sleep on his own and enforce a routine when I know full well that that did not go well last time and that he's still so young etc etc! I switched between doubts and made myself feel like shit again and all basically because I was tired, still getting over being ill and feeling a bit overwhelmed again - bring on Jon being home, it will make us feel more secure and settled because the responsibility will be shared.

6. Mums know best. After a good feed, I was waiting to get one burp then laying Paddington down to play on his gym, change him etc.. And he was being sick almost straight away, so my mum suggested it was because he hadn't had chance to properly digest the milk before I was putting him down so now trying to keep him upright after a day feed for at least 20mins to help him digest more easily and lessen the amount of sick- ups, after all we have both worked hard for that milk, and we dont want it wasted!  So far it seems to be working! 

7. Pump up the volume. I borrowed an electric pump from my kind friend Gemma and what a game changer. It is so easy to use, doesn't pinch and feel uncomfortable like the hand pump and gets results fast! I managed to get 90mls out in under 20mins with ease and comfort! Boom! And it was easier to see how the nip works through the breast shield which was fascinating - the milk was properly squirting out and with some considerable speed and force! So that's why my little guy has been making appreciative murmurs all this time. It did look a bit daunting when I first connected it all and the initial 'stimulation' 2 minute pump cycle to get things started felt weird at first but then when 'the let down' began - in under 2 minutes so I had to press the button to start the 'expression' cycle early - I was used to the sound and the sensation and just marvelled at my milk dripping and squirting out and filling the bottom of the bottle up. We now have enough for 2whole feeds from 2 short expressing sessions - we got the same amount hand pumping over 5 days and I tell you what, I no longer loathe expressing, so this is a huge improvement. There is no question in my mind that if you can, buy, borrow or hire an electric pump, it really is worth it!  Now we just need to try and fit more expressing time into our day - we are only managing one pumping session regularly and struggling to find time to get another in around his feeds, daytime activities, general looking after ourselves, sleep and sterilising!

8. Baby gym joy - he loves spending time on Edgar, our soft bear play gym that my gorgeous baby shower ladies bought for us (thanks ladies), and kicks voraciously and with such glee and excitement whilst grinning, squawking, shouting at the his toys. (crocodile) Dundee is a fav and Baaarbie the sheep. He can spend a good 20-30minutes playing on the gym before he gets bored or tired. It's the best bit of baby kit we've got at the moment (his vibrating chair will hopefully come into its own when he is older and can sit in it better as he doesn't really like it at the moment cos it doesn't support his head and he flops in it in the seated position and the lying position feels too open for him). He is a baby that likes to be cocooned - not swaddled, - as he likes the freedom to kick out his legs and stretch still but to also feel safe and encircled - hence the gym with its bear arms and the sleepyhead are both working well!

9. Am getting the 'why is my baby not chubby yet?!' Paranoia. His thighs are on their way but he's so long and lean I don't know how we are going to fill his limbs! Every baby is different of course but he still fits into the up to 1 month clothes and he is over 2 months now! He is bossing it in terms of height though so I think I've just got a long tall baby!

10. New movements. He has started moving his head side to side a lot at night when trying to get off to sleep and sometimes when napping in the day.  This is a new 'I'm super tired' signal so I try to help him to sleep when I spot him doing this but others would probably say that this means he's already too tired. 

Also he's really looking at me now, especially before and at the start of a feed when he's not crying or having bad wind!, and he'll stare at me intently on the changing table with such big blue eyes whilst he's crying about having his nappy changed that it makes me feel like I'm being awful for changing him! We are having pretty much daily eye to eye 'chat' sessions where I get rewarded for the hours I've put in on nurturing him with the most beautiful smiles and now full-on grins and the start of little laughs and gorgeous eye contact that I could indulge in for hours. Those eyes are going to get him what he wants in life I suspect, they are beauts. 

11. Bottling it. Jon did his first bottle feeding with Pads and it went very well. I could only express 30mls before I had to leave the house but we figured it was a good time to try the little one on a bottle as I wouldn't be in the house. He gladly took the bottle after an initial confusion over what it was and guzzled the milk down in minutes Jon said, then swiped the bottle away when it was drained. I came back 15 minutes later to a crying baby but happy daddy because the feed had gone well there just wasn't enough milk in the bottle! I am really pleased they got this bonding time and that Jon has experienced the wonder of feeding and that he accepted his first bottle, but I must admit that I was glad that I could offer up my boob to finish the feed as soon as I got in and that he took it as before - phew! I do like being the nourisher/feeder/dairy cow, as all consuming as it is, and am happy that the bottle is (hopefully) now an option if he accepts it again but also happy that he still wants me and my milky orbs!

It was a week of firsts, from needles to bottles, my boy is doing a grand job of learning, developing and growing and I think, we might just be doing a great job of nurturing him, nourishing him, responding to his needs and loving him. Well done bear team. 

Week 8 - taking it easy (and no, I don't mean e.a.s.y!)

Week 8 - taking it easy (and no I don't mean e.a.s.y!!!)

Our boy is 2 months old. How did that happen?!! Its been one heck of a journey already and I can hardly remember the first couple of weeks anymore (lucky I wrote it all down to go back to then!). Our little guy has grown so much in these past 8 weeks and not just in length (and the beginnings of some deliciously chubby thighs at last!) but as a little dude too. 

He is way more alert and smiley now and just loves taking in the ever changing world around him. He is definitely following me around the room with his beautiful baby blues now and heartbreakingly, when he cries there are now sometimes actual tears to wipe away. He loves new faces at the moment and is sharing his winning smile with everyone he meets, and if you've been lucky enough to recieve one of these smiles so far, you know how awesome they are and how they make you feel like everything is right with the world.  

 This week has been pretty low key as we've had an enforced, yet much needed and appreciated, rest together after a really busy few weeks of visits, new milestones and learning and evolving as new parents and a new son. It has been a gorgeous and very special week of bonding and togetherness, despite me being under the weather, which I am so grateful to have been able to experience.

Here's what we've been up to this week.  

  1. Womb friends. We have been lucky to have 2 of my favourite people, and now 2 of Paddington's favs too, visit us on consecutive weekends, the always lovely Bridget and ever fabulous Nikki (aka Aunty Bakery), accompanied by her cracking man, Sam. Pads absolutely loved them all straight off (he has impeccable taste) and was full of smiles and cwtches for them in an almost familiar 'I know these guys already' kind of way. I used to work with both ladies until recently and saw them almost every day of my pregnancy. Could it be that he recognised their voices from when he was in the womb which is why he felt so comfortable and at ease with them?! Who really knows, but I like to think so! Thanks for the visits ladies, it was fab to hang out almost like old times, and you were the perfect house guests making cups of tea and helping out which was massively appreciated.  

 
2. Baby yoga.  During Bridget's stay, Pads experienced his first foray into baby yoga. He was a natural. Bridge is a bendy yogi goddess and partnered up with our little Paddington to assume the warrior one/ Lion King pose in the glorious sunny Welsh outdoors. I do want to get back into yoga and pilates myself so perhaps baby-wearing yoga is the way forward - where can I sign up?! (Bridge - fancy doing some online videos we can follow?!!!) 

 
3. Snot and sneezes. Being ill and caring for a newborn around the clock do not mix (to anyone who has done this with another child/children on top, you are my heroes! And I don't now how you did it!!). 

I was fortunate enough to have a super immune system during my pregnancy and actually wasn't ill at all for almost a full year (which, as anyone who knows me well will attest, is not like me! I am the tonsillitis/laryngitis and cold catching queen usually). I felt like Pads was helping me stay healthy and well during pregnancy, even when all around me were getting sick and stressed out at work, I somehow managed to avoid getting ill.

Well that glory spell is now over sadly. I have never been more tired or run down and its been a pretty full-on and intense 8 weeks so far so it is really no surprise that I managed to pick up a stinking cold and chest infection, (perhaps due to the fact I've hardly slept in over 2 months and am 'on' all day everyday with little to no chance of rest or recuperation anymore). It started off as chills and a sore throat and I thought I had a handle on it with extra vitamins, more layers of clothes and some ibruprofen, alas no, it turned into a full-on eyes streaming and constant nose blowing cold and chesty cough situation within two days. Flippin' great.  

 We had great plans this week for more baby massage, popping back into the breastfeeding support group and a few catch ups with pals arranged and had to cancel all of it to stay home and blow our noses (well mine mainly), sneeze and feel sorry for ourselves (a sort of self-enforced quarantine if you will as I didn't want to spread my germs to other mums and babies). I became obsessed with either washing my hands or slathering them with non-alcoholic hand sanitizer after every nose blow/sneeze session, which was pretty much constantly, to try and minimise the chances of Pads picking up my germs - pretty much impossible not to with the amount of time he has spent with me and my lurgy though I would imagine! He has had a few snottier noses than normal - and just how are you supposed to blow a newborn's nose by the way?! I have been using the putting the tip of my pinky up the nostril gently or using the thinly rolled edge of a tissue technique! - but other than that he seems, touch wood, as healthy as normal. For now. 

 We had 3 days of 'bed ins' (if its good enough for John and Yoko...) as I was so exhausted and feeling very crappy, where we just concentrated on feeding, resting & trying to get as much sleep as is possible with a new bairn, and although it sucked to be ill and forced to stay in, in another way it was also lush that it was just me and my boy cwtching and spending so much time just being together and being still. We've been pretty busy lately, out most days and rushing around so it was good to just calm everything down and re-focus on being just a new mother and son.

 

We did manage to get some good daytime naps in too, despite the fact that my sneezes and noisy nose blowing kept startling the little guy, especially when he was about to drop off which was very annoying as we lost out on a few extra naps because of me I think, but we made up for them with lots of gorgeous snuggle time instead. Pads was an absolute star on the 2nd night when I felt at my worst (and most snotty) by giving me over 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep followed by a gentle hour of feeding and winding, then another 2 hours of straight sleep. Boy did I need that sleep, so thank you my gorgeous little man! 

I'm hoping my boobs pump him with immunity milk, so far, he seems mostly unscathed so fingers crossed. However, we have had a few projectile milky vom incidents over me or the bed in the night which isn't his usual style so am hoping that isn't a precursor to him getting sick.  

 
4. Expressing update. Perhaps because I haven't been well this week, I have been pumping even more pathetic amounts than last week. I am now pumping daily but only managed 30mls in total over 2 sessions on one day, plus 2 very achey pumping hands, which was mightily disheartening. I have also come to view expressing as the same as doing maths homework, i.e I hate it and don't want to do it. (However, I do acknowledge that unlike maths homework, I will actually be using this expressed breast milk in my day to day life!). I think the only way forward is to go electric with the pump to make the process easier so thanks for the ladies who have offered to lend me theirs - I will be taking you up on that! My wise pal Laura also gave me a tip to do 5 minutes a boob then switch and repeat for 30 minutes so I tried this and it did seem to generate a bit more supply. Just when I thought I'd gotten the hang of the whole breast feeding with a baby thing, I now have to master expressing too, hardly fair is it ladies?! 

 
5.Too young to teeth - right?!! Pads may be teething already. The health visitor said it is possible this early on (lord help me if this is so!) and he has started displaying some of the tell-tale signs. Often after a good feed he wants to suck his hand or thumb (we definitely have a future thumb sucker on our hands here - his dad was also a thumb sucker until he was 10 years old so it clearly runs in the family) and really enjoys sucking on a bit of my clothing, edge of a towel/bib etc...We tried to tempt him with a teething ring the other day but it seems too big and hard for him so he wasn't interested. Soft things are what he wants to suck at the moment.  

 He's also started blowing lots of spit bubbles * and dribbling a lot as well (thanks to the gorgeous Sophia for his baby shower bandana bibs - they are coming in super handy to keep him dry at the moment. We are going through 2 a day with all the dribble and posset!) He's also crying more in what sounds like pain when he's sucking his thumb/fists and surely can't be hungry (can he?!) as he's just finished a double boob feed, so watch this space. I am not looking forward to the arrival of his chompers but it can take months for them to show up so also hoping he doesn't teeth for months on end either! 

(* I heard a brilliant old wives tale behind the spit bubbles, apparently it means he has an itch that he just can't scratch! Ha! If that were the case then he'd be really, really itchy several times a day! I did give him a little all over body scratch just in case which he enjoyed, but he's continued blowing spit bubbles so guess that puts that old wives tale to bed. Another possible reason behind the bubbles and drool could just simply be that he has just learnt how to do it and is practising his new found skill, in which case spit away dear son { I will not be saying this when you are older so take advantage of this now.}

 
6. Chatterbox.  Pads has been doing cute little effort grunts this week, exploring a new range in his vocal abilities. We have also been having more 'chats' of a morning and afternoon usually where he makes 'eeh', 'gagaga' and 'aah' type sounds, along with gurgles and the occasional jolly shout.  I make the noises back at him and encourage him to reply to me to hopefully start him understanding the 2 way nature of conversations and practice the building blocks of speech. It is beyond adorable and one of the moments I most look forward to in our day. He's definitely smiling more now as well which is so rewarding and makes him a pretty fun guy to be around (most of the time!).  

 
7. FOMO. My good pal Bridget called this during her visit when she got to witness the little man's aversion and active resistance of daytime napping first hand. He has a 'fear of missing out' and that's why he doesn't want to sleep in the day ** as who knows what fun and games he may miss out on if he does? I totally get this as I have the same thing. Like Mother like Son. 

**Having said this, for the last 2 days he has had an impeccable daytime nap routine, greatly surpassing our nap goal of 3 hours a day that we set for ourselves last week. If only he would keep this up or if I knew why he has suddenly started to nap so well we would be laughing (and my work here would be done!). However, I am fully aware that this is probably just a good phase so I am just enjoying it while it lasts!  

 
8. Old soul. We were having an early evening drink in our local pub with our boy when a slightly inebriated old man leaned over to us to say that Paddington 'had been here before, its clear to see in his face'. I politely replied something like 'yes, we have been in a couple of times for a drink since he was born!' and the man shook his head and said 'no, he's been here before', meaning the earth. Spooky. Some babies do seem to have old souls so who knows? Perhaps Pads has one and perhaps he does know more than he's letting on. What I do know is that since having him, people talk to us everywhere. He is quite the little attraction and conversation starter. In the same pub that same evening, another couple commented on how very handsome he was (they are absolutely right) and told us that these were apparently the 'easy months' as it gets harder as they get older. Thought it was the other way around!! 

 
9. Scenic breast feeding. In a bid to dose up on vitamin D, blast away this pesky cold and get out of the house for a bit, we visited the Sugar Loaf vineyard for a spot of scenic breast feeding (I think I should compile a book of the best scenic spots for mother and baby breast picnics - Sugar Loaf, Llantony Priory and the fields around White Castle would be high on the list!). We got a glimpse into the future as the place was awash with kids merrily playing in the stream and running around the vines. The spot was stunning and the scene was so idyllic. I think Pads is going to really enjoy growing up around here, as we both did.  We made the right move coming back home to start our family. 

 
10. Stretch it out! Pads is of course learning from us every day, but we are also learning from him. He has reminded me of the simple pleasure and relief of stretching, especially in the morning and at night before bed. He stretches all the time and I started copying him, you know, for a laugh (you have to find your own amusement at times when spending each and every day with a newborn!) and it actually feels fantastic to stretch it all out. These babies are really on to something. I am also thinking of adopting his reaction to good milk whenever I eat something I like: one arm stretched up with fingers splayed wide then into a sort of celebratory fist pump, the other hand making a small pulsing fist, whole body wriggling in satisfaction all whilst making contented little murmurs and grunts. That's the way to show appreciation for your food. 

 
11. Keepin' it Country.  Whilst pregnant I listened to a lot of country music, partly due to the fact I worked on an American food show. The Pioneer Woman, set on a ranch in Oklahoma that was awash with Country style library music (sorry you had to hear the same few tracks over and over again son whilst I was working in the edit!), but also because I am a sucker for a good Country song (especially if the lyrics mention trucks, beer, fried chicken, creeks, crickets, blankets or all of the above).  We went to the Country 2 Country music festival at the 02 when I was almost 6 months pregnant and Pads kicked like crazy during the Bradley Gilbert and Luke Bryan sets.  It seems his  indoctrination into country music has stuck, as we had a bit of a sing-a-long session to Kip Moore (who he also heard live in the womb at the afore mentioned festival and who I played a lot to him when he was in utero) and he bloody loved it! He was 'dancing' (o.k, maybe just moving around a lot), smiling, making cute little happy yelps and I swear he looked like he was even playing air guitar at one point...That's my little Country boy. 

 12. Daddy's birthday. It was Jon's birthday yesterday - his first as a father. We marked the occasion with a really lovely family day, but it was clear things have changed for good with the addition of our little boy now, and our plans didn't work out exactly as we had hoped as Pads comes first now - and definitely rules this roost. I baked Jon a cake, which was a feat in itself from going to buy the ingredients (and guess which ingredient I forgot thanks to baby brain- only the flaming flour!), to actually making the cake, in between breast feeding and watching the little guy, so thanks to grandma T for looking after Pads for a bit to allow me to bake with 2 hands! 

 We had planned to go for our first drink out together in the eve 'sans' Paddington, but we left it too late in the day and the little man started fussing and nursing distractedly so we had to call it off to give Pads the patience, attention and milk he needed! He seemed to acknowledge this later and demonstrated his gratitude by giving us his longest stretch of night sleep yet - just under 6 hours straight people! *** That was the best pressie his dad (and I) could've wished for so ta very much Pads! 

 (***Sleepyhead update - I can now proudly say that our dude sleeps every night in his Sleepyhead for a minimum of 3 hours usually so its been a real life/sleep saver for us.  I doubt we would have gotten nearly as much rest and sleep without it, especially as we have chosen to co-sleep for these early months.  Soon we are going to make the transition to the crib, as even if he would sleep in the moses basket - which he firmly won't! - he is almost too long for it now anyway.  We are hoping/praying that the Sleepyhead will make this transition easier as it can go in the cot and he's already used to it. I will report back when the time comes!)

We are going to try again to get out for an hour on our own this eve by settling him a bit earlier for bed, so wish us luck!   

Week 7 - the long and tall of it

Week 7

This week has been a real test of my parenting skills and I proved to myself, as well as to Paddington, that I can cope with whatever life throws at us which is reassuring. I had my worst  parenting moment ever this week as well as my best.  We've had some big days out and late nights, as have had family visiting over from Australia, so its not been a usual week and any sort of routine we may have started went out the window. Our little guy proved that he could also cope with whatever we threw at him so kudos to you good sir, you are a star.

Here's the long and tall of it all.

1. Swat team. We bought a moveable clip-on mobile for the little man as recommended by Lindsay, ta lovely!, to try and distract Pads when we're changing him and give him something to focus on in the car.  It has high contrast images in black, white and red mainly and its been most effective in the car seat to hold his attention as he can't exactly look out of the window just yet. The other day he took a swipe at it and watched it spin - I missed the moment but Jon caught him in this clever act. That's my boy. 

2. My Miranda (*SATC reference) moment. We had a reunion drinks to go to in Bristol so I wanted to wear some non maternity/baggy/comfy clothes and feel a little like my old self and I managed to get back in to my skinny jeans! It was a modern miracle! They were a little snugger around the waist than they used to be and I may have undone the button for a bit but still, I got into them and I felt good.  

3. Too hot to handle. The party we went to in Bristol was in honour of close family who live overseas so it was something we had to go to and wouldn't have travelled that far to go to a bar with a newborn for any other reason. We went early and left early so it wouldn't be too late for our little man and he was an absolute hit with everybody. We even had strangers come up to us and say what a handsome little fella he was and they were placing bets on his age - they thought he was 2-4 weeks! He is a very lean machine so still looks pretty small I guess, he seems to be getting longer rather than podgier. He met our pals, Cally and Sarah's baby boy Oli who is 4 months old now and over double his size with adorable chunky legs. It was crazy to see them together and look at the size difference - better get you eating more milk then Pads, you have some serious catching up to do! 

The bar we were in suddenly got super hot as more people arrived, too hot to handle really and Pads got very grizzly and agitated by this (as did his mum!), plus there were just too many people and too much going on around him that it was upsetting him so we called it a day and left. He has allowed us to spend time with visiting family who we don't get to see very often his week in various restaurant/day trip situations that were probably pretty full-on for him in terms of new stimuli and new things to look at and experience and he's been passed around friends and family 'like a puppy at a primary school' as Tim Minchin would say, so thank you little one for being such a good boy and allowing us some 'normal' days and nights out, and I promise we'll take it easy next week so as not to overwhelm you (or us!!) 

4. Making the next leap. Paddington is much more alert in the day now, giving more adorable melt-your-heart smiles and gurgle giggles and is just more interested in his surroundings & people in general. He is on his next developmental/cognitive leap apparently called 'patterns' (according to 'The Wonder Weeks', which is the only baby book I am still allowing myself to read, as its observations, not guidance!). He has found his hands and started holding them together and playing with them more, from stretching out the fingers to making fists, grabbing and trying to fit a whole hand in his mouth bless him. He can also hold his head up more than before & pushes back with his neck when in a straight-up cuddle position so he can get a better look around. He seems to be crying more easily & quicker too, as soon as I spot a hunger signal its as if he's already crying so either I am slacking or he is more grizzly. 

Everything in his world has changed again except me so we've had extra snuggles & I've been giving him more encouragement when he's been smiling/chatting etc...He seems to want more cuddles & physical contact - especially when in the car seat at the moment (I've had to use my hairdryer app on a couple of long-ish journeys to calm him down when he wanted attention, & we've also had to stop in Waitrose car park to feed him and get him to settle when he was having a bit of a tanty in the car). However, he has now started falling asleep more often than not in the car which is ace and a real turning point for getting more nap time in the day! 

5. Talking to myself. I talk to Pads all day so he can get used to words and sounds, telling him what I am doing, where we are going and what we'll do next etc... so much so that I caught myself continuing to talk through what I was doing when I was on my own in the bedroom. I gave myself a running commentary about looking for some socks and which colour to choose before I realised Paddington was downstairs with my friend and I was alone and sounding like I'd lost my marbles! (I chose the blue superman ones in case you were wondering) 

6. Fresh air is best. Fresh air and a daily walk/outing helps Padster understand day & night apparently. It is supposed to regulate his melatonin levels so we are getting out daily, even if just for a stroll up and down the lane, and it isn't always a great success as he does not love being in his pram at all. He pretty much screamed down the whole lane the other day so much so that 2 neighbours popped out to see what was going on. Nothing to see here, just a newborn hating his carrycot! I ended up taking him out and carrying him in one arm whilst pushing the pram with the other  and up a steep hill no less (excellent workout though!), so he could look around which calmed him instantly and then he was perfectly happy! He is definitely going through a 'I just want to be held and know what's going on' phase. 

** I would however like to note the day after writing this bit he did sleep for 30minutes on his own in the carrycot in the house after sleeping on me for an hour first. Progress!  

7. Breast respect. Boobs really are amazing aren't they?! If mine had hands I would shake them as I can't believe what they can do and what they put up with. They take sucking, pulling, chomping by a newborn in their stride and provide a complete nutritious food source that has antibodies in to help the baby grow big, strong and healthy. I read a really interesting article that explored how a vacuum is created when your baby breastfeeds and some of their 'baby spit backwash' if you will, gets sucked into the nipple where the mammary glands receptors 'analyse' the spit and if they find any sign of illness, they then compel the mother's body to send out antibodies in the milk to help your baby. So not only do they provide food and nurture, they are also prescribing and dispensing medicine. Shit that is clever right?! I have a couple of amazing tools attached to my front that I am only just beginning to appreciate. The article also explained the different milk stages, the fore milk which comes first is the thirst quencher essentially so is more dilute, contains lactose and stimulates your baby's digestive tract - hence why they often feed and poop at the same time. Then as a reward for their hard work sucking, they then get the rich, fatty hind milk as the prize at the end. Really fascinating stuff. Breasts are ace.  

Our breastfeeding seems to be going ok at the moment. He is still feeding a lot but its manageable and we are still mixing up our positions which works well for us. We tend to cradle or jockey in the day (though the jockey is harder to do out and about I find as you need the right sort of chair to get the position as low and tight as it needs to be and I get uncomfy quickly in this position now) and we favour side lying at night so we can both rest whilst doing it (and occasionally I do have a little power nap in this position and know that he's safely lying in the bed next to me so no danger of dropping him!). We tend to do 1 long feed on 1 breast and I let him decide when to come off so I know he's getting both the fore and hind milk, & I only give him 2nd breast there and then if he's definitely still hungry - sucking hands, crying etc.... Then we burp and sometimes nappy change if necessary, have a bit of face/play time, and if I think he's still hungry then I'll offer up boob number 2. This system seems to work well for us so we're sticking with it! 

8. Simplified sleep goals. After all the hoo-ha in trying to implement other people's sleep routines last week I have decided to stick to our own plan this week and stripped back our sleep goals. We are now aiming for 5hrs a night, in one hit if poss, then hopefully another 2hours however it comes. Then we are striving for 3 hrs of nap time however we can get it in the day (these durations are based on his longest night's sleep and nap times that he has managed a few days in a row so I know he can achieve them) He tends to go for shorter naps in the day so we will just accept that for now. 

This loose 'plan' is already much more achievable and mostly, we are hitting it each day. I am also trying to get him sleeping elsewhere - not on me - when at home so encouraging him to lay in his carrycot (see the success of this above) or sleepyhead to fall asleep for naps. And I am trying to let him self-soothe more, not rush in if he wakes up and see if he can get himself back to sleep first before I intervene. This works better at night, often he does just go back to sleep on his own but less so in the day for some reason. He tends to need more reassurance and comfort if he startles himself awake in the day. This is our sleep solution for now and we'll build upon it when we are ready. 

9. I know Jack-all about my baby. (Pun massively intended). There's not an app or book for this. There's just me, Jon and Jack. I have really learnt the importance of trusting my instincts and remembering that I know my baby best - he's still so young and my instincts tell me to be there for him around the clock & respond to his needs as best as I can so that's the plan that I will continue to follow. We have our rough bedtime rituals and we are getting by fine most days so we'll stick with what works for us - and I am on a baby book ban from now on until I learn to trust myself again! 

10. Milking it. I am now a month into not having cow's milk as I wondered if it was making him windier/pooier so thought I would eliminate it from my diet as a precaution. He seems to be sick about the same, and wind is no worse but not necessarily better but he is definitely having much less hiccups - he was getting them daily, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day whereas now its a couple of times a week at most. Is this down to the elimination of cow's milk? I have no idea! But I have become rather partial to almond milk so will keep off cow's milk a while longer and see if it makes any more difference. 

11. My lovely little Cling-on. Pads has started clinging to me more - usually my hair and my top, and his new trick of going under my top at the shoulder and grabbing onto my bra strap - especially when I put him down. Its like he doesn't want me to let him go which to be fair, I usually don't either. Its incredibly touching & also a little heartbreaking, and his grip is bloody strong for someone so small, but sadly its necessary to not hold him forever for little things like nappy changing and sleeping, oh and for me to occasionally have both my hands to you know wash, go to the loo etc... 

12. Solo mission. We had our first mummy and son solo bath without daddy to help - well, you've got to get your (rubber) ducks in a row at some point right?! (Sorry). I decided not to go in with him as didn't want to risk slipping as we were on our own so just ran a small bath (and made sure it was actually between 36-37 degrees this time, so nice and warm for him). It was pretty hard work and I was nervous I'd lose my grip on him but it actually went well and he liked being in the bath on his own. We used our Angelcare bath support, which helps keep him safely above water level, but our main bath has such high sides (and I am not exactly tall) that my back nearly caved in bending over it, and I got drenched as I had forgotten to pull my sleeves up before I lowered him into the water - rookie error. I warmed the towel on my chest as I bathed him then wrapped him in it immediately as I brought him out and gave him a massive towel rubbing cuddle to dry him off and keep him warm and there were very few tears which was excellent. The next time we warmed the towel on the towel rail for 10minutes first so it was even cosier.  Winning at this! 

13. Feeding stats. On Tuesday he fed loads - 14 feeds in a day & he would've probably had more! He was a total milk fiend. He's been averaging 10-12 feeds a day of around 35 mins on average for each, with roughly 2hrs inbetween feeds in the day- more at night (usually between 3-5hrs apart) which is 5-6hrs of breastfeeding a day that I am doing - that's basically my office job now!! (He should be getting 6-9 feeds a day apparently so we are bossing that so far if that's true!) 

14. A little bit of 'me' time achieved. I managed to paint my toe nails on Wednesday and it felt amazing to do something I really took for granted pre-Pads. Pads was in his basket having some awake toy/mirror time for 40 glorious minutes so I started cleaning the bathrooms, put some washing on and made my brekkie then I realised I could seize this opportunity to do something more fun for me! My pink toe nails are the result of this little bit of me time and make me feel more like my 'old' self again.  

15. A new mum's worst nightmare: the day we had to go to a and e. I dropped my boy this week and it was the worst feeling ever. Its something every new mum fears and I can't believe it happened to us. I was in Waitrose car park trying to get him out of the baby sling which I had already done successfully twice that day, when it happened. I was leaning over the boot, which is thankfully carpeted, and I am so happy I always lean into the boot to get him in and out of the sling as a matter of course - you know, just in case... Anyway, I was trying to carefully remove Paddington from the sling in his padded infant insert when he shot his legs out forcefully, as he so often does, against my tummy, launching himself forward but this time I couldn't keep my hold on him and he slipped out of my hands and landed on his head on the boot, screaming out in shock. As I was leaning into the boot it wasn't a long drop at all but it was still a drop, and the landing was fairly soft thankfully but it was the fact that he landed on the top of his head, of all the body parts!, that worried me. I felt instantly sick to the stomach and terrified that I had inadvertently ruined our gorgeous little bundle. I scooped him up immediately, still in his padded infant insert, and we had big cuddles and kisses and I told him I was so so sorry and tried not to cry myself as I wanted to reassure and soothe him. I checked his head and there weren't any marks or anything and he calmed down quickly and seemed to be ok. I didn't really know what to do next and just felt terrible so we got in the car and started to drive home. 

I was getting increasingly paranoid that I had damaged him and when he started to fall asleep in the car, which is quite normal, I had to pull over to check he was breathing. This is when I noticed that his fontanelle looked more sunken than I had remembered it being before and the panic then really set in. Had I dented our son?! As we were nearly home, I continued the horrid, worried journey and rushed in to call NHS Direct to get their advice and also, if I am being honest, to confess what I had done as I felt like an awful person that deserved punishment and judgement. I fed him to keep him calm whilst on the phone, and as an apology for being a bad mummy too I guess. After a series of thorough questions they recommended I take him to a and e for peace of mind because he's so young. My heart sank. I was hoping they would tell me not to worry, this happens to all new mums etc... and that he was fine. So off we went to a and e. On our own (as typically not only was it in the week when Jon is in London, my mum and my in-laws (i.e our usual local support network) were all away). And it was scary. I talked to him reassuringly, and also partly to me, for the 5 minute journey and walked in to the reception in a sort of guilt raddled haze convinced that everyone in the waiting room knew what I had done and was judging me accordingly. The hospital (where he was born just 7 weeks ago!) were once again fab. He was straight in, no waiting time & checked over by a nurse and a doctor very thoroughly over the course of an hour to monitor him properly and everything was absolutely fine. No damage done, I would just need to keep an extra eye on him over the next 48hrs to make sure nothing changed. 

The relief I felt was extreme and I am so grateful to the lovely young lady doctor for saying that I had done the right thing bringing him in and that he was such a wriggly, strong little man it was no wonder he was tricky to keep hold of at times. She said the sunken fontanelle looked normal to her but if I thought it was more sunken than usual it could be because it was a hot day and he was perhaps a bit dehydrated so to make sure I fed him plenty for the rest of the day and a bit more on hot days going forward. She said that if that soft area of his head had been risen, then that was something to worry about, as would have been a proper bump to the head, but as it wasn't, she thought he was just fine. Phew. 

He was a big hit with all the medical staff there who said he was gorgeous and kept popping in to have a look and coo at him.  

If in any doubt, the best advice is to definitely get them checked out and try and stay calm. I managed, somehow, to stay calm for him and it was only when we got back home after the hospital and I was feeding him again that I allowed myself a gentle weep at the shock of it all. He is such an amazing, precious boy and the whole experience scared the crap out of me, but we dealt with the situation calmly and did the right thing and I am sure it won't be the last trip we have to a and e over the years to come.  

16. Our 6 week postnatal check-ups. Pads cried super loudly whilst we waited in the doctors surgery for our consecutive appointments. It seems to be his favourite place to test the volume of his voice. He then cried throughout his check up and when we were back in the waiting room waiting for my appointment and during that. We both got the all-clear which is great but it was a pretty hot and flustered experience having to keep settling him under the watchful eyes of the other waiting patients and I did manage to settle him a bit each time with my ssh pat and rock routine, as well as remain calm myself, which is something.  

I was heartened by the kindness of an (almost) stranger, as the leader of the breastfeeding group I went to once, happened to be waiting there too & came over to see if we were both ok and give us a bit of support and solidarity whilst everyone stared at us. She said 'you have the face of someone whose baby won't stop crying in public, I know what that's like' and gave me a hug and told me I was doing great. It was hugely appreciated so thank you Tanny! 

17. Paddington's first massage. We attended the first class of an 8 week free baby course that the health visitor referred us to in a local school and it was a really brilliant experience. It was a small group and the lady running the class was really lovely so I felt at ease even though my little tyke decided to be the only one crying for the first 10minutes making it hard for everyone to hear what she was saying. First of all we did painted footprints of our babies, again, all the other docile babies were easy to put paint on and get a clear foot stamp. My wriggly worm, made us work for it and we got something resembling a footprint at the end. Then he just cried again, I think he cries most when he's in a new environment with lots of unfamiliar people, and the harsh lights were really bright so there was a lot for him to take in. I breastfed him while the others stared the massage lesson to calm him down then 10 minutes later I thought I'd at least try and join in if he would let me. And after some initial grizzles as I undressed him, he bloody loved his massage. 

We used olive oil and began with gentle strokes across his torso and tum, then circular movements across his belly to aid his digestion, before moving on to his arms and shoulders then his legs and toes. He looked properly satisfied and made some super cute goo and ga happy sounds. We then put our babies onto their tums for some tummy time massage and for the first time, my little lad was the only one NOT crying!!! He loved having his back massaged and spent the longest time he ever has on his tum so far. He had his head resting in his hands with a really chilled and content look on his face that the lady running the class commented on how much he clearly loved being massaged & how lovely it was to see it take such effect so quickly. What a little star. He has dealt so well with a lot of really big events and new places and experiences this week and I am so proud of him for handling it all so well. I cannot wait for the next baby massage class, my boy deserves to be rewarded again for being such a star.  

18. The long and tall of it. We had our final health visit and Padster's put weight on again which is great - he's just over 9lbs now - however, she said he was in a lower percentile (25th, which means just 25% of 7 week old babies weigh the same or less than him according to the nhs weight charts and 75%, i.e the majority weigh more than him). She said not to worry, which always makes you worry right?!, but to weigh him again in 2 weeks to make sure he isn't dropping any lower down the percentile charts. 

I really thought he'd put on good weight as his face, thighs and chest have filled out and we are feeding well so I was a bit disappointed and am making extra sure he is latching properly, getting both fore and hind milk and eating as much as he wants, so upping the frequency of feeds if he needs it. He has grown longer too by a few centimetres which I had suspected as he is nearly too tall for some of his 0-3 months sleepysuits now though they are still a bit loose around the rest of him. I think he is just going to be a long and lean boy to be honest so as long as he feeds, poops and wees well, is putting on weight, and is happy, then I think we are doing ok.  

19. Express yourself. I expressed milk for the first time this week as I would like Jon to help with feedings to give me a small break now and then and so we can perhaps go out as husband and wife in the future and leave Pads with a grandparent for a few hours. I had been struggling to find time to fit it in around our already full feeding schedule and probably also putting it off a bit as I didn't like the look of the pumping contraption, but I saw a window of opportunity after a feed when my mum held a contented Pads for half an hour and so went for it. And it was weird. I did not love it. I used a hand pump and felt like an actual dairy cow. After a good half an hour of pumping both boobs I managed a measly 60mls of milk and had a stiff hand. One single feed is apparently around 150mls so that amount feels pretty pathetic! I popped it into a freezable, pre-sterilised bag and put it into the freezer as the beginnings of my stash - man, have I got a long way to go! 

Any pumping tips welcome from experienced mums as I still don't know how to make this part of my routine, when best to pump, how much to pump in a day and how much to portion into each freezer pouch as I have heard they don't always drink 150mls in one go so don't want to overfill and end up wasting precious milk, but likewise 60mls is prob not enough for one feed right?! (Carys gave me a good tip to put whatever I express in to a pouch in the fridge first then you can top it up to the desired level before freezing it- should've probably done that with my 60ml effort but oh well, that can be a little milk snack!).  

20. We got judged. On Friday, we went for lunch with Carys and her gorgeous boy Jude and were put into the fine dining room. Not the best idea with 2 newborn boys who decided to have a bit of a cry-off session. Mine then did a big old smelly poo that filled the air around all the other diners enjoying their afternoon tea. We realised we would be better suited to sitting outside in the pub garden so courteously moved but as we were leaving the room I overheard the nearest table totally judging us: 'well they are very young' a lady said disapprovingly. I am pretty sure she was referring to our babies and not us, but if so, then thank you for the compliment! People forget they were babies once!  

21. The best smiles around. To round off an eventful week, we had the best face-time session yet on Friday (and I don't mean on the phone, just me and Pads having some one on one looking at each other's faces time) He gave me cute little laughs and big, wide smiles and I felt like the proudest, happiest parent on the planet to have him in my life. 

From a and e to baby massage, this week has been one of contrast and of remaining calm, no matter what parenting throws at you. We managed some big and some very scary events together and have both come out stronger and more bonded together than ever.