Week 7 - the long and tall of it

Week 7

This week has been a real test of my parenting skills and I proved to myself, as well as to Paddington, that I can cope with whatever life throws at us which is reassuring. I had my worst  parenting moment ever this week as well as my best.  We've had some big days out and late nights, as have had family visiting over from Australia, so its not been a usual week and any sort of routine we may have started went out the window. Our little guy proved that he could also cope with whatever we threw at him so kudos to you good sir, you are a star.

Here's the long and tall of it all.

1. Swat team. We bought a moveable clip-on mobile for the little man as recommended by Lindsay, ta lovely!, to try and distract Pads when we're changing him and give him something to focus on in the car.  It has high contrast images in black, white and red mainly and its been most effective in the car seat to hold his attention as he can't exactly look out of the window just yet. The other day he took a swipe at it and watched it spin - I missed the moment but Jon caught him in this clever act. That's my boy. 

2. My Miranda (*SATC reference) moment. We had a reunion drinks to go to in Bristol so I wanted to wear some non maternity/baggy/comfy clothes and feel a little like my old self and I managed to get back in to my skinny jeans! It was a modern miracle! They were a little snugger around the waist than they used to be and I may have undone the button for a bit but still, I got into them and I felt good.  

3. Too hot to handle. The party we went to in Bristol was in honour of close family who live overseas so it was something we had to go to and wouldn't have travelled that far to go to a bar with a newborn for any other reason. We went early and left early so it wouldn't be too late for our little man and he was an absolute hit with everybody. We even had strangers come up to us and say what a handsome little fella he was and they were placing bets on his age - they thought he was 2-4 weeks! He is a very lean machine so still looks pretty small I guess, he seems to be getting longer rather than podgier. He met our pals, Cally and Sarah's baby boy Oli who is 4 months old now and over double his size with adorable chunky legs. It was crazy to see them together and look at the size difference - better get you eating more milk then Pads, you have some serious catching up to do! 

The bar we were in suddenly got super hot as more people arrived, too hot to handle really and Pads got very grizzly and agitated by this (as did his mum!), plus there were just too many people and too much going on around him that it was upsetting him so we called it a day and left. He has allowed us to spend time with visiting family who we don't get to see very often his week in various restaurant/day trip situations that were probably pretty full-on for him in terms of new stimuli and new things to look at and experience and he's been passed around friends and family 'like a puppy at a primary school' as Tim Minchin would say, so thank you little one for being such a good boy and allowing us some 'normal' days and nights out, and I promise we'll take it easy next week so as not to overwhelm you (or us!!) 

4. Making the next leap. Paddington is much more alert in the day now, giving more adorable melt-your-heart smiles and gurgle giggles and is just more interested in his surroundings & people in general. He is on his next developmental/cognitive leap apparently called 'patterns' (according to 'The Wonder Weeks', which is the only baby book I am still allowing myself to read, as its observations, not guidance!). He has found his hands and started holding them together and playing with them more, from stretching out the fingers to making fists, grabbing and trying to fit a whole hand in his mouth bless him. He can also hold his head up more than before & pushes back with his neck when in a straight-up cuddle position so he can get a better look around. He seems to be crying more easily & quicker too, as soon as I spot a hunger signal its as if he's already crying so either I am slacking or he is more grizzly. 

Everything in his world has changed again except me so we've had extra snuggles & I've been giving him more encouragement when he's been smiling/chatting etc...He seems to want more cuddles & physical contact - especially when in the car seat at the moment (I've had to use my hairdryer app on a couple of long-ish journeys to calm him down when he wanted attention, & we've also had to stop in Waitrose car park to feed him and get him to settle when he was having a bit of a tanty in the car). However, he has now started falling asleep more often than not in the car which is ace and a real turning point for getting more nap time in the day! 

5. Talking to myself. I talk to Pads all day so he can get used to words and sounds, telling him what I am doing, where we are going and what we'll do next etc... so much so that I caught myself continuing to talk through what I was doing when I was on my own in the bedroom. I gave myself a running commentary about looking for some socks and which colour to choose before I realised Paddington was downstairs with my friend and I was alone and sounding like I'd lost my marbles! (I chose the blue superman ones in case you were wondering) 

6. Fresh air is best. Fresh air and a daily walk/outing helps Padster understand day & night apparently. It is supposed to regulate his melatonin levels so we are getting out daily, even if just for a stroll up and down the lane, and it isn't always a great success as he does not love being in his pram at all. He pretty much screamed down the whole lane the other day so much so that 2 neighbours popped out to see what was going on. Nothing to see here, just a newborn hating his carrycot! I ended up taking him out and carrying him in one arm whilst pushing the pram with the other  and up a steep hill no less (excellent workout though!), so he could look around which calmed him instantly and then he was perfectly happy! He is definitely going through a 'I just want to be held and know what's going on' phase. 

** I would however like to note the day after writing this bit he did sleep for 30minutes on his own in the carrycot in the house after sleeping on me for an hour first. Progress!  

7. Breast respect. Boobs really are amazing aren't they?! If mine had hands I would shake them as I can't believe what they can do and what they put up with. They take sucking, pulling, chomping by a newborn in their stride and provide a complete nutritious food source that has antibodies in to help the baby grow big, strong and healthy. I read a really interesting article that explored how a vacuum is created when your baby breastfeeds and some of their 'baby spit backwash' if you will, gets sucked into the nipple where the mammary glands receptors 'analyse' the spit and if they find any sign of illness, they then compel the mother's body to send out antibodies in the milk to help your baby. So not only do they provide food and nurture, they are also prescribing and dispensing medicine. Shit that is clever right?! I have a couple of amazing tools attached to my front that I am only just beginning to appreciate. The article also explained the different milk stages, the fore milk which comes first is the thirst quencher essentially so is more dilute, contains lactose and stimulates your baby's digestive tract - hence why they often feed and poop at the same time. Then as a reward for their hard work sucking, they then get the rich, fatty hind milk as the prize at the end. Really fascinating stuff. Breasts are ace.  

Our breastfeeding seems to be going ok at the moment. He is still feeding a lot but its manageable and we are still mixing up our positions which works well for us. We tend to cradle or jockey in the day (though the jockey is harder to do out and about I find as you need the right sort of chair to get the position as low and tight as it needs to be and I get uncomfy quickly in this position now) and we favour side lying at night so we can both rest whilst doing it (and occasionally I do have a little power nap in this position and know that he's safely lying in the bed next to me so no danger of dropping him!). We tend to do 1 long feed on 1 breast and I let him decide when to come off so I know he's getting both the fore and hind milk, & I only give him 2nd breast there and then if he's definitely still hungry - sucking hands, crying etc.... Then we burp and sometimes nappy change if necessary, have a bit of face/play time, and if I think he's still hungry then I'll offer up boob number 2. This system seems to work well for us so we're sticking with it! 

8. Simplified sleep goals. After all the hoo-ha in trying to implement other people's sleep routines last week I have decided to stick to our own plan this week and stripped back our sleep goals. We are now aiming for 5hrs a night, in one hit if poss, then hopefully another 2hours however it comes. Then we are striving for 3 hrs of nap time however we can get it in the day (these durations are based on his longest night's sleep and nap times that he has managed a few days in a row so I know he can achieve them) He tends to go for shorter naps in the day so we will just accept that for now. 

This loose 'plan' is already much more achievable and mostly, we are hitting it each day. I am also trying to get him sleeping elsewhere - not on me - when at home so encouraging him to lay in his carrycot (see the success of this above) or sleepyhead to fall asleep for naps. And I am trying to let him self-soothe more, not rush in if he wakes up and see if he can get himself back to sleep first before I intervene. This works better at night, often he does just go back to sleep on his own but less so in the day for some reason. He tends to need more reassurance and comfort if he startles himself awake in the day. This is our sleep solution for now and we'll build upon it when we are ready. 

9. I know Jack-all about my baby. (Pun massively intended). There's not an app or book for this. There's just me, Jon and Jack. I have really learnt the importance of trusting my instincts and remembering that I know my baby best - he's still so young and my instincts tell me to be there for him around the clock & respond to his needs as best as I can so that's the plan that I will continue to follow. We have our rough bedtime rituals and we are getting by fine most days so we'll stick with what works for us - and I am on a baby book ban from now on until I learn to trust myself again! 

10. Milking it. I am now a month into not having cow's milk as I wondered if it was making him windier/pooier so thought I would eliminate it from my diet as a precaution. He seems to be sick about the same, and wind is no worse but not necessarily better but he is definitely having much less hiccups - he was getting them daily, sometimes 2 or 3 times a day whereas now its a couple of times a week at most. Is this down to the elimination of cow's milk? I have no idea! But I have become rather partial to almond milk so will keep off cow's milk a while longer and see if it makes any more difference. 

11. My lovely little Cling-on. Pads has started clinging to me more - usually my hair and my top, and his new trick of going under my top at the shoulder and grabbing onto my bra strap - especially when I put him down. Its like he doesn't want me to let him go which to be fair, I usually don't either. Its incredibly touching & also a little heartbreaking, and his grip is bloody strong for someone so small, but sadly its necessary to not hold him forever for little things like nappy changing and sleeping, oh and for me to occasionally have both my hands to you know wash, go to the loo etc... 

12. Solo mission. We had our first mummy and son solo bath without daddy to help - well, you've got to get your (rubber) ducks in a row at some point right?! (Sorry). I decided not to go in with him as didn't want to risk slipping as we were on our own so just ran a small bath (and made sure it was actually between 36-37 degrees this time, so nice and warm for him). It was pretty hard work and I was nervous I'd lose my grip on him but it actually went well and he liked being in the bath on his own. We used our Angelcare bath support, which helps keep him safely above water level, but our main bath has such high sides (and I am not exactly tall) that my back nearly caved in bending over it, and I got drenched as I had forgotten to pull my sleeves up before I lowered him into the water - rookie error. I warmed the towel on my chest as I bathed him then wrapped him in it immediately as I brought him out and gave him a massive towel rubbing cuddle to dry him off and keep him warm and there were very few tears which was excellent. The next time we warmed the towel on the towel rail for 10minutes first so it was even cosier.  Winning at this! 

13. Feeding stats. On Tuesday he fed loads - 14 feeds in a day & he would've probably had more! He was a total milk fiend. He's been averaging 10-12 feeds a day of around 35 mins on average for each, with roughly 2hrs inbetween feeds in the day- more at night (usually between 3-5hrs apart) which is 5-6hrs of breastfeeding a day that I am doing - that's basically my office job now!! (He should be getting 6-9 feeds a day apparently so we are bossing that so far if that's true!) 

14. A little bit of 'me' time achieved. I managed to paint my toe nails on Wednesday and it felt amazing to do something I really took for granted pre-Pads. Pads was in his basket having some awake toy/mirror time for 40 glorious minutes so I started cleaning the bathrooms, put some washing on and made my brekkie then I realised I could seize this opportunity to do something more fun for me! My pink toe nails are the result of this little bit of me time and make me feel more like my 'old' self again.  

15. A new mum's worst nightmare: the day we had to go to a and e. I dropped my boy this week and it was the worst feeling ever. Its something every new mum fears and I can't believe it happened to us. I was in Waitrose car park trying to get him out of the baby sling which I had already done successfully twice that day, when it happened. I was leaning over the boot, which is thankfully carpeted, and I am so happy I always lean into the boot to get him in and out of the sling as a matter of course - you know, just in case... Anyway, I was trying to carefully remove Paddington from the sling in his padded infant insert when he shot his legs out forcefully, as he so often does, against my tummy, launching himself forward but this time I couldn't keep my hold on him and he slipped out of my hands and landed on his head on the boot, screaming out in shock. As I was leaning into the boot it wasn't a long drop at all but it was still a drop, and the landing was fairly soft thankfully but it was the fact that he landed on the top of his head, of all the body parts!, that worried me. I felt instantly sick to the stomach and terrified that I had inadvertently ruined our gorgeous little bundle. I scooped him up immediately, still in his padded infant insert, and we had big cuddles and kisses and I told him I was so so sorry and tried not to cry myself as I wanted to reassure and soothe him. I checked his head and there weren't any marks or anything and he calmed down quickly and seemed to be ok. I didn't really know what to do next and just felt terrible so we got in the car and started to drive home. 

I was getting increasingly paranoid that I had damaged him and when he started to fall asleep in the car, which is quite normal, I had to pull over to check he was breathing. This is when I noticed that his fontanelle looked more sunken than I had remembered it being before and the panic then really set in. Had I dented our son?! As we were nearly home, I continued the horrid, worried journey and rushed in to call NHS Direct to get their advice and also, if I am being honest, to confess what I had done as I felt like an awful person that deserved punishment and judgement. I fed him to keep him calm whilst on the phone, and as an apology for being a bad mummy too I guess. After a series of thorough questions they recommended I take him to a and e for peace of mind because he's so young. My heart sank. I was hoping they would tell me not to worry, this happens to all new mums etc... and that he was fine. So off we went to a and e. On our own (as typically not only was it in the week when Jon is in London, my mum and my in-laws (i.e our usual local support network) were all away). And it was scary. I talked to him reassuringly, and also partly to me, for the 5 minute journey and walked in to the reception in a sort of guilt raddled haze convinced that everyone in the waiting room knew what I had done and was judging me accordingly. The hospital (where he was born just 7 weeks ago!) were once again fab. He was straight in, no waiting time & checked over by a nurse and a doctor very thoroughly over the course of an hour to monitor him properly and everything was absolutely fine. No damage done, I would just need to keep an extra eye on him over the next 48hrs to make sure nothing changed. 

The relief I felt was extreme and I am so grateful to the lovely young lady doctor for saying that I had done the right thing bringing him in and that he was such a wriggly, strong little man it was no wonder he was tricky to keep hold of at times. She said the sunken fontanelle looked normal to her but if I thought it was more sunken than usual it could be because it was a hot day and he was perhaps a bit dehydrated so to make sure I fed him plenty for the rest of the day and a bit more on hot days going forward. She said that if that soft area of his head had been risen, then that was something to worry about, as would have been a proper bump to the head, but as it wasn't, she thought he was just fine. Phew. 

He was a big hit with all the medical staff there who said he was gorgeous and kept popping in to have a look and coo at him.  

If in any doubt, the best advice is to definitely get them checked out and try and stay calm. I managed, somehow, to stay calm for him and it was only when we got back home after the hospital and I was feeding him again that I allowed myself a gentle weep at the shock of it all. He is such an amazing, precious boy and the whole experience scared the crap out of me, but we dealt with the situation calmly and did the right thing and I am sure it won't be the last trip we have to a and e over the years to come.  

16. Our 6 week postnatal check-ups. Pads cried super loudly whilst we waited in the doctors surgery for our consecutive appointments. It seems to be his favourite place to test the volume of his voice. He then cried throughout his check up and when we were back in the waiting room waiting for my appointment and during that. We both got the all-clear which is great but it was a pretty hot and flustered experience having to keep settling him under the watchful eyes of the other waiting patients and I did manage to settle him a bit each time with my ssh pat and rock routine, as well as remain calm myself, which is something.  

I was heartened by the kindness of an (almost) stranger, as the leader of the breastfeeding group I went to once, happened to be waiting there too & came over to see if we were both ok and give us a bit of support and solidarity whilst everyone stared at us. She said 'you have the face of someone whose baby won't stop crying in public, I know what that's like' and gave me a hug and told me I was doing great. It was hugely appreciated so thank you Tanny! 

17. Paddington's first massage. We attended the first class of an 8 week free baby course that the health visitor referred us to in a local school and it was a really brilliant experience. It was a small group and the lady running the class was really lovely so I felt at ease even though my little tyke decided to be the only one crying for the first 10minutes making it hard for everyone to hear what she was saying. First of all we did painted footprints of our babies, again, all the other docile babies were easy to put paint on and get a clear foot stamp. My wriggly worm, made us work for it and we got something resembling a footprint at the end. Then he just cried again, I think he cries most when he's in a new environment with lots of unfamiliar people, and the harsh lights were really bright so there was a lot for him to take in. I breastfed him while the others stared the massage lesson to calm him down then 10 minutes later I thought I'd at least try and join in if he would let me. And after some initial grizzles as I undressed him, he bloody loved his massage. 

We used olive oil and began with gentle strokes across his torso and tum, then circular movements across his belly to aid his digestion, before moving on to his arms and shoulders then his legs and toes. He looked properly satisfied and made some super cute goo and ga happy sounds. We then put our babies onto their tums for some tummy time massage and for the first time, my little lad was the only one NOT crying!!! He loved having his back massaged and spent the longest time he ever has on his tum so far. He had his head resting in his hands with a really chilled and content look on his face that the lady running the class commented on how much he clearly loved being massaged & how lovely it was to see it take such effect so quickly. What a little star. He has dealt so well with a lot of really big events and new places and experiences this week and I am so proud of him for handling it all so well. I cannot wait for the next baby massage class, my boy deserves to be rewarded again for being such a star.  

18. The long and tall of it. We had our final health visit and Padster's put weight on again which is great - he's just over 9lbs now - however, she said he was in a lower percentile (25th, which means just 25% of 7 week old babies weigh the same or less than him according to the nhs weight charts and 75%, i.e the majority weigh more than him). She said not to worry, which always makes you worry right?!, but to weigh him again in 2 weeks to make sure he isn't dropping any lower down the percentile charts. 

I really thought he'd put on good weight as his face, thighs and chest have filled out and we are feeding well so I was a bit disappointed and am making extra sure he is latching properly, getting both fore and hind milk and eating as much as he wants, so upping the frequency of feeds if he needs it. He has grown longer too by a few centimetres which I had suspected as he is nearly too tall for some of his 0-3 months sleepysuits now though they are still a bit loose around the rest of him. I think he is just going to be a long and lean boy to be honest so as long as he feeds, poops and wees well, is putting on weight, and is happy, then I think we are doing ok.  

19. Express yourself. I expressed milk for the first time this week as I would like Jon to help with feedings to give me a small break now and then and so we can perhaps go out as husband and wife in the future and leave Pads with a grandparent for a few hours. I had been struggling to find time to fit it in around our already full feeding schedule and probably also putting it off a bit as I didn't like the look of the pumping contraption, but I saw a window of opportunity after a feed when my mum held a contented Pads for half an hour and so went for it. And it was weird. I did not love it. I used a hand pump and felt like an actual dairy cow. After a good half an hour of pumping both boobs I managed a measly 60mls of milk and had a stiff hand. One single feed is apparently around 150mls so that amount feels pretty pathetic! I popped it into a freezable, pre-sterilised bag and put it into the freezer as the beginnings of my stash - man, have I got a long way to go! 

Any pumping tips welcome from experienced mums as I still don't know how to make this part of my routine, when best to pump, how much to pump in a day and how much to portion into each freezer pouch as I have heard they don't always drink 150mls in one go so don't want to overfill and end up wasting precious milk, but likewise 60mls is prob not enough for one feed right?! (Carys gave me a good tip to put whatever I express in to a pouch in the fridge first then you can top it up to the desired level before freezing it- should've probably done that with my 60ml effort but oh well, that can be a little milk snack!).  

20. We got judged. On Friday, we went for lunch with Carys and her gorgeous boy Jude and were put into the fine dining room. Not the best idea with 2 newborn boys who decided to have a bit of a cry-off session. Mine then did a big old smelly poo that filled the air around all the other diners enjoying their afternoon tea. We realised we would be better suited to sitting outside in the pub garden so courteously moved but as we were leaving the room I overheard the nearest table totally judging us: 'well they are very young' a lady said disapprovingly. I am pretty sure she was referring to our babies and not us, but if so, then thank you for the compliment! People forget they were babies once!  

21. The best smiles around. To round off an eventful week, we had the best face-time session yet on Friday (and I don't mean on the phone, just me and Pads having some one on one looking at each other's faces time) He gave me cute little laughs and big, wide smiles and I felt like the proudest, happiest parent on the planet to have him in my life. 

From a and e to baby massage, this week has been one of contrast and of remaining calm, no matter what parenting throws at you. We managed some big and some very scary events together and have both come out stronger and more bonded together than ever.