Week 22 - 5 months old and counting!

Week 22 

These have been the absolute best 5 months of my life, hands down. I have a new best friend, who is also my son and my reason for being. 

He has totally completed me and I never knew I would feel this way about such a little dude. I love being a mum, I love being his mum in particular, and I love this journey we are all on. 

Let's celebrate also the fact that we have been able to breastfeed for this long, I feel so happy to have been able to stick at it and get such an immense feeling of pride when I look at my happy, healthy boy and think 'my body did that'. So here's to the amazing little boy that has graced our lives and brought such joy and happiness in just a few short months already.

1. In the face. 

I'm going to start with this week's stand out moment - and there's been a few. It's been a big week. 

We were at our fav baby class and had had a lovely feed and burp, then I popped little mister down on the mat and Pads did his new party trick, rolling onto his tum super quickly, but then stared grizzling. So I scooped him up for a hug but he was still very grizzly, so I did one of our fail safe actions to cheer him up: lifted him high in the air above my head and I started saying our usual 'who's the tallest bear in the room?', which pretty much always gets a smile or chuckle from my main guy. 

I had my mouth wide open in encouragement and he smiled, then promptly projectile vomited all over my face, and yes, into my mouth. That actually happened. I was so shocked by the ferocity of the liquid and what had actually occurred that I did nothing for a few seconds, before realising I should probably wipe my face and mouth now. Luckily, most of the other mums in the class didn't notice as it was natter time, but I have learnt my lesson not to let him on his tum or lift him up too soon after a feed! 

The next day at our Baby Sensory class he managed to vom all over the lovely festive satin scarves in the explorative play area, and I mean ALL over them, so we had to hand them in to the teacher to save the other babies getting a milky surprise. 

He is definitely being sick more often this week and with more force, and this is after I have burped him and kept him upright for a while, so I wonder if he may have a little bug as this isn't like him. He is also waking up after naps or at night after a feed with a pain-sounding scream, and when I pick him up he does an almighty belch and drops off to sleep again so I think we have some trapped wind issues, but I am winding him and getting results after each feed, this just seems to be wind that comes later, so not sure what to do about it really! 

2. Baby Christmas parties.

How cute is playing dress up with babies? It just makes sense. This week he has been a Santa baby and a cute elf for his baby class xmas parties and he did something funny to my ovaries in both those outfits. I literally cannot wait for Christmas eve and Christmas day when we can play dress up again, and get to spend our first Christmas with our little boy.

Thanks to the lovely Claire who runs our Daisy Foundation Tinies class for the gorgeous wooden reindeer decoration with Jack's name on it - it is adorable and we will treasure it always.

3. Swimming success. 

Another week, another great swimming lesson. Pads is absolutely becoming a water baby and long may this continue! He didn't cry once during the lesson and was all smiles, giggles and looks of wonder and excitement. He earnt a new nickname from the teacher, which is 'splash', as he didn't stop splashing from the moment he got in the pool and was happy to splash himself, the teacher, me, the other babies, anyone and anything basically, for his own enjoyment. This time his maternal grandma got to watch him poolside and he put on another super entertaining show. 

4. End of an era.

We had our last baby sensory class and it isn't continuing next year as the teacher is off to have a baby (I know, how selfish!) and our lovely routine of classes is now coming to an end as the year also comes to a close. It feels quite sad actually as I really liked our busy fun weeks and it feels like my maternity leave is slipping away. I don't want it to ever end if I am honest as I love this job more than any I have ever had, though the hours are shocking and the pay is shit! We will just have to find new classes and a new routine for the new year to help my boy develop and grow as well as he has done this year and keep us both active and busy. 

5. We have a real rock and roller now! 

This week my boy has become mobile and boy is he practicing at every opportunity. It really feels like he has spent the last month gearing up towards this and I am hoping that's what has interrupted his sleep and perhaps we will get some now he has achieved his goal?! (Wishful thinking?) 

He put on a sell-out rolling show for all the grandparents at the start of the week, rolling once from his back to his tum then twice more as if to make sure he had it nailed, then he rolled from his tum to his back twice in a row too, all with the utmost determination and concentration. He looked really chuffed, and a bit surprised with himself each time too. Since then, he now rolls over pretty much every time I put him down on his back, several times, again like he is making sure he has this movement down before moving on to his next activity. 

Rolling to the left is his fav but he has also started to do it to the right more often now he knows he can do it. I am encouraging him by getting down low next to him and placing toys just out of his reach on either side. He has learnt really fast and is now staying on his tum and trying to crawl more than ever before which often leaves him really frustrated and shouting or starting to cry bless him, as now he can do a little in terms of movement, he is desperate to do a lot. He can shuffle with his bum up and little legs trying to work together to propel him forward but he doesn't quite know what to do with his arms or his head, so often ends up face planting the floor and getting cross! 

He can pivot around and shuffle forward grabbing the mat or blanket to help him, which after 5 months of having a largely immobile baby is quite a shock. I can no longer just leave him on the middle of the bed or on a small mat when showering as he will move around with alarming speed. A new phase has begun! 

6. My boy is changing before my very eyes. 

He wants to do more and IS doing more everyday. He really wanted to hold and drink from a pint glass when I was, and got cross at me when I tried to take the glass away from him. He knew the motion that he needed to bring the glass up to his mouth and put his hands either side of it to tip it, which was really cute. He must have been watching me all this time. 

He also wants to crawl and roll all the time, as mentioned above. And he gets easily annoyed at his toys when he can't quite do what he wants to do with them. He is even mastering rolling while still holding on to his toys, which can't be easy! 

As he has become this newly mobile, active and wanting-to-explore-the-boundaries-of-his-capabilities baby this week I have had to make him a new play den as we are calling it, as the house is all hard wood floors downstairs. His tiny play mat is no longer enough for him and cannot contain the play he wants to do. His gym is also getting too limited for him now, both in terms of space and interest. As he just wants to roll, he is just rolling onto the raised sides constantly and then getting frustrated as he can't roll off them. 

So instead, I grabbed several soft, thick blankets and have laid them out full size on the floor and topped them off with a fleecey red blanket that is super soft to touch and easy to clean and that is now his area. Paddington's play office if you will.  

It is surrounded by cushions as a sort of border, his toys are strewn across it and there is ample space for several roll overs in any direction. He bloody loves it and its big enough for me to lie on it with him too, for play, or perhaps a little nap time with my boy. Win win. 

7. The battle of the bottle.

I got my hair done! Woohoo - the first cut and colour in well over 7 months, and it has made such a difference! Proper me time, plus my hair seems to be falling out less now and is less tangled after a shower. 

It was only a 3 hour appointment but it felt like a big deal for both of us as we haven't spent any time apart since the rugby back in October basically. I really missed him though it was good to have some time just to myself. I read 3 magazines and had 2 hot pots of tea, but also found myself looking at pictures of him on my phone for the last half hour or so as I was missing him! (I am told by seasoned mum friends that this is completely normal).

His grandma was looking after him and I had got a bottle of expressed milk ready for her to give him, as he doesn't usually go more than 2-3 hours without a feed. I fed him just before I left for the appointment and thought nothing of him taking the bottle with this grandma, as he had last time (although that was over 2 months ago now!). 

Well, it turns out that he just wouldn't take his bottle and reacted like it was horrible, crying and screaming and turning away. I have to admit I was secretly pleased in a way as it means he thinks breast is best, but I also didn't want to let good expressed milk go to waste. 

So, I gave him a breast feed as soon as I got back from my appointment, which he attacked with fervour so he was clearly hungry, then instead of offering up the 2nd boob as usual, I tried him with the bottle, cradled in my arms, and rubbed a bit of my current breast milk on the teat as a temptation. It was the first time I had ever bottle fed him so it did feel a bit weird as I am so used to, and actually really enjoy breastfeeding him, but he took it! He stared at me the whole time he drank from the bottle and was most interested in holding the bottle and tipping it himself which was really cute. He did fuss with the teat a bit, but he drank 30 mls no problem before coming off and starting to grizzle. He was rooting at my boob by this point as if to say 'look I took some of the bottle to please you, now give me my boob pudding!', so I offered up 2nd boob and he took it gladly. I have to say that again I was pleased and felt like I had got one over on the bottle - really weird how I became competitive with a plastic and inanimate object but there you go, breastfeeding is an emotional journey! 

I tried him on the rest of the bottle about an hour later, which he took in 2 slow stages.  He would drink a bit, then play with the teat, then look at the bottle for a bit turning it around in his hands, then go back for a drink and so on, so it was slow progress but he basically finished the remaining 60mls and I was relieved that my milk, and all the work that had gone into expressing it, wasn't wasted.  But I am still very pleased and relieved that he is still most definitely a breast man. 

8. Pardon the expression...

Speaking of expressing, I got back in the game this week and expressed 3 times, basically replenishing what we used above, which is good. It had been probably 2 months since my last expression and I knew I needed to get back into it if I ever want to have anymore me time or for when I go back to work, as I still want Pads to be on breast milk for as long as possible and not use formula if I don't have to, so I need a milk bank. I am still not getting a lot at each session but it's something and it all adds up. I also invested in a pump bra where you fit the breast pump into the bra cup and it keeps it in place so you can pump away hands free, just to make it as easy as possible to do to encourage myself.  It looks bloody ridiculous but if it works then I am all for it! It just needs to become part of my routine again and so far this week it has gone well. 

9. Memories...of not that long ago!

We had a lovely day meeting my friends Jo and Johnny's adorable 4 week old baby, and hanging out as new mums which was really lovely. Meeting a newborn again made me realise how much Pads has grown and that he so isn't a newborn baby anymore. I had already forgotten how small newborn babies are and that they basically sleep or snuggle most of the day, with a few feeds and happy changes in between, and nothing else. Just like Pads used to do I suppose but funny how quickly you forget!

Pads is a proper little boy now and so active, learning and determined all the time. And we spend so much time playing or exploring or practicing new skills.  Its really fun. I could not be prouder of the little dude he is turning out to be and love how we made it through those tough first few weeks and have become such a bonded little team together. He has a sense of humour for sure, is happy and smiley, loves his food and definitely has a cheeky side. I could not love this little person anymore and am so grateful that he came into our lives and is thriving so well. 

10. The sleep diaries.

Sleep goals: 3 hours in the day and anything over 2 hours straight at night!!!

Sleep reality: consistently getting 2.5-3.5 hours throughout the day, usually in several short cat naps but it all counts! Averaging 1 hour 55 minutes at night straight so a slight improvement on last week.  Biggest sleep block at night was 4 hours, but he only did this once and whilst sleeping on me (which was soooo nice, but a little naughty I know!) Actually, no, it isn't naughty (as my pal Laura had to point out to me, its all about survival and we both got sleep this way so actually, if it works for us, its a good thing. 

At last weekend's wedding, we met a couple with 3 kids whose sleep advise was to try putting Jack to bed later so he was really tired and may then sleep through - unintentionally this had happened 3 nights in a row anyway while I was prepping for the wedding, the night of the wedding and the following eve after a baby shower, so we decided to keep it up this week as a trial.  We have also gone back to leaving the the low lamp on in the bedroom at night instead of the night light or just dark to see if that made a difference to his sleep as Jon thinks Pads sleeps better with the light on and doesn't wake up as frightened, so this week has been an experiment. I don't think he has slept any better or worse to be honest, just about the same (the only advantage to him going to bed later has been that I have a little more time in the evenings to actually eat properly and potentially watch a bit of a tv programme if I am lucky so that has been quite nice).  Next week we might try the night light and dark again to see if he sleeps any worse. It's all trial and error isn't it?! Other than that, I have decided to keep muddling by on what sleep we get until he is 6 months old, when I will consider sleep training if I think he's ready for it. 

11. The waiting game.

I co-organised a Baby shower for one of my besties last weekend and it really reminded me of how I felt waiting for Pads to arrive. All that excitement, nervousness and not really knowing what to think or expect. I just remember trying to get everything in order before his arrival so buying clothes and arranging them into boxes of sleep suits, baby grows and cardigans etc..., and organising containers of nappies and baby cleaning wares on his changing table, and painting his cot, changing table and rocking chair with nursery paint - basic nesting behaviour. I had no idea who was growing inside me, what kind of a mum I would be or how we would get on as a duo. I can't believe how far we have come and I can't believe how amazingly lucky we are to have such a gorgeous, healthy, happy, fun, loving and clever son and that I also happened to fall in love with being a parent as well as fall in love with him. I think we have done a great job together so far and do you know what, I think the best is yet to come! 

Merry Christmas everyone - hope Santa brings you everything you wish for and eat (and drink) more than you should! 

Week 21 - 'water' way to have fun

Week 21.

Here's what went down.

Sleep goals: 3 hours in the days, and anything over 3 hours in one block at night

Sleep reality: Around 2- 3 hours consistently in the days (mini high five), and averaging 1 hour 45 minutes at night, however, we did have one night of 4.5 hours this week so mini fist pump for that.

1. Splish splash, Pads was having a laugh! 

We had Padster's most successful swim session ever. And I really didn't think it was going to go that way. He had missed his morning nap so I was hoping he would sleep in the car on the way to make up for it but he decided just to play and grizzle a bit until about 5 mins away when he duly fell asleep. Of course. So when I carefully removed him from the car he awoke groggy and then when I took him into the hot changing room he decided to have a meltdown as well as a massive, go everywhere kind of poo. Fab. After cleaning up a wailing, leg thrashing baby and trying to manoeuvre him into a swim nappy, trunks and a wet suit - not bloody easy at the best of times but especially not when dealing with a very cross and upset wriggler - he had got himself so hysterical he had a bright pink face and was doing those short sharp staccato breaths. I thought about packing the towel in there and then to be honest as I thought if he's like that in here, he is going to hate the pool. But his Grandey was waiting poolside to see his grandson swim so I thought we should at least try now we'd come this far. Off I went with a sniffling baby to the pool and entered the water with a little trepidation. Pads did a complete mood 360. He started smiling and splashing the water with both hands like he does in the bath and looked well up for a laugh. My my. 

The water was a tropical 31 degrees this time so I think he just thought it was a huge bath and he does love bath time. What followed was a lot of smiles when swimming, actual kicking attempts in the swim position, lots of splashing - the teacher, me, himself, and he did 4 underwater swims beautifully with his eyes open in the water and he totally nailed our name, ready, go's, closing his eyes before I splashed water on him each time - again we have been practicing this every bath time to get him comfortable with water and it has paid off. It was such a joy to see him actively enjoying the swimming, it was like he was putting on a show for his Grandey and great that we had my dad there to take lots of pics and prove it happened! 

2. Feet, knee and thigh grabber extraordinaire. 

He discovered his feet a little while ago but this week he has also realised they are attached to knees which bend and help you grab the feet and that there is also a fun, chubby bit on top called a thigh that is really fun to grab at too and help hoist those pins into the air. Every nappy change and most times he is on his back now, he is grabbing those tootsies and legs and pulling them in or moving them about with real joy. It is possibly the cutest thing known to man. Occasionally this natural wind removal pose lives up to its name and there's a parp that goes along with it, which always elicits a lovely smile from my boy. He did look like he was about to grab his junk in the bath too but so far, he hasn't quite figured out what's there...its only a matter of time though I know - like father, like son!

He has also started scratching materials and feeling them with his hands with immense interest this week. He seems to love denim, towels and the sofa's thick cotton material the most and scratches at it like a cat on a scratching post whilst looking in awe or smiling delightedly. Very cute. 

3. Flower helper. 

Doing wedding flowers with a baby to look after/constantly distract all day by yourself is tough. Really tough. And pretty unproductive. The day started off as it carried on really with my flower delivery not arriving on time, then being well over an hour late, then when it did arrive there were a few missing flowers bla bla bla. Once I had called to arrange another order of the missing bits for later that day, Pads and I had a feed and sit down, then he wonderfully fell asleep and let me crucially put him down and stay asleep for 40mins! I managed to get a heck of a lot done in that short time frame and was all set up ready to condition the flowers with clean buckets of water laid out, my work area all organised etc..and I got started merrily, then he woke up. Of course he did. So we had a cuddle and I popped him on the bouncing chair by my side so he could watch me work as I talked him through what I was doing and what the flowers were. This time when I showed him the flowers he just tried to grab them and put them in his mouth or ripped a few petals so I soon learnt to keep them a bit out of reach. He was very excited by the peachy roses and loved it when I waved bunches of eucalyptus about the kitchen. 

However, he soon got bored and kept grizzling and dropping his toys on the floor so I spent a good amount of my prep time, cleaning and picking up his things, soothing and distracting him and not getting a lot done. Finally after a good hour he had had enough of being in his chair which is fair enough so we stopped for a feed and then I tried to pop him on his play mat, nope, then back into the chair, um I don't think so mum. He wasn't having any of it so with a pathetically uncrossed off to do list staring at me and the rapidly diminishing time, I reached for the sling and popped him on facing out. It was quite tricky to actually prep the flowers this way as I had to basically hold them out in front of me so he could see them but so that they were far enough away from him not to touch and not to be anywhere near the scissors I was using. I am sure the health and safety police would have had something to say but I was very slow and careful with what I was doing and he loved being so involved in the process. It was slower progress than I would normally make but it allowed me to get the job done. That took at least double the amount of time it would normally to get all the flowers ready to work with, so I gave us a little feed break (him- milk, me - a scone (still obsessed with them since pregnancy!)), then back to it. 

However, he just really wasn't into sitting in his bouncer or being on his mat and I couldn't have him in the sling to actually make the arrangements as he kept wanting to grab at them and it was just awkward to have to hold them at arms length so I spent an exhausting afternoon with him in his bouncer, trying to make bouquets in-between giving him a cuddle or head stroke, singing Xmas songs at him very animatedly to keep him entertained, wiggling and dancing flowers in front of him and basically trying anything and everything to keep him from, or stop him crying. Needless to say it was pretty tiring trying to concentrate on making good flower arrangements too and I didn't get as much as I had wanted done. 

The next day, and my last chance to get everything finished before the wedding the following day, I brought in back-up in the form of his paternal nanny Sue and she was brilliant at playing with Pads and taking him out for walks so I could get all of the wedding flowers done, with breaks for breast feeds and cuddles every couple of hours of course. It was no mean feat (I did 1 bridal bouquet, 3 bridesmaids bouquets, 2 flower girl posies, 6 aisle posies, 35 table jars, 2 thank you flower pots, 5 buttonholes and 3 corsages plus made a floral garland for an entrance on site on the day so a big order for just little old me) and was pretty exhausting, but I am so glad I got to get stuck back into making flowers which I love, I really enjoyed doing it and I proved to myself that I can still do it and be a mum at the same time as the flowers did turn out really well in the end and most importantly, the bride and groom were very happy. 

We were guests at the wedding too and Pads was an absolute hit and looked so dapper in his baby grow tuxedo shirt, bow tie and velvet dinner trousers. He heard his first ever loud group clapping at the ceremony and was at first a bit scared but by the end of the wedding day, he was totally cool with loud talking, loud music and loud clapping and whooping, taking it all in his stride and even managing two very good naps despite the noise. So proud that he nailed his first wedding and looked so cute doing so.

4. The sleepy day. 

Early on in the week, and not long after me getting over last week's lurgy (plus the final day I was on penicillin), we had a big day out with his maternal grandparents taking in Chepstow castle again and spending some lovely chill time in a local pub, and Pads was a sleep monster! Not sure if it was the fresh air or being out and about again after a week of mainly being cooped up inside but he slept for 2 and a half hours straight in the day which he never does, and this started off in his car seat and he stayed asleep being transferred to his pram and being bundled up in many Winter layers for a walk. It almost got to the point that I wanted to poke him and wake him to make sure he was still breathing and was ok, but luckily I resisted and was content with just listening to his breaths to check that. Then that evening, he did 4 hours in a block over night! That's my boy! (The night after the wedding he also did another 4 hour block of sleep so I don't want to get too excited but am wondering if what D:ream said in the 90's is true,that 'things can only get better'. Here's hoping)

5. Feed and squeeze. 

During feeds he has started grabbing a bit of boob firmly and then squeezing or pinching it in a super strong gripped, sort of pulsing action. Whether this is to try and get more milk out maybe or just a new action he is perfecting I don't know but it I do know that it can hurt! I have a little boob bruise from it and He actually drew blood with his extra strong squeeze the other day when he decided to add digging his ever growing sharp talons in at the same time as squeezing. Ouch. Am trying to stop this new activity before it becomes habit! 

6. The frustration cry. 

We have a new favourite vocal this week. when playing with a toy that he wants to do more with than he knows how yet, or when he is trying to roll but only makes it halfway, or when he is on his tummy but fed up, or in his cot but wanting to be picked up, or in his car seat but wanting to be held or just wanting attention, basically a LOT, Pads is letting out a loud sort of 'urgh!' frustration wail before inevitably ending up grizzling or crying if he doesn't get what he wants. He is really trying to do so many new things and it is making him so cross when he can't quite get there. He has also totally found his volume dial and did the loudest squeal ever this week which I think surprised even him! I love how much he is learning and discovering all the time, it makes it all so worthwhile.

7. Double roller. 

We had a comedy morning trying to get ready whilst chasing a delivery that hadn't turned up and having to answer the door to posties and couriers and kids selling raffle tickets back to back, all whilst Pads was wrapped in his towel waiting for his morning wash. When I was finally able to actually get him washed and dressed for the day, I popped him on the middle of the bed to grab his outfit and he rather casually just rolled from his back to his front and looked positively chuffed with himself. Now this is something he has been practicing really hard and has only managed a couple of times after lots of effort and here he just did it as if it was something he has always done. I got super excited and made a huge fuss which made him smile and chuckle then he just cooly rolled back from his tum to his back to let me dress him. That's my boy. Double roll action- a milestone! No wonder he has been so active lately if that's what he was building up to. I don't think I have ever felt prouder. Now, let's see if he can do that again!

8. Off and on. 

Now Pads is getting older and more aware of everything, he is much More easily distracted when feeding and often stops a feed to have a look at something bright or work out where a noise has come from, or sometimes just to look up at me and make a cute gurgle chatting sound and then back on he goes. He also spent a good few mins half sucking while gazing in absolute intrigue and wonder at his own hand, turning it around just in front  of his face like it was a newly discovered treasure (which I guess to a degree it is).  It does mean that out and about now it is much harder to conceal the breast when feeding as I have to keep popping him back on so we are back to using a trusty blanket when a place is too busy so will just distract him even more or if I think our company would be embarrassed by constant boob flashing, usually I don't much care anymore who sees boobage but am being sensitive to others as part of my breastfeeding crusade. Putting it out there without literally putting it out there if you catch my drift. 

9. Long blonde locks. 

All of a sudden Pads hair has grown thick and luscious and golden blonde. I am pleased he seems to be taking after me in the hair department rather than his dad, as let's just say Pads has waaaay more than his father has on his head already!

                                                      ***

I feel that our son is gearing up for some big movements and developments very soon, with the exuberant rolling and manic kicking, I am expecting some furtive crawling attempts very soon and I definitely have to have eyes in the back of my head now - no more putting him down and him staying there anymore.  My boy is growing up, and I love it.

Week 20 - the lurgy and lack of sleep continued...

Week 20

                                                       

This week was basically cancelled due to my rubbish throat and immune system - no Daisy Foundation class, no Baby Sensory, no swimming and no breastfeeding group. I am sorry Paddington. 

While it's been a pretty dull one in terms of activity and play, it has also been quite lovely to strip our time back to the basics and just enjoy lots of in bed snuggles, side lying feeding throughout the day, day time cat naps together, skin on skin contact and shared baths. Although being ill with a baby is not easy, and there were times when I really wished I could go back to those indulgent and selfish pre mummy days when I could just stay in bed sleeping or watching Netflix all day to get over tonsillitis, I will say that Padster's gorgeous smiles and chuckles and just having him to look after as well as myself, have kept my spirits up and given me more to focus on than just feeling like shit (and thus feeling sorry for myself), so thank you Paddington. You really are the best. 

Here's week 20.

1. His first doctor's appt.  

As I have the lurgy and Pads has been sleeping so badly, as well as being generally crankier and more fractious than his usual self, I took him to get checked out at the doctors too, just to be on the safe side. He was as good as gold during his check up (apart from having just done a stinky poo seconds before we were called in so that smelt really good!). He was just interested in what the doctor was doing and looking around his new surroundings. He had the full-on stethoscope treatment front and back, his temperature taken, his ears inspected and mouth checked for tonsillitis. Thankfully, he got the all-clear on everything so it probably is just 4 month sleep regression, teething and a massive developmental leap causing all the fussiness and wakefulness. Good to know he is fit and well, at least one of us is! 

2. Milky Way. 

I got given a course of penicillin and told to take paracetamol as well and I am pretty sure that they have been affecting my milk. They say only a trace will go into the breast milk and they are fine to take when breast feeding but he has been a bit crankier - if that's possible! - since, definitely windier and finding it harder to burp, less satisfied and often grizzly after a feed and has been sick more than usual, so it seems too much of a coincidence. Luckily it was only a 6 day antibiotics course and it seems to have cleared away my infection (stay away forever please!) so am sorry for any cause I had in your milk being a bit off little guy.

3. Language and play. 

We were invited to a free local playgroup at the end of last week that I didn't get chance to write about on last week's post, run at the Acorn Centre where we had our brilliant Baby Acorns group a while back, and it was great to see the lovely Sue again, who runs this group as well. Pads was the only baby there, the other 2 were toddlers running around very energetically, so I did wonder if Pads would get much out of the group at first. 

We started with some play time for me and Pads in their baby area and he absolutely loved the new toys around him, especially some mirrored jigsaw pieces and a rainmaker that fascinated him. The older kids did some music time, banging drums and throwing bells etc... whilst we had a breastfeed and I was so tired by the lack of sleep the night before that the noise was almost unbearable so I thought about just leaving then. But am glad we stayed, as they next laid out a giant colourful parachute, which was very attractive to Pads and made him voluntarily want to go on his tummy on it to look at the colours, and then they brought out the bubbles. He is a big fan of Bubbles it seems!!! He properly followed them with his eyes as they floated by him and kept trying to grab at them. It was so good to see him so responsive and intrigued by what was happening around him. He also found watching the toddlers stomping about and having tantrums very fascinating and I saw a glimpse into our future! That's a whole new kettle of fish when they can run and snatch toys isn't it?!!! It is brilliant that they run groups like this for free to help mums get out and about and give them ideas for play and I fully support the work that these ladies and the centre do. 

4. Ear defenders rock! 

I have found a great way to get the hoovering done, entertain Pads and also be a bit of a workout for me. Wearing the boy in the carrier whilst vacuuming! You can work up quite a sweat actually.  As its so loud - the day they invent a quiet vacuum, I am first in line - I was worried about his little ears, so popped his brand new ear defenders on and he seemed totally chilled and happy in them. I got a job done easily and it resulted in sleep - for him at least!!! I took him out of the carrier and popped him on his play mat while I put everything away and by the time I came back he was fast asleep, love him, for a good hour. So that's our secret to sleep then is it? Get the Hoover out! 

5. Our boy does have a routine! 

When it comes to bowel movements at least. For the past 2 weeks, he waits until daddy has left for work and he's had his early morning feed, then does a massive poo just for me to clean up! It's been pretty much like clockwork for the past fortnight so I know we will have a poopy nappy between 6-9am everyday. We have also gone up to size 3 nappies now as we ran out of 2's and he will be in the 3's for longer as they bridge a wider weight gap,  so makes sense. I also think they fit better and do a better job of holding things in, as we had started to have a few little pooey leakages again with the number 2's. 

6. The night I tried to get some sleep. 

I basically reached boiling point with not getting any proper sleep last weekend and started to feel unwell, so we decided I would go into the spare room to try and sleep for a few hours while Jon did a night shift with Pads. It didn't really go to plan. 

After a feed, snuggle and Pads falling asleep, I crept out to a lovely big, spacious bed and started to settle down to sleep when he started crying very loudly and wouldn't stop. (Pads this is, not Jon!) So Jon came and got me. Only 8 minutes had passed and I hadn't had that sleep yet. So I settled Pads back down and into his cot, waited for a few minutes then toddled off to that big, comfy bed again with all my fingers crossed. I started to drift off again, when the crying began even louder and more upset than before. I lay there for a minute or 2 willing it to stop and for Jon to sort it out, but it wasn't stopping and only getting worse, and I couldn't lay there listening to my son crying, so back in to the room I came and settled him again. 

Jon felt dejected and in his words, 'useless' at this point as Pads didn't want to settle with him, and settled almost immediately with me. I guess it's because he is used to me and Jon doesn't do the night shifts  so Pads wasn't used to him. I got him down in his cot again and this time, stayed in the room to see what would happen, lamenting the sleep I never got. 

5 minutes passed and he was awake and screaming again. This was awful!! I got up again to settle him and just burst into tears. I was exhausted and feeling crappy with a sore throat and swollen glands and I just needed some sleep but neither my son or my hubby could give me any. Jon tried to take over the comforting of Pads while I cried it out, and then I just admitted defeat and settled down for a lying down feed with Paddington. He fell asleep promptly afterwards and I just stayed with him, not daring to try and move him to his cot again or move myself in case he awoke again. 

I finally got a blissful 1.5 hours of uninterrupted sleep in the spare room where I could fully stretch out and bundle up the duvet without worrying about a little person, such a treat!, at 4.30am when I was certain that Pads was fully asleep and he had had a couple of night feeds to keep him going. I was in a full on dream state when I heard him crying again, and dutifully returned to my post by Padster's side. But that brief sleep was beautiful while it lasted. And I will treasure it forever.

The next day, I had tonsillitis. My old nemesis there you are, snuffling around when I am at my most tired and run down (me and tonsillitis go way back. I don't even have any tonsils anymore as I used to get it several times a year for a couple of weeks straight, so they were taken out in my early '20's, but I still get it. How is that for unfair?!). 

Tonsillitis with a baby doesn't mix, as the only thing that really makes you feel better is sleep. And the only thing not guaranteed, or rather that I am guaranteed not to get with this particular baby, is sleep. The cruel irony of it all.

I would like to announce however that on the Monday eve my little monster gave us 4 hours 20 mins of uninterrupted lovely sleep. When I needed it most. He is a star.

And just to prove that every day changes, the next night we had one of the top 3 worst nights in his history. I saw every hour until 5.30am when he finally decided to sleep for 2.5 hours. I gently sobbed my way through most of that evening wondering why something as natural as sleep was causing so much grief. 

The rest of the week followed this fairly-promising-return-to-good-sleep pattern one night (maximum 4 and a half hours sleep in any of these 'good' nights mind, and there were only 2 of them) and then the next day would be back-to-shitty- hourly-wakings-again pattern.  We really don't know what else to do to get us all more sleep, nor do we have the energy to try anything new at the moment, so are just trying to cope with it as best we can. 

Thanks for all the solidarity and advice on sleep by the way peeps - it is good to know it's not just us!

7. Sleep regression is a good thing. !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know, I know 'she's gone doolally through sleep deprivation so has convinced herself of this ridiculous statement to get through it', well maybe, but hear me out. A friend sent me a link to The Sleep Lady's blog and I read the best piece of advice on this whole sleep thievery business that has made me see it in a more positive light (well, during daylight hours anyway, I am less convinced in the middle of the night). 

He is growing both physically, mentally and absolutely in terms of his development and this has all happened over the past few weeks, coincidentally around the same time that sleep went out of the window. He suddenly wanted to try rolling all the time, explore everything with his hands and mouth, engage with the world, is especially drawn to light sources (lamps, screens, phones, windows etc...) and has become really very vocal, practicing new sounds and 'chat' almost daily.  At the same time he also became fussier, started waking throughout the night, napping less and crying more. And according to The Wonder Weeks book and app he has just been through his biggest 'leap' yet. The new things he has been learning have absolutely been causing him to want to be awake more to practice and also to be unable to sleep as well as before, or for as long, while his brain processes the huge leaps he is making in his growth and development. 

The Sleep Lady's simple advice was to just do what you need to do to get through and remember that sleep regression is temporary, and crucially that you won't create any long term bad habits during the first 6 months anyway. Phew! And I believe she is right and am so happy to hear someone say all of those words, as this is a really tough parenting, and babying stage for us right now. 

This week in particular because I haven't been feeling well, to get by, Pads and I have totally been co-sleeping in the day for naps and at night and sodding the cot for now, so I could feed him more easily and respond to him quicker, and it worked for us. We got a bit more sleep than we would've done I believe and I wasn't completely exhausted in trying to get him to sleep in his cot when he was happily sleeping in the bed, nor having middle-of-the-night meltdowns getting him back to sleep. I simply rolled over and fed and soothed him back to sleep, then went back to sleep myself. 

I was worrying that I was 'making a rod for my own back', and maybe he has gotten a bit used to feeding to sleep and sleeping with us this week, but I was simply getting us through this week as best as I could and it needed to be done. And he is only 4.5 months old, so he is still young and sleep training will come. We have been winging it pretty well so far, doing whatever needs to be done to get by and we are doing ok, so we will carry on muddling along a while longer.