Week 22
These have been the absolute best 5 months of my life, hands down. I have a new best friend, who is also my son and my reason for being.
He has totally completed me and I never knew I would feel this way about such a little dude. I love being a mum, I love being his mum in particular, and I love this journey we are all on.
Let's celebrate also the fact that we have been able to breastfeed for this long, I feel so happy to have been able to stick at it and get such an immense feeling of pride when I look at my happy, healthy boy and think 'my body did that'. So here's to the amazing little boy that has graced our lives and brought such joy and happiness in just a few short months already.
1. In the face.
I'm going to start with this week's stand out moment - and there's been a few. It's been a big week.
We were at our fav baby class and had had a lovely feed and burp, then I popped little mister down on the mat and Pads did his new party trick, rolling onto his tum super quickly, but then stared grizzling. So I scooped him up for a hug but he was still very grizzly, so I did one of our fail safe actions to cheer him up: lifted him high in the air above my head and I started saying our usual 'who's the tallest bear in the room?', which pretty much always gets a smile or chuckle from my main guy.
I had my mouth wide open in encouragement and he smiled, then promptly projectile vomited all over my face, and yes, into my mouth. That actually happened. I was so shocked by the ferocity of the liquid and what had actually occurred that I did nothing for a few seconds, before realising I should probably wipe my face and mouth now. Luckily, most of the other mums in the class didn't notice as it was natter time, but I have learnt my lesson not to let him on his tum or lift him up too soon after a feed!
The next day at our Baby Sensory class he managed to vom all over the lovely festive satin scarves in the explorative play area, and I mean ALL over them, so we had to hand them in to the teacher to save the other babies getting a milky surprise.
He is definitely being sick more often this week and with more force, and this is after I have burped him and kept him upright for a while, so I wonder if he may have a little bug as this isn't like him. He is also waking up after naps or at night after a feed with a pain-sounding scream, and when I pick him up he does an almighty belch and drops off to sleep again so I think we have some trapped wind issues, but I am winding him and getting results after each feed, this just seems to be wind that comes later, so not sure what to do about it really!
2. Baby Christmas parties.
How cute is playing dress up with babies? It just makes sense. This week he has been a Santa baby and a cute elf for his baby class xmas parties and he did something funny to my ovaries in both those outfits. I literally cannot wait for Christmas eve and Christmas day when we can play dress up again, and get to spend our first Christmas with our little boy.
Thanks to the lovely Claire who runs our Daisy Foundation Tinies class for the gorgeous wooden reindeer decoration with Jack's name on it - it is adorable and we will treasure it always.
3. Swimming success.
Another week, another great swimming lesson. Pads is absolutely becoming a water baby and long may this continue! He didn't cry once during the lesson and was all smiles, giggles and looks of wonder and excitement. He earnt a new nickname from the teacher, which is 'splash', as he didn't stop splashing from the moment he got in the pool and was happy to splash himself, the teacher, me, the other babies, anyone and anything basically, for his own enjoyment. This time his maternal grandma got to watch him poolside and he put on another super entertaining show.
4. End of an era.
We had our last baby sensory class and it isn't continuing next year as the teacher is off to have a baby (I know, how selfish!) and our lovely routine of classes is now coming to an end as the year also comes to a close. It feels quite sad actually as I really liked our busy fun weeks and it feels like my maternity leave is slipping away. I don't want it to ever end if I am honest as I love this job more than any I have ever had, though the hours are shocking and the pay is shit! We will just have to find new classes and a new routine for the new year to help my boy develop and grow as well as he has done this year and keep us both active and busy.
5. We have a real rock and roller now!
This week my boy has become mobile and boy is he practicing at every opportunity. It really feels like he has spent the last month gearing up towards this and I am hoping that's what has interrupted his sleep and perhaps we will get some now he has achieved his goal?! (Wishful thinking?)
He put on a sell-out rolling show for all the grandparents at the start of the week, rolling once from his back to his tum then twice more as if to make sure he had it nailed, then he rolled from his tum to his back twice in a row too, all with the utmost determination and concentration. He looked really chuffed, and a bit surprised with himself each time too. Since then, he now rolls over pretty much every time I put him down on his back, several times, again like he is making sure he has this movement down before moving on to his next activity.
Rolling to the left is his fav but he has also started to do it to the right more often now he knows he can do it. I am encouraging him by getting down low next to him and placing toys just out of his reach on either side. He has learnt really fast and is now staying on his tum and trying to crawl more than ever before which often leaves him really frustrated and shouting or starting to cry bless him, as now he can do a little in terms of movement, he is desperate to do a lot. He can shuffle with his bum up and little legs trying to work together to propel him forward but he doesn't quite know what to do with his arms or his head, so often ends up face planting the floor and getting cross!
He can pivot around and shuffle forward grabbing the mat or blanket to help him, which after 5 months of having a largely immobile baby is quite a shock. I can no longer just leave him on the middle of the bed or on a small mat when showering as he will move around with alarming speed. A new phase has begun!
6. My boy is changing before my very eyes.
He wants to do more and IS doing more everyday. He really wanted to hold and drink from a pint glass when I was, and got cross at me when I tried to take the glass away from him. He knew the motion that he needed to bring the glass up to his mouth and put his hands either side of it to tip it, which was really cute. He must have been watching me all this time.
He also wants to crawl and roll all the time, as mentioned above. And he gets easily annoyed at his toys when he can't quite do what he wants to do with them. He is even mastering rolling while still holding on to his toys, which can't be easy!
As he has become this newly mobile, active and wanting-to-explore-the-boundaries-of-his-capabilities baby this week I have had to make him a new play den as we are calling it, as the house is all hard wood floors downstairs. His tiny play mat is no longer enough for him and cannot contain the play he wants to do. His gym is also getting too limited for him now, both in terms of space and interest. As he just wants to roll, he is just rolling onto the raised sides constantly and then getting frustrated as he can't roll off them.
So instead, I grabbed several soft, thick blankets and have laid them out full size on the floor and topped them off with a fleecey red blanket that is super soft to touch and easy to clean and that is now his area. Paddington's play office if you will.
It is surrounded by cushions as a sort of border, his toys are strewn across it and there is ample space for several roll overs in any direction. He bloody loves it and its big enough for me to lie on it with him too, for play, or perhaps a little nap time with my boy. Win win.
7. The battle of the bottle.
I got my hair done! Woohoo - the first cut and colour in well over 7 months, and it has made such a difference! Proper me time, plus my hair seems to be falling out less now and is less tangled after a shower.
It was only a 3 hour appointment but it felt like a big deal for both of us as we haven't spent any time apart since the rugby back in October basically. I really missed him though it was good to have some time just to myself. I read 3 magazines and had 2 hot pots of tea, but also found myself looking at pictures of him on my phone for the last half hour or so as I was missing him! (I am told by seasoned mum friends that this is completely normal).
His grandma was looking after him and I had got a bottle of expressed milk ready for her to give him, as he doesn't usually go more than 2-3 hours without a feed. I fed him just before I left for the appointment and thought nothing of him taking the bottle with this grandma, as he had last time (although that was over 2 months ago now!).
Well, it turns out that he just wouldn't take his bottle and reacted like it was horrible, crying and screaming and turning away. I have to admit I was secretly pleased in a way as it means he thinks breast is best, but I also didn't want to let good expressed milk go to waste.
So, I gave him a breast feed as soon as I got back from my appointment, which he attacked with fervour so he was clearly hungry, then instead of offering up the 2nd boob as usual, I tried him with the bottle, cradled in my arms, and rubbed a bit of my current breast milk on the teat as a temptation. It was the first time I had ever bottle fed him so it did feel a bit weird as I am so used to, and actually really enjoy breastfeeding him, but he took it! He stared at me the whole time he drank from the bottle and was most interested in holding the bottle and tipping it himself which was really cute. He did fuss with the teat a bit, but he drank 30 mls no problem before coming off and starting to grizzle. He was rooting at my boob by this point as if to say 'look I took some of the bottle to please you, now give me my boob pudding!', so I offered up 2nd boob and he took it gladly. I have to say that again I was pleased and felt like I had got one over on the bottle - really weird how I became competitive with a plastic and inanimate object but there you go, breastfeeding is an emotional journey!
I tried him on the rest of the bottle about an hour later, which he took in 2 slow stages. He would drink a bit, then play with the teat, then look at the bottle for a bit turning it around in his hands, then go back for a drink and so on, so it was slow progress but he basically finished the remaining 60mls and I was relieved that my milk, and all the work that had gone into expressing it, wasn't wasted. But I am still very pleased and relieved that he is still most definitely a breast man.
8. Pardon the expression...
Speaking of expressing, I got back in the game this week and expressed 3 times, basically replenishing what we used above, which is good. It had been probably 2 months since my last expression and I knew I needed to get back into it if I ever want to have anymore me time or for when I go back to work, as I still want Pads to be on breast milk for as long as possible and not use formula if I don't have to, so I need a milk bank. I am still not getting a lot at each session but it's something and it all adds up. I also invested in a pump bra where you fit the breast pump into the bra cup and it keeps it in place so you can pump away hands free, just to make it as easy as possible to do to encourage myself. It looks bloody ridiculous but if it works then I am all for it! It just needs to become part of my routine again and so far this week it has gone well.
9. Memories...of not that long ago!
We had a lovely day meeting my friends Jo and Johnny's adorable 4 week old baby, and hanging out as new mums which was really lovely. Meeting a newborn again made me realise how much Pads has grown and that he so isn't a newborn baby anymore. I had already forgotten how small newborn babies are and that they basically sleep or snuggle most of the day, with a few feeds and happy changes in between, and nothing else. Just like Pads used to do I suppose but funny how quickly you forget!
Pads is a proper little boy now and so active, learning and determined all the time. And we spend so much time playing or exploring or practicing new skills. Its really fun. I could not be prouder of the little dude he is turning out to be and love how we made it through those tough first few weeks and have become such a bonded little team together. He has a sense of humour for sure, is happy and smiley, loves his food and definitely has a cheeky side. I could not love this little person anymore and am so grateful that he came into our lives and is thriving so well.
10. The sleep diaries.
Sleep goals: 3 hours in the day and anything over 2 hours straight at night!!!
Sleep reality: consistently getting 2.5-3.5 hours throughout the day, usually in several short cat naps but it all counts! Averaging 1 hour 55 minutes at night straight so a slight improvement on last week. Biggest sleep block at night was 4 hours, but he only did this once and whilst sleeping on me (which was soooo nice, but a little naughty I know!) Actually, no, it isn't naughty (as my pal Laura had to point out to me, its all about survival and we both got sleep this way so actually, if it works for us, its a good thing.
At last weekend's wedding, we met a couple with 3 kids whose sleep advise was to try putting Jack to bed later so he was really tired and may then sleep through - unintentionally this had happened 3 nights in a row anyway while I was prepping for the wedding, the night of the wedding and the following eve after a baby shower, so we decided to keep it up this week as a trial. We have also gone back to leaving the the low lamp on in the bedroom at night instead of the night light or just dark to see if that made a difference to his sleep as Jon thinks Pads sleeps better with the light on and doesn't wake up as frightened, so this week has been an experiment. I don't think he has slept any better or worse to be honest, just about the same (the only advantage to him going to bed later has been that I have a little more time in the evenings to actually eat properly and potentially watch a bit of a tv programme if I am lucky so that has been quite nice). Next week we might try the night light and dark again to see if he sleeps any worse. It's all trial and error isn't it?! Other than that, I have decided to keep muddling by on what sleep we get until he is 6 months old, when I will consider sleep training if I think he's ready for it.
11. The waiting game.
I co-organised a Baby shower for one of my besties last weekend and it really reminded me of how I felt waiting for Pads to arrive. All that excitement, nervousness and not really knowing what to think or expect. I just remember trying to get everything in order before his arrival so buying clothes and arranging them into boxes of sleep suits, baby grows and cardigans etc..., and organising containers of nappies and baby cleaning wares on his changing table, and painting his cot, changing table and rocking chair with nursery paint - basic nesting behaviour. I had no idea who was growing inside me, what kind of a mum I would be or how we would get on as a duo. I can't believe how far we have come and I can't believe how amazingly lucky we are to have such a gorgeous, healthy, happy, fun, loving and clever son and that I also happened to fall in love with being a parent as well as fall in love with him. I think we have done a great job together so far and do you know what, I think the best is yet to come!
Merry Christmas everyone - hope Santa brings you everything you wish for and eat (and drink) more than you should!
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