Week 23 - Paddington's First Christmas
1. Super sounds
My boy is now blowing proper raspberries and practising blowing and breathy sounds with his mouth a lot. He likes a 'ffff' or 'thhh' sound or anything that involves using his tongue. It actually gets very close to sounding like real words at times. I think we may have a chatterbox on our hands soon.
2. Getting too big for biological?!
I hadn't even considered that Pads might be getting a bit on the big, and long!, side for biological feeding soon. I thought it's just something that we would do until we stopped breast feeding but my friend Laura pointed out that there comes a time sadly when they just don't fit and it gets hard to maintain the position, and do you know what, sadly I think we are nearly there. To keep him nice and tight and low as is needed for this position, his legs are now hanging off mine and waggling in the air most of the time. I will be very sad to stop using this, our favourite position - it wasn't always this way, when I think of how I struggled with it when we first started doing it and honestly thought I'd never be able to crack it, I now love it and it got us the results and happy baby, happy mummy that we needed. So, what position to do now?! I feel a call to Carol Walton, lactation guru coming on!
3. Naked pre- xmas Sunday!!!
As a festive treat, and because we probably don't do it enough, it was nappy off and Xmas nuts out in front of the fire last Sunday. And he absolutely loved it. It seems to unleash Paddington's wild and free side. He was rolling around like mad and doing what looked a lot like mini press ups or downward dogs for any yoga fans, but I think was actually his furtive attempts at trying to crawl or at least push himself forward. He hasn't quite figured out what to do with his arms yet and pushes his head into the ground which isn't exactly working to propel him forward and leaves him with little red marks on his head poor love. I have to hand it to him though, he has incredible determination and does not stop trying. He won't be happy until he has cracked it. I admire his spirit and gusto and he will get there soon I am sure.
Naked Sunday of course became wee all over the mat Sunday - the only bit I hadn't covered with a towel, why of course! But I don't think I have seen anyone so happy to just be free of nappies and clothes and have their bits out and about so it was worth it.
4. New sleeping challenge.
Sleep goals: anything really...I'll take what I can get.
Sleep reality: under 3 hours in the day, averaging 2-2.5hrs as there's been so much going on these past 2 weeks.
He did a 4hr 45mins sleep treat on Xmas eve but has been averaging 2-2.5 hours on other eves since so definite improvements, but this could be because he has been so over stimulated in the days that it's konked him out?!! Time will tell!
He now doesn't want to settle at night for his bedtime feed or sleep because he either wants to stare at his own hands in wonder or practice rolling and trying to crawl. This then usually gives him the hiccups as he has started doing it mid lying down feed which unsettles him and makes him super wriggly until they go, which can take seemingly forever! Great. A newly mobile baby is quite the challenge to adjust to isn't it?!
We also spent 2 nights in a row in 2 new environments, the first time he has been in a different room, so that in itself was a new challenge. We spent a gorgeous Christmas Eve in our almost renovated cottage and Pads gave us the best Xmas pressie ever - just under 5 hours of straight sleep! Clearly, he likes his soon to be new home!
The next eve, Christmas Day, we went to his paternal grandparents and they had got Jon's old cot out for him! He took ages to go off to sleep at night which isn't normally him, I think because of the sensory overload and excitement of Xmas day and because when he woke he was more interested in staring at his new surroundings (especially the flecked paint on the ceilings!) than sleeping, then when he did go off he only did 2 hours max in the cot but then went off for another 2.5 hours in the bed with me (we had to kick Jon out to another room as the bed was too small for all 3 of us!).
He did do pretty well though considering he had to deal with 2 completely new sleeping environments back to back after 2 really big days in terms of activity and exposure to new things and lots of people, so I am proud of how he handled it mostly without any fuss at all.
5. Its nearly time to start weaning!
I am super excited about this milestone and chuffed to have made it this far with exclusive breastfeeding which is also why the weaning milestone will come with a tinge of sadness for me, as up until then it's been just my milk that has made my boy grow and nourished his body and soul, and I kind of liked that badge of honour. I know that the first few weeks of weaning are about tastes rather than filling him up so he will still be reliant on my milk for a while yet but it feels like a really big leap in what has been an incredible mother-son breastfeeding journey so far. I know I am not the only new mum to feel this way either as some of my baby group friends have expressed similar mixed emotions about weaning.
We are going to go for a mix of baby led weaning and feeding from a spoon so he gets the best of both worlds - chance to play and get messy with food himself and also learning how to use a spoon and actually getting some of it in his mouth - hopefully! Any tips from mums who are already on the weaning journey will be very welcome!
6. The night before Christmas
We decided that even though our cottage renovation isn't complete yet, that we would stay over night on Xmas Eve in the one room that is finished, as a family of three. We haven't been able to have much family time as Jon has been working so hard at his day job and then at the cottage, so it felt like a really special and important way to mark Pads' first Christmas.
To do this, the room had to be cleaned properly of building dust and dirt first so it was safe for Pads and nice for all of us. We went over with Pads to get started and he just went to grizzle town, basically refusing to be put down on the freshly made bed to play and wanting long feeds. I had to resort to putting him in the sling in order to get anything done and it was hard work cleaning in tight spaces with him attached to me, and of course I couldn't do the dusty dirty work with him in such close proximity to the cleaning so Jon had to do that bit, but Pads did enjoy the motion of being up and down in the sling and all the new things to look at.
I then put up our tiny little fir tree, complete with Paddington's first glass Christmas bauble that I was looking forward to bringing out year after year to remember his first Chrimbo, and it was looking really lovely and festive in our little room den. Then, I forgot I had Pads on my front for a sec and turned quickly, he was kicking his little legs as usual, and yup. He kicked the tiny tree, it fell and the glass bauble smashed to smithereens all over the floor. And then I lost it.
The tears came thick and fast and heavily, and poor Pads even turned around to see what his mum was doing sobbing pathetically at a fallen Xmas tree and broken bauble. I instantly saw it as a bad omen and all the sleepless nights, general exhaustion and pent up frustration over not being in our own cottage yet when we thought we would've been, coupled with Pads being particularly testing on this day, just spewed out of me in the form of fat salty tears and they just wouldn't stop. Then Pads started crying too so I took him out of the sling and hugged him, both of us a couple of cry babies.
It felt good to get it out actually and admit that I don't always have it together, mostly yes, but it's also ok to not cope some days and to feel upset and like Christmas/your life is ruined for a bit (it isn't you will realise later). Half an hour and some Jon hugs later, Pads was fed and we had both stopped crying and were back on it with our game faces in place and our heads held up high.
Parenthood is not easy. Renovating an old cottage is not easy. Moving away from where you have lived for a decade is not easy. Changing jobs (from TV Producer to mum) is not easy. All these things at once is a challenge and one that absolutely has highs, and with that, sometimes lows. Thanks to my fantastic friends and family who pick me up when I've fallen down and it WILL all be worth it in the end I know, it's just hard to remember that sometimes! Bring on 2016!
7. Paddington's First Christmas
I bought Pads, sorry Santa brought him, some lovely soft rubber bricks by a company called B for Xmas, and he absolutely loves them! They are chewable, similar in feel to his beloved Sophie la giraffe, nice, bright colours but a bit different to the usual primary shades that most baby toys come in, and most importantly they are soft to land on and fun to feel as they have raised numbers and animals and patterns on them to help him learn later on. I think they are fab and he is already enjoying watching me build the bricks up into towers that he can then knock down. I will be looking out for more toys from this brand.
What Pads got as presents.
For such a little person, this is an impressive haul - thank you to all our generous and lovely friends and family, we love all of Pads pressies and he will get a lot of fun and wear out of everything. Here's what our boy was lucky enough to get in his stocking(s) this year (clearly he has been very good!):
A pirate ship for the bath; a Paddington bear first bowl, plate and mug set; a Gruffalo cuddly toy; stacking cups; corduroy dungarees; a rocking bear; a set of natty t-shirts; a lion romper suit; an 'Elf' the movie Narwhale baby grow; a wooden pull along sheep; a cuddly penguin that jingles; bear slippers; personalised reindeer face sheepskin boots; foam floor squares; plastic stacking rings; wooden toy emergency vehicles; a hand knitted cardigan with teddy bear buttons; a hand knitted dog with a balloon mobile for his cot; a wooden alphabet abacus; a wind-up bath toy; mini boat bath toys; a bath time activity play centre; a set of Paddington bear audio books; a reindeer bib and socks; a Xmas elf sleepsuit; a personalised Santa baby songs cd; a navy jersey cardigan; an electronic nursery rhymes activity book; a set of bird hooks for his nursery; a Snoopy cuddly toy; an inflatable snowman weeble; his name in wooden letters for the nursery door; a crab rattle; a toy mobile phone with sound effects; a toy set of keys with sounds; a plastic flashing toy hammer; leather bear shoes; an Aztec fleece lined woollen zip-up cardigan; 'Guess how much I love you' book; hand knitted baby blue hooded cardigan with anchor buttons and lots of cuddles! What a fab first Christmas.
8. Frustration at his mobile.
Now my little one is able to move, see and understand so much more, he gets cross when he can't do something. And I mean really cross. The lovely mobile that has kept him amused over his changing table for these past few months is now a point of massive frustration for him. He can reach the images and has done for ages, and was content with just swiping at them or touching them, however now he grabs them and pulls them down with unbelievable strength for a baby and wants to put them in his mouth but they don't come down that far. Then ensues big shouting and cries out loud and he won't go of the mobile. I have taken to having to sit him up at this point so he can properly grab the mobile, but of course he just wants to put it in to his mouth and I'm not sure it's safe for that so I have had to put it higher up so he can put his efforts back into reaching for it again. So far, it has stopped the crying but it's early days!
All in all, we are finding that he becomes frustrated and cross really easily these days. Usually when playing with a new toy or in a new situation, as if he wants to be able to know what to do with the new thing but isn't quite able to do it straight away, and patience has never been one of his virtues, so it sends him over the edge to not figure something out immediately or be able to put it in his mouth instantly! Bless him.
His world has become an even bigger place I think now he knows how to roll and shuffle about and has become so good at picking things up, holding them, shaking them etc... Sometimes I think it all just overwhelms him and becomes too much. Boxing Day evening he had a bit of a meltdown because he had so much fun over Christmas with massive amounts of stimulation and excitement and new sights, sounds, smells, touches and lots of faces to look at and look at him, that he needed to just chill and have some quiet time back in his usual surroundings so we returned home on Boxing Day eve to give him a bit of peace and stillness for a bit after such a brilliant sensory Christmas.
Part 2
Week 24 - Welcome 2016. You are going to be a good 'un I think.
1. The 12 wakes of Christmas...
The day after Boxing Day (the actual Boxing Day that follows Christmas Day, not the weirdly confusing bank holiday Monday one that we had as well). Perhaps it was too much stimulation over the festive period and having been in 2 new places to sleep the previous evenings, but Paddington had a contender for one of his worst nights sleep ever this week. Oh joy to he world indeed.
He woke a total of 12 times from going to sleep around 7.30pm to waking for the day around7am. 12 times people. I felt like a human yo-yo and as I had decided to actually try and spend some time with my hubby and attempt to watch a movie downstairs with him while Pads slept upstairs, I ended up traversing those stairs like I was on some weird fitness programme, until finally I just gave up and admitted defeat and went to bed myself leaving Jon to watch the rest of the movie on his own.
A few times Pads woke and needed a burp/fart then was straight back to sleep, a few times he just wanted me I think and went back off after some singing and rocking, and a few times he just wanted feeding, but it was just awful having to get him back to sleep again and again with very little time in-between. I barely slept a wink that night and the next day felt like I had a hangover through sheer sleep deprivation. Not our finest hour. Please do not repeat this Pads!
2. New Year's Goals.
I don't usually make resolutions to be honest as I break them before February comes, but this year, I am going to try to crack four seemingly simple goals that will do wonders for me and Paddington's health and general wellbeing - if I can pull them off. Wish me luck!!!
ONE -To get me and my son more, and better sleep. I do not yet know how I am going to achieve this. I just know I must, somehow.
TWO - To eat less scones and cake and do more exercise - this last stone of baby weight is not going to go by itself it seems. Weird that. (note I am not cutting out the good stuff completely, I am realistic about my limitations!)
THREE - To see more of our friends and have more family time. And to finally move into our cottage which we have been renovating for over a year now. These 3 things will hopefully all happen once the Welsh cottage project phase 1 is done (and we are nearly there thanks to LOTS of help from our friends and family) and we can actually live in our home, then Jon will have some free time where he isn't required to re-point, re-plaster or re-build anything and we can thus have more family time and invite friends over - triple whammy! Bring it on.
FOUR - And lastly, is to go easier on myself. I can't do everything and I am doing my best. I may not always get this parenting lark 'right' or be doing what others expect or what other parents do, but I have a very happy and healthy son so that is enough. We are enough and we are doing great. I need to keep remembering that this year and keep on just being the best mum that I can be and throw doubt and comparisons into the wind.
3. 2015 - my review of the year.
2015 was a year of extreme highs and difficult lows and definitely a massive challenge (moving, having a baby, renovating a cottage, delayed move in dates etc...) but it will always be a very special year as it's the year Paddington was born and tipped our world upside down and made it much better.
I have learnt so much about myself, about my husband and about becoming and being a parent this year and am so proud of what we have achieved and how well our little boy has grown and developed. He is such a source of joy, it is wonderful to have the privilege of watching him grow and being such an active pivotal part of that growth. I am honoured to be his mum and cannot imagine a life without him anymore - what did I do with all my time before?!!!
I am not the same person as I was pre-Pads and that is absolutely fine. I am now a mum and have huge responsibilities that I didn't have before. I have a dependant and what I do and how I live my life affects him directly so yes I have changed. For the better. My life is no longer all about me, it's all about him and it feels so much more valuable and worthy because of that.
We have had a lot of similar comments of late from grandparents, friends and even strangers and that is that Pads just makes you feel joyful when you are around him. He is the bringer of joy and that's spot on. Whatever stress you are under or whatever grump you may have been in, after spending just a short time watching him kick his strong little legs vigorously at the floor or in the air; or roll around his mat with incredible vim and delight; or laugh and smile with glee; or just look at you with those wonderful big blue inquisitive eyes, you forget anything other than that moment and how happy he is and how happy he then makes you feel. He is an absolute tonic.
If he can have this effect on us and everyone around him in just over 5 months, imagine what he can achieve in a whole year in 2016. I am so looking forward to whatever comes next in this topsy turvy, emotional rollercoaster ride of a journey they call parenthood and am so thankful and delighted to be able to call Paddington my son and proudly say that I am his mum. He is one special little guy and I really do love him to the moon - and back!
4. The 5 most important lessons I have learnt about parenting in my first few months on the job.
One - go easy on yourself.
You are doing a great job. Stop doubting yourself and comparing yourself to other mums all the time and trust in your own instincts. No one really knows what they are doing when it comes to parenting, or indeed life I reckon, and no one knows your baby as well as you do, so you will know what's best for them. Honest.
And this includes remembering to take a little time out everyday for yourself. Happy mummy = happy baby, you will keep hearing this phrase, but it is true and everyone needs a little 'me' time, so whether it's getting granny to hold junior for half an hour while you take a bath/shower/lie down in a dark room, or your partner takes the baby downstairs when they first wake up in the morning so you can grab a patch of uninterrupted sleep, or if your friend pops over and watches the baby for a bit whilst you paint your nails and drink a hot cup of tea with 2 hands - don't forget yourself and your needs whilst you look after another's. Your baby come first of course, but you deserve a little break now and then too.
Two - If in doubt or in any worry, please just ask for help.
It is out there and people want to help, they just don't always know how or that you need it unless you speak up. Never suffer in silence basically.
Top ways that people can really help you: when friends/family come to visit in those first few frazzled weeks, get then to do your laundry, get some basic shopping in, clean the house and make you lunch/dinner or take the baby for a couple of hours while you nap.
If you want to breastfeed but are struggling with it, speak to your midwife or health visitor but if you still need support then there are groups out there to help you, your health visitor should know where or check on Facebook, or ask if there are any peer supporters (like me!) in your area.
And if you have any worries at all about your baby's health or if you have dropped them on their head by mistake (see my earlier blog posts...) then don't delay, go to a and e just to be on the safe side - with a newborn they won't mess about, will see to you quickly and put your mind at rest. You can never be too careful.
Three - you can't spoil a baby and they really aren't little newborns for long.
Enjoy and cherish every cuddle and don't let other people's judgements or opinions cloud yours. Let your baby sleep on you as much as you want/they need, let them suck their thumb if that's what they want to do (you will be grateful they can self-soothe soon enough), co-sleep without guilt (but safely of course) if it works for you and your baby, take lots of pictures every day so you can hold on to every moment but not so many as you miss all those little moments as they happen, and fully embrace the baby bubble.
You are their world and they are yours, enjoy it and welcome the slowing down in pace of your life. So, you spent all day just feeding your baby, napping with them and changing nappies and haven't showered/cleaned/washed up yet etc...never mind. You just made a tiny human and kept them alive and thriving another day so high five to you! Those other things can wait, your baby can't, and no mum said they wish they had spent more time tidying up when their baby was growing up.
Don't miss out on your time with your baby because you think you should be doing other things, just learn to slow down, do less and expect less, and see point two for help.
Four - what you really need to look after a baby.
You really can't have enough nappies, nappy bags, water wipes, muslins, hand and surface spray sanitiser and long sleeved and short sleeved baby grows, so as lovely as lots of trendy baby clothes and cute cuddly toys are to receive at your baby shower/as gifts from well-meaning friends or family or to buy yourself, when you first have a baby, practical presents and purchases really are the best and the ones you will be most grateful of in the end. So if someone asks, 'do you need anything for the baby?', ask for multi- packs of the essentials. You won't regret it.
Five - it's ok to cry as much as you need to, in fact, crying is a very good thing.
It will make you feel better almost immediately after the tears have flowed. They may be tears of actual pain at the start, from the aftermath of childbirth (no one tells you about what happens after: the healing, the scars (both physical and emotional, you have just been through a major trauma however you birth your baby and your body is exhausted!), the heavy period pain symptoms as your uterus contracts, sore nipples and big fit- to-burst feeling milk-filled breasts, piles...!) or the onset of doubt at every thing you do (I mean, how is anyone supposed to know how to look after a baby for the first time?!! But I bet you are doing a fab job without even knowing it. Also: stop googling and reading baby books please! It only makes you worry/doubt even more - I was a serial googler for many weeks at the start and it wasn't good for me or Paddington).
They could be tears of anger or frustration at not knowing why your baby is crying (your baby may not even know why so what chance do you have really?!) or tears because you feel like a failure if you can't stop them crying (you aren't and sometimes they just won't stop crying no matter what you do).
They could also be tears of absolute exhaustion and sleep deprivation (which will then make you even more tired...now Alanis Morisette, isn't that 'ironic'?!) or tears of feeling utterly overwhelmed and out of your depth at this whole parent thing (this is absolutely normal and means that you care about doing the best job you can do, so therefore you will) or, they could be tears of joy and overwhelming love fuelled by oxytocin and the look of pure innocence and unbelievable cuteness on your gorgeous baby's face (these are the best kind of tears and make you feel euphoric afterwards).
Let all these kinds of tears out and the feelings behind them will pass and free you up to get on with just being a good mum/dad. The worst thing you can do is bottle them up, so let those tears run free.
Oh and lastly, you will hear this a lot from other mums and dads and probably won't believe it at the time, but it really does get easier as you and your baby get more confident and more used to each other. Each difficult phase does pass and you are on to the next one. You will get through it and just take each day as it comes. Just make it to tomorrow, do what you need to do to make it there together and then just focus on getting to the next day, and so on. Baby steps make it all seem much more manageable.
And do you know what? It is all so worth it in the end. Every sleepless night, every hour spent worrying, every sick stained top, every smear of baby poo on your finger, every meal/cup of tea that went cold and you didn't get to finish, they are all worth it just to see the smile on your baby's face and the twinkle in their eyes, that let you know they are happy and healthy and that that is all down to you. Pour yourself a glass of something wet and delicious to celebrate that I say!
Being a parent is a bloody emotional rollercoaster so strap yourself in, hang on and enjoy the ride!
Happy New Year everyone, thanks for reading my blog and for all of your support through this first phase of parenthood. May your 2016 be filled with joy and new adventures to share with those you love!
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