Week 27 - 6 months have passed...and the adventures in weaning begin!

Week 27 

My baby boy officially turned 6 months this week. Where on earth did that time go?!!! I cannot imagine a life without my little Paddington and love him more everyday.  Honestly, I never knew that love like this was possible.  He is my sunshine, my bundle of joy, my cuddle monster, my world, my buddy and my bear and he has given me the best, and most challenging/hardest/most sleep deprived and emotional 6 months of my life. And do you know what? I would change any of it.  Honest. Here's what happened in this milestone week.

1. Adventures in Weaning 

The weaning has begun and man is it fun! I love watching his expression as he tries new foods and seeing him delight in squishing food between his fingers and getting it all over his face. We are doing a combi of baby led weaning and home made purées and so far he has at least tried a little of everything I have given him which is great. We have been introducing one new food a day to get him used to the new sensations and tastes slowly and to look out for any allergies as we go. He seems really interested in food, and in the bowl and spoon in particular, and knows exactly what to do with them. It is of course also fun to just chew them and drop them on the floor. 

We have been trying to wean around lunchtime most days but it isn't always possible when we have a busy day out and about, so if we miss the lunch slot, then we have been doing it early evening instead which seems to have worked out well for us so far.

I am most grateful for buying him a wipe clean neoprene bib with sleeves as the food has been getting all over him and he has been having water in his doidy cup which after a few attempts at me showing him what to do with the cup and him having a few sips of water which always gives him the best 'wtf?!' expression, he has been having a go himself and basically tipping water all down himself and into his lap. The bib is brilliant and has saved a lot of stains on clothes, however it is definitely not baby waterproof! We also have a plastic cloth under the high chair which I would totally recommend as it's easy to wipe mushed dropped food off afterwards and saves washing the floor. 

For feeding, we just went with a Tommee Tippee explorer bowl and spoon which he really likes as they are bright and nice to chew it would seem, and we have a doidy cup which was recommended as apparently it is better for breastfed babies who aren't used to a plastic teat or bottle, and helps them to learn to drink from a cup sooner and easier so we will see if it lives up to the hype!

Here's what has been on the menu and how it went down:

Potato. This was Padster's first food and his expression upon trying it was priceless. He looked at me with a mix of disgust, intrigue and shock before swallowing it down and going for another taste so it can't have been that bad. It must be really weird to have something with a new flavour and texture in your mouth when you have only had milk from a boob. The thing about potato that I didn't really know is that it dries really sticky and is then a pain to wipe off faces, bibs and high chairs, so my advice to myself for the future is wipe it up as soon as we're done!

He ate about 1/2 tsp in total I reckon with some water to help wash it all down and his first experience of solids made him very sleepy. He fell asleep on the boob, which I gave him as his pudding if you like and a treat for doing so well with the food, with sticky dried potato all over his gorgeous face. 

Broccoli. This gets everywhere in really fine little specks of green dust. He really wanted to use the spoon himself this time and wasn't interested in me feeding him, which is good I suppose as it shows he is interested and wants ownership of his feed time.  He probably ate about 1/2 tsp again but am not sure the flavour of broccoli was a winner. He looked quite doubtful and unimpressed with he taste and brought bits of it to the front of his mouth more as if he was about to spit it out, but credit to him, he didn't. Puréed broccoli with water isn't the tastiest thing in the world I agree.

Cauliflower. This was a surprise hit! He ate almost a whole tsp in all and seemed to like it the best so far, but he has been trumping like crazy since! 

Green beans. Another success. He swallowed around 3/4 of a tsp probably and looked fairly content with what was in his mouth. Quite hard to scrub off his cloth bib though as I found a few crusty leftovers in the elasticated cuffs the next day. Better scrubbing next time. 

Swede. To be honest, swede really is a bit bland isn't it? He took a few tastes but then he spat this one out down his chin, the only food he has rejected so far actually so probably not a favourite and I don't really blame him. Is swede anybody's fav veg I wonder?!

Courgette. This one seemed to go down pretty well. It tastes surprisingly sweet in puréed form and he had about 1/2 tsp or so I'd say. He was most interested in banging the bowl for this feed though which produced a nice fine spray of green sludge as the courgette purée got thrown about too. 

Butternut squash. A hit. He was very interested in the flavour and ate a good teaspoon or more. He managed to get this all up his sleeve as well as all over his face and his chair so that was extra fun to clean!

Aubergine. He seemed particularly hungry for this and kept going back for more, however he did have little red marks on his face afterwards - possibly from where he had been vigorously chomping down on the bowl, but it also seemed to be where he had gotten bits of aubergine on his face so possible allergic reaction to this one sadly. 

This is a really fun milestone and I am enjoying starting Pads off on his culinary journey. Also, he is still getting his nutrition and calories from my milk and having the same amount of feeds pretty much which I have to admit I am happy about as I am not ready to be 2nd fiddle to food - though I know that day is coming soon! 

2. He has officially found his junk! 

My boy has dangly bits and he has just discovered the male joy of squeezing and playing with them, usually before and after his bath and some nappy changes too. He also tries to have a feel sometimes when he is in his nappy and can't seem to quite figure out where his junk has gone bless him! And so begins a lifetime of hands down his trousers like every other male on the planet.

3. Be persistent and consistent! 

I am trying my own sleep training after months of next to no sleep and consistent nights of shattered fragments of sleep have taken their toll.  I also think that at 6 months old he is ready to be trained to sleep better.  I was going to read up on different methods and pick and choose the bits I wanted to do to make our own tailor made programme, but in all honesty, I couldn't be bothered to read the huge books written by so-called experts who don't know me, my baby or our circumstances and preferences (why are baby sleep books all so chunky and long, and who has time to read them?!!!), so I have made up my own first phase of sleep training.

It begins with getting little man back into sleeping in his cot (still in his Sleepyhead - which is supposed to last him until he is 8 months old anyway, though his legs are hanging off the end of it already! - as we need to take things one step at a time here!) and this time, all night. 

I am calling it cot training (I was feeling very literal when I named it). I have to be strict with myself here more than anything not to just allow him to fall asleep in, and most crucially, stay sleeping in our bed. The ultimate goal is to get us all more and better sleep but this week my goal was just to get him used to sleeping back in his cot again and to wake less, and thus feed less, during the night. 

So my new rules are:

• Must keep trying to get Pads to sleep in the cot until 6am. Then I am allowed to bring him into the bed for a morning snooze after our first feed. 
• Limit night feeds to a maximum of 3 if possible and continue doing them lying in bed, but as soon as he is finished/falls asleep move him back to the cot, don't let him sleep deeply there in the bed - maximum 15 mins of bed sleep allowed. 
• When he wakes crying, do everything within myself to not pick him up and cuddle him. Try and soothe him still lying in the cot for up to an hour max. 
• Keep not rushing in when he cries to see if he will go back to sleep on his own for a little longer than normal, but don't let him cry it out, so maximum 1 minute of crying (I can never make it to a minute though!). 
• Try and soothe him by another means than just me so that perhaps, one day, his dad or someone else can help get him back to sleep! I am trying white noise in the form of Ewan the dream sheep - other sleep aids are of course available - and also popping his sheep comforter Woolly on him (I last tried to get him using Woolly as a sleep aid back when he was only several weeks old, it didn't work then cos he was too young but apparently from 6 months on, babies are supposed to be able to be sleep trained. We'll see....) in the cot to try and get him attached to it and use it for comfort when he wakes.
• Be persistent and consistent! 

Here's the diary of our first week of cot training:

Day 1

It took him a while to properly get to sleep so his 1st waking was 5 mins after nodding off in bed because he wanted 2nd boob, then he slept for an hour in the bed before his 2nd waking - oops, broke a rule already there but I was nervous about not getting any sleep at all and old habits die hard! Then he did another 15 mins of sleep before his 3rd waking. So far, so as it has been for a while so things weren't looking good. 

I told myself I had to (wo)man up and be stricter on us both if we were to make a change to our sleep for the better, so I gave him a final feed and he zonked out and I got him straight into his cot where he slept for 6 hours in 2 hour stints through the night! 

After the first 2 hours it took over an hour to get him back to sleep as I didn't pick him up and cuddle him as he is used to. I tried singing, stroking, ssshing and he kept almost dozing off then fighting it, so I let him lay there and only intervened when the crying got too much, mostly he just lay there babbling or whining.  

Out of sheer desperation and a need to get us all back to sleep I half heartedly switched on Ewan the (t@$tting) dream sheep, as we had renamed him because he had been completely useless - up until now. Pads was transfixed, staring at the soft red glow of Ewan's tum and calmed by the white noise and he drifted peacefully off to sleep for another 2 hours in the cot all by himself! I nearly peed myself with excitement at this. 

The 5th time he woke I turned Ewan on hoping for the same sleep miracle, it wasn't as instant but with a few head strokes and tummy pats from me when the crying got loud, it was less than half an hour before he was back to sleep again for 2 hours! 

The 6th waking was him needing a feed and I then put him back into his cot awake, with Ewan on and in less than 15 minutes Ewan had him back to sleep with very little fuss. Ewan the (t@$tting) dream sheep came into his own and stepped up finally after 6 whole months of just being a toy sheep! Seemed to calm him right down, mesmerise him and then soothe him to sleep which is all you could want in a sleep aid. 

So that was 1 hour 20 of broken sleep in the bed followed by 6 hours sleep in the cot with 6 wakings in total and 4 night feedings. He then woke at 6.30am and I was able to soothe him back to sleep for another bonus 2 hours in the cot after a little boob snack. Getting better for sure! 

Day 2

Went to sleep absolutely fine and into his cot for 3 hours 15 mins! His 1st waking was brief and Ewan stepped up and soothed him almost instantly back to sleep for another hour. 2nd waking, Ewan tried his best but Pads needed some further reassurance so I joined in stroking his head and resting my hand on his tum, but no picking him up unless absolutely necessary as is my new motto, and it took half an hour, but then he went off again for nearly 2 hours. 

3rd waking and Ewan solved it instantly but he only slept for 10 minutes before waking a 4th time so this time he was definitely hungry so we had a quick night feed then he fell asleep, so into the cot again for another 2.5 hours and when he awoke he was hungry again and it was almost morning so another feed and then a little nap in bed at 7.30am as a treat. 

So that's just under 9 hours sleep with 4 wakings and only 2 night feeds. Definite improvements here.

Day 3

Took a while to get off to sleep and had to result in feeding to sleep (fail) but he did do a tidy 3 hours straight (win). 1st waking, Ewan did not help. Pads just wanted to cry out louder and louder and wouldn't be soothed in the cot so I had to pick him up (fail) and cwtch him whereby he gently fell asleep on me and I lay there for a good 15 mins to make sure he was asleep (never a fail to cwtch my boy) before putting him back in the cot with Ewan on in the background. Fingers crossed. 

Sleep lasted another 25 mins before the 2nd waking and he wouldn't settle even when picked up this time so I gave him a night feed. He fell asleep soon after and into the cot again for another 2.5 hours sleep. Lovely. 

3rd waking, again I tried Ewan and soothing in the cot to no avail and this time the cries were loud from the start so I had to bring him out for a nappy change (he definitely smelt strongly of wee!) and another night feed to calm him down. He duly fell asleep, so straight back into the cot for 1 hour 45 mins more kip. The 4th waking was almost morning at 6am, but I do not want to encourage this as his up for the day time! He cried out but I let him whimper for a bit and decided to lay still and quiet unless the cries became too much. A couple of whimpering minutes passed with a few loud bursts of crying that died down almost immediately then it went quiet, then he started babbling to himself for a few minutes happily. That's ok I thought, I'll let him lay there and babble on while I get some more shut eye...then came a thunk noise. Then another. And another. 

I sat up to see my little bear on his front in the sleepyhead, which is quite an impressive position to get into as there isn't much room in it and it's not a very firm or stable surface, and he was grasping at the bars of the cot and losing his balance each time, thus bopping his head onto the side of the cot. Little man! I was half impressed with him and half 'oh crap', now the fun really begins hey!'.  I turned him onto his back again and he let me know that was not cool with some almighty shouting so I brought him back out for his morning feed. 

Not the best night in terms of not picking him up to soothe etc...and Ewan seems to have gone back to being pretty darn useless again which is a shame as he did so well the past 2 nights so I had high hopes. 

However, we did manage just under 7 hours of sleep on and off with only 4 wakings (and 4 night feeds) and he went back to sleep pretty quickly each time after a feed and in his cot each time so it is still progress. 

Day 4

We achieved a sleep nirvana for us - 5 and a half hours straight people! In his cot!!!!!!! And he went to sleep straight away after his feed as he was so tired. We put him to bed later than usual, 8pm,  just because we were disorganised and so he was properly knackered and ready for sleep perhaps. Could this have been the reason for such solid sleep? Or was it that he had had a cheeky little feed in the bath so only needed a quick feed before bed then and settled sooner? Or was it because he has gotten used to his crib now after 3 days of 'cot training'? Or was it just a fluke/a one off/because the moon was in the right ascension or something?! If I only knew. 

He then woke once for a night feed and straight back to sleep for another 2 hours, then he woke for a 2nd time and Ewan took that shift and lulled him back to sleep within a minute. Boom! He then woke an hour and a quarter later for the day and a big morning feed as a thank you from me for the best sleep we have had in months - seriously. He is waking around 6-6.30am in the mornings now, which seems to be his new 'I'm awake and exploring my cot' time. 

This night was a complete success though, 8 hours 45 mins sleep with only 2 wakings and 1 night feed. I couldn't be happier. 

Day 5

Started off as an absolute disaster. We put him to bed too late , 8.30pm, and without a bath as it was too late and he had slept for an hour and a half until 6.30pm earlier so just wasn't tired enough perhaps or was overtired?! Don't know. He just wanted to roll, try and roll, do the downward dog, shuffle, grizzle, laugh, feed, not feed, kick, go on his front, then on his back...he basically didn't know what he wanted to do and fought sleep with all his might. 

I tried settling him in the cot and Ewan did bugger all except distract him from sleep, none of my usual techniques did any good and it wasn't until 11pm after yet another feed in bed, as I was out of other sleep inducing ideas, that he finally did a super energetic roll that looked like a continuation of all the activity of before, but then he just stopped on his front, face down and completely konked out where he ended up. I gingerly moved him into his cot expecting the worst and he slept for 5 hours 40 minutes!!!! 

He woke once for a feed then back in the cot for half an hour of sleep then he woke for the 2nd time and wanted to explore the cot, move about in his sleepyhead and try and grab at Ewan - who did nothing once again! I let him 'play' until he started getting upset and frustrated which was a good 45 minutes or so later and then brought him out for another bed feed, by now it was almost 6am anyway. He fell asleep for another half an hour then before we all had to get up to take Jon to the station for work. 

After a rocky start, he did us proud again with 6hrs 40 sleep, 5hrs 40 of that in one solid block and with only 2 wakings and 2 feeds. This is definitely a huge step in the right direction so we will keep this up. 

4. Swimming disaster! 

One week off and it's all gone to pot. He did an almighty poo-nami on the way to swimming in the car and then fell promptly asleep so I didn't change him until we got to the pool. And it had gone everywhere. All over his vest, baby grow, trousers, yuck. (Thanks broccoli- I blame you!) Luckily I always keep a spare change of clothes in my bag I thought. He screamed the changing room down as I changed him and rather unhelpfully another lady decided that was exactly the time to turn on a hairdryer. He hates hairdryers so this made the crying much worse. It took ages to clean him up and then try and wrestle him into his swim gear so we were already 10 minutes late to class by this point. 

Once in the pool, he seemed fine though. Not his usual splashing self but happy enough. For 10 minutes. We did an underwater swim and he did it beautifully as usual, but then he just lost it and nothing I or the teacher could do would soothe him. He also looked a bit shivery so I just took the call to take him out and give him a feed at the side of the pool wrapped snugly in his cosy towel. 

Then in the changing room, after he showered happily with me, he giggled away on his mat while I dried him like nothing had ever been wrong. I went in the swim bag to get his change of clothes out and...and...bugger. I had already used the spare set last week and totally forgot to replace it! Idiot!!! My baby was naked but for a nappy with poo stained clothes as his only clothing option. But then I remembered I kept a spare set of clothes in my other regular changing bag which I had put in the car just incase. Sometimes I am (sort of) awesome. So, with a nudey baby on the floor, freezing cold weather outside and the clothes in the car, I had to ask a lovely fellow mum from my class to keep an eye on Pads while I legged it to the car and back in an impressive time I'd say. 

Note to self: always replace any used spare clothes in both changing bag and swim bag as soon as you get home! I was lucky this time! 

He grizzled again as I dressed him so I took him to the cafe for a feed then he zonked out in the car for over an hour as I took the long, scenic drive home. Guess he was just tired and cranky then which is why swimming did not go well? Also we had fed an hour and 45 mins before swimming when we usually feed just over an hour before. Timing is everything with these babies and I guess this week, I totally got it wrong. 

5. Feeding in the bath! 

A first for us, and I don't know why we haven't tried this before.  Its brilliant. Pads and I have enjoyed many baths together but this week, he realised for the first time that he has basically had his own personal snack bar behind him the whole time and he is now making up for lost time. He discovered that there was milk right by his head after he wriggled about so much in my lap and then ended up turned facing me and he latched on with impressive speed and urgency for a mid bath drink and seemed really thirsty and appreciative. His little body was half floating in the water and half resting on me and it felt like the most natural thing in the world for both of us I reckon. 

I had heard it was great for bonding and almost restored babies back to their 'original settings' if you will, as it reminds them of the warmth and safety of being in the womb and can help get breastfeeding back on track. It did feel very right and natural if that makes sense. He has since gone almost straight for the milk after getting in the bath with me twice now so I think this has become his new night time wind down ritual! 

6. 6 month lactation celebration!

I would just like to end with a little high five to my boobs for enabling me to breastfeed my boy exclusively for 6 whole months and also a high five to myself and Pads for sticking with it through the ups and downs. It is the hardest thing I have ever done but it's also what I am most proud of persevering with, thanks to a combination of absolute determination and desire to breastfeed from me and my son, and the help and support I received from my husband, mum, friends, breastfeeding groups and of course the lactation legend that is Carol Walton! I am chuffed to bits that we made it this far, as I really only thought I would manage a couple of months, if that at one point, and I really hope to be able to continue breastfeeding for as long as my boy needs it. 

Week 26 - leaps and bounds

We are almost at a mighty milestone of 6 months of age, and this week has really been one of challenges and ups and downs for our little bear.    He began the week feeling under the weather and I think that knocked him for six a bit. Here's what happened in the last week of Paddington's first 6 months on this planet!

1 - Sleep diaries.

Sleep goals: 3 hours in the day and let's try for 3 hours straight at night - positive mental attitude right?!

Sleep reality: a bit up and down in the day this week from almost 6 hours one day, as wee man wasn't feeling great to less than 2 hours the following couple of days. Inconsistent would be the word to sum up this week's sleep pattern!

Same goes at night, overall averaging between 1-2 hours max at any one time and waking up still around 6-8 times a night, and he is now refusing to sleep in his cot at all, but I am overjoyed to report he did 3.5 hours straight one night (after me trying for 4 whole hours to get him to sleep in his cot to no avail, I caved in and brought him into the bed for a feed but before I could whip the boob out he fell asleep and I daren't move him for fear of him waking again, and that was the right decision as he slept and so did I!) The next eve he did another 3 hour block, so that's great, but again, it was in our bed rather than the cot so feels like a bit of a regression though I am not knocking the increased volume of sleep on 2 consecutive nights!

I also got a cheeky 2 hour daytime nap this week, in a bed all to myself as well!, so I could stretch out and roll freely, and it was the deepest sleep I have had in months I swear. I had a few weird dreams in that time and felt really disorientated when I woke up but boy did I need to get some actual proper sleep for once, so thanks to my mum who looked after Paddington and allowed me to sneak off for a sleep. 

2. Separation anxiety?! 

I read about separation anxiety starting in babies around 6 months. Apparently it can cause them to wake up frequently in the night crying just because they want you. They simply want a cuddle and to know you are there and then they are ok and can go back to sleep. This is exactly what is happening with Paddington, and has been for a good few weeks really, but definitely this week, he is waking up screaming and as soon as I hug him, he is back to sleep. He hasn't needed to burp or wind as much this week in the night, it has really been about wanting or needing comfort. 

He is definitely showing signs of really wanting me this week and needing to be sure I am always near. If I leave the room or his sight in the day, he looks for me and gives me a huge smile when I return and if he goes for a hug with someone else he is always checking that I am still nearby. He isn't whiny or funny about it, just definitely checking I don't go too far. It's a rather awesome feeling to be honest, to be wanted and needed this much. I try to always tell him that I will be back, I will always come back, if I leave the room or leave him with someone for a bit so he will feel safe and happy. Ah, you big cuddly softy Pads! 

3. My baby loves a sneeze! 

Forget You tubing panda sneezes, when your baby sneezes it really is the cutest thing. And Pads is now following every sneeze with an adorable smile or little chuckle and a knowing look as he finds them very funny. If there are two or three in a row then that is pure delight. Sneezing does feels good, who can argue with that?

4. A big leap forward

Pads has just reached the end of the 5th Wonder Weeks leap which is all about learning the relationships between things - like him being fascinated with dropping toys on the floor to hear the sounds they make. This has been a long old leap and I really feel like Pads has grown and developed a lot over the past few weeks and seems almost like a new little person. 

He is busier than he has ever been and he is into everything, whether it's touching or stroking new fabrics or wanting to pick anything up and put it in his mouth; to chatting and shouting away and playing with volumes and different sounds from gargles to shrieks; to rolling with speed and ease in either direction, sometimes over and again for fun; to desperately trying to crawl using his head on the floor and his bum up in the air and managing to sort of shuffle or pivot to move around the floor;  to always wanting to be on his tummy now if you put him on his back; to relishing kicking his legs up into the air and crashing them down with some force and putting his feet into his mouth constantly; to being interested in food and cups and mouths in general, in particular wanting to always put his hands and fingers into mine whenever possible to try and figure it out; to really intently watching me speak and sing as if he is storing the words for later; to finding things funny whether it's being tickled, to a game of peek-a-boo in the high chair where I duck under the tray out of sight and bounce up to surprise him (massive laughs usually!); to trying to sit up by himself but usually lolling to one side or folding forwards; to even more disturbed sleep as he just wants to be practicing his rolling and crawling attempts all the time. 

He is a hot bed of learning, experimenting, practicing, impatience, frustration and growth this week and has just suddenly been able to do so much more and thus want to do even more still. 

He is also much more fun because he can do more and is trying out new things all the time and he loves to smile and laugh. There is a real untouchable beauty in your baby finding things funny and looking at you with a cheeky expression or a look that says 'you crack me up mum' if you have made them laugh. Those laughs, smiles and looks are worth all the money in the world.

He has become quicker to lose his temper now too when he gets bored or frustrated with something and let's me know when he wants me to pick him up with outstretched arms and looking at me with a hugely appealing glare or crying out. 

He definitely seems a little clingier and more of a mummy's boy at the moment, needing and wanting me more for comfort at night and in the day when he gets cranky. He has never been a fan of being put down to sleep but now he wakes EVERY time I try whether day or night, and cries until I pick him up. I just can't do cry it out so not sure what to do about this! It's as if he just really wants extra comfort and security, perhaps because he wasn't well at the start of the week I don't know. 

Of course, a consequence of all of this learning and need to be as close to me as possible is that he is now refusing to sleep in his cot at all. No joke. He has always done at least the first few hours at night in the cot. Now, as soon as I put him in it, he starts cry shouting and then this escalates pretty quickly into loud wails, and he won't be soothed unless I pick him up, whereby he usually promptly falls straight back to sleep, but if I try and put him back in the cot again, we are back to the cries and shouts again. This isn't good and feels like a further regression, as how are we supposed to be getting him ready to sleep on his own in his own room as they recommend from around 6 months on if he won't sleep in the cot anymore?!!! (Not that we have a room ready to move him into yet anyway!)

I love the extra cuddles and feeling so wanted of course but am worried that we seem to be going backwards in terms of him becoming any more independent, and then the doubt creeps in doesn't it, and you start to play other people's judgements over and over in your head: 'you shouldn't have started co-sleeping, you've made a rod for your own back', 'you spoilt him by letting him nap on you and not putting him down to sleep earlier' , 'you need to be tougher and let him cry it out, then he'll learn to self soothe' etc etc... 

Perhaps he would now be sleeping 12 hours straight every night if I had let him cry it out in the first few weeks and always put him to sleep in his cot without fail. Perhaps he wouldn't.  I just did what I had to and what felt right as a new mum in responding to my baby's needs to make him feel safe and secure. Who is to say what the right approach is? It just needs to be right for you. Right?!

I have decided to do some reading up on sleep training options to make an informed choice about which way to go next however, to get us all more sleep, as I know what we have been doing can't go on forever, more than anything because Pads will need some independence soon as he is getting bigger.  But for now, we will keep muddling on, as he needs me and I need to be there for him.  A change is coming soon though.

5. Feeding time is becoming more of a boxing ring. 

I am currently either getting whacked in the face by a flailing arm; bruised by a freakishly strong clenching grip; nipped or cut by pinching claws; scratched by exploring fingernails; kicked in the stomach, or worse!, by excited little legs; getting my mouth/nose/eyes/face in general pulled, pinched and poked at; and generally getting half beaten up by my feeding son.  

To say he is exploring his surroundings and no longer able to quietly do one thing is an understatement. I have a stonkingly good deep browny blue bruise on my right boob and I look like I have been attacked by an angry cat across my clavicle and collarbone. It's quite the look. Am hoping this is just a phase and doesn't become the norm as it can be quite painful and the knee jerk reaction is just to remove him from the boob and say 'no more until you can be nice!', but that doesn't really work with babies does it?!

He has also, mainly in bed at night, started reaching out with both of his hands to help bring the milk-maker to him quicker and if it isn't flowing quite as he would like, he'll give my boob a few proper firm little squeezes. This is a boy who knows what he wants and he wants it now please! 

6. Rain rain please...piss off!

This weather is shit right? I got very cross last weekend as the rain ruined our plans. I tried to go for a lovely long canal walk with my boy and got us all dressed up for a wintery ramble, the sky was blue and it was crisp but clear, and the forecast said it was dry all day. 

20 minutes into our walk and this grey cloud just seemed to blow in off the Brecon Beacons and surround us and then the heavens opened. I got soaked despite the waterproofs, I had to put the rain cover over Pads in the buggy, which he hates as it gets all steamed up and he can't see out, so then he screamed his head off. I had to shelter under 3 bridges with a screaming baby and watch the rain pelt down onto the canal water then try to manoeuvre our thankfully brilliant all terrain buggy through the muggy puddly bog that the path had become. It was a disaster. And the next few days we had planned similar outings and they were all along these lines - me getting soaked and quite flustered pushing a screaming baby in a steamed up covered buggy. And the worst bit is trying to pack away a wet and muddy buggy into a car and get a screaming baby out of a pram suit and into a car seat in the driving rain. Definition of not fun I'd say. 

7. Bug a boo.

Early on in the week Pads had a little bug bless him, which began with forceful projectile vomiting overnight soaking me and him and requiring a change of outfit for both of us three times. This was not like him at all and he was very upset before and after throwing up as if it had really hurt him. 

I was quite worried so I took him to the docs the next day and she checked him over thoroughly and said that all his vitals were fine, and he was quite happy and calm by this point, but she said he could've had a little bug that had unsettled him. 

He then chucked up again, though not projectile, as soon as we were in the waiting room after seeing the doctor and once again in the car on the way home, which is definitely not his norm, so I cancelled our plans for that day and we had an at home day. And I am glad we did as he slept for just under 6 hours in the day! 

He was super drowsy and just wanted to lay on me and sleep, and wake up just to feed and have a cuddle and then go back to sleep again- no kicking about or trying to roll or any of his usual manically energetic activities so he must have felt under the weather. 

The next day he seemed almost back to his usual spirited self, which was so good to see, so we took it easy again and didn't go swimming this week because he had been vomiting, and he now seems back on form again. I am so glad as it isn't nice to see him so out of character and dozy and docile when he is usually such an alert live wire. 

The doctor recommended we postpone weaning until Pads was over his bug so we are now starting this weekend - wish us luck! 

8. I want to be your 'breast' friend.

I am now a fully trained Solihull approach peer breastfeeding supporter! I have loved learning more about the wonders and ins and outs of breastfeeding and how to tactfully, safely and sensitively help other mums on their breastfeeding journeys. I would love to help as many mums as possible to keep or start breastfeeding, so if you ever need any help or support, or know anyone who does, I am here for you, whoever you are and wherever you are in your breastfeeding journey. 

Until next week, stay classy.

Week 25 - highchairs and low sleep

Week 25

1. Sleep. Oh how I miss thee!

Sleep goals: again, just anything at all at night please and still trying for around 3 hours in the day. 

Sleep reality: day time naps are going pretty good with a consistent 2-2.5 hours on average a day and there is a sort of pattern emerging, with him liking a cat nap around 2 hours after he has woken up for the day, of around half an hour to 45 minutes usually and then around lunchtime he tends to go for a longer hour or so nap and then makes the rest up with little bursts of naps throughout the rest of the day. So not too shabby. His favourite places to nap are in the car, the buggy or on me. I tried to get him to fall asleep for a daytime nap in his cot but after an hour of trying, we gave up as it just wasn't happening and he was starting to cry by this point, but he was quite happy in there for most of that time so that's something. 

Sleeping through the night though? That's the same old story, but for 3 nights in a row he didn't sleep longer than 1.5 hour amidst doing really bitty bursts of 20-45 minutes then waking up, so unfortunately and confusingly he has gotten worse this week. And he is refusing to sleep in his cot now as well, waking up almost as soon as he is put down or as soon as he has gone to sleep in it and not being soothed by any means that have worked before, so we have mainly been exclusively co-sleeping every night to at least allow us to rest, if not to sleep any better. 

I don't mind saying that I am absolutely exhausted. My arms are stiff from being tense and rigidly curved in a c around him in the bed to keep him safe, and my eyes feel hot and itchy from lack of proper rest. I feel very fuggy in the head too, and find myself staring a lot and keep forgetting things. I could really do with some sleep basically as my batteries are running pretty low. I'm not sure I can keep going at this pace, and have to keep reminding myself that 'this too will pass'. I hope. Though it doesn't seem to be showing any signs of returning to those glory days of 4-6 hours of regular blocks of sleep at night. We didn't know how lucky we were only a few months ago! 

**However, on Friday night, it's as if he read the above and took pity on me and slept for 4.5 hours straight at the cottage! The bed is bigger and perhaps because it's a newer environment it tires him out more in the day, plus we did a 2.5 hour walk in the bracing cold around our village and along the canal so I am guessing that volume of fresh air and outside stimulation helped too. 

2. Night feeder.

One cool thing about this week's disturbed sleep routine however, has been to do with breastfeeding. We feed lying down in bed throughout the night for comfort and ease, and because it at least lets us both rest. 

As I have been so tired, after he has finished his feed and come off the nip and dropped off to sleep, I haven't bothered to put my boob away and have just fallen asleep au natural shall we say, next to him. I have twice now woken up an hour and a half or so later with him back on the boob feeding, which is quite a beautiful thing as he has found his way back there in the dark and latched on perfectly all my himself. It made me feel very earth mother-esque in a way. I am sure there will be many tutters out there saying that it's me being so close to him at night that is keeping him awake and wanting to feed more, and maybe there is something in that, but it feels so natural and good to be there for him and so wonderful that he can find me in the dark when he wants or needs me, that surely is as nature intended us to be in the first place? 

Whilst we are on the subject of breastfeeding I must give a huge high five to my uni pal Lindsey, who made an incredibly impassioned, eloquent and knowledgeable speech all about the merits of breastfeeding and the importance of her local drop in breastfeeding support centres at a regional council meeting to try and secure the continuation of its funding and stop them from having to close. Her words were so powerful, honest and from the heart/breast that she received a standing ovation from the councillors and has garnered amazing publicity for the cause in the press and media. 

I absolutely take my hat off to you Linds as your speech was spot on. Breastfeeding is amazing for both mother and baby but we need support to breastfeed and local councils and the government at large need to start to realise just how important it is to keep this country breastfeeding and to offer support to mums who want to. The Nhs is stretched beyond its means as it is and midwives and health visitors just don't have the time to give to breastfeeding mums who need help and support, so we need support centres and volunteer groups across the UK to offer the vital breast feeding information, guidance and support that is missing in our current health system. And we need more support centres than we currently have, so we absolutely don't need the ones that are running and proven successful to face closure. Read all about Linds amazing speech here -

http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2016/01/08/mum-speech-to-save-breastfeeding-support-service-hampshire_n_8937912.html 

It is quite simply brilliantly said. 

3. Night rider 

Travelling in the car, in the dark with Paddington is becoming quite the challenge. He does not like the dark. And especially not in a car. 

We have a little hedgehog night light which we always put on for him in the back which used to placate him but now it seems that his dislike of night time driving is worse than ever. He screams the car down and gets really worked up with tears flowing and a bright red face, so for the last few evening car journeys I have had to sit in the back with him for a really stressful journey of trying everything to stop him crying - singing, making up stories or rhymes, rattles, head stroking, offering him my finger/hand/arm to chew - nothing works for longer than a few minutes and he is off screaming again. I also start feeling sick pretty fast in the back seat of the car so am basically trying to avoid being in the car with him when it is dark as much as possible. This is proving tricky in the Winter when the light goes around 4.30pm so bring on the Summer I say! 

4. Reflux?!

He is definitely being sick much more frequently than ever before and it seems to have gotten worse over the recent Xmas and new year fortnight. I put it down to me over-indulging in cheese, chocolate, hot chocolate with cream, brandy sauce, and rich food in general, (I basically became a cow's milk and dairy junkie it seems) but it's still happening and I am not eating the same amounts of these foods now. He is being sick at least twice after most feeds now and it's a mix of the really watery, get everything wet sort of sick and the smellier, gooier cottage cheese sick that feels really warm when it lands on your arm. It doesn't seem to bother him at all and he isn't showing any signs of pain when being sick, just frustration perhaps and clearly not loving the taste in his mouth of brought up milk.

I am wondering if it is the dairy, and especially cow's milk, as a I really have eaten a lot of it lately so I am cutting out dairy again for a couple of weeks to see if that helps. It's back to almond milk for a while. 

He has also started gargling with the sick almost every time too as if he really doesn't want to lose the milk, so often after a feed he will be sick a couple of times in a row now and sometimes even up to an hour after feeding, but I actually think it's probably the same sick that he keeps gargling and swallowing and not letting it come out properly the first time. I still sit him upright and burp him as I have always done but it doesn't seem to make any difference at all. He is still sick, the same as if I had just laid him down straight away after a feed. I am having to change his clothes a lot at the moment as he keeps soaking himself with this new watery vom and I really hope it doesn't start affecting his weight gain as I can't see how he is keeping much food in him. 

Another reason for the increased vomming I think, is that he just wants to be moving and on the go all the time now so even though I try and keep him upright after a feed for a good 15-20 minutes, he wriggles around and twists and arches his back to look at things and basically tries to escape on to his tummy or start rolling, so he is jiggling all that lovely milk around more than ever. 

I am hoping this is just a phase linked with his increased movement and maybe me cutting out dairy will help as we are just going through clothes and muslins like there's no tomorrow and my boy is not normally a sick baby. He seems healthy and happy otherwise though so I really don't think he is unwell. He just needs to slow down and stop moving about so vigorously immediately after a feed - which is never going to happen! I have heard other mums talk of reflux so I am wondering if it is that, but I really thought they got less sick as they got older, not more. We have a weigh in next week so I will talk to the health visitor about it to be on the safe side.

5. Chew-bacca. 

He adores his feet. It has gone from being an occasional experiment of movement to put his feet in his mouth to him literally ramming half a foot, sometimes trying to get both in, his mouth at any opportunity. He is fascinated by them and really pleased with himself for being able to chew them. He literally folds himself completely in half, no exaggeration, when lying on his back, to get maximum foot coverage in the mouth and it's pretty impressive. I wish I was still that flexible! He even tried to do it in the swimming pool during our lesson this week when I laid him on his back in the water. The boy has a foot fetish for sure. 

6. Swim firsts. 

Jon has not been able to see Pads swim so far as he works when we have our class, so we went for our first family swim at a nice, tiny pool near our cottage. It was the first time that I had taken him swimming without a class or teacher too so was a big day out for all. And I am very pleased to report that it went swimmingly (ahem!). 

Pads is a natural born water baby, he just loves it. He splashed wildly about even though the pool was a couple of degrees colder than what he is used to, despite us calling ahead to check the temperature first - they said it was 29-30 degrees, more like 26 we reckon!  

He giggled away as we practiced swimming and then I did our first proper solo under water swim and he kicked his legs brilliantly under the water and came up smiling and squealing with joy which was also a first! It could not have been a better show for his daddy and Jon just loved seeing his boy so happy and having fun in the water. Those swim classes may be bloody expensive but they are so worth it to have given him, and me, the confidence and skills in the water. 

Our first Water Babies class back after the Xmas break, we did releases, where we let go of our precious babies for a second or two while they were under the water to get them used to the feeling and build their confidence that they can do it on their own. It was nerve racking to think about letting him go but it really was for no time at all and he was fine about it. 

He once again, loved his swimming lesson and at the end when we sang 'twinkle twinkle' and he lay on his back floating in the water we had the most gorgeous, loving eye contact that nearly made me cry. He was looking at me with an expression that I can only describe as absolute love and almost as if he was saying 'thanks for bringing me to classes and looking after me mum'. It made me feel like a million dollars and son, you are so so welcome. I would do anything for you and love spending time with you. 

7. Ticklish. 

We have figured out Padster's ticklish bits, the inside of his increasingly chunky thighs and his neck.  He loves a good tickle session and gives a good hearty chuckle which is hugely addictive and makes you just want to hear more. I blow on his neck when we cuddle and he thinks it is hilarious, in fact he thinks having raspberries blown on his tum or legs after a nappy change, is absolutely hysterical, and his reaction is pure joy. If I could bottle it, I'd make a fortune. 

8. No go

A small word of warning for any mums of small children with buggies in South Wales - never go to Cwmbran and park in the free multi storey car park. Firstly, the spaces are so small you may not even be able to open your car door let along a boot to get a buggy out or a back door to get a baby out (yup, this happened to me - I parked up and couldn't get out of the car as the doors didn't have enough room to open!) and secondly, there are no ramps or lifts for buggies so you have to somehow navigate yourself, a baby and a buggy down the numerous flights of steep stairs (I didn't get as far as having to do this as was stuck in my car, but my friend Carys, who I was meeting, had to struggle with her son Jude in his buggy and get a kind passer-by to help her get the buggy out of the car park!). Absolutely ridiculous in this day and age to be so non parent and child friendly. That coupled with the awful at-a-stand-still one way traffic to just get into the town centre in the first place has put me right off the whole place. So, just don't go to Cwmbran at all if you have a young child with you would be my advice. 

9. I love his latch. 

Because my boy is growing so fast, right before my very eyes it seems sometimes, I am trying to take in as many of the little details and moments as possible to cherish, as I know they will be gone soon. And something I can't get enough of at the moment, is his latch. It is adorable. I love the way he tilts his head back and latches his mouth wide with such excitement and vigour, and that he knows exactly what to do as he has done it literally hundreds of times before. 

He makes the cutest little first suckling sounds as he latches and works to get the milk flowing and then the satisfied gentle swallows and sucks that follow just make me swell with pride that we have been able to enjoy breast feeding and that he has been able to get everything he needs from my breast milk for coming up to 6 months exclusively very soon. I know that this isn't the case for every mum who wants to breastfeed so I do feel very lucky and privileged to have been able to work at it and get to this point in our feeding when it feels so natural and relaxed for both of us. 

10. The Daisy foundation Wrigglers.

We started a new baby class this week, which is the follow on class from the Daisy Foundation Tinies class we loved so much last year, for older babies who now like to wriggle and roll - definitely mine! Unfortunately the lovely lady who ran our last class wasn't doing this next level up class yet so we had to join a new class with a new teacher in a new area, my old school stomping ground of Monmouth in fact. 

The class was just as fab and the teacher just as lovely which was great and Pads really enjoyed the increased energy and activity that this level offers. We sang lots, moved them around more and got to play with some chiffon scarves which he loves for some sensory time at the end. She also did some listening games to teach babies to focus and concentrate and it was amazing to see them all stop and be mesmerised by her waving bells and rattles about and stopping moving when we sang a song and then said stop. Incredible really how clever and adaptable babies are at this age. I think we are going to get a lot out of this class and it is really nice to be in my old home town and to show Pads around. 

11. Preparing to wean

This is the week before we start weaning so I decided to get organised.  We were amazingly given 2 high chairs, 1 sturdy IKEA easy to wipe clean number with big tray that he can sit comfortably in now, that is on loan from my pal Gemma, as his starter chair, and we were also given 1 very stylish burgundy wooden designer Stokke Tripp Trapp chair from my mum's very generous and kind boss, Heather, that is meant to be used at the dining table for when he is a little older as it doesn't have the baby set needed for him to sit in now, or a tray, and we don't have a dining table at the moment, so that will be his more grown up chair for when he can sit up on his own completely unaided. Thank you to both ladies for saving us a lot of money and hassle in researching and buying high chairs - they are both fab and he already loves sitting in his Ikea chair and playing. 

So, we got the chair(s) and I have been slowly building up a kit of spoons, a bowl, bibs, his first cup and trays and containers for his food whenever there has been a sale on or I've seen a good deal in the supermarkets, so it was time to get a supply of food ready. I decided to use the Ella's Kitchen purple book on weaning as my guide to getting started and take a mixed baby led weaning and purees approach. I thought I'd make a day of it cooking up veg and making purées like a real domestic godmother. With Pads seated in his new high chair watching me and happily playing with a beaker of water I had given him, and with some motivational tunes blaring, I got to peeling and chopping 2 parsnips, 3 carrots, 1 swede and 1 large potato, then slicing 100g green beans, half a head of broccoli and half head of cauliflower. So far so good. 

Pads was actually tipping the beaker into his mouth and getting a few drops of water which gave him a slightly confused expression but then he would tip the beaker for some more so he seemed to enjoy the action and the sensation of his first taste of water. He would then bang the beaker on the high chair tray and tip the cup over the edge for me to dutifully pick up, and for him to dutifully drop on the floor again. And again. And again. You get the idea of this fun game. 

Next, came the veg boiling, 4 pans on at once and by now Pads had had enough of being in his chair and had become super frustrated with the beaker screeching at it and looking upset, so we had hugs then I switched him to his bouncer, which no longer bounces as I keep forgetting to buy, let alone replace the batteries. 

I then thoroughly washed and dried all the containers while the first lot of veg cooked, and by the time I was done the potato was ready to be drained, mashed with a fork and turned into a purée by slowly adding some of the reserved cooking water. It resembled wall paper paste by the time I was done, looking for the consistency of runny honey, and that was the first home made purée to be poured into the awaiting ice tray. I felt like a proper mum at this point and oddly proud of myself for what was essentially just boiling up some veggies. Then it was the fiddly process of washing up the blender and bits and pieces and on to the next cooked veg. 

Pads had now had enough of the bouncer this time so we had more hugs and I popped him on his play area so he could stretch and roll around and I dashed back to the kitchen to drain and blend the broccoli into purée. Thus followed a pretty exhausting hour of washing and drying the blender 6 more times (why are they so fiddly to clean?!), inbetween draining and blitzing veg and transferring to containers then covering to cool, whilst going to check on Pads every minute or so. I was dashing around the hot kitchen like I was on a timed cookery show and did wonder why I decided to cook up 7 vegetable purées in one day rather than just do it gradually over a week or something, but it seemed so simple on paper. 

Before I got to blitzing the parsnips and swede, my final 2 veggies, Pads lost it and went into a crying fit, basically because he was bored and now hungry, so I downed kitchen tools and sat and had a lovely welcome feed with my boy after which he promptly fell asleep for 2 whole hours on me!!! I needed a rest too so put on a crappy film and we cwtched until he woke up, and I was able to finish off my puréeing frenzy. He now has 70 cubes of different foods (apparently each cube is equivalent to 1 meal so this should keep us going for a little while...!).

I really hope he eats at least some of this, or if not then at the very least enjoys playing with it, as I put a lot of effort into making it for him. Bring on the next adventure!