Week 9 - pins and needles

I am pretty sure our little love bug has grown a lot this week, and his daddy confirmed this when he came back from London after 4 days apart from us. He is quite possibly the cutest he has ever been too. His head seems larger and his gorgeous baby blue eyes are wide and brighter than ever and he is definitely way longer! It seems that mother's milk is agreeing with him good boy. 

This week was huge for Paddington as he had his first vaccinations which were a lot for him to process both in body and in mind but he was a trooper. He's growing up and learning to deal with whatever life throws at him with our support and love. I bloody love being a mum to my boy, he is such a joy and totally has my heart.

Here's how this week happened.

1. Baby led parenting. From 2mths on babies are more able to learn a routine apparently, though I am more often being told that there's no point really worrying about a 'routine' until around 4 mths when they are more developed - why didn't I know this was the earliest to bother trying to implement a routine before?! Could've saved us both some grief there! 

It seems I have been taking a baby-led or attachment parenting style approach so far, mainly based around his on-demand feeding. This wasn't a planned approach just what felt natural.  It doesnt leave a lot - if any - room for 'me' or 'us' time so we are thinking about making a compromise to a slightly more parent-led approach from now on to give us a bit of time back. On Monday we went back to trying to get him to nap in the basket as he's getting clingier in the day time, meaning he sleeps on me more again so I can't do anything else but be a baby bed. I tried this over 3 days and only gave it 3 goes in a row at any one time before we aborted so as not to overtire him. (We learnt our lesson on Total disaster Tuesday a few weeks ago not to try too hard or flog a dead horse so to speak!) The success rate wasn't high but it wasn't a failure either.

Day 1: 2 minutes total sleep in the basket alone after being put down already asleep

Day 2: half an hour total sleep in the basket after being put down already asleep

Day 3: 5 minutes total sleep in the basket after being put down awake but very sleepy.

Its a start anyway and we will keep this up each week until he hopefully sees the basket as a comfy, safe and familiar place to nap. He can already spend longer in there without crying than previously so it is becoming more familiar to him already. As my pal Laura once advised me 'be persistent and consistent'!

2. 'Watch out for the nurse with the needle!' Wednesday was such a big bad day for our little bear. Immunisations day. He had not one, but 3 jabs today as he was one of the first babies to have the meningitis B jab on top of the other 2 in our area. First he had the rotovirus vaccine through an oral sucrose solution via a dropper in his mouth which he was really not sure about so he spat a bit of it out, but then gave the health visitor a little smile once he'd tasted a bit and realised it was ok. Must be strange to taste something other than breast milk for the first time! Then came the jabs which I was dreading, as until my pregnancy really, I've had a phobia of needles. The amount of blood tests you get during pregnancy soon cured me though and once you've had an injection in your nether regions, an arm or leg jab seems like absolutely nothing! He was so brave when the first needle went in love him but did cry real tears over the shock and went as red as a beetroot in the face. I chose to cradle him and hold him for his jabs as I figured he needed his mum most at this moment even though grandma T came with us to take over if necessary. I had to hold his little hands together and push on his knee to keep his leg from kicking up & just tried to stay calm and tell him he was ok and very brave. It was tough to see him so distressed and not understanding why but I reason that a few moments of pain and a possible fever/sickness for a few days compared to years of protection against horrid diseases is definitely the right choice. 

We gave him liquid paracetamol straight after the jabs with a mouth syringe which he did not love as we had to do it in the waiting room in front of all the staring patients. I couldn't wait to just get him home and snuggle him.  I sat in the back with him whilst grandma drove and he stared at me with eyes that said 'wtf was that mum?!' so I spoke to him the whole way to reassure him that everything was fine, that I was so proud of him for being so brave and that the ordeal was over now and for his own good. We had a feed at home immediately to keep him calm and then he fell asleep in my arms as we cuddled for 2.5 hours, then he woke up to 2 bouts of the runs and a nasty sick when I was changing him. I then had to give him his 2nd liquid paracetamol dose via mouth dropper which got him distressed again so after I made sure it had gone down and we had some cuddles, we had another calming 'reward' feed and the same with his 3rd and final dose. It was basically a day of Calpol (other brands are available!), cuddles and cluster feeds but he got through it and apart from an upset tummy, some VERY poop-everywhere-explosive nappies and being a bit groggier, I think we got off lightly as he thankfully didn't get a fever and it didn't interfere with his sleep. 

3. Our first post Pads date night. We went for our first drink out in the eve without Pads. We were gone 1 hour 12 mins in total including the walk to the pub and back! It felt like we were gone a lot longer and I really missed the little guy. We are taking Baby steps to being able to leave him for any length of time so it was a good start. He slept the entire time we were out as we'd bathed, massaged and changed him into his sleepysuit and given him a feed just before we left, so it made no difference to him! Thanks grandma T for looking after our little bear so we could have some 'us' time.

4. Screaming the car down! On Sunday eve we had to drop Jon off for the train to London - boo! (But only for 4 more weeks until he's back with us for good, hooray!) As soon as I pulled out of the station he started screaming.  And he screamed hard ALL the way home in the car.  For 40 full on minutes. So stressful. I had to pull over to calm him down in a lay by and as soon as I took him out of his seat for a cuddle he gave me a big grin and stopped crying. Typical mummy's boy! So I strapped him back in and he seemed fine right up until the very moment I pulled back onto the road when the screaming picked up again to an even louder volume. Its so hard trying to concentrate on driving when the cries are so loud and you just want to help them calm down but can't pull over safely.  I think its cos he didn't want his daddy to leave as he's been ok in the car for the rest of the week give or take a few small cry sessions. I found myself turning the music up a little to make the cries a little easier to near and make it possible to keep driving on, that's ok right?! 

5. It never ends. You never stop worrying or doubting as a parent do you? I was supposed to go on a shopping trip this week but the weather was awful and it was torrential rain so I just couldn't let myself take him out in it as I was worried he'd get soaked even with the waterproof cover on his buggy and worried he'd get a cold so I cancelled. Then followed a real doubting-down-day where I couldn't decide if I was just doing my best but feeling down because I still couldn't get him to sleep on his own or in his basket and worrying he wasn't gaining enough weight and when was I going to fit in expressing regularly etc.. to feeling like I had given him bad habits by letting him co-sleep and not being tougher to make him sleep on his own and enforce a routine when I know full well that that did not go well last time and that he's still so young etc etc! I switched between doubts and made myself feel like shit again and all basically because I was tired, still getting over being ill and feeling a bit overwhelmed again - bring on Jon being home, it will make us feel more secure and settled because the responsibility will be shared.

6. Mums know best. After a good feed, I was waiting to get one burp then laying Paddington down to play on his gym, change him etc.. And he was being sick almost straight away, so my mum suggested it was because he hadn't had chance to properly digest the milk before I was putting him down so now trying to keep him upright after a day feed for at least 20mins to help him digest more easily and lessen the amount of sick- ups, after all we have both worked hard for that milk, and we dont want it wasted!  So far it seems to be working! 

7. Pump up the volume. I borrowed an electric pump from my kind friend Gemma and what a game changer. It is so easy to use, doesn't pinch and feel uncomfortable like the hand pump and gets results fast! I managed to get 90mls out in under 20mins with ease and comfort! Boom! And it was easier to see how the nip works through the breast shield which was fascinating - the milk was properly squirting out and with some considerable speed and force! So that's why my little guy has been making appreciative murmurs all this time. It did look a bit daunting when I first connected it all and the initial 'stimulation' 2 minute pump cycle to get things started felt weird at first but then when 'the let down' began - in under 2 minutes so I had to press the button to start the 'expression' cycle early - I was used to the sound and the sensation and just marvelled at my milk dripping and squirting out and filling the bottom of the bottle up. We now have enough for 2whole feeds from 2 short expressing sessions - we got the same amount hand pumping over 5 days and I tell you what, I no longer loathe expressing, so this is a huge improvement. There is no question in my mind that if you can, buy, borrow or hire an electric pump, it really is worth it!  Now we just need to try and fit more expressing time into our day - we are only managing one pumping session regularly and struggling to find time to get another in around his feeds, daytime activities, general looking after ourselves, sleep and sterilising!

8. Baby gym joy - he loves spending time on Edgar, our soft bear play gym that my gorgeous baby shower ladies bought for us (thanks ladies), and kicks voraciously and with such glee and excitement whilst grinning, squawking, shouting at the his toys. (crocodile) Dundee is a fav and Baaarbie the sheep. He can spend a good 20-30minutes playing on the gym before he gets bored or tired. It's the best bit of baby kit we've got at the moment (his vibrating chair will hopefully come into its own when he is older and can sit in it better as he doesn't really like it at the moment cos it doesn't support his head and he flops in it in the seated position and the lying position feels too open for him). He is a baby that likes to be cocooned - not swaddled, - as he likes the freedom to kick out his legs and stretch still but to also feel safe and encircled - hence the gym with its bear arms and the sleepyhead are both working well!

9. Am getting the 'why is my baby not chubby yet?!' Paranoia. His thighs are on their way but he's so long and lean I don't know how we are going to fill his limbs! Every baby is different of course but he still fits into the up to 1 month clothes and he is over 2 months now! He is bossing it in terms of height though so I think I've just got a long tall baby!

10. New movements. He has started moving his head side to side a lot at night when trying to get off to sleep and sometimes when napping in the day.  This is a new 'I'm super tired' signal so I try to help him to sleep when I spot him doing this but others would probably say that this means he's already too tired. 

Also he's really looking at me now, especially before and at the start of a feed when he's not crying or having bad wind!, and he'll stare at me intently on the changing table with such big blue eyes whilst he's crying about having his nappy changed that it makes me feel like I'm being awful for changing him! We are having pretty much daily eye to eye 'chat' sessions where I get rewarded for the hours I've put in on nurturing him with the most beautiful smiles and now full-on grins and the start of little laughs and gorgeous eye contact that I could indulge in for hours. Those eyes are going to get him what he wants in life I suspect, they are beauts. 

11. Bottling it. Jon did his first bottle feeding with Pads and it went very well. I could only express 30mls before I had to leave the house but we figured it was a good time to try the little one on a bottle as I wouldn't be in the house. He gladly took the bottle after an initial confusion over what it was and guzzled the milk down in minutes Jon said, then swiped the bottle away when it was drained. I came back 15 minutes later to a crying baby but happy daddy because the feed had gone well there just wasn't enough milk in the bottle! I am really pleased they got this bonding time and that Jon has experienced the wonder of feeding and that he accepted his first bottle, but I must admit that I was glad that I could offer up my boob to finish the feed as soon as I got in and that he took it as before - phew! I do like being the nourisher/feeder/dairy cow, as all consuming as it is, and am happy that the bottle is (hopefully) now an option if he accepts it again but also happy that he still wants me and my milky orbs!

It was a week of firsts, from needles to bottles, my boy is doing a grand job of learning, developing and growing and I think, we might just be doing a great job of nurturing him, nourishing him, responding to his needs and loving him. Well done bear team.