This week has been a bit up, and a lot down unfortunately and I am placing the blame for this uneven turn of emotions at the feet of that elusive temptress, sleep. She has not been our friend for over a month now and the cracks are beginning to show. Tiredness aside, I think we are definitely both crankier, more emotional, impatient and much less positive as a consequence of not getting those zzzz's. And we are both a bit under the weather. (* update - am posting this blog late this week as I got tonsillitis as a result of our lack of sleep and generally feeling run down/exhausted etc.. and am taking Padster to get checked over at the docs too to be on the safe side)
I feel like I suck at sleep. I can't get my boy to sleep and I can't get myself to sleep anymore. It's a lost art that I am really hoping to rediscover soon, for everyone's sakes!
Here's what happened in week 19, during all those many many hours of awake time!
1. Baby acne.
My beautiful baby boy came out in red, sore looking spots on his left cheek that seem quite dry. They look like acne, which seems really unfair for a wee bairn to get but apparently it is quite common as they pick up your hormones. So sorry Pads, I appear to have given you baby acne. I tried putting some coconut oil on it as had read that could be a good natural remedy but it was still looking pretty raw 2 days later so have now decided just to leave it be and let water and air heal it in good time and it is already getting much better. It doesn't seem to bother him which is the main thing, it's just not very nice when your little one gets their first blemish. I was a spotty baby too so I guess he didn't stand a chance really!
2. Balancing act.
How do you find a balance between being the mum you need, and want to be, and being yourself? I am definitely struggling with this balancing act. I can't actually imagine ever going out again, you know to a restaurant or/and pub for a night, or having a weekend with just me and Jon. But other people manage it. I just can't see how at the moment. I guess it would help if I was awesome at expressing milk and had a massive stockpile, but I'm not and I don't, so it isn't as easy as people saying, just leave Pads with his grandparents for a night/day etc... I can't as I don't have the milk store, and as he is exclusively breast fed that makes me his personal dairy cow. I don't want to use formula if I don't have to so I have to be with my boy or at the least, very near him at all times. And I want to be too.
But I would also love a night out or a day off from time to time. That's normal right? I am guessing the balance comes once you're ready to give a bit more to yourself and learn to let your baby go just for a little bit, and also when he starts on solids and won't be reliant on the breast for every feed. I don't think I'm quite there yet in terms of letting him go for a bit either and do you know what, that's ok. It will come. He's still very young and he needs his mum at the moment and that's where I want to be, right by his side.
3. The best sound of all.
I introduced some farmyard animal squirty plastic toys to bath time this week to step it up a gear in terms of fun and play. They were a total hit. He watched me dip the cow and pig under water and bring them back up again splashing over and again in delight and when I squirted water over his tum with them he gave the best laugh he has emitted yet. A proper naughty belly laugh that must be the best noise on the planet. Thank you squirty toys for bringing us such joy!
4. Pads first Xmas lights show!
We took Padster to watch the local town lights get switched on and it was a ruddy cold day so I got to bundle him up in his super snuggly snowsuit, penguin hat and gloves. There was a mini concert and carols so we had a lovely al fresco bop with him in the carrier and he loved it. So much to see and hear and a lot of red everywhere at this time of year which is definitely his fav colour as he always drawn to anything red in a room. I cannot wait for his first Christmas now! And all the Christmasses to come! Tis the season for kids really isn't it and I will get to be a big kid too and do all the things that used to get me so excited as a young 'un for my boy. Bring it!!!
5. Night mare on Elms street.
So sleep is worse than ever at the moment and I am a total 'mombie'. I may never sleep again. He is waking on average 6-8 times every single bloody night, and usually he wakes and immediately starts crying and he's so impatient thesedays! If, sorry, when, he wakes, I have about 2 seconds before he starts a gentle cry that escalates to full on 'oh my god oh my god I'm so hungry/tired/hot/cold/alone/scared of the dark/all of the above/none of the above' wailing. I try desperately not to feed him each time he wakes so spend most of my nights cuddling and swaying, singing and ssshing then doing ridiculously gentle and agile put-downs into his cot once he has made me think he has gone to sleep, then I creep back to my bed so quietly and just lay there with my fingers crossed and wait for him to wake up again moments later, or sometimes, he will sleep for up to an hour - I know, a full hour, what a treat!!! I don't sleep for that hour anymore as I am basically just waiting for him to wake up and wondering what strategy I will try to get him to go back to sleep, so I am running on empty.
(Jon has been sleeping in the spare room so he can function at work the next day, and keep working on our cottage renovation some nights and all weekends, but even if he didn't, he sleeps through most of Padster's crying and waking usually anyway, so when the night sets in, it's a really long solo shift that I know isn't going to go well from the off).
This no sleep gubbins is sustainable right?! 3 - 4 hours a night in broken bursts is totally do-able forever, right?! I know that 'this too will pass' and all that, but when?! It would be great to know. Come on buddy, please sleep again!! We may have to change our whole routine at this rate and go back to the beginning with sleep as this is not working out at all.
6. The back to work chat.
I had to finally bite the bullet and admit that this gorgeous maternity leave won't last forever and have my first chat about returning to work. I cannot imagine leaving my baby boy for more than a few hours at the moment, nor not spending the day playing with/gazing at him, but I know that it will have to be done at some point and especially when the statutory maternity pay dries up! I am thoroughly enjoying spending all my time with my brilliant baby and really appreciate this time we have and are spending together (of course I don't love every single second, but on the whole it is lush). I think we are making the most of it and I am going to keep being 'just a mum' for as long as I can before I have to go back to work and begin a whole new kind of juggling act!
7. Why you don't give a baby a piece of paper to play with.
We went to Asda and I had a paper voucher for money off some swim nappies which was really colourful and attractive to Pads so I let him hold it and play with it while I made the purchase. When we got back to the car I noticed that his index finger and middle finger on his left hand were covered in blood. Shocked and a little scared, my instincts kicked in and I scooped him up and immediately put his fingers in my mouth to remove the blood (seem to remember hearing that spit has some mild form of antiseptic in it once too??) and take a closer look. It was a tiny little paper cut on his index finger. Crap. That's why you don't give paper to a baby you moron! After a second suck on his fingers, the blood stopped and the panic was over and you couldn't even see the cut a few hours later. He was totally unfazed by the whole thing. Didn't even notice, but I learnt a valuable lesson in what not to let him play with in future!
8. Salty face.
When he cries now, and I mean really cries, the tears come a-flowing pretty fast bless him and they are so incredibly salty! How do I know this you may ask? Well it's instinct to pick your baby up and give them kisses when they are upset, so when I kiss his face I've been picking up some of his tears on my lips and they are like sea water! Who knew?! (I realise that those last 2 points make it sound like I am always licking my baby. I am not. Honest.)
9. The carrot.
He is still too young to wean as we are going for the 6 months of exclusive breastfeeding approach before starting weaning, but he is enjoying watching me cook in the kitchen and this week I let him hold a cold peeled carrot, which like everything at the moment, went straight into his mouth! He looked pretty shocked and uncertain at first but gave it a little rub on his gums for a bit and turned it over in his hands before discarding it. I then gave him an orange pepper the next evening which he was v excited about, as it perhaps resembled a boob shape wise?! He tried to put this in his mouth but it didn't really work so he dropped it to the floor.
He has really developed massively in just this week in terms of his hand/eye co-ordination and cause and effect learning. He can grab, hold, pass between his hands, shake, lift, drop, swipe, reach, hit and touch things he is interested in. It's so gratifying to watch and he has picked it all up really quickly. Is this why he's not sleeping as he is busy learning and practicing?!!
It's great that he is showing healthy interests in food at this stage. I am really looking forward to weaning - hope he's a good eater!
10. Double dunk.
It was the 2nd week of his swimming course and he is really starting to kick his legs in the swim position now. There were 2 underwater swims this week and the first was a bit scary as he cried after, but by the 2nd one he was fine and did the cutest intake of breath and shutting of his eyes before going under. What a pro.
The water in the pool was a little cooler than it should've been so we had to get him out a bit earlier than usual as his hands were going a bit purple. I took him into the shower to warm him up and he experienced warm falling water for the first time. It had quite a strong water pressure so was falling quite heavily and loudly and he wasn't overly sure about it to be honest, looking a bit confused and startled, so we cut the shower short. That was a lot of water adventures for one day.
11. Single handed.
As I have a lovely cuddly baby who doesn't always want to be put down on his many comfy play mats/baby gym/bouncing chair options, I spend a lot of time with him in my arms going about our day as a duo and this has led to me honing a fine skill. I have become an absolute pro at doing pretty much anything with one hand, from putting on shoes to making lunch to vacuuming and hanging out the washing. I only need one hand free and I can accomplish many things. There is however only one thing that I just cannot do with one hand no matter how hard I have tried. And that is spread butter, or jam or whatever, onto bread. It is impossible to do single handedly without just tearing the bread. If you haven't tried it, do, and let me know if you can crack it!
As a final thought, it now takes me anywhere up to 3 hours to watch a 45 minute programme on the tv planner. I tried to watch Made in Chelsea (don't judge me! It's my guilty pleasure), while he was having a feed. It was 1pm. I kept pausing it when he needed winding, then when he had finished feeding and wanted attention, then when he got bored playing on his mat after a few minutes, then when he needed a nappy change, then when he was sick and needed his top changed and so on and so forth. I finally finished watching the episode at 4pm. And I have no idea what really happened in it either. (Probably nothing of note I hear you scathingly think. And you're probably right!)
***
We also ticked off Chepstow Castle in our Welsh Castles Challenge this week. Its massive! Another one I somehow never visited when I lived in Wales as a child.
No comments:
Post a Comment