We thought last week was tough. Well, that was just the beginning. This week has been the hardest week of our lives so far. (All three of us). The tiredness has built up to the point that I can no longer open my eyes fully and concentration is at an all-time low. We have however managed to keep our gorgeous baby boy alive for a whole week which feels like something to really celebrate - if only we had the energy.
Here's what we've learnt and what advice we'd give ourselves about week 2.
1. The breastfeeding roller coaster will continue and probably step up a gear - keep asking for help. Just when we thought we were getting it, Paddington stopped latching as well as he had been last week, was feeding for around an hour on average per boob again when I'd read they should be getting all they need within around 30 mins by now (I know, I know, I should take my own advice and stop reading and comparing so much), he also started to get stressed at the nip and slipping off, or worse, clamping down in frustration (this really really hurts by the way). As a consequence I lost my confidence and started to fret that he wasn't getting enough milk and that I wasn't doing my job as 'dairy cow' well enough. We called the midwife in a panic (and by 'we', I mean that Jon called as I was busy feeding and crying). She suggested we get the latch checked again and get Paddington weighed to check he was getting fed, turns out, latch was fine and he'd put on weight so no need to worry - again, its just his character to feed for a long time (a lot of it is just comfort suckling and the way my milk runs) and he's a sparky (and greedy) little personality who gets frustrated if my milk comes out slower than he wants or if he's enjoying it so much he loses focus and slips off and then gets angry as he wants back on instantly. I just need to give him more encouragement and attention when he latches to make sure he's doing it properly, not be afraid to take him off and do it again if he's not on right and give us both more credit for finding our rhythm and sticking to it - so what if its a long, noisy rhythm, its working so we'll keep at it.
He's got an appetite like his dad for sure. He eats fast and with gusto. He's also started making the cutest little enjoyment murmurs when feeding accompanied with outstretched fingers, gripping hands and stretched out legs which I'm pretty sure means he is enjoying himself - he's just an 'all in' kind of guy when it comes to food. I can appreciate that.
2. Do not suffer in silence - there are ways to alleviate painful boobs and nips. The midwife recommended Jelonet paraffin gauges which have been a real winner - you just cut the sheets into squares that fit neatly over your nip after a feed and instantly soothe. Lanolin gel gently rubbed on the nips after every feed helps as well, and is even better applied underneath a paraffin gauge - double the comfort. Cabbage leaves in the bra I wasn't sure about, but cold cabbage leaves, oh yes! Very refreshing on an engorged bosom - just don't forget you've left them in there as they start to smell, well, very cabbagey, when warm and left in overnight and actually only need a few minutes on the boob to do the trick anyway (its best if you give the leaves a little squeeze to break open the 'veins' first apparently and keep them in the fridge so they are really once and cool). I wasn't really sure what breast pads were for until this week - leaky boobs stain tops, as does paraffin gel, and sore nips rubbing against bras is not fun. Breast pads help with all of this. Make sure you pack both breast pads and paraffin gauges in the changing bag as you'll need them when you are out and about feeding.
3. Public breast feeding is fine. Did my first al-fresco, in front of people breast feeding this week, in a 12th century priory and field, as you do, which was a good confidence booster. I used a large muslin cloth to cover Paddington from the sun and also just to give us some privacy, as we're still new at this, and people do stare - oh boy do they stare! It went well and I actually felt quite empowered to be able to feed my baby at the breast in public.
4. Boys wee everywhere. We learnt the hard, and pretty funny way, that when changing a baby boy's nappy, you need to make sure that their winky points down and that you've got a nappy in place to catch any 'flow'. Not knowing this, we've been wee'd on several times as has the wall, floor, changing table and Paddington has also, bless him, wee'd all over himself and his own face a couple of times now. At least we know all his piping works.
5. Nuclear nappies are 'normal' and the real meaning of bulk buying. The sticky merconium poo phase is over, this week its been weird seedy brown poo and yellow korma poop that can come out so forcefully that it trickles down his legs if we don't change the nappy quick enough. Still, there's been plenty of wet and poopy nappies (around 6-8 a day on average) which means, he is feeding well, so all is good. I did my first in-car, on my lap, nappy change when we were parked out and about this week too, in under 2 minutes, with no wee where it shouldn't have been or poo on the seats, which gave me a (probably disproportionate) sense of huge achievement and like I do really have my shit together (pun intended and oh how my life has changed...).
We thought we'd stocked up on loads of nappies, cotton wool and wipes to last about a month during pregnancy, well, I bought the wrong size nappies for a start (size 2 when our little boy is still in size 1's - I convinced myself when he was in utero that he was going to be a large baby hence I bought the next size up nappy - baby brain!) and we had massively underestimated the amount of nappy changes we'd be doing daily and how many cotton wool balls it takes to top and tail a baby and wipe dirty bottoms clean, so we had to re-stock again already. This really takes bulk buying to another level. Basically buy more of the essentials than you think you'll need, and look out for special offers and promotions to save money. (Boots currently have a buy 1 get 1 half price on all cotton wool products deal and Groupon have a half price Pampers offer - and yes this is what excites me these days!)
6. Once again, step away from google. Your baby is different to all other babies and what's normal for them, won't be for others. I think its going to take me some time to really grasp this fact. I decided that Paddington still wasn't sleeping enough as was getting 7-8 hours a day and all the baby guide books and articles I'd read said newborns sleep all the time, on average 12 hours a day. Well, not my newborn. We spoke to the midwife who told us not to worry and introduced us to the concept of 'evening fussies', around 5-7pm, which is when Paddington has been the hardest to settle and get to sleep. She said he was a very active and wiry young chap, who liked to be awake to feed and snuggle, and this was probably why he needed to feed so often too, as he was burning off what he was eating quickly by being so energetic.
I also learnt this week, to do somethings for myself, especially during long feeds. Once we'd gotten the latch right and I knew Paddington was in it for the long haul and comfy, I started reading magazines, watching Friday Night Lights again (this is a new night feeds ritual and makes it seem like a 'normal' Netflix night rather than a chore - its all about the mindset), writing this blog, reading the stylist magazine on the iPad to keep in touch with my 'old' London life or just closing my eyes for a bit of a rest. This makes breastfeeding less of a slog and more of my new way of life and routine.
7. Babies need to be told to or rather coaxed into, taking a nap. I did not know this. I thought babies just slept when they were tired - ha!!! Sounds completely foolish to write it down. Part of my frustration in him not sleeping was that I just thought they were wired to do that. I hadn't really considered that they needed help to settle down and sleep and why shouldn't they?! They've been hurled into a big, wide, scary world after the safe cocoon of a womb, of course they need help getting to sleep! The swaddling still isn't working for Paddington, it just gets him worked up and makes him cry for longer. We can't do the 'cry it out' method as his crying makes my boobs ache (what doesn't these days?!) and just breaks my heart, so its been a try everything approach this week. Lots of ssshhhing sounds whilst rocking, a good winding session with back rubs and foot and leg massages as our midwife showed us (this can help his digestive system clear everything out apparently and he seems to quite like it), singing - he is a fan of Pearl Jam's 'Black' and 'Mr Jones' by the Counting Crows (as well as 'We are sailing' by Rod Stewart, thanks to my mum). When in doubt, or when I've tried everything I can think of and am all tried out, I get the boob out, and this always works to settle him instantly, then once he's sated (which can take anywhere between half an hour to 2 hours so this isn't a quick fix!), he's usually milk drunk and ready for a snooze.
8. Babies really don't need that many clothes. I think I knew this as I was buying my 8th pair of patterned leggings or that cute fleece lined hoody with the bear ears (this is, however, Pads fav outdoor coat and Jon's fav piece of baby clothing), but I have no regrets as I only bought super cute outfits (of course) and luckily, he fits into the smallest sizes I bought now, and I have the next sizes up ready to go when he's big enough. There has been a few nappy accidents and mid nappy change wee incidents, which have meant several clothes changes in a day so I feel justified. I could probably have done with just a few baby vests, t-shirt baby gros, sleepy suits with long arms and covered feet, leggings (again with covered feet are best as socks on a newborn are just annoying - they fall off constantly!), and a couple of cardigans for going outside/when its cold inside. (and a couple of hats too). But at least we have lots of options and I could not do any washing for a week and we wouldn't run out of clothes. We also hadn't considered that everyone is very generous when a new baby arrives so we've been gifted some gorgeous clothes, meaning I really didn't need to buy so much early on. Oh well. I'm making sure he gets to wear every outfit several times so I'll let myself have this one.
I only dress for breastfeeding myself these days, so whatever top is comfy, has easy access and doesn't leave me looking too naked when pulled down to get the boobs out, so at least I can enjoy dressing my little man stylishly.
9. Is that wind or a smile?!! This has been a windy week - Paddington needs a good few minutes winding between feeds - not between every feed necessarily but especially after a mammoth session, as he gets lots of hiccups, which frighten him and he just needs to be snuggled during those to comfort him. (The hiccups are seriously cute on a baby. He used to get them a lot in the womb, pretty much daily in the last few weeks, so it reminds me of pregnancy when he gets them and that makes me all gooey eyed and emotional - again). A few burps later however and he's usually much easier to settle. He's not really been sick very much, I can count the number of times on one hand so far in fact, so I haven't really been using a muslin when winding him, which I should, as when he does 'possett' on the sheets or on me, it does make a mess/can stain a bit. I've started keeping a muslin next to both sides of our bed, on the buggy, in the lounge, the car and the changing bag - anywhere we may both spend time basically so I'm never caught without wipe up material. During some of these winding sessions, or after a feed, he makes this expression that I swear is a smile, but apparently its too early for him to be able to smile yet according to the midwife. But it really looks like a smile. Can we just pretend that it is?!!
10. There's an app for that mark 2. This week's app is sleep orientated - obviously. I discovered, by accident, that Paddington likes the sound of the hairdryer. He was restless and crying, I had wet hair, so I turned on the hairdryer to give myself a 1 minute blast before going back to try and settle the little man, and hey presto! He calmed down immediately and went from crying to staring at his surroundings quite contendedly for the full time it took me to rough dry my hair. Result! That evening, he was a grizzly bear again, so I turned on the hairdryer, and once again, it worked! Fuelled by this amazing new discovery (I'm new to this remember, most mums know the joy of white noise already), I found an app that plays a hairdryer sound, as well as a vacuum, ssshing sounds and even a womb (its called 'Sound Sleeper' if you're interested). During the next evening fussies, I didn't need to get out of bed and plug in the hairdryer, I just played it on my app and though he didn't settle quite as well as previously, it definitely helped, so now we have portable white noise powers. This feels good. (We bought a Ewan the Dream sheep before Paddington entered the world, and have yet to see it work on him. It works on Jon better, sending him to sleep with its comforting white noise or lullabies and red glow, but Paddington isn't fussed so far - I think it might be too quiet as the hairdryer was pretty loud? Jury is out anyway, but we'll keep trying it, as loads of mums swear by it.)
11. Sleep my old friend, we miss you (and sleep jealousy - the ugliest kind). So 2 weeks of little to no sleep can really take its toll. There's been more tears, big dips in confidence, questioning myself and my instincts when I know deep down that I'm doing ok, my eyes have definitely taken on a more sunken look with dark circles and there's been a lot of headaches this week. I have snapped at Jon a couple of times out of tiredness and frustration which I'm not proud of. He sleeps during feeds - why should he be awake when there's nothing he can really do once we're latched and settled in? - and then I didn't want to wake him afterwards so was doing the burpings and the inevitable nappy changes, then trying to settle Paddington which I was too tired to really put any gusto into, so would then acquiese to feeding again and so the cycle of no sleep would continue! Jon would wake up after a few hours of good uninterrupted sleep, oblivious to the fact I had been at it for 4-5 hours straight and I'd be pissed at him. (Poor guy). This wasn't fair on either of us and so we have a new policy now, I just need to wake Jon up after a feed if I need some rest (I don't always as mostly I want to be able to deal with everything by myself in preparation for when Jon goes back to work and London next week and because I am stubborn) and he'll take over the winding and the nappy changing and trying to settle the wee bairn. Simple really, but hard to figure out when you haven't slept!
Towards the end of the week our gorgeous little boy gave us 2 hours of sleep in a row and I was able to sleep for the same amount of time. This was a real turning point, as the next evening he then slept for 3 and a half hours straight between feeds which pretty much felt like the best night's sleep I'd ever had. When you have so little, any amount of sleep becomes magical and restorative. Long may this continue.
12. Getting out and about is great for your confidence and keeping your spirits up. We've done very well getting out of the house and shaking things up a bit this week. This has really helped to keep my mood lifted. We went to a 70th birthday party at a hotel on Day 8. We weren't sure we would make it and as soon as we arrived we felt overwhelmed and wondered if we were just crazy for taking our newborn to a party so soon, but we aced it. How? We only stayed for 20 minutes to say hello to all of our friends and the birthday man himself, let everyone meet Jack (all snuggled and sleeping in the 'daddy womb'/Ergo Baby carrier) and then we left. It was just the right amount of time to be surrounded by so many people, it boosted our confidence that we could actually do it and was lovely to see all of our friends and watch them coo over our gorgeous little man and tell us how great we looked (whether they were just being kind or truthful I don't care, I'm taking the compliment!).
We also managed a lunch outing (see public breast feeding point 3) and our first family day out as a trio to Llantony Priory which was just what the doctor ordered. We parked up and did a 1.5 hour breastfeeding session in the car and on a picnic bench - starting to understand that Paddington rules the roost now, and we are definitely on his time and playing by his rules! - then we had a walk around the priory, a pub ploughman's and another walk - followed by more al fresco feeding in a field and a refreshing nappy change for Pads with butterflies flying over his head and a gentle breeze helping to dry off his nether regions. Pads slept really well in the car there and in the sling during the walk so it felt like we were all getting exactly what we needed out of the day. He didn't sleep so well in the car back, it was around 5.30pm so time for the evening fussies or grizzlies as I've renamed them, so we ended up parking in a lay-by over-looking the most spectacular vista of fields, hills and a castle, for a breastfeeding session with a view. I like al fresco or in car breast feeding - mixes it up a bit.
13. Breastfeeding is thirsty work. On our outing to Llantony Priory I learnt a valuable lesson. Breastfeeding can make you dehydrated. It is really important to keep drinking water during and in between feedings, not just for yourself, but also for your milk supply, as if dehydrated you might not be producing enough milk. I hadn't realised that I had hardly had any water all day until I started feeling a bit faint, thirsty and light headed. A bottle of water and a Fab lolly later (just in case my blood sugars were low you know), I felt much better. From now on, I'll be packing a large bottle of water in the changing bag along with a snack (oatcakes/Welsh cakes and malt loaf are my current favs to keep my energy up), so I'm never caught short again, and before settling in for a feed at home, I'll be grabbing a large glass of water or squash first for me.
14. Mother's pride has seriously kicked in already. On Day 10 I had my first appointment with my lovely health visitor at home. She checked Paddington over and was very impressed with his alertness and how active he is, commenting especially on his neck strength (she said he was displaying very sturdy neck muscles for this stage in his little life, able to almost support his own head when lifted up carefully by his arms when laying on his back in her lap) and very powerful leg kicking (I can attest to this as he's currently feeding and nearly kicked the computer off the sofa with a particularly enthusiastic leg thrust just now). He loves a good thrash around of the limbs and he can push himself away from you really forcefully when holding him so you have to make sure you've got him nice and securely at all times. All of this just made me swell with pride that my little boy is growing and developing so well and has tonnes of feisty character already. He's going to be a rugby player we think. Or pro snowboarder/skateboarder/surfer/Wimbledon contender. Watch this space!
15. Baby sneezes don't mean that they have a cold. Pads has been sneezing more this week so I got worried that he'd picked up his first cold so asked my midwife to check him over. Turns out baby sneezing, as well as being utterly adorable, is just their way of clearing out their nasal and respiratory passages, so no Kleenex required. She also confirmed that his cold hands and feet were due to bad circulation that all babies have for the first month or so, and didn't mean that he was cold. Good to know. (The best way to see if they are too hot or cold is to place your hand on their chest or back of their neck - nicely warm and pink mean they are ok, clammy or hot mean exactly that. Easy when you know how.)
16. Its all worth it. Our little bear is starting to stare & notice the world around him more this week which makes everything we've all been through so worthwhile. He's growing and developing under our care - now that is rewarding. I put him in his moses basket to try and get him used to laying on his back more and being on his own, and placed a penguin rattle toy next to him. He stared disbelievingly at this toy for 45 minutes, gurgling happily and wriggling around while I was able to get some stuff done and just keep an eye on him. It felt so good to see him content and quiet - I was one proud mamma. I am going to look into more development games and techniques as this felt really good for both of us.
17. Paddington is official. We got the little man registered on Day 13 and it was a (happy) emotional time. We then registered him at the doctor's too so we ticked off two big milestones in his life, and he got his first letter addressed to him confirming his nhs details - our boy is on the books now, big day!
We can't believe our little boy is 2 weeks old already. Weirdly, this fortnight has flown by as well as being some of the longest days and nights we've ever experienced. Loving this parenthood malarky, luckily the journey has only just begun.
No comments:
Post a Comment