Week 4
Our little chap is a month old already - how did that happen! While time has sort of flown by, it also (usually at silly o'clock in the morning) hasn't. It's been a particularly grizzly week for our Paddington, he's growing and developing and the world is constantly changing around him as he is able to take in more and more information and details, so I think he's reacting to all of this with a slightly crankier, fussier approach, which is understandable - I can be funny about change too. Here's how our 4th week has panned out.
1. The uber grizzles (and the pillow incident). We've had a ride on the grumpy/fussy/cry-baby train this week. It really started around day 23, just after 6pm. He would not stop crying. I swear I tried everything in my arsenal but nope, 'not interested mum'. He clearly had a bad case of the windy pops so we winded patiently (me), whilst screaming/crying purposefully (him), had a sick or two, then carried on crying. Loudly. He was getting agitated and cross with me, so I'd fluctuate between feeding him, burping him, rocking and sshing him and singing, whilst trying to get him to sleep. He wasn't having any of it and I had run out of ideas. This happened again the next evening from about 5.30pm, and the 2 main culprits again were wind and sick, but even when he'd expelled both, he still wasn't happy. The highlight of this particular evening for me was when I realised I was sitting on the edge of the bed having literally tried every 'soothing/get them to sleep' trick in the books, with a toy sheep stuffed down my bra, a hairdryer blowing loudly in one hand and a baby who was trying to stop crying but didn't know what he wanted in the other arm, with dried sick all down my t-shirt and a glazed expression on my face. That moment sums up the week for me really, welcome to parenthood indeed. Everyone says it gets easier though...right?!!!
I threw a pillow across the room on the next uber grizzly eve. I'm not proud of my behaviour but I was broken and so very very tired and what made it seem even worse was Jon was blissfully asleep and snoring next to me whilst I was doing everything I could think of to calm down our grizzly bear whilst quietly seething that Jon was getting the sleep I so desperately wanted to be getting at that moment. Jon can literally sleep through anything (he has slept through an air raid alarm before that woke an entire campsite, except him), as Padster's cries are not quiet, they are piercing and incessant, (and I made sure they were close to Jon's ears), yet still no sign of him waking up! When he did wake, he dared to yawn and I just flipped from exhaustion and sleep jealousy and threw a pillow across the room (actually I threw two). This is what I have become, a dirty pillow thrower.
I hadn't realised that it was getting to me until that moment so I think we need to work out a new system one night a week where I get a bit of a break (tricky to do more as Jon works in London when I am in Wales all week which means I have every night with Paddington and deal with whatever mood he's in day and night all week, whereas Jon only gets to spend weekends with us at the moment, which is very hard for him as well. We miss him and he misses us a lot.) We are thinking about me going in to the spare room after a feed one night a week for 4 hours to sleep and Jon will deal with any grizzlies/crying/ tantrums etc... for that time and then I'll come back into our room after that sleep to take over. We haven't tried this yet but even just the thought of that being an option has made it all seem more bearable. Any other suggestions welcome!
2. The no-cry sleep solution. No app this week, but I did tuck into a book which the midwife recommended, 'The no-cry sleep solution' by Elizabeth Pantley, which gives gentle suggestions and practical techniques to get your baby to sleep through the night (did you know through the night actually only means 5hrs straight?!!) and gets you to log your babies sleep to work with his pattern and get a routine going. I, like many new mothers before me, was pretending to read this book 'just out of interest' and to 'see if any of the suggestions seemed worth trying', but secretly I, like many other new mums, was hoping it would provide all the answers I'd been looking for and do as it said on the cover, get my baby to sleep without crying. And it may well still do that one day, but it sure ain't an overnight solution unfortunately.
The book suggested doing a log of little man's sleep and nap patterns over a 24hr period, aswell as noting down his pre-bedtime routine to see if anything could be tweaked to aid sleep. It was an interesting experiment, though I think its more geared towards older babies of about 4 months plus who may have more of a 'routine' or 'pattern' to work with. At the start of the week and end of week 3, I thought a sort of sleep 'pattern' (and I use the term very loosely!) might be emerging as 5 nights in a row he'd pretty much gone to sleep between 9.30pm - 11pm for around 3 hours in one hit, give or take half an hour. However, just as soon as I'd noticed this and started to raise my hopes, the next 2 nights he didn't sleep until after midnight and in very erratic blocks, waking frequently for feeds or fussing.
What I did notice in the logs I did is he only napped for 3hrs 15 mins that day and that was largely due to me putting him in the sling to send him to sleep. I need to work on getting him to nap more definitely. It also emerged that he does have a basic pre-bedtime routine that we can certainly build on and keep up so it becomes his normal. We tend to do a big feed, then winding, then a bath and/or nappy change, into his sleepy suit, some cuddles, another nurse but this time in bed whilst reading a bed time story, then into his Sleepyhead for sleep time. That's the idea anyway and I reckon that's a good routine to implement early on.
The author suggest lots of helpful things to encourage and facilitate sleep, which are gentle and certainly not rocket science but things that aren't always obvious when you're faced with a tired baby who really needs you to help them get some sleep. We will be trying them out with vigour when he's a bit older I think - I don't want to put too much pressure on either of us just yet as it really is still very early days (something I do need to keep reminding myself and something I want to enjoy whole-heartedly as they aren't this little for long! I sort of wish he'd stay like this for ever as even though he's a huge challenge, he's just so adorable and I love the way he really needs me!). I have experimented with the ideas that resonated the most with me already though, to see if they could work for us.
Her main suggestions that I think are worth trying are: coming up with key words or sounds as a sleep cue, so I've made up a sleep ditty/lullaby which I'm employing already to get him used to it and associate it with sleep. It rhymes and is easy to sing when I have little to no energy in the dead of the night. It isn't Andrew Lloyd Webber, but it is memorable and simple.
She also suggests giving tummy rubs and putting my hand on his head for gentle strokes to soothe him without picking him up, as picking him up can wake him up more. And her key piece of advice, which I am guilty of not always doing, is to always put him down/in to bed when trying to get him to sleep at night, as holding him makes it harder to then put him down once asleep and is a habit that can be hard to break, as its so lovely to have him sleep on me but not sustainable. (Cute now, not so much when he's 2 years old I can imagine).
He slept like this on the night I logged him: after I put him down for sleep at 10pm, he slept for 3mins then cried. I winded him and sang our 'lullaby'. He kept crying, more high pitched this time so I nursed him in bed again, winded him and tried to put him down for sleep again with the lullaby and his 'lovie' (see point 3). It was now 11pm. After 15mins of my best efforts, he still wouldn't settle so I picked him up, rocked him, sshd him etc then fed him. Another winding session and back down to try and sleep. It was now midnight. He fell asleep finally after 18minutes of me singing our lullaby and giving him tummy rubs and head strokes.
He slept for 2hrs 45 mins before waking. It was now just after 3am. I tried the hand on head stroking technique and he was back to sleep within a couple of minutes for another hour. Boom! It was now 4.30am. He then had very erratic sleeps: for 8mins, then wanted to be fed and winded, then slept for another 50mins - my hand stroking his head for a few minutes got him back to sleep, then another 15mins sleep before he woke again hungry and in need of a nappy change. It was now 5.45am. Then 8mins of sleep, a lullaby and head stroke sent him off again for another 10mins before he woke again, more singing & stroking got another 20mins sleep, then he woke wanting a feed. It was now 6.30am. Feeding and winding and re-settling took 1.5hrs then another hour and a half sleep later, he finally woke for the day at 9.20am. It was surprisingly hard work to try and get him to sleep each time.
It was really helpful to see how much he wakes up in an evening and that it was possible to get him back to sleep with simple techniques that do require a lot of patience and repetition, but do also seem to work and could work much better and hopefully quicker after practice and once he becomes accustomed to them and they become his sleep 'cues'. I need to work harder at doing these rather than always relying on giving him boob, as this then requires winding which unsettles him after the sleep inducing feed, or always picking him up which obviously disturbs him and could lead to bad habits further down the line. It has definitely made me look at sleep and how to achieve it in a new light but I won't beat myself up about trying everything every night just yet or getting a routine going until he's a bit older. I am enjoying newborn sleep snuggles too much if I am being totally honest.
3. The pressure is on, Woolly. Another idea from the sleep book which I liked, was to introduce a 'lovie' or snuggler that he can become familiar with over time and can help comfort and soothe him. I chose a toy sheep comforter, so I slept with it one evening (the evening of epic grizzlies described in point 1 where I had the toy sheep stuffed down my bra.). The sheep is called Woolly (original I know) and I'm expecting BIG things from him. I put Paddington in his Sleepyhead on Friday eve, once he had tired himself out enough, and put Woolly beside him, and he did fall asleep pretty quickly with one hand resting on Woolly's fleecy body. It was probably more from weariness to be honest, but I like to think the sheep played a small part. Will keep you posted. (Woolly is also very good at being my scratch protector - I've been placing him on my chest when little man has a tantrum to save me from scratches, so he's come in handy already)
4. Faster drinking = more burping. Pads has started to spend less time at the boob finally, partly because he's drinking a bit faster and he's sucking more efficiently. However, the faster drinking does mean that he gulps in more air so needs burping after every feed now, and he does not have the patience for that. He's also been getting more hiccups this week, probably daily, and he's not a fan of those either. They are mega hiccups though, much bigger than him and they last a good 5-10 minutes usually. I thought the best way to help him through the hiccups was to carry out winding techniques, but have been told that distraction is the best remedy so we've now made it into a 'Paddington vs the hiccups' battle with singing and encouraging words from me, coupled with back rubs and pats to soothe him and walking around.
5. Possett deposits. You know last time I said he was hardly being sick at all? Well, I spoke too soon. Now he's posetting! On my dress, top, the bed, down my bra, in my face, over his dad's shoulder, on himself etc... and it often makes him very upset & agitated. I don't blame him, I hate being sick more than anything. This is probably due to his faster eating too. I'm also pretty sure I have caught him swallowing sick back down a couple of times too, greedy little tyke!, (is this a newborn thing?!) so I need to keep a look out for that, not just because its a bit gross, but it can't be good for him right?!!
6. Sleep, glorious sleep, and the feeding frenzy that followed! He slept for 7.5 hrs between 10pm - 8am one night this week, not in one hit of course, but still, its the most sleep we've all had since he arrived so were are eternally grateful. The day after, he went on a feeding frenzy however, like he thought he'd never eat again and totalled 16 feeds in the whole day and night, and was a cranky monster when not on the boob, refusing to nap at all in the day! My nipples were sore from all the feeds and his vigorous sucking and it got to the point where he was on one boob, and the other would start leaking, so I'd switch him over to that one, and so on, all day. Jon found it hard to watch me in pain and discomfort again and felt really helpless bless him as he just doesn't have milky bosoms - more's the pity - so wasn't able to help much during this feed-a-thon. I have ordered some emergency nipple guards in case Paddington keeps up this frequency and urgency of feeding as I don't think my nips can sustain this day in day out.
This just goes to show there will be good days & bad days back to back and its definitely still too soon to be hoping for any sort of routine, other than knowing that no 2 days are the same!
7. Get to know you baby's sleepy sounds. The best thing that came out of reading the sleep book, was learning to notice the difference between Paddington's 'sleepy sounds' and his stirring/ 'I'm awake and need you now' noises. I had been jumping to his side with a willing full boob at the very start of a whimper, grunt, suck or cry previously, believing I was being a good, responsive mummy and always ensuring he woke to the comfort of me being right by his side, with food at the ready, but it turns out that on some of those occasions, he was probably still actually asleep and I was un-knowingly and un-necessarily waking him up.
Once I realised that babies cry, whimper, gurgle, snort, even open their eyes a bit, stretch and wriggle whilst still asleep, I noticed that our baby does this a lot when sleeping. It really seems like he's about to fully wake up, but if I waited a few seconds or a minute or so first to see which way the latest noise was going to go, about 6 times out of 10, he'd just be making sleepy sounds and would fall right back to peaceful sleep. Amazing revelation for me and we're all sleeping better and for longer now I am aware of this, so my advice would be, wait a bit before rushing in, as they can look like they are about to start crying and even cry a few times out loud, but in their sleep, so give it a few moments to see if its an awake noise or sleepy sound before you act.
8. Confession of a sleep deprived parent! To wake or not to wake? I need to make a confession.
I let Paddington sleep for 4.5hrs one night before feeding him - we both really needed the sleep but I felt huge pangs of guilt for not waking him earlier as all the books and guidelines say you should feed your baby every 3-4 hours maximum, even through the night.
The next evening he fussed so much after his feed & needed a really long winding session, by the time he finally got to sleep it had been 2.5hrs since his feed, but I decided to let him sleep on for both our sakes. He woke up 3hrs15mins later for a feed. I had already woken up after 2 hours of sleep and spent a good 5 minutes debating whether to wake him up to feed or let him sleep, as it was then 4.5 hours since he'd last been fed, but I reasoned that he would wake up if really hungry and that we both desperately needed more sleep. (I set my alarm for an hour and a half later and decided that I would wake him then if he hadn't woken earlier so it wasn't crazy long between feeds. Luckily I didn't need to do this as he woke himself.) So he went 5hrs 45 mins in total between feeds this night, and you know what? Everything was ok. He woke when hungry and I wish I had been able to enjoy the stretch of sleep more without waking up through guilt and worry myself.
9. Bath time is fun with mum. Still not loving his baths on his own, we were advised by a friend to try bathing with the little man to get him used to the water whilst feeling safe and close to us. So I got in a nice warm bath, and this time I made sure it was actually warm, up to waist height and Jon handed me a nudey Paddington. I placed him in the water up to his waist and against my chest with a boob either side of his head for familiarity and comfort you know, and...he loved it. We had cuddles, he floated whilst I supported his head and kicked his legs out (basically doing a hands-free backstroke). I dipped him up to his neck in the water, supporting him carefully at all times, and he was perfectly happy. We managed a full 10 minutes and were able to give him a wash, plus it was a really lovely bonding experience. He showed us how relaxed he was by farting after about a minute in and then he did a lovely yellowy poo that floated in bits around us, but I didn't care as we were having such a lovely time and what's a bit of baby poo anyway?! He slept much better that night too! This is the way forward for bath time now and I get to have a soak too: win-win.
10. What not to do with a newborn. Don't drive in torrential rain when you are a nervous driver already, made more nervous by the fact that your one and only newborn son is in the car with you, to a city you don't know your way around, to drop off your car at a garage you've never been to and collect a tiny, tinny courtesy car that the pre-pubescent receptionist informs you has no petrol in it but its ok as you 'should' make it to the nearest petrol station, whilst your one and only newborn son is
screaming his head off in the car seat. Don't do this. It sucks and will make you feel very inadequate.
Luckily, I had my lifey, Tam, with me (you bloody legend you) who kept me from going over the
edge, helped me get to grips with driving a new car, and told me I was doing great when I felt like I
was about to stall/or was over-revving the engine like a teenage boy. I couldn't have done the journeywithout you bud, not without crying and pulling over every 10 minutes anyway I don't think,
so thank you (and see you for the return journey when I go back to collect the car right?!).
It's totally ok to freak out about a relatively simple task that you could have managed fine,
or just about fine, before the baby, and if so, then get help, or do as I did and ask your mate to keep
you company on a stressful outing and pitch it as a fun ‘road trip’ for the 3 of you.
11. Flying solo. After the above testing road trip, we managed our first solo outings this week,
so we're feeling very capable and much more confident now. The first trip was the real test.
We went to a local breast feeding support group in a kids soft play activity centre which was an assault on all the senses. The location was so loud with 'disco' music blaring and so, well, dare I say this?!, full of noisy, running kids (it is summer so all the schools and nurseries are out i suppose). I almost turned straight back around and left as soon as I walked in as it was terrifying. But, I (wo)manned up and found the table of mums with their boobs out, and met some very lovely ladies. We chatted about our babies and how breastfeeding was going and I had to change a dirty nappy in front of the other mums which was quite intimidating at first as they all had older kids as well as their babies, who were all several weeks older than mine anyway, so I figured they were all experts whereas I was the newbie, though in hindsight, I'm sure this intimidation feeling was purely of my own invention because being out alone and changing my baby publicly were all new things to us and it is scary being around other mums initially as you wonder if they are secretly judging you, but they really weren't judgey in the slightest, and I'm sure they've been in my exact position before. Its great that there is a local support group though, and it was lovely to meet local mums who were all very friendly so I will definitely give it another go. It gave me a buzz to be out and about on my own with my little man and I felt like it was a success because I didn't freak out/ forget I had him with me (as if that would ever happen!)/show myself up as the utter parenting novice that I am - a big step towards independence!
The next day, Paddington and I took a drive in the sunshine and ended up at Skenfrith Castle, randomly. We had a lovely walk with him in the sling sleeping soundly and I really began to feel like I had a handle on everything and felt free. It was good for the soul for sure and I'm sure the fresh air is good for the little one. (In his first 4 weeks on this earth, he has visited 3 historical Welsh buildings - Llantony Priory, White Castle (for a walk with me and his dad) and now Skenfrith Castle - wonder if he'll become a restoration man like George Clark or an architectural historian?!)
12. Smiles all round. Paddington achieved a marvellous milestone this week and smiled for the first time. And it definitely was not wind! It was the cutest thing I've ever seen and I hope there's many more of those to come. Makes everything worth it. He also stuck his tongue out at me after 10 minutes of me looking into his face and sticking my tongue out at him, which is something the midwife had suggested I try to work on his mimicking skills. He's such a clever boy, if you can smile and stick your tongue out, you can do anything in life, right? (Just look at Miley Cyrus.)
13. Sleepyhead success rate update. I mentioned previously that the jury was out on the Sleepyhead (the cocoon pillow that you can use for co-sleeping/in a crib), well the verdict is now in, and its great. I'd say it has a 75% success rate at the moment. Once he's fed and winded, we've been putting him in it every night and much more often than not, he will sleep in it for a minimum of 2- 3 hours, which is epic as we get to sleep for that time too as we know he's safe and supported and he's still close to us so that we can check on him and respond to him easily and quickly if he wakes (we have it between us on the bed when Jon is home or I place it on Jon's side when its just me and Paddington). Its also handy to pop him in it in the day when you need your hands free but don't want the faff of putting the sling on or moving the moses basket to other rooms as its really portable and light. So, thanks dad for buying us the gift of sleep! (A quick mention for my dad's latest pressie to us is needed here as its a corker: a t-shirt for me that says 'I am so tired' on it and a baby grow for Paddington that says "I'm not tired' - spot on!)
14. We're all in this together. At the end of the week, we got together with the lovely couples, and their new babies, from the NCT ante-natal classes we attended in the latter stages of pregnancy. It was so reassuring to hear that everyone was going through their own little challenges, whether it be bottle feeding issues or colic struggles and that all of us had doubts over what we were doing and had been over-googling/reading too many baby guide books and absolutely every one of us was having lots of sleepless nights. None of our babies are the same and we are all just figuring it out as we go along but its good to know we have each other to message in the middle of the night if it all gets too much or if we need some support or advice from someone who is going through the same thing, albeit, differently, to us.
So, we are a month in and there has been plenty of highs and of course, plenty of
lows too (it's all about balance, right?!), but we wouldn't change any of it - seriously, not even the
really shitty long nights! Our little grizzly bear makes us laugh, cry, wonder, learn, second-guess,
worry, marvel and smile with pride everyday and I can hardly remember what life was like before
him anymore.
Paddington, you rock our world little man, thank you for making life even better!
No comments:
Post a Comment