We can't believe how quickly our little boy is growing up. He is smiling more, mimicking us more and just giving us more and more joy and amazement day by day. Jon got to experience a smile first-hand this week which was brilliant, as he has had to take my word for it so far. Its been tough with him away in London in the week, for all of us, and probably more so for him as he feels like he is missing out and he just wants to be with his gorgeous son. I'm the lucky one, as though the nights are long and the responsibility is huge, I get to be with our little bug all the time so I never miss a moment.
I have had to learn to re-learn or rather, adjust and take on board different advice for things I thought I had down this week. This is an ever evolving job, being a parent, and its so worth putting in the hours and trying to be the best parent you can be - but as I have also learnt, try and give yourself a bit of a break and don't expect it all to fall into place immediately, or even for a very very long time (if ever?!!!)
Here's what we learnt in week 5.
1. Sleeping 'through the night'. We have reached the holy grail. Our little bug slept 'through the night' once this week! I don't mention this to be smug as it was just the once and I do not know how to repeat it, but it feels like progress and a turning point in our world of chasing sleep. Now, just to clarify 'sleeping through the night' means sleeping 5 hours straight, so its great of course, but it is a bit disappointing that it isn't a full adult 8hours isn't it?!! It was after a feed & some burping & in his Sleepyhead (*Sleepyhead success rate update for this week: 100% - he has slept in it every single night for a minimum of 3 hours overall, usually longer. Boom!!!) The contributing factors to this gorgeous stretch of sleep, which we all benefitted in were:
It was nice and dark and quiet in the room; we were both calm and relaxed; the feed was a good length but not too long; we did the side lying breast feeding position which is one of our favs at night or early morning as its chilled and comfy for us both and most conducive to sleep; he burped during winding so his tummy was relieved; I stroked his head after laying him down to make sure he settled and to encourage his eyes to close; and I have stopped changing so many nappies through the night as it just wakes him up and takes us back to square one again so I didn't do my usual nappy change after a feed as I had been doing before (of course I'll change a nappy if it feels very full or if I've heard an 'explosion' if you will, but otherwise, we're leaving them on longer in the night). So have I uncovered the secret formula for my baby's sleep, or was he just tired enough?! Watch this space.
2. I still have no idea what I am doing. No really. Not a clue. Just when I think I might be getting the hang of one aspect of this baby rearing, Paddington throws me a curve ball or changes what he's been doing previously, throwing me back to the beginning of feeling pretty clueless and out of my depth.
Case in point: Nappies - I thought I totally had nappy changing nailed down. I am very fast at the changeover now and have a good, organised system going, with everything within easy reach. However, he's started 'surprise weeing' more often during a change & my nappy wee blocker technique is no longer catching the flow, hence we end up with pee all over him and me and his clothes so I have to change his whole outfit which distress him and prolongs the whole process.
2nd case: Winding. We had a good thing going with the over the shoulder burping technique followed by the tummy down on arm and vigorous rubbing method, the combination of which usually resulted in a nice bass-toned man burp. Now, de nada. Nothing. No burp, when he clearly needs to burp. Just a crying baby.
3rd case: We had the beginnings of a bed time routine emerging that culminated in a good feed session that made Pads sleepy, so he'd drift off peacefully straight after giving us all some sleep, either where he lay or after half an hour or so when properly asleep, I could get him in the Sleepyhead for a nice snoozing session. However, one particular night this week, he did his usual fall asleep after the feed but only slept for 8mins and was then wide awake and wouldn't be settled by anything other than more boob. We had fed very well throughout the day as usual so there wasn't any obvious reason for the extra hunger (growth spurt perhaps?).
So yes I have to admit that I still have no clue what I am doing. I am winging this and have done a good job of 'faking' it so far I think but I am about to be exposed as the rookie that I am.
3. Bed wetting. 2 nights on the trot Paddington wet the bed (or rather his Sleepyhead, then my bed) and was soaked through. Why?!! We are back using the 'good' nappies now and its all been going very well, so I thought. I looked into it and am pretty sure it was my fault and I've had to take myself back to nappy changing school. I had become more about speed and efficiency of nappy changing than accuracy. Here's what I wasn't doing and probably caused the wetting through the night-time nappies, as he is a serious wriggler and kicker so nappies need to be put on absolutely right or there will be problems, as I am now very aware!
His winky needs to be pointing down in the nappy or when he wees it will fill up the top part of the nappy that isn't as absorbent and then leak. I am guilty of not always checking this. I had been dutifully folding down the waistband, once tightly fastened, to stop up-the-back incidents so I could pat myself on the back for that but I wasn't aware that the 'frills' around the legs needed to be pulled out and not bunched up too to help stop leg leakages. And finally, as he's such an energetic wriggler and kicker when being changed and its quite the challenge to just put a new nappy on, I hadn't been checking that they were pulled up high enough either so often I had put them on too low down, way below the bellybutton, so again, leaving it open season for leakages. I have learnt my lesson now as having to wash the whole Sleepyhead and change my bed back to back was a right palava.
I now have a 10 step Nappy changing checklist/regime to stick to so I don't get stuck with a wet baby, bed and beyond!
1. Put a clean nappy underneath the dirty one before taking off to catch any sly wees or poos during the change as well as the wee blocker on the tum and a cotton wool pad on the winky to soak it up at the source!
2. Wipe clean with water wipes front to back then dry with cotton wool pad (as cotton wool ball leaves annoying bits of fluff behind that stick to his privates and are very tricky to pick off a wriggling baby!)
3. Apply nappy cream only if skin is red or sore.
4. Make sure his winky is pointing down before pulling on the new nappy
5. Once cleaned, position nappy nice and high up the waist and back
6. Fasten nappy as tightly as possible still giving little one room to breath and not cutting off the circulation of course!
7. Fold down the waistband of the nappy neatly
8. Pull out the leg frills
9. Do final checks: make sure nappy isn't bunched up at the back, fits well all over and is nice and tightly done up.
10. Put the dirty nappies and cleaning materials straight into the bin (its easy to forget you've put them to one side and come back later to a not so nice pooey/straw like smell (think this is the chemicals in the nappy, very strange). I am guilty of having done this on a few occasions.
TOP TIP: we have a Sangenic Tommee Tippee nappy bin and it is brilliant. We have it right next to the changing table. You just pop the dirty nappy in along with any dirty wipes/cotton wool balls, then twist the lid so it wraps the nappy in a bag that stops it smelling and it can hold a good 25 or so nappies before you need to change the bag. Highly recommended.)
4. Weight off my mind. We had our first visit to the Health clinic, as its now been 2 weeks since he was last weighed, and I was keen to check that we were going in the right direction. The waiting room was full of mums and babies - why wouldn't it be?! - and Pads started to get a bit grizzly as we sat and waited which I found a tad stressful, again, fretting that the other mums would think I didn't have it all under control if he was crying when all the other babies around him were either sleeping soundly, playing happily or just being plain quiet. (Why does that keep happening, that mine is the only crying/unsettled baby in the room?!) Just as I was about to get a bit flustered though, I stood up and rocked Pads back and forth whilst sshing and took him over to some old black and white photos of the surgery on the wall which piqued his interest and wonderfully, the crying ceased and I did look like I had it under control. Fake it 'til you make it right?!
He then proceeded to scream his head off after we were called in by the nurse while I undressed him and during the weighing, but the good news is that my big beautiful boy has put on lovely weight and is exactly where he should be on 'the 'charts'. He's my 8.6lbs bundle of joy now. Excellent - we must be doing something right then!
5. Dummy debate. We have resisted using a dummy so far as I haven't really found a good enough reason to use one yet thankfully, am not saying I won't and I have no issue with them or anyone who uses them (you have to do what you can to get by I say!), but until its absolutely necessary, I wanted to avoid them. We have had 3 incidents in the car where he was relentlessly crying on the motorway to the point where Jon and I almost joined in it was so upsetting to see him so upset, so I gave him my finger to suck and it totally worked to soothe him and calm him down and after about 10mins of suckling on my finger 'nipple' he went off to sleep, so if that's what a dummy can do, I am impressed. We have a fresh packaged dummy in our emergency basket, ready to go if we do need it (along with those nipple guards I bought last week and some 'just in case' infant calpol ready for after his immunisations in a few weeks).
6. Moses basket success! I set myself a challenge to get him to sleep in his moses basket in the day. I started by raising the head end of the stand up on 2 hard books (Mary Berry's 'Cook it now, eat it later' and Miles Irving's 'The Forager's Handbook' in case you were wondering) thanks to a suggestion by my ante-natal pal, Bethan. This helps alleviate any reflux or wind apparently as he isn't lying flat and the head is then higher than the feet to try and prevent any semi-digested milk rising up and disturbing him. I then tried to coax him into a sleep after a lovely feed and kept placing him in the basket when he was just about to fall asleep on me. It took a good few attempts of him really looking like he had drifted off in there after some singing and stroking, so I would tip toe away, only for him to start wriggling then telling me he was having none of it a minute later. I was about to throw in the towel, when I remembered a friend's suggestion, so I grabbed a blanket and wrapped it around my chest and tummy to warm it with my epic body heat (and for those of you that don't know this, I am actually the hottest human on earth. Fact. So if you want want something warmed up in moments/if the earth ever freezes over and you need a heat source, I'm your gal), then fed him lying down on the bed - the best position to get him sleepy - then let him doze on the bed a bit after he had finished feeding. Once settled, I picked him up, placed the warmed blanket on the moses mattress and sheet then lowered him onto it. He wriggled a bit as I draped another blanket on top of him, made an adorable guinea pig-esque squeak and then slept happily (and snugly no doubt) for 40minutes. He then stirred so I went to his side and observed, practicing the don't-rush-in approach, and he settled himself and went to back to sleep for another 2 hours 15 mins. This is huge progress and a win for the hottest human on earth! (Trademark).
You think I'd be ecstatic that he went to sleep on his own and that I could enjoy some free time with both my hands, but I actually just missed him and wanted to be with him so I found it hard to rest and kept going to check on him regularly. He was absolutely fine each time. I need to work on my separation anxiety, not him, it seems!
7. Lower your expectations and set smaller goals. I have stopped reading google so much now (still guilty on occasion I'm afraid) but have started reading more select/recommended baby books that friends have found helpful in my thirst for knowledge and quest to understand my baby, and I finally read some reassuring advice. It was in 'Your Baby Week by Week' by Simone Cave & Caroline Fertleman lent to me by my bestie, Bex. It suggests trying to just get your baby to nap for 3hrs in a day as a starting point! Wow. That is much more manegeable than trying to get the 6/7hrs plus that every other source claims every baby must have. It made me remember to scale my expectations down, start small & build from there. (Eventually I want him to be having 3 good length naps a day but we can work towards that). It was such good, simple advice and we are almost getting this quota everyday already so it made me feel like I was actually doing ok. We are both in training and these things, well every thing, is just going to take time.
8. Toy story. I stole this idea from the lovely Laura, after changing Pads on her changing mat and marvelling at how calm and happy he was. The reason? She had lined the mat with small toys that he could look at to distract him from the cold air on his skin and the indignity of being naked and wiped. So at home on our changing table, I lined up a host of fun friends for him along one side including his favourite, Peter Rabbit (think its because his features contrast well with his face so its easier for Pads to make him out), and a couple of teething toys and a mirror book along the other side, and he's now, often, not always of course as that would be too easy!, much calmer and happier at the changing table. And the toys have only been peed on a couple of times so far...
9. Use other mums for sound, tried and tested advice. I also turned to Laura for some advice on breastfeeding as she is 2 kids in on this journey now and has had lots of guidance from a breast feeding counsellor for both babies which she was happy to share and I was grateful to receive. We worked on the biological 'jockey' feeding position and her top tips were to sit in a sturdy, hard chair with supportive cushions behind me and start off at the edge so I had room to lean back once he was latched on properly, then sit Pads down legs either side of my thigh, pulled in nice and tight and to keep my leg stretched out low to ensure Pads was positioned low and would have to reach up to latch on. She then suggested I place a rolled up muslin under the boobaloobs to keep them lifted up and in optimum position for Pads to hang his 'coat on the hook' so to speak (or place his mouth on the nip). These little adjustments made the world of difference, he's feeding much more efficiently in this position now and I can clearly hear his satisfied swallows. So when in doubt pull him in tighter and position him lower.
She also showed me some alternative burping methods which again, were massively helpful as I'd just been relying on the two and now we have more in our repertoire. First was the seated, chin resting on my hand and my other hand rubbing/patting his back technique. This one can also be varied so you do a few pats like this then tip him back gently and then tip him forward again and repeat. The second technique was sitting him in one of my palms with his back pressed up against my chest, facing out and the other hand pressed firmly against his chest. Other mums are the best! Get a mum support and advice network going and you'll soon learn all the best tricks and methods that they really should teach you at ante-natal classes! (Instead of fixating on the birth, why don't they do proper practical parenting lessons at ante-natal classes where you don't just talk about how to do things but actually practice a few times on a doll and get hands-on help at the same time?! I'd vote for the basics that someone should really show you before you go home with an actual baby: how to actually change nappies properly and what to check for; how to actually bathe your baby - the hold you need to secure them and what stuff you need out ready; practical demonstrations of different breast feeding positions and how to burp your baby. I could've benefitted from being shown all of these things and having chance to practice them before Pads came along for sure!)
Big thanks to all of you who have shared your knowledge so far, you've been my ante-natal teachers, and keep it coming!
10. Nursing blisters. I noticed Pads has a little blister on the middle of his top lip, according to google, this means he is feeding well and vigorously and is nothing to be concerned about. However, when I mentioned it to a friend she had been told by a breastfeeding counsellor that it meant he was feeding too high on the breast so the top of my nip was rubbing against his top lip too much. Hopefully by working on our positioning as above, this will fix that, but he doesn't seem bothered by the blister and some other sources say it helps stiffen the skin on his lip which then makes it easier to grasp the nip - so who knows?!! Goes to show that there are no plain and simple answers when it comes to babies!
11. There's an app for that part 3 (and also a very interesting book). I was recommended the 'Wonder weeks' app by one of the ladies at the breastfeeding group and the book was recommended by a friend so I got both. It basically gives insight (refreshingly not advice!), based on 35years worth of scientific research, into the mental/developmental leaps every baby makes, what they learn during these, how this can affect their behaviour i.e make them really fussy/tired/grumpy etc.. and when you can expect these to occur. And do you know what? Its brilliant. Pads has been going through his first leap called 'changing sensations', he's noticing the world around him more more, looking at things for longer and starting to respond more to what he sees, feels, hears and smells and is generally more awake and alert. This is Pads to a tee lately. This is a challenging leap for him as its his first so he's reacting by crying more (tick), being fussier (big tick), feeding more (yup) and wanting more physical contact (yes siree!). He needs me more than ever at the mo', and boy do I need him too. Well buddy I am quite literally all yours and we'll get through this big, scary change together. After all we're a team.
12. We need to talk about...piles. Ok, this may be t.m.i but this is what they don't tell you about being a new mum. When giving birth, you are very likely to get piles from all the pushing. I got them, they weren't nice but they weren't top of the pain list in the first couple of weeks as there was so much going on, just in the top 3. However, this week I relived the meaning of true tear-inducing, crying out loud, towel rail grabbing pain. Shit, piles are excruciating (and I don't use that word lightly as I've given birth. I know high levels of pain) and why have they suddenly decided to turn the pain factor up to 11 now?!!! The injustice of it all after all my body has been through recently too! I am now on the strongest painkillers, cream and laxatives that I can take whilst breastfeeding and I am praying they take effect soon. I hope that none of you never have to suffer this, its life's cruel joke and it is anything but funny. On the plus side, the bleeding has stopped this week, so onwards and upwards right?!
13. Parenthood is the definition of absolute Responsibility. This last thought was pointed out to me by a dad, thanks Rob - its not all about us mums. Don't underestimate the physiological effects of having such a huge responsibility for the rest of your lives when you've only ever had yourselves to look after before and were able to be pretty selfish back then. No longer. Its not about us anymore. We have a life in our actual hands. A tiny person that needs us, looks to us for everything and is being shaped by us and our actions. This is huge. And with great responsibility comes great reward of course but it isn't easy and takes some adjusting and it is now constant, forever, always, that we will be responsible for our little man. It is the greatest honour and also the biggest, scariest job either of us has or will ever have. We're just trying not to screw it (or him) up.
So 5 weeks have passed and are loving every (well, almost every!) moment. We also had some great news, that Paddington's dad has got a new job near us and won't need to go down to London in the week anymore very soon, so we will all be together again every day which will make it all the more manageable and enjoyable. Three is the magic number after all.
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